“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV
Every morning now, I open the back sliding door. Like a chef waving his hand over the skillet to invite the aroma upward, I invite the changing season in.
I step out and feel the change on my bare feet. The flowers drying to brittle fragile brown while others are vibrant still.
I read this morning about “Shalom”, an invitation to seeking peace.
Shalom, a greeting or a farewell in ancient days, “Peace”.
What’s one question you have? An intrusion in your thoughts that refuses to go on its way?
How does God feel about questions?
Us knowing a little, but aching to know everything.
I wondered.
A little may be all you’re supposed to know and may just be enough.
This way of thinking came after praying. To put it into practice, I listed the things I do know. They outnumbered those I don’t.
My vision is blurry. My understanding is unfinished. My conclusions are often skewed. I’m patterned to protect myself, to anticipate bad news, to not be knocked down by surprise.
So, I like to know it all.
I’m changing though.
I know goodness and grace and that my prayers are heard.
I know enough.
Because, I’m not yet whole and well, I’m not God.
I can just know a little.
If I use what I see as the answer to a long coddled question, I’ll forever be longing for earthly evidence, confirmation and rest.
When I understand I’m only supposed to see just a glimpse, the glimpse meant for me, and I trust that God alone needs to comprehend the rest
I won’t need the whole picture.
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12 ESV
I’ll just need my view.
The view often found at the foot of the cross, the floor beside my bed.
Tuesdays are early days, good if I wake on my own, no shrill of startling alarm.
I did today. Turned to my husband’s side to see the red lit time after waking with the words.
Pray about everything.
Two minutes shy of alarm, 4:58.
Pray about everything. Be still. Hope endures. Trust and wait. Pray and be patient.
A word comes to mind as I find verses to reference prayer.
Platitudes, do my notes to self, casual recommendations to others feel less like truth and more catchy phrase, a platitude?
Maybe.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6 NLT
Patience is the word prompt today. Who of us is bold enough or certain enough to say,
“be patient”?
Be patient, this season of death, distress and division will be over soon.
Maybe we did last year this time, but now it feels/sounds like an empty platitude.
So, here’s an idea. Keep praying. Keep being patient.
Maybe it’s with your husband who says soon we’ll redo the bathroom. Maybe it’s with the person in the little old truck either worked all night or just in no hurry and you can’t safely pass.
Be patient.
Repotted your orchid and you see green on the branches after all this time? Be patient.
Patience is a practice. Prayer too.
Pray now, something tiny.
Wait.
Watch your patience grow
and change from a shallow teeny hope, even crazy thing to something better.
Evidence only you will feel and know.
Be patient. Be small. See your world this way and pray.
Across the road towards the Southside of town, the horizon is the color of a brand new bruise.
Undeniably, a storm is coming and like the signs warning of a coming backhand across your cheek or a vicious grab, you know this color, you are familiar with the warning.
In my little corner I sit and listen to the distant noise of thunder.
Sounding like men strong arming an old chest across the attic floor.
I am quiet. I’m well. I am safe.
Waiting for the rain has become a favorite thing. The air brushing my shoulder, a kiss-like surprise.
A drop, is it here?
The storm?
I will it to come slowly, to carefully creep closer like the left outside kitten.
I hope I can sit for just a bit
Under the crepe myrtles in the corner where the little table now lives, in the center my mama’s broken pot and the waxy succulents.
Thriving.
I am comfortable here.
Here comes the storm and along with it I see in my hurry, the first fragile flower of Fall.
Pink camellia, gently strong and one to be depended on.
Comfort.
Comfortable here.
Here comes the storm.
Notice what brings comfort. Thunder, a pink flower, a new sitting spot in your evening yard. Stay there.
I have a new journal with space for three things, labeled “finding your focus”.
Holiness
Health
and Change
are today’s, likely tomorrow as well.
About change, it has become clear to me that we do not change when our shame or shame meted out by others is the motivator.
I look in the mirror and see my mama’s rounded shape.
I remember her walking through the house in her bra and panties and thinking “Oh, Lord have mercy, isn’t she ashamed?”
But, she wasn’t. She was just her.
The waist I inherited from her has almost gone away, padded now by a layer. For months now I’ve watched my belly decide it’s time for me to accept it.
