Trust

Who wants to pray?

Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

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Once a month I teach children’s sermon. I’m not sure how this all started; but, it is the expectation that one of the children will close in prayer before leaving the sanctuary. Every Sunday, they excitedly raise their arms in unison when asked…”Who wants to say our prayer?” Each little hand waving as if to say, “Me, me I want to talk to God!” So, I carefully choose one. A little four year old stands next to me and talks to God in prayer with sincere thanks for our day, for mommy and daddy and occasionally a dog or cat. Their words are clear and sincere, devoid of selfish intent or showiness. “Dear God, thank you for everything. Amen. ” is one child’s prayer, simple, concise,sincere, and all-inclusive.

This past Christmas Eve, I watched family members hurriedly gather in the ICU waiting room. My husband’s mama was very sick and the progression of the sickness was rapid. Still uncertain of cause, prognosis or extent of her infection, I had to call and tell him to come to the hospital. I greeted him in the hallway and as I hugged him he said, “Pray hard.” Every day since then I have heard him say this to a friend or as a reminder to me. Just now, he has called from work on this horrifically cold night to give me an update of plans for another medical procedure. He tells me again, “She’s been through so much, please pray hard.” I tell him I did earlier and I will again. I remind him to wrap his prayers in the acknowledgement of God’s sovereign will. He says, “I am.” and I am comforted that he is.

I have been there, praying hard in a hard place.

I carefully remind him that God’s will is not always a fulfillment of our request, still we pray hard for healing for those we love.

On Christmas Day in 2010, Heather, Austin, Greg and I drove 3 hours to give mama her Christmas presents as she lay in a hospital bed. I will forever remember her beauty and grace that day. A very sick lady, she had the nurse dress her in a pair of beautiful, silky pajamas and her hair was styled away from her face. She smiled and embraced us as we walked in. She had been waiting expectantly for us to come. She had the resolve to conquer the world and the sickness in her body that day. She talked about school, about boyfriends, about baseball and never once complained. This memory will forever be an imprint of my last Christmas with mama.

She died the next month, two days before her 70th birthday. My prayers were not answered, I cried! I prayed hard! My memorization of a verse from the book of Luke about a father and a dying child…Jesus saying, “Just believe and she will be healed.” was now a source of humbling frustration. I believed the Bible and I believed God, so why?

Here’s what I know. My mama is in heaven. Her imprint is on the souls of my children and me. God gave me a beautiful Christmas memory of my mama emanating peace in the midst of a storm. It has taken me a long time to see…but when I prayed for mama to be well, she was well on that special Christmas Day.

She was angelic.

In the words of an especially prayerful child, “God, thank you for everything.”

My heart has heard You say, “Come and talk with Me”. My heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Psalm 27:8

 

Story of enough

Faith, Trust, Uncategorized

 

This is a story of the emotions of money; of the fear, the elation, the bliss and the dread. This is a true story as are all of my posts, a courageous spilling of text that may impact or puzzle the reader. I must warn that this story will reveal my upbringing…a member of a congregation driven by fear of God and every misstep I might take. A childhood that led to many years of “can I truly ever be good enough for God?”  Many a young person is influenced in this way so they run like the devil from that fear and then find God and know how good it feels to stay on a grace-filled path.

So, there’s a fine line between obedience and compliance for fear of retribution. Retribution, the word itself is scary! It’s also not consistent with God…our God of love, not of fear.

So, here’s my story of obedience driven by desire to please, not by fear; the desire to be in God’s will, simply because it feels really good to be there.

Last Sunday I had no checks, I wasn’t going to my home church, and I had lots of extra expenses. I could have easily said, “I’ll tithe extra next time or I’ll find some place to donate”. But,I didn’t.  I went by the bank and withdrew cash and slipped it in my wallet. When the offering plate passed the members all dropped their neatly folded and name labeled envelopes in the plate and I placed my folded cash tucked into an envelop with no name…a gift to God.

I sat later balancing my checkbook, looking at extra expenses that somehow have all ended up in April and I realized I had little to tide me over. Yet,  still felt such a sense of assurance that my choice to tithe was good. I would have to postpone one payment.

I’m thinking you know what happened…I found money, discovered a miscalculation…whatever you want to call it. I was elated. I was floating. I was blessed.

God rewarded my sincere and genuine obedience…not obedience derived from fear, dread or criticism. Obedience because of knowing where I want to be…close to God, waiting expectantly for His blessings.

I have just enough, yet so much more with God.

 

 

 

 

“Calm down, mama”

Faith, Prayer, Trust

ac10462e1823e3412be8d309bb66b326    I’m a list maker. I have a list for work and for home. It’s sort of a requirement now because of what I call “brain overload”. Some things never make it to paper though, those intangible, circling, thinking fears. Do you have some?

   If you had a “Fearlist” what would it say?  Would it list hopes and dreams you see others enjoying; yet, can’t see happening for you? Would it include anxiety over loss? Do you agonize over the picture in your mind of the uncertainties of your childrens’ future? Are you like me, and have a vivid imagination over what could happen the minute they’re not planted safely in their rooms?

   Here’s the thing about this particular “fearlist”…there’s no way to scratch some of this stuff off with the rewarding slash through with a red pen! These big fears just don’t go away by us “doing” “fixing” or “forcing our outcomes”. I often look at my fears over my children and visualize that list. I can almost see myself sitting calmly surrounded by an “all is right in my world aura”. When I think about that, it’s really sort of comical because there’s no way to ever know everything that could or will be!

So, this morning Heather and I will take a “day trip” to Georgia. We’ll talk about all sorts of stuff: her dreams, my tendency to worry, her brother, her students, our days living in the country, God.

We may talk about wedding decor for my nephew’s wedding or whether we think my cousin will ever marry. We might talk about graduate school or her hopes to be a mama one day and the names she has chosen for her children. She’ll refuse to tell me the names, because she is adamant that she wants no one to “steal the names”. My favorite part will be when she reminds me I can retire and be a “Nana”.

We’ll be talking about hopes, not fears.

Later, I’ll check in with my son (who is on the cusp of manhood) to be as certain as possible of his plans. There’s a new person in the picture. This person is a beautiful young woman, so I am learning to navigate a new season…again, I’ll ask about plans for tonight and carefully open my mind to new social get togethers with friends, reminding myself, ” just a few months ago, you were afraid he was an introvert” . I’ll advise without criticism and I’ll pay attention without obsessing…I’ll do what my son suggested that I do last night…”Calm down, mama.”

What’s on your fearlist? For me, it’s always the opposite of my hope list. My hope list including accomplishments, rewards, simple joys…nothing outlandish like lottery, wealth, or mansions!

Really, Lisa?  Why are you so afraid?  Why is the denial of these precious, happy blessings of sweet things even an option? GOD LOVES YOU, LISA!

Lisa, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOUR GRACIOUS AND SOVEREIGN GOD?

Cease striving and know that He is God. Psalm 46:10

PRAY, pray, Pray…open honest…tell it to Jesus, all the fears you have on your “Fearlist”. The ones you’re embarrassed to share…I have my list, do you?

I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

“CALM DOWN, MAMA.”