Trust

starfish and grace

rest, Trust

starfish wonderA starfish stopped Hayes from his joyous running to and from the tide. Fascinated by this gift of the tide gliding up next to our chair, he stopped and smiled, looking up to say, “It’s pretty. Aunt Lisa.” His sweet face tilted up towards mine, I smiled back thankful for this Grace, this beauty, this exchange.

When I glance towards the sky and then look up again, beckoned by its beauty, that’s Grace.

When I rush back to work and am greeted by a red bird, fluttering softly then landing on the fence post, I slow down and wait, the velvety red color, captivating me…I sit until it flys away, thankful for Grace.

When I notice the scent of honeysuckle, slowing down my power walk to a restful stroll, that’s Grace.

When I call a friend and she lovingly tells me to let things go, that heavy stuff is only heavy because I carry it so long, that’s Grace.

When I pray, and I sense his peace and his best, that’s Grace.

His Grace finds us.

God is everywhere, we just forget to notice.

Lord, help us to be still long enough to notice your ever present glorious Grace. Help us to know you orchestrate our starfish moments as encounters with You, our loving and Gracious Father, saying  “Draw near, Stay near, see the beauty I have for You.”

And so, I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth. Psalm 116:9

Staring at the sky

Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized
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Cedars at Hendrix Cemetery Rocky Ford, Georgia

When I was a little girl I loved to lie down in the cool, sandy dirt pathway that led from my grandma’s house to the pond. I could lie there staring upwards in silence, not thinking or imagining anything; just fixated on the expanse of blue as my hands caressed the fine, sandy dirt, rhythmically filtering handfuls through my fingers.  Or sometimes I’d position myself under the chinaberry tree and peer through the branches sprinkled with teeny-tiny green berries, still wondering about everything; at the same time content to figure out nothing really, just to be there with sky, ground and God… my grandma’s backyard.

Recently, not Mother’s Day as you may expect, I drove to the country cemetery up on a hill, a family place, Hendrix Cemetery. I was alone and content to be with my mama and daddy. I was secluded enough, surrounded by farmer’s fields to place  tokens of my love, my longings for them on their headstones. A penny for my daddy, a flower for my mama and then I rested under the old cedar tree, its fingerlings branches reaching towards heaven.  Not a sorrowful rest, but a sweet surrender to sovereignty… a place of acceptance, more so over time,  a quiet rest, in in the country, with them, the trees, and the bluest blue sky.

With God…a place of soul rest.

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place.” Jesus  

Mark 6:31

 

 

 

Love, Hope, and Faith

Faith, Trust

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Last week, I created a gift for a friend, a hostess for a big event.  I decided to make a handmade gift, a simple vase, with a twine laced tag…the word, Hope, hand painted. I filled the vase with fragile white “snowball type” flowers. So fragile that I had to carefully deliver the simple gift being careful not to shake the little petals from the stem. It was my friend’s wedding anniversary and I felt the affirmation of Hope was timely. It was providence I now know in choice of this simple word, Hope. A timely message neither of us could have known; but, just as I imagine her glancing towards that simple little gift, that nondescript text of ” hope” I have many times myself smiled inside at the timeliness of this gift.

Yesterday, I prepared for a wedding. My nephew was about to marry the sweetest, most angelic little bride I’ve ever seen. At the last minute, I decided to grab this simple sketch of husband and wife, toddling along, together still. The sketch, an afterthought of an extra gift, no frame, not yet complete. I decided to add, the words “Faith, Hope, Love”.

The wedding was special, as are most. The procession of wedding party, the lighting of unity candle, the soloist, the giddy, yet passionate smiles on the faces of bride and groom. But, then the recitation of scripture chosen by bride and groom, read by my brother. His voice, strong and composed,he began. I watched, listened intently as he swayed nervously yet intent side to side in a sing-song motion reading from I Corinthians 13. FInally, concluding with “And now these three remain, Faith, Hope, and Love; but, the greatest of these is Love.”

Love is the answer. Hope is the motivator, Faith is the foundation; but, Love is the gel, the cushion, the cure.

and the afterthought…the clarity of a gift from the heart, a gesture, an extra kindness not required

And we know all things work together for good. Romans 8:28

I am amazed by the Lord’s weaving together of seemingly insignificant acts.

 

peace

Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

peace

Rest, solitude, surrender, acceptance, contentment and trust mean peace.

See this tattered and faded ball?  A confident, serene hue, slowly lingering yet deflating; but, confidently balanced on the water’s surface? It stays afloat because of what’s inside.

That’s trust in deep waters…assurance,deeply personal, invisible even…but it’s there and God sees it. Our surrender, our solace, our prayer of refuge, our reserve of hope in Him. Psalm 142:5

Peace is in the Center of God’s will.

Cliff moments

Faith, Trust, Uncategorized

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When I find myself wanting to rush to judgement, rush to fix, rush to force, it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff…thinking, Jump, do something, don’t just stand there! The thing is I’m terrified of heights. So, good thing Jesus is standing next to me, my toes clinching the ground as he holds my hand, my heart, saying, “Wait here, hold on for the answer, the good, the level ground.”

There will come a time when you think it is the end. That will be the beginning. Louis L’Amour

The Plateau

Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

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It’s an odd thing sometimes the way I find myself thinking about words.  Sometimes my daughter will look at me as if to say “Where on earth did you pull that word from?” I imagine I’m not the only person who likes to discover just the right words.

Yesterday, I found myself in a state of mind, a place in my various challenges that felt “flat”. Nothing was happening the way I wanted. I had added a jog interval to my walk; but my weight hadn’t changed. I submitted a story for publication; yet had not seen it in print. I asked my husband to do something out of his routine; yet,it had fallen on deaf, distracted ears. I talked about a change at work, clarifying my expectations and everything is the same.

