Knowing More

Abuse Survivor, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, curiousity, freedom, grace, hope, memoir, mercy, Peace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, Teaching, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder, writing

I am not a singer.

I mean I don’t ever sing with unleashed joy in the car or even in the shower.

I do love music and I’m fascinated by those who sing freely.

No surprise, music and lyrics just somehow seem to live in me.

Like most every single thing, songs become thoughts.

I sometimes wonder how there’s enough space for all the swimmers in my ever growing pool of deep thinking.


I wake with words lots of mornings, a hymn or an old Southern song…

Kinda crazy, ’cause you won’t find “The Gaithers” on my Pandora.

But, the room was cool this morning and I woke with ease and thought of

“What can I learn about myself today God, to help me see the Lisa you know?”

Then, the tune, a swaying sort of call…

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…there’s just something about that name.

So, I rose and began my day in search of wisdom.

A mind more aware of God’s helping and of me. This I seek.

I landed in Proverbs before the second Thessalonian letter and circled back to Psalm 120.

Proverbs gave me this kernel, my interpretation of verses 5-8 of the fourth chapter.

Wisdom comes when the dust of the lesson settles.

I’m fascinated now by the Enneagram, only vaguely interested before.

Once I realized I most accurately lined up with “4” I wanted to say, oh, no more.

It was too much me, too clearly conveying my responses to life and most everything.

I wanted to abandon the idea of me, the one who looks back not forward and the one who likes to play pretend in response to hard things and therefore, just sort of fairy tale them away.

Or write tragically stories with scary ending, never a mediocre story, always unrealistically happy scenes or worst case scenarios. Reading this truth of me makes me cringe.

But, acceptance is the first step to healing I believe.

Oh, so me, bravely honest in calling myself out.

Or the one who anxiously seeks to be known and understood, the one who feels most everything in ways that make no sense to anyone else at all.

Unless, they’re a 4.

I was unhappy with the spot on “fourness” of me.

But with understanding comes the prize of a well guarded friend named wisdom.

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:5-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Knowledge comes when we are quiet and willing seekers, open to learning more in every situation and in every day.

“In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭120:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Who am I to say where learning comes from?

Intelligent researchers and compelled understanders who were open to learning created a list of nine personalities, perspectives called stances.

I am open to seeing myself from their perspective because I am open to becoming a student of me.

Strange it may seem that a book about numbers could bring clarity to what I consider my calling, that the progress I’ve made towards healing might be complemented by wisdom compiled by humans.

Not really, we’re all here on earth to be helpers one of another.

Helpers towards the place our creator will most clearly be seen through the works of our minds, hands and the peaceful countenance in our eyes.

Clarity seekers.

Clarity in increments.

Helpers everywhere.

“…that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭1:11-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Heavenly wisdom and earthly knowledge working together to make me more of what God sees.

If you sense I’m still a little tentative in my Enneagram quest for knowledge, you’re quite right.

Still, as the prophet Isaiah taught, God places teachers everywhere to remind us that the bread of our adversity only serves to guide and teach us and that others on our road have insight we should know.

Learn every day.

Continue and believe.

Believe and continue.

Jesus, what can I learn today to be the Lisa you know?

I am open to knowing now.

To asking, calling, singing softly every day…

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Let all Heaven and earth proclaim
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away
But there’s something about that name.”

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