Trust

Healed

Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

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She walked in slowly, not yet feeling welcome.

I’ve known her almost a year now and yet, she has a ways to go in not being afraid or unworthy.

We worked together on a matter of crisis she might not have been able to handle.

We talked about her worth. She was surprised when I listed her qualities, when I questioned whether she agreed; maybe more surprised by how strongly I insisted on her worthiness.

She broke her leg last year. We had to move her to the downstairs room of our shelter. It was a tough time.

She said to me out of the blue, in the middle of our meeting, “I can’t believe my leg doesn’t even hurt. I can’t believe that broken bone got healed.”

We both smiled.

A friend stopped by on Tuesday to talk about our programs collaborating more. We decided on a new initiative to prioritize a mother’s thinking, giving value and purpose to their lives, the gift of their child.

We prayed together; she first, then me.

I thanked God for her and the time she prayed for me, in agreement with me and the falling apart time she got me through.

I heard her sigh and felt the emotion of her surprise, my mentioning her to God.

It was raw, almost touchable, as if she felt God’s hearing of my voice.

Because in that moment, the thing we didn’t discuss, my healing, was real and she’d been a part of it.

The broken place was healed finally.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of grace who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. I Peter 5:10

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five minute friday :: heal

 

God like you

courage, Faith, grace, grief, Trust, Uncategorized

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Having noticed the birds singing as the morning on cue unfolded, I questioned my surprise.

It made no sense to me that birds would sing, butterflies congregate and the sky open so vastly midday.

Had they not heard of loss? Had they a resolve tougher than ours, more able to shake off the sorrows and sadnesses of life, of death?

I paused to listen again, to notice

Without fail, a God who like you.

Causing me to see, to hear, to know.

To be still. To trust both the beauty and the not so beautiful.

To Know Him

Faith, grace, praise, Salvation, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

imageI wonder if the skies were prepared to welcome him.

If the darkness of His death night was illuminated as magnificently as his birth night.

If the hierarchy of officials wept in regret over succumbing to the crowds who protested their decision, their desire.

Herod and Pilate, both longing to know this man, to experience his healing, longing just to meet him.  Maybe even excited to know that things could be different.

They must both have been longing for more than just existing, controlling, surviving.

Aren’t we all?

They had heard of  his power and love. But, embrace His love, abandon their power?

They caved to the maddening cries of those all around, the seekers of gore, of violence, of death, of spectacle.

I missed this part in the story until today

or perhaps, my heart’s more receptive or longing to be reminded.

When Herod saw Jesus, he was very glad, for he had long desired to see Him, because he had heard about Him…Look, nothing deserving of death has been done by Him. Luke 23:8, 15

I’m fascinated by Jesus.

I’m enthralled by the nuances of His life.

Life sacrificed for me, for them.

But, they demanded with loud cries that he should be crucified. And their voices prevailed. Luke 22:23

I believe the stars were magnificent that night, gave a new clarity, a regretful longing to wish they’d known him more.

Oh, for grace to trust Him more.

To know Him more.

Jesus, Jesus

How I trust Him.

 

 

 

Love and Prayer

Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

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…one of his disciples said, “Lord teach us to pray.” Luke 11:1

And he answered them.

If there are things people might know me by, have to come to mind when my name is mentioned,

May it be that I pray and that I love.

That love may not only show in acts; but my eyes reflect the softness of accepting another…as they are.

And may my prayers be quietly powerful, repelling all harsh or hard things, wrapping others in the beautiful paradox of God’s gentle strength.

More than my paintings, expressive words, talks in fancy settings or boastful sharings of the gifts of my children and family.

Not some big to-do, just lots and lots of little “do’s” done with love. Constant and confident recollections of God hearing my prayer and coming near, of His demonstrative love towards us all.

Love and prayer, prayer and love. Content in this place of solitude, this pursuit of discipleship,

I pray I be.

 

Saturday, opening slowly

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

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My husband opens the cabinet, “Oh, we have bread!” like it’s the greatest joy on earth.

I’ve cooked us breakfast. Simple.

Bacon, scrambled eggs with a touch of heavy cream and sharp cheddar.

He contemplates the fig preserves. The jar lid sealed with the sticky juice of fruit, gritty as the lid is turned to open, figs sugary and rich line the sides.

“Should these be still good?” He asks.

“I’ve been eating them, but there’s a new jar of blueberry in the cabinet.”

So, he opens it up. “Man, there’s a lot of blueberries in here.”

He tells me three times. Fresh bread in the cabinet and blueberry preserves like his grandma’s, these things  have set the course his day.

I woke later than usual. My day is open.

I have seven or so blank canvases and thoughts I need  to pull together into sentences, paragraphs; perhaps, a chapter.

My prayer, bedside, before I made the breakfast with fresh  bread and blueberries…

Lord, thank you for this day. For chances to decide how to fill my day. Make me more open to seeing the me you see.

I give you my day and I’ll remember to remember that this day, this life is from you and for you. Because of mercy, Amen.

The mere thought that God wants to make me holy, sees the potential in me to be holy.

Sees the possibility of his idea of me, his plan for me lining up close together!

The truth of this astounds me.

Me, unworthy. He, unrelenting.

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I read from Jeremiah and I think then, “What are the plans for me Lord, the ones you call declarations?”

Almost noon now, I decide to taste the blueberries, so I have some toast.

I’m content in the day’s slow unfolding.

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 Blueberry preserves from a pretty jar, buttery toast and the chance to listen, to know even just a little more clearly, God’s plans for me.