There are things my children are on the cusp of. Things they have worked for, accomplishments worked towards, dreams, happy life events that are “lining up” for them. I’m waiting in line, alongside them, expectantly; but, with maternal “what ifs”. It’s not a good place to be, this plateau, this flat, barren place of questioning.

All day long, I kept thinking…something good, let me see something good. It felt like a  holding pattern…not so much a valley…a plateau.

Stuck on nowhere, waiting in the mundane and acknowledging a feeble, less than ever hope.

The plateau is at least not the valley. The valley is wrought with despair, with complacency, with sorrow. The plateau is a frustrating place. It’s a place of knowing what could be, just not when. It’s a “hands tied” place where the only thing to do is wait. So, what happens when the plateau borders the valley?

 I crawled into bed and I said my prayers; but, this time with tears streaming of release, surrender, need. Not sure what to pray, just a real need to connect, I prayed “Show me the good, show me your glory. I will wait and surrender every outcome to your will; but Lord show just a glimpse of the beauty, the blessing you’re preparing.” And then I slept and I woke , renewed, refreshed, and resigned. My Lord is good and His mercies are new every morning.

 I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7

Inside Voices

Faith, Trust, Uncategorized

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What if we used our “inside voices”? Not that voice that means, speak softly, don’t yell…the one that would speak the ramblings and longings of our souls. What would it sound like, what would we say?

People call me the voice of reason. I’ve been told I’m a good listener and that I give good, honest advice. It’s really just a culmination of career, life, and lots of alone time thinking that equipped me, I think. Still, I have questions,doubts, conflicts, fears that circle around at times yet linger unspoken. My discontented thoughts are commonplace lately causing me to linger on the pictures in my mind of how my life should be, what I desire.

Desires like writing instead of working; being a mom who stays home; taking time to prepare meals; signing up for art lessons; or on the spur of the moment painting the den…don’t we all want different, better, more?

I envision a redo of the guest room, a loveseat added, bed removed, soft dove colors, a desk, a lamp…all positioned for random glances towards open windows. I dream of this in fact and then get moody knowing I have a job, demanding and valuable. I covet the lives of writers who in my mind, dip rather than hurriedly down coffee in their quiet little, decorator friendly abodes. Don’t we all think other’s lives are exactly as we imagine and so much better than our own?

So, tonight as I walked…cool breeze, amazing soundtrack in my ears…not my typical deeply, soul-searching lyrics; but, happy songs about joy and precious love of God…I was able to switch that mindset from “cannot continue” to ” keep trying, keep trusting, change will come when it should.”

I thought of this scripture (not sure of book, chapter and verse). My God will provide a way out…Will not allow me to be tempted more than I can handle.

What this means to me is….I am still where God wants me. My “for such a time as this” is still this time, this place, this vocation.

And I remind myself, that God knows me and my inside voices of good, bad, moody, dissatisfied, doubtful, and exhausted and that he keeps on loving me and keeps His promises!

Yet, I am confident that I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27: 13-14

 

Follow the Leader

Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

A couple of days ago, a friend and I left a meeting together, both wondering how on earth we ever thought of adding another duty to our platter.

We share similar expectations in our vocations, of ourselves, and the people we supervise, the families we help.

We work hard, we are honest, we do what we say we will and we provide a safe and positive setting for our staff and those we serve.

So, how is it we find ourselves sitting in the parking lot on a Tuesday night exhausted and feeling frustrated?

She said it, I had been feeling it. “I am ineffective.”  I nodded, and assured by the way God had orchestrated this little venting session, said “That’s exactly what I said to myself all weekend!” I shared my conclusion that, for me, it’s the fact that I pour my heart and soul into my work; going so far as to tell the women I serve that very thing. Telling my staff and clients,  “I feel disheartened when the good things we do and can do are rejected.”  I told my friend, that’s the kicker for me…the talking ’til you’re blue in the face and yet staring at puzzled, even bemused faces. I tell everyone around me,  “Listen, we can help, if you’ll just accept our help. Sure, there are rules to obey and a structured path, but it will be worth it in the end!”

I wonder if that’s how Jesus felt? All the miraculous, astoundingly good things he performed and foretold and yet his closest companions, his team, his support system fell asleep in the critical moments. Those who had listened and embraced him were now about to witness his excruciating sacrifice. I wonder if Jesus felt, “My disciples know my Father’s plan, I can count on them.” I wonder if Jesus felt like an ineffective leader as he watched his disciples sleeping in the garden, sweat drops like blood streaming his face as He prayed, ” Father, not my will, but yours.”

I wonder if that’s how God feels about us sometimes, looking down, saying ” I told them there’d be troubles, I told them there’d be blessings. I told them to follow me, in the valleys, resting in green pastures.I told to follow me, to trust me.”

“I told them to rest, to be still and know that I am God and to find  quiet places to pray.”

Lord help me to surrender my vocation, my words, my walk, my frustrations to you…so that Your will, not mine be done, at home, with friends, with the “beaten-down by bad choices” women I encounter. Not MY will, but yours.

I will Follow.

 

Demonstrating Love

Faith, Trust, Uncategorized

 

 

10152323784686203When I choose my responses to unfolded clothes, dirty dishes, or lack of time for me based on demonstrating love it feels less like demanding or forcing from my children and more like love. More than anything I can give, love will stick. Love will be remembered, will remain.

When I choose trust over fear and doubt it feels like love.

When I accept my flaws instead of using comparison as the filter for my worth I am acknowledging the love of God uniquely designed for uniquely me, for them.

We love because he first loved us.

CHOOSE LOVE.