Such A Faith

Abuse Survivor, contentment, courage, doubt, Faith, freedom, hope, memoir, Peace, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Trust, Vulnerability, waiting

My gaze focused on the tall bare branched tree, old and ash colored amongst the others still holding green.

It reminded me of hope and holding on, of being planted in just the place that the morning sun illuminates it. We walked together in rain jackets, pockets crammed with acorns and fallen leaves, feet bare because of spontaneity.

The rain sounds led to a prayer stance she copied. I smiled.

Peace. Sweet peace.

On the way to church on Sunday, a memory came. No reason, not a song or a scene that stirred up the scary long ago vivid memory.

Of a time marked by alone in a sort of wilderness, marked by events that changed the imprint of my brain. Changed and erased my sense of safety on most days.

I’m afraid altered workings of my brain forever.

I wonder.

Today, that fear of forever seems accurate. Powerful nightmares for no apparent reason woke me at 6:00 and then finished their working as I drifted in and out of their fearful overtaking until 8:00.

I journaled them, looking for the seeds that started the nighttime stories, the coal that fueled the frightening furnace.

I made sense of it in a way and then asked God if nightmares would always be my battle, if I’d ever be able to be effortlessly hopeful and free.

Matthew and Mark recorded two versions of the boy brought to the disciples and Jesus by his desperate father. I imagine the father was wondering if his son would ever be well, if he’d be overtaken by muteness and seizures forever.

Jesus answers questions firmly and with a tone of importance and perhaps, impatience with them all.

He tells the disciples your faith must be increased and he tells the father you must rid yourself of unbelief.

“And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭17:20‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Jesus said to him, “What do you mean ‘if’? If you are able to believe, all things are possible to the believer.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭9:23‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Then he tells them, you must have faith and most of all your prayer must be a committed, confident and consistent kind of prayer.

“And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭9:28-29‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I gathered my journal and pens, other books and put them away for today. I sat with my coffee and my kitten.

Quietly, not at all condemning, the answer to whether my past trauma would always lead to debilitating nightmares and have power over me in my sleep came.

Yes, if you will hold fast to the faith seed I gave you, nurture it with prayer and commitment and allow the growth, you will be better, less held in the horror of past trauma.

If you will decide to believe. If you will have faith in your healing equal to the measure of me, your powerful Heavenly Father.

You will continue to be better.

The passage in Mark 9 has held my interest for a couple of months. I see the father, I see the disciples who’d just returned from the Mt. of Transfiguration with Jesus.

They’d been witness to God saying this is my Son.

“And a cloud overshadowed them, and a voice came out of the cloud, “This is my beloved Son; listen to him.” And suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone with them but Jesus only.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭9:7-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Still, their faith was small, Jesus told them as they asked why they weren’t able to heal the boy.

“He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭17:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I find comfort in knowing belief wasn’t easy for them, having faith that made no sense must have also been a challenge.

I like the tone Jesus had with them…sort of you asked and I’m telling you. You need more faith, you need less unbelief, doubt and dread and more abandoned belief in me.

I sit now with the answer to the question I asked an hour ago, a note to God as a prayer.

Yes, you are well and you will be even more well as you ask for my help. Ask me to help your unbelief.

Is there something you’re sure you’ll never be fully free from? This side of heaven may always include our hardships, horrors and disabilities.

Ask God to bring you relief and to increase your faith, decrease your unbelief.

Perfection is not necessary in this pursuit. Recognition of its power and of your need are more important.

Turn your face towards heaven.

We were not made to carry burdens alone. Talk to God and a friend or counselor. Find someone who will believe alongside you.

Continue and believe.

Your Eyes Will Tell

Children’s Books, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, Forgiveness, freedom, grace, hope, Peace, rest, Salvation, Stillness, Trust, waiting, wisdom, wonder

In the summer months, my husband questions my robe with pajamas.

I tell him I love it, I just like to wear it. I feel pulled together.

Before daylight, I’ve left home, left it hanging with soft pajamas on the hook.

Monday morning morning views are back. The sunrise to the right of me leads me on. I turn to see it developing, the new and glorious day.

The road towards small town has me meeting headlights and remembering a time the lights sparked caution.

Remembering today that’s better, the lights, the road, the earliness of day.

Everything an adjustment bringing acceptance.

This time last year I wrote a book I thought was for children.

It was God’s promise posed in a way of “maybe she’ll get it this way” kind of thing.

I matter to God.

You matter to God no matter what.

You’re seen, known and loved.

When I worked with women trying to decide whether to believe life was worth living and whether they could change life stealing patterns,

I’d say,

“Look in the mirror, look for more than a minute, you’ll be able to see how you’re doing.”

I’m not talking full length that helps you decide if you can walk on the beach without your shorts or whether the pants are too tight from behind, whether the dress fits good or is too matronly.

No, just the bathroom mirror.

Wash your face and gaze. Consider the condition of your soul through the look in your eyes.

You’ll see. You will know.

Look again, again and again.

Check yourself.

Are you wearing your righteousness? Are you dressed in the covenant of peace?

Your eyes will know and they will tell you so.

You’ll see restoration, you’ll be excited to keep seeing it.

Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Become friends with the morning mirror. Carry on. Remember how yesterday was different.

Your faith more certain, your chasing misplaced trust became an acceptance of it.

A robe embraced you, rested on your shoulders and covered your questions,

The robe of righteousness, the blanket of salvation.

Continue and believe.

Be faithful in your belief.

Faithfulness is God’s character and that same character is in you.

“He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭23:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Quiet About It

bravery, confidence, contentment, curiousity, Faith, family, Forgiveness, grace, memoir, Peace, rest, Salvation, Stillness, testimony, Trust, Truth, Vulnerability, wonder

“The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I wonder if anyone on a summer morning would pause there as well. Or just me, my eye drawn to nature, the way an old bent root is exposed through what once was the ground, now eroding to give way for the road.

For our morning walking.

We noticed the pillowy green moss covering the border and we’d never not touch it, the invitation to see new life juxtaposed with trees barren because of age.

We stopped and cupped the evidence of life in the palm of our hands, caressed the smooth earthen wall.

It was a small thing, gloriously small.

Like clouds thickly shifting, my thoughts are of the majesty of God’s hands swooping down to stir them up.

I am convinced of this actually and often.

I’m in a group of women called “The Alabaster Girls”.

I joined this group of others I don’t personally know because I wanted to be one, one with other women who would if given the chance, pour out all I’d been saving up in my own vessel or jar and in the face of resistance, express my relationship with Jesus.

“…what she has done will also be told in memory of her.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭26:13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Today, the leader suggested members of this group share our testimony. I paused like I’ve paused many times before.

My testimony of deciding to believe in Jesus is really small, sort of private, sort of “not sure it took” because my path forward has been imperfect.

So, I typed it in the comments and I saw my salvation in the truest way.

I thanked the group’s moderator for asking me to tell the story of my salvation, the one I sometimes felt was too small.

The story of my quiet day, quiet choice and quietly steady faith.

Jesus came to me gently and I welcomed Him in, in a quiet way.

I sat alone in my home, a single mother with two children. My Sunday morning thing became watching Charles Stanley, In Touch. I decided to believe what I still believe, Jesus died for me so that I could have life. It wasn’t a whole lot of fanfare and so, many times I’ve questioned the simplicity of it…now, I know that’s the greatest gift and truth, the decision to believe in Jesus can happen anywhere and I should never discount my testimony…deciding to follow Jesus, alone on a Sunday morning with a journal in my lap. God knew me even when I was so lonely and lost and He met me the most gentle way, knowing I was afraid of “being pushed around”. Wow. I’ve never actually written this out until today. God is using you, sweet Nan Trammell Jones.

The seed was planted way back then although not always meticulously tended or consistently fertilized by choices, prayer and worship.

Quietly, quietly and persistently I have grown and in my often “quiet about it” way, the way God made me, He is using my story.

I am growing and others see Jesus in me in the very way God made me.

Quietly like the persistent beauty of green moss covering the ground, the evidence of goodness, of peace, of quiet confidence in God, the earth and all things knowing Him made more glorious.

Decide to accept Jesus. You will never regret what can never be taken away.

Continue and believe.

Passion and Habit

bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, doubt, Faith, Forgiveness, freedom, grace, hope, mercy, Peace, Prayer, rest, Stillness, Trust, Vulnerability, wisdom

God keeps His promises.

I read or heard the other day, a warning, don’t let your “quiet time” just be an empty habit or a trendy phrase. I thought about my mornings, my most treasured time of all, of waking up early just to be quiet and alone with God. I’m needy in that regard. I’m needy in a lot of ways.

I need this “need thee every hour” commitment.

I returned to one verse that feels like proof of God really knowing the me I am lately. The Passion translation of the Psalms is tender, brave and honest. I grab ahold of the words, hold them close.

“You keep every promise you’ve ever made to me! Since your love for me is constant and endless, I ask you, Lord, to finish every good thing that you’ve begun in me!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭138:8‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I’ve long loved Psalm 139 and now I’m fixed on 138 too. Psalm 116 has a header “I’m saved.” I’ve been loving this too because most of all lately, I’m resting in the sweet reality of God’s love of me. Notice, I said “of” not for. God loves me, loves you.

“So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:38‬ ‭TPT‬‬

So, I’ll keep waking every morning God keeps me able. I’ll read. Not always everything and not always the same book or Bible. But, I’ll be quiet because I can’t make it on my own. I need to be reminded.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus. There’s no greater promise of unwavering love. To love others well, I need the reminder that I am loved. I need it every hour, every day,

every evening, every morning.

You are loved.

Continue and believe.

Understanding All the Things

Faith, grace, grief, hope, mercy, Peace, rest, Trust, Vulnerability, wisdom

Hope is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all – Emily Dickinson

I misplaced my mustard seed, the tiny glass enclosed actual seed that jingled on my wrist, a charm on my bracelet.

I’ve resigned myself not to find it again and decided, someone else may find it and it will be the thing they needed that day and days to come.

They would need the thing called faith.

They would need hope that demands little and remains like the song of a morning bird.

“I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I prayed for mercy yesterday, at least five times. I lost another thing, much more valuable and important, a necessity.

My morning was a panic, I searched in the most outrageous places, the last one was the refrigerator.

I cancelled one morning thing and then decided to carry on, to stop searching for my “dental appliance”, the most embarrassing thing, and do the other.

The other being get dressed, let it go, stop searching, do the important thing.

Take the coral colored roses on the kitchen counter to your friend who has lost her husband, choose what’s more important than your crazy searching.

I prayed again. I told the Lord, I don’t deserve to find this, I don’t deserve your mercy yet again.

Walked away to get myself together and you most likely know, I found my partial in the place I’d left it, on the bathroom counter, safe under a hand towel.

I left the roses on my friend’s front porch, not knowing if they’d be found before the rain.

Just knowing in whatever state or whenever they were discovered, they’d be what God intended,

A thing God told me to do.

Later, I thanked God for finding it and I thought two things.

One, why was I so convinced I’d never find an object in my very own home and more important, why was I so convinced that God would not, yet again, be merciful?

Things I understand more each day.

God is loving, the giver of hope not harm. God is the open arms of grace to the guilty and bent by shame.

God hears every prayer I pray.

God is good.

I’ll never be good enough based on my weaknesses, forgetfulness, haphazard or hurried behaviors.

I have a helper who hears when I call.

To say we’re not deserving is true.

To know that God made a way called mercy is the quiet answer to all our crazy prayers.

Continue and believe.

Let mercy in.

Linking up with others on the prompt “Deserve”.

Deserve

Morning Paused

confidence, courage, curiousity, Faith, fear, grief, marriage, memoir, Peace, rest, Salvation, Stillness, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

“Here he stands! The Commander! The mighty Lord of Angel Armies is on our side! The God of Jacob fights for us!

Pause in his presence”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46:11‬ ‭TPT

I woke to a pleasant voice on my phone and then a message that alarmed me and led to surprise then chills followed by a pause. ‬‬

It’s almost noon and I’m numbed and lazy by the absorption of the truth of someone’s passing.

Sadly surprised.

I hear the hum of yard work in the back and front yard of the neighbor. Curious, I step outside.

Last night I looked from the window and thought how happy it made me, the limelight hydrangeas my husband decided to plant in a new place.

Twenty years married tomorrow and we have our first legitimate garden. Our granddaughter helped plant the tomatoes. The growth of zucchini has been outrageous.

I check it every day, a rectangular space near the fence.

Full of growth

And still growing.

I haven’t told my husband of the friend’s passing. They were close in a way I don’t know, seems he saw strength in him and I believe it was mutual, most likely unspoken.

Strength, yes.

Strength.

We’re not able on our own. The tiny plants become tiny tomatoes. The transplanted hydrangea dug up from my husband’s mama’s home is flourishing. The butterflies on the porch that enthrall us don’t last long.

Leave reminders though, reminders of the joy of their presence and the flutter of their wings.

A beautiful song.

“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭118:14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God is with you.

Sing along.

Warring for Quiet

confidence, contentment, courage, doubt, Faith, Forgiveness, freedom, grace, hope, memoir, mercy, obedience, Peace, Prayer, Redemption, Stillness, surrender, Trust, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

Something in me longs to find a quiet old church with wooden pews and streams of sunlight in every hue laying down strips of color at my feet on old hardwood floors.

To sit in the quiet. To listen to God.

I’m in the spot I call quiet in my home. It is very quiet, only the mockingbird mama’s protective song in the distance calling for my attention.

I woke thinking about being drawn to the wars others are warring as a distraction to what God knows needs my attention according to Him.

Yesterday, I grabbed a $5 pillow and dropped it in the cart. I sensed my daughter wondering where I’d put it. I’m not one to decorate my home with pillows adorned with trendy sayings. I think I mumbled.

I need to remember this.

See good in all things.

First on the loveseat, then between the bigger ones on the couch, then in my mama’s reupholstered chair, I centered it. It seemed too contrived, a pillow pointing out words I needed to remember, seriously silly.

So, I fluffed a pretty one woven with navy and added it as a background for my much needed words. I angled the pillow to meet my gaze from the place I sit in the evening, the place I begin my day.

The wisdom of a book of lamenting words lining up with mama’s and the embroidery threads on a pillow.

“The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.”
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:25-26‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Good comes from waiting, seeking quietly.

Listening.

Distracted by culture, conflict and confusion, it seems I have made lesser the most important things.

Grace, mercy, peace, surrender.

Attentiveness to God’s purpose for me.

Remembering the gift of redemption.

Living freely.

So that I can be a presence inviting question rather than spewing comments.

Understanding we all have wars within, we are all pulled astray by the personal battles and patterns that deter the transformation that is a witness to the light of God within.

A compelling cause for others to seek salvation.

The salvation that can never be taken from us; but, must be treasured with every breath of our body so that we don’t fall back into warring.

So that we don’t miss the glory of the quiet voice of God in the quiet places.

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭3:23-24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

May my quiet confidence in God be more evident than my constant questioning over what is not mine to understand, only be available when called to offer peace in the knowledge of my Savior.

Linking up prompted by FMF, Quiet (smile, Kate likes pillows too).

Read others here:

https://fiveminutefriday.com/2021/06/24/fmf-writing-prompt-link-up-quiet/

Beach Going

Abuse Survivor, Art, bravery, contentment, courage, Faith, grace, painting, Redemption, rest, Stillness, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder, writing

Seems everyone I know has plans to be a beach-goer this summer or has already gone.

This morning, Facebook invited me to revisit a beach inspired post from four years ago. It was interesting to see how my voice is the same me, just a little more grown.

This afternoon, I procrastinated a commission that’s scaring me and I let the colors blue, white, pink and navy calm me, transport me to the shore.

Here’s the June 13, 2017 post:

The Tide

Dedicated to Others and “Aunt Boo”

Angels, birds, bravery, Children, Children’s Books, confidence, contentment, Faith, family, grandchildren, Trust, Vulnerability, wisdom, wonder, writing

The room, the little corner behind the sofa where she sews and sits was spiritual, the window towards the water, a warm aura.

The pauses between her words.

“Comfort” “Special” “This is special.”

“Oh, Lisa, these colors.”

I just listened, smiled, watched her hands turn the pages, fingers starting on the corner edges to move slowly down before turning.

I heard her soft sighs.

My aunt, the one known for the phrase “prayer and patience”, was moved by my book, “Look at the Birds”. It was a different response than I expected.

God with us in the room.

A study I’m doing on freedom prompted a thought last week, a question,

“Think back to a time when, because of a family member or friend, you felt seen and known…and truly loved.” In Touch Ministries, Freedom Guidebook.

I added my answer.

“Her hands on the pages felt as if she was caressing me. Her love for who I had become and seeing her being moved by what I was able to do, as if to say, I’ve been watching, praying, loving and now I see you becoming who I knew you were made to be.”

“Aunt Boo” the verbal and physical expression of God’s affirmation.

A children’s book written to help others know their value is just one of the many little things that is changing me.

I pray changing others.

2 year old Elizabeth does this thing now of let’s put all the babies and bunnies and blankets on the floor. “Lay down, Grandma, lay down.” and the fixing of covers and “babies” becomes a distraction from napping. She held “Look at the Birds” today. We didn’t read it. (No way, that might lead to napping). But, she turned the pages and still loves the hawk most of all.

Lots of people think I wrote this book for Elizabeth. It’s just not so. I’m happy she’ll know her grandma wrote a book. But, this book is for all children and babies. It’s my hope every little hand that holds it and listens to “you are worth more” will never ever forget that truth.

Yesterday, I got a message. A child in foster care carried this book to their new home. I pray it’s read often to him by someone. I don’t know this child. I know the special person who gave him a book.

I worry I’m not so good at this book marketing, spreading the message/promotion.

I promise, the knowing I had a part in helping a little boy in foster care believe he is loved.

It is enough, more than.

(The book is available in lots of places. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart and my website, http://lisaannetindal.me )

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I hope my hope keeps growing.

I hope others see hope in me, my book, my words, my art.

May it not be about me.

Continue and believe.

All Things Together

Abuse Survivor, Angels, Art, bravery, Children, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, fear, hope, mercy, Peace, rest, Salvation, Trust, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

I woke with a worry that made no sense really, quickly setting the tone for what was fighting to be a heavy day.

I have been referring to these type things as “the enemy”, thoughts that fight to sway my faith the other way.

I’m becoming accustomed to the strange looks or pauses that seem to say, “Did she say enemy?

Is she really talking about Satan? Is she buying into the talk of the tactics of the evil one, the liar, the conniving thief of peace?”

Yes.

I am.

It’s no different though than the responses of some when you begin to say “Jesus”, begin to call him your friend, begin to believe the truth of his gruesome sacrifice and live and breathe with the purpose of knowing this Savior intimately, personally,

realistically.

The Son of God, the God who created me, created you.

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God sees you growing in wisdom and bravery. The enemy does too.

Yesterday evening, I walked the neighborhood trail, talk in my ear about a book, “Gentle and Lowly” by Dane Ortlund

I rounded the curve, alone on the trail, a distant dog barking and a teenager puttering with a putter in a backyard. I waved and continued.

The stretch of smooth bordering the wildflowers caused me to turn and look.

On the edge of the woods, standing in the overgrowth, I saw it staring.

I stood still.

A fox was fixated on me, staring me down. Its old eyes considering me, I looked back.

It never moved and I was captivated.

Not threatened, simply moved.

Its body seemed old and exhausted, the copper color of its coat mostly overtaken by grey.

It seemed intent on making a statement although its presence felt met by a resistance it didn’t quite understand.

As if it had no strength to harm me, only make me know it was still there.

Dane Ortlund describes a loving Jesus who longs for us to remember He is with us, for us, we can stop striving to be good enough.

We can stop condemning ourselves, anticipating punishment for our behaviors. We can rest.

We can calm down.

The worry that woke me went away as quickly as I raised my weary body from beside my bed.

I prayed and my prayers were heard by my advocate, the one who came and lifted my head to say today is another new day.

You will see.

I searched for the symbolism of the fox. Found words like sly and conniving and some that reframed those words to skilled and thoughtful, able to get itself out of dangerous places.

Jesus used the word when he referred to Herod who was trying to halt his mission.

“Jesus replied, “Go tell that fox that I will keep on casting out demons and healing people today and tomorrow; and the third day I will accomplish my purpose.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭13:32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Words in red in my Bible, relevant still today.

Jesus saying to us.

Tell that fox you still have a purpose.

The strange waking worry found relief. I saw a photo of a painting, the one above. As it happens on occasion, I saw shapes that weren’t intentional. Today, I stare at the painting in peace. Brushstrokes and blending it seems led to angels hovering near, protection and peace.

All things come together, the fox, the special painting that came with angst in completing.

Miracles to me, tiny things God causes us to see.

Because of Jesus, we have peace.

He holds all things together.

Listen here.

https://youtu.be/EIe0jOhopyI

	Lisa Brittain on Women of Faith
	Lisa Anne Tindal on Women of Faith
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	juliedibblewrites on Embracing
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