Savannah Girl

courage, Faith, grace, praise, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

She’s in the front yard, sweet potato lime green vines wrapping up around her arm. Her face looks a little like mine, the bob haircut, crooked bangs. She’s my reminder to trust , to be quiet, to wait with open hands.

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But, change is good like a settling in of something hard you been holding.You cant say when but,  you let it go. You let it go, you breathe…I’m better now.

Changing my blog, making it look less afraid, less uncertain.

More art, more boldness, more focus.

Like me.

Feels like I’m changing.

Trusting.

 Settling into believing new things and

Colors of my Bible.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

Isaiah 43:19

 

Santa Shirts and Jesus

Faith, grace, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

imageAt Christmas, we have a big party. It’s a tradition. There are about 200 people we invite  or are referred and then we make sure Santa comes by. We sing. We eat. We laugh. Some of us find our eyes moist with emotion.

Letters to Santa (our agency) filled in wish lists by grown-ups who believe in us, in Santa, despite all else. And, we and the community of sponsors grant their wishes and we all have Christmas together.

So, the phone rang this morning. I answered and he said, “This is…. did you get my letter yet for the party?”

I answered, “Not sure, I’ll check, can I call you right back?”

He hesitated a minute or two, I waited, then he said “Okay” and gave me his number twice.

I repeated it, scribbled on paper,then went and found his letter asking for a

hammer

and

a sweatshirt.

Found the little sticky with his number and called…several rings and then his ringtone message kicked in…

“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose…”

Followed by, ” this is….sorry I can’t get the phone… I’ll call you back soon as I can.. and remember Jesus loves you!”

Sure enough, he did call back and I told him I’d see him at the party.

“Okay. Jesus loves you…bye!” he said.

He made the front page of the paper last year, he and I. He wore a bright green shirt with a Santa in the middle and me, a dressy blouse with big red flowers.

He liked my shirt and I, his.

He said, “Let’s trade!” I laughed and he threw his head back with a jubilant cackle.

Work, life, laughter, little things that remind me of big, big grace when I forget.

Rudolph, Christmas, Santa shirts and Jesus.

What a wonderful life!

Content in my Expression

courage, Faith, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

 

 

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Last week, I celebrated my 56th.

Last night, I realized a truth.

It happened in the time of  disengaging from book and deciding…okay, gotta sleep now.

Your mind’s half quiet, half -scattered. You recall the day, the week, the past, the present.

I should have written it down, this rambling towards truth I decided to make more true, to hold tighter, more cherished and sure of.

I’ve been painting.

I’ve been writing.

I love art and I love words.  I love standing back, head tilted and hand lightly resting on my heart, pausing with, yes, yes.

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The Trusting One

Or just to write and get to the end, read again…and again, quietly exhilarated in the perfection of my expression that mirrors feeling.

But, I’ve never ever called myself an artist or a writer.

Because comparison and duplication get in the way, get in my head, cause me to strive towards mimicking.

When truth is, all that matters is that

I am content in my expression.

Content in the spilling and smearing of paint.

Content in the dance of my words,  of their pause, of their telling stories of skies and God and life.

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So, I wish I’d written it down, the thought before sleeping that went something like deciding to be

content in my expression and resting there,

the trusting one.

 

Lifted up

Children, courage, Faith, grace, Motherhood, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized

At 7:11 on August 11th, I’ve overslept.

Lingered on crisp cool sheets too long, praying before rising.

Lord, let my words be love, fix what needs to be fixed  draw me near, keep me near so that others draw nearer too.

Feeling  56, I stumble towards coffee, look at my phone and see my cousin’s text:

“I know you prayed for me regarding my career. Just wanted you to know that God answered. I love you and hope this is the happiest birthday yet. Thank you for your prayers.” Lara

I replied to her and  myself really…

I love you. This is amazing! Prayers take longer than we like but are answered in Gods way. I needed to remember that this morning!!!!!
You deserve this. Love you.

Then went about my day, ending with a birthday cake colored sky and my prayer, the one I longed for most in the smiles of my children, it was answered.

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I’ll look up today and everyday. I’ll lift my eyes to the one who sees me, hears me, knows me.

Knees down, face up, hands and heart open and waiting.

Linking up with http://katemotaung.com/2016/08/11/five-minute-friday-lift/

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The world, to me

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
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Feathers, flowers, baby pine cones and birds…little is much.

It would mean the world to me to stay in this place. The sweetly surrendered time that brings me pause

Causing my eyes to burn warm with the sensation of blessed assurance.

The time, not searching, unhurried, not anxious, the time that I pause inviting God’s reply.

The moment, seconds only really when I pause and it comes, His voice, in a clear and gentle rush of real…

You are good.

You are pursuing me, continue.

I see you getting closer. I see your grasp holding more tightly now,

my desires for you.

I see you choosing to rest, not fix.

I hear your voice, notice your words, your thoughts.

I see you choosing love and mercy over authority and demand.

I see you, righteous and strong; beginning to wear your robe of assurance now.

Your days of feeling unfit to wear the garment of my love are fading.

I see you, beginning to wear it well, beginning to lovingly smooth its sleeves and collar as you wait, peacefully,  prayerfully before speaking or acting.

Your days of self-righteous rushing ahead are necessary no more.

You anticipate troubles, expect hardship; in this world, there is much over which to worry.

But, you know trust. You’ve chosen to be wise and humble, forgiving and meek.

And though I’ve promised you’d inherit the earth, it’s good to see you content in the smallest of its things, to see you beginning, finally to  believe

You are blessed.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

Linking up with Holley Gerth and Jennifer Dukes Lee

http://holleygerth.com/

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/happiness-dare-pre-orders-gifts/