Gonna Be Okay

Abuse Survivor, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, family, fear, hope, memoir, Motherhood, obedience, Peace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Salvation, Serving, Trust, Truth, Unity, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

It may be just me.

I caught just a bit of the Billboard Music Awards last night.

Flipping channels and asking myself, why do I even watch television anymore? I’m out of so many loops, especially those about thrones and people who walk around dead.

I’ll watch “A Chef’s Table” fascinated by the stories of phenomenal cooks or HGTV, try to guess which house they choose.

I am drawn to seeing a little of people, somehow drawn to knowing them from their facial expression or their conversation.

I’ve always been this way.

So, I paused in my channel flipping.

Kelly Clarkson announced that Lauren Daigle would be next to perform her breakout crossover hit, “You Say”.

It’s a song really for everyone and I abhor conflict so I’m not too fixated on how people are angry over her crossing over in lots of ways and in places she’s been invited to sing her song.

Her song is an anthem, one meant for all.

So, I watched and listened as her voice began, coming in at the right time prompted by the crystalline sounding piano intro.

She started softly, a little reserved or nervous.

Shaky it seemed she was.

It was a live performance and it seemed to me she felt a bit hemmed in.

Awkward even as she continued.

She continued into the chorus backed by three singers who as they added their echo their reply to her “and I believe!” , their arms raised up in rhymes, like a self embrace.

They, it seemed were each owning, demonstrating and saying to the world.

I believe.

As she continued she grew stronger it seemed to me, more free, more her and more confident of her calling on this different than her usual stage.

I scanned the audience. Many were connected to her performance. Other faces seemed not to understand, either questioning what is the message of this song or

Maybe they felt a sense of being loved by her being there, her singing her song she is now known for.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”

‭‭John‬ ‭13:34‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Maybe there were cynics. Maybe there were those who had no idea who and what she was referring to when she sang her statement lines:

Taking all I have now and I’m laying it at your feet. You have every failure God, you’ll have every victory.

Maybe some wondered what in the world does that mean?

Or wait, I thought this song was about believing in yourself or having a relationship with someone who says you should.

It does.

The song ended with an noticeable “ohh” in Lauren Daigle’s raspy tone.

It was a worthy ending as if to say, from my perspective at least, I’ve done this God.

I’ve performed the song you gave me on this huge scary stage.

I have gotten through this. I was scared as I started; but, you helped me through.

You helped me continue and finish the thing you aligned for me to do.

Maybe others didn’t see what I saw. That’s okay, I was impacted by her presence and her performance.

In case you’ve not heard or need to be reminded, here it is:

You Say

Prompted me to know I’ll be put in places I might be afraid to go.

I will go.

God will be with me.

It’s gonna be okay.

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to pray the prayer for families at this evening’s National Day of Prayer event. I was asked I was told because of my lifetime of working with families.

I do not know what my prayer will be. I am imperfect in my own family experiences. I could freeze as I’m introduced, thinking what if everyone knows how I haven’t always been a prayerful girl, mama, wife or woman? I could have the words choke me when I try to summon them up. I’ve been a single mama, not always the best one at it.

But, just like Lauren, God sets the stage, we just step forward.

About a month ago, I was interviewed by a local magazine about my choice to retire. The question was posed “What do you want your grandchild to know?”

I answered

I want my grandchild to know that the most important thing is love, is loving one another.

A couple of weeks later the request came, that I pray the prayer for families. It was followed by a letter with the agenda and the header on the letter featuring 2019’s theme.

Love one another.

There are no accidents with God.

There are no opportunities brought our way that He will not equip us to carry out.

You and I are loved by a loving God. A God that takes hold of our shaking hand until we can breath without pressure and waits until we are ready to speak, to sing, to pray.

I believe what you say of me!

It’s gonna be okay.

Foes and Footstools

bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, fear, hope, memoir, mercy, Peace, praise, Prayer, rest, Stillness, surrender, Trust, Truth, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder, writing

I have just a few blooms left of the farewell lilies.

I picked the withered petals, adding water to preserve what’s yet to bloom, like life still good to come from what has and is fading.

We can be confident that our God is always good.

Psalm 108 ends on a confident note, David says he knows that with God all of our victories are valiant ones.

Then the mood shifts. It’s sort of heavy and negative.

It’s real.

It’s about our foes, not just physical enemies, it can be circumstance, unforeseen change, opposition we sense or walk around carrying in our souls.

Enemies are not just people, they are the stuff of our negative stories, the ugly and sad of an imperfect world.

The struggles that come with intent to steal our peace.

Psalm 109 is an outspoken plea for help from God from David in light of his accusers, those who were attacking him through deceit.

I read it and sense David’s frustration and defeat. It is not easy to read as he asks for God to intervene to not allow blessing to come near his foe, only curses. David’s words are an outcry to God, a totally honest plea…asking God “do you see all that is happening to me?”

I love, love, love this honesty!

Psalm 109 ends with praise as if to say thank you God for letting me get that off my chest, don’t you worry, I am praising you anyway!

Could David have felt like me, honestly, God I promise to do my best?

Maybe.

With my mouth I will give great thanks to the Lord; I will praise him in the midst of the throng. For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death. Psalm 109:30-31‬ ‭ESV‬‬

And then, Psalm 110 keeps on teaching us how to live undefeated. It begins with a reminder to be patient, a reminder that He is near and that He sees it all.

“The Lord says to my Lord: “Sit at my right hand, until I make your enemies your footstool.” Psalm 110:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I’m smiling now because all I can think is sit down now, take a deep breath, put your feet up. I see you.

Rest.

#continueandbelieve #heknowsmyname #godisincontrol

Truth Is

Abuse Survivor, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, curiousity, Faith, Forgiveness, freedom, grace, hope, memoir, mercy, Peace, Prayer, Teaching, Trust, Truth, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder, writing

Imagine always knowing everything, all the angst driven questions about you and all around you, people, stuff, nagging questions.

We wait for understanding and get all frustrated in the waiting.

As if we’re in an audience before the big emotion driven announcement.

As if a large presence of a person intent on projecting themselves as an authority on the subject

Is up high on a mountaintop and is speaking into a megaphone of sorts, this presence echoing down into our valley

That we happen to be stoic and standing in.

We are waiting.

Looking up longingly with our faces intent and our ears straining to retain every word.

Anticipating a great and mighty answer.

For me, the answer to this prayer.

What is the truth?

My prayer yesterday evening, one of very few words as I knelt in the bathtub after my shower.

God, I want to know the truth.

And He answered me this morning.

I woke with no coffee and so I made a Chick Fil A run.

Rather than music, I listened to a podcast on curiosity. The voice of Elizabeth Gilbert was strong buffered by gentle interludes.

Elizabeth Gilbert on Curiosity over Passion

I arrived back home, poured my coffee from the cup into a pretty mug, opened my memorandum, April 26th entered and then wrote boldly.

You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

I wanted to assure myself, you will know the what and how and why and who of this troubling situation. You will know truth.

Then I considered, well Lisa Anne, What is truth?

Then rather than ruminate or dictionary search, I sat quietly and I listened to input from it would seem nowhere.

What is truth?

Truth is knowing that you are not all-knowing, never will be. Truth is knowing that you do have and are loved by a God who knows all. That knowledge is your truth. This truth is always enough.

“Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

‭‭John‬ ‭8:31-32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It occurs to me now, which would I choose given one or the other?

Would I choose to know everything, every behind the scenes calculation and misconstrued conversation?

Would I choose the precision of each coming occurrence, its timing and its success or failure?

Would I choose to know the truth about all things, all human and prompted by sinful predisposition to veer interactions with others?

Or would I choose truth, would I choose knowing Jesus and abiding there?

May I turn myself around smack dab in the middle of life’s road when I venture the opposite way, seeking to know it all over trusting the One who does.

“Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭14:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’d rather know Jesus than be a know it all.

Thank you, Father for answering my Friday night prayer on this quiet Saturday morning. I am yours. You are truth. Because of mercy, Amen

May I cling to this knowledge, I know God. God knows me.

Truth is.

This truth is all we need.

What is it that you are dying to know? Is there an issue, an affront, an unkind occurrence or maybe a hope you need to believe might come true?

May you, like me find peace if only at first in tiny little bits, in the truth of abiding in Him.

And may our tiny little epiphany moments lead to hours and eventual days and whole lives hemmed in safely by mercy, grace guiding us onward.

Onward in a way that absolutely no momentary circumstantial truth matters, only the truth Himself and the truth of Him.

Happy Saturday y’all! Today is a very good day!