Or change.
I look in the mirror and I acknowledge this 61 year old body. This looking sideways in the full length is a reflection, is change.
I assure you, it’s progress in the right direction, the not darting quickly to the closet or only using the bathroom mirror.
Because looking is simply seeing and not allowing shame to suffocate me with the reality of my excess weight.
I don’t believe in shaming myself any longer. It’s not productive, effective or motivating.
Shame does not prompt change, only forces an action that is not maintained.
Nothinggood comes by force. Force and peace are opposing motivators.
Change comes when we allow ourselves to embrace the slow work of hope.
When we begin to believe the distant promise of the peace that changing that damaging, unhealthy, harmful behavior will bring.
But, not suddenly will we see and that’s the thing about change.
We must have a sort of dreamlike vision towards what we don’t yet see.
We must want peace, not a tiny waistline or kicking a habit we’ve used as a treat or comfort.
We must believe peace is within reach, that we were born to live in peace.
And be brave enough to moment by moment not shame ourselves into change, rather to change because
Peace is the reason. Peace is our attainable hope.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV
This post is part of a series on change for October along with other writers in the Five Minute Friday community.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” Psalms 23:1 NLT
I have everything I need. (Psalm 23)
I let my granddaughter run a distance ahead of me when we walk. There’s freedom in her feet, there is an overabundance of curious independence in her thoughts.
Taking care to watch her and yet, letting her be, letting her grow.
Letting her become full grown.
Watching her thrive.
My daughter has a plant called either “snake” or “mother in law’s tongue”. She asked my wise aunt, how to keep it alive.
My aunt quickly replied,
“Get up every day and tell it good morning and walk away.”
I suppose whatever it needs to thrive is somehow either inside its stiff leaves, woven together roots, or maybe it’s in the air around it. Maybe it is the home.
A parable in Ezekial, a rarely read book in my Bible was happened upon this morning. The clean page had a faint underlined place,
“Will it thrive?” Ezekiel 17:9
The parable was written to compare the ways of two leaders, a warning about the king of Babylon coming to Jerusalem and the importance of honoring The Lord’s covenant. History often confounds me. Still, the three words “will it thrive” caused me to sit with this passage.
A riddle to be understood, I sat with these several verses on this quiet Friday morning. I read and read again, God’s Spirit assuring me there’s a truth for you here.
Two vines planted from the branch and seed of a twig transported by an eagle.
One grew and spread near the abundant water and rich soil, it grew outward, freely, vines spreading and branches putting out new boughs.
The other wrapped its young roots around the eagle and became dependent upon it for water and its hope to become a noble vine.
Yet, when it needed to be transplanted, free to grow, the roots would be found weak, easy to be blown away, bent by the wind and eventually wither.
I think of my attention to things God has given me to contribute my part in their growth.
Naturally, I think of my children.
A daughter who’s a wife and mommy, a leader in vocation and learning, outspoken and deeply caring.
A son who is Colorado and lives near a park known for its majestic cedars. A son, who subtly agreed when I mentioned another mother saying “every child gets to write their own story”.
“That’s right.” he said.
Fully grown.
They are thriving and becoming even more fully grown.
It’s a wonder to me, because I surely often overwatered, fertilized with unsolicited advice and often looked on too closely to circumvent uprooting of what I felt meant thriving.
So, how does growth happen best?
Not getting too wrapped in the care and nourishment of our thriving, established long ago by our Father.
If growth is intended for us, it will grow when we let it be.
Because of God, my growth and I have all I need.
Like the healthy plant that never gets watered. Whatever is within it has it thriving. Letting it be seems to be the answer.
I journaled in the margin of the smooth thin paper what God hopes I’ll let linger.
Roots that are planted in good places of abundance and then left to spread on their own are more likely to thrive than the roots I cling tightly to, so tightly they wrap themselves around me stunting the intended growth of my calling, art, writing, my contributions to others.
Roots allowed to spread without being overnourished, overthought or overworked are the roots of long living, lasting evidence of hope.
Of love.
Yes, it will thrive.
Let it happen. Let it grow. Contribute as needed, as led by the Creator of you.
Hope will grow and thrive.
Continue and believe.
“He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.” Psalms 23:2-3 NLT
“To be with God, in whatever stage of being, under whatever conditions of existence, is to be in heaven.” Dora Greenwell, Joy and Strength Devotional
From the kitchen window view, I felt hopeful for Fall, considered leaving the back door open, optimistic that the breeze might join the morning sounds of peace.
Refreshing, it would be.
Not quite yet, but pretty was the thought, the heavens met my request and answered with the ushering in of new.
Hoping to catch a shot of a spider in its web, I found comfort in the powder blue sky fluffed with white.
Turned back for coffee and saw the rosebud ever persistent and perky.
Life continues.
God sweetly says so.
What if you decide the life you think you want is not the life your heart knows is for you?
What if the only voice you answer to is God and the Spirit of Him inside you?
What if contentment isn’t a fight to the finish, instead a quiet knowing you’re already farther than you thought you’d ever go?
What if you shift all your measuring tools from “I was” to “I am”
And gently, gently let yourself be you encountering the doors that open to who you are “becoming”.
All without outside interventions, offerings or comparison.
Even if according to others, becoming feels like unjustifiable, unfair or underserved waiting.
What if you realize you’ve really no idea what it is you’re waiting for?
“Believe…life will surprise you.” Brandon Heath
What if who you are is quiet and you’ve been way too noisy?
Even if you’re the only frustrated listener?
It’s loud, overbearing…the you that’s unsatisfied.
“But the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace.” Psalm 37:11 ESV
Continue and believe.
Decide to be close to God, unchanged. Look up, remember where you are when you’re with God.
Stay if you can. Return often and linger longer.
“For just one day of intimacy with you is like a thousand days of joy rolled into one! I’d rather stand at the threshold in front of the Gate Beautiful, ready to go in and worship my God, than to live my life without you in the most beautiful palace of the wicked.” Psalms 84:10 TPT
My gaze focused on the tall bare branched tree, old and ash colored amongst the others still holding green.
It reminded me of hope and holding on, of being planted in just the place that the morning sun illuminates it. We walked together in rain jackets, pockets crammed with acorns and fallen leaves, feet bare because of spontaneity.
The rain sounds led to a prayer stance she copied. I smiled.
Peace. Sweet peace.
On the way to church on Sunday, a memory came. No reason, not a song or a scene that stirred up the scary long ago vivid memory.
Of a time marked by alone in a sort of wilderness, marked by events that changed the imprint of my brain. Changed and erased my sense of safety on most days.
I’m afraid altered workings of my brain forever.
I wonder.
Today, that fear of forever seems accurate. Powerful nightmares for no apparent reason woke me at 6:00 and then finished their working as I drifted in and out of their fearful overtaking until 8:00.
I journaled them, looking for the seeds that started the nighttime stories, the coal that fueled the frightening furnace.
I made sense of it in a way and then asked God if nightmares would always be my battle, if I’d ever be able to be effortlessly hopeful and free.
Matthew and Mark recorded two versions of the boy brought to the disciples and Jesus by his desperate father. I imagine the father was wondering if his son would ever be well, if he’d be overtaken by muteness and seizures forever.
Jesus answers questions firmly and with a tone of importance and perhaps, impatience with them all.
He tells the disciples your faith must be increased and he tells the father you must rid yourself of unbelief.
“And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” Matthew 17:20 KJV
“Jesus said to him, “What do you mean ‘if’? If you are able to believe, all things are possible to the believer.” Mark 9:23 TPT
Then he tells them, you must have faith and most of all your prayer must be a committed, confident and consistent kind of prayer.
“And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.” Mark 9:28-29 ESV
I gathered my journal and pens, other books and put them away for today. I sat with my coffee and my kitten.
Quietly, not at all condemning, the answer to whether my past trauma would always lead to debilitating nightmares and have power over me in my sleep came.
Yes, if you will hold fast to the faith seed I gave you, nurture it with prayer and commitment and allow the growth, you will be better, less held in the horror of past trauma.
I believe
If you will decide to believe. If you will have faith in your healing equal to the measure of me, your powerful Heavenly Father.
You will continue to be better.
The passage in Mark 9 has held my interest for a couple of months. I see the father, I see the disciples who’d just returned from the Mt. of Transfiguration with Jesus.
They’d been witness to God saying this is my Son.
“And a cloud overshadowed them, and a voice came out of the cloud, “This is my beloved Son; listen to him.” And suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone with them but Jesus only.” Mark 9:7-8 ESV
Still, their faith was small, Jesus told them as they asked why they weren’t able to heal the boy.
“He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 ESV
I find comfort in knowing belief wasn’t easy for them, having faith that made no sense must have also been a challenge.
I like the tone Jesus had with them…sort of you asked and I’m telling you. You need more faith, you need less unbelief, doubt and dread and more abandoned belief in me.
I sit now with the answer to the question I asked an hour ago, a note to God as a prayer.
Yes, you are well and you will be even more well as you ask for my help. Ask me to help your unbelief.
Is there something you’re sure you’ll never be fully free from? This side of heaven may always include our hardships, horrors and disabilities.
Ask God to bring you relief and to increase your faith, decrease your unbelief.
Perfection is not necessary in this pursuit. Recognition of its power and of your need are more important.
Turn your face towards heaven.
We were not made to carry burdens alone. Talk to God and a friend or counselor. Find someone who will believe alongside you.
Who can you think of past or present who is famous because of their peace, the most indescribably unknown person you know?
“These are treasures no bird of prey can see, no falcon’s eye observe.” Job 28:7 NLT
“Bethesda”
I spoke with an author of three books recently. I sensed the ache in his voice as he told me about his writing after I talked about mine, the children’s book inspired by Matthew 6:26. We agreed to sell a lot of books, you must be famous, have a website with a bookoo of followers and be good at talking about yourself.
Just the conversation between us about self/book promotion was hard.
Before sunrise today, I thought of just how contradictory that seems. I’ve read lots of Christian books, some sort of trendy and insubstantial and some very resonant and worth returning to.
I thought of how we, as far as I interpret the words of Jesus, are not supposed to want to be famous.
When we say
“Make Jesus famous, not me!”
We’re supposed to be able to mean it.
And yet, an agent won’t return an email and a query goes unread because you have less than 5000 Instagram followers.
A few weeks ago, I had a skip in my step, a sense of a really cool possible art opportunity.
Time passed and it faded to “oh,well…”
I’ll reference trauma once here and that’ll be it.
If your needs went unnoticed as a child or young adult and you get well enough to try expression of your needs and talents again and nothing happens…
You decide it’s better to be invisible again.
Because invisible is what you know.
But, now this self-awareness feels less achingly deficient and more like
a better fame.
A realization of what I decided was my “treasure” was not my treasure at all.
Years ago, when I began writing, my heart set on a memoir about the possibility of hope, I was starry-eyed and optimistic and I told myself don’t be a chatty little woman who writes about Jesus.
Be authentic. Be real. Be truthful but not so truthful you hinder another’s hope.
And I thought I’d write a book about it all.
Now, I realize I may not.
Because the truth, my truth I am learning to be okay with is,
I don’t think I want to be famous. I think I’d rather be quiet.
That admission may be the kiss of death to being a published author or it may be the breath of heavenly fresh air to a weary striving soul.
Because writing, painting, being a published author are not my treasures, my peace and my peaceful sharing of my healing are. They are the treasures I hold and occasionally share in hopes of stirring curiosity over the same treasure for others.
I won’t stop writing and I won’t stop painting, often with crayon.
I’m just certain being a person who can be found by name on Amazon as an author or who has art that can be searched for and purchased has given me a taste of fame.
But never has fame made me famous, instead only made me wanting more.
Thirsty for recognition, parched for praise and aching for a dollar sign saying success next to something I made.
Eight years blogging. I suppose it’s fitting to write honestly today.
That feels like a quiet celebration.
Keep writing. It’s good to continue quietly and to believe.
Because healing is not dependent on fame, only on believing, believing like the lame man on the banks of the Bethesda.
“When Jesus saw him lying there, he knew that the man had been crippled for a long time. Jesus said to him, “Do you truly long to be well?” The sick man answered, “Sir, there’s no way I can get healed, for I have no one to lower me into the water when the angel comes. As soon as I try to crawl to the edge of the pool, someone else jumps in ahead of me.” Jesus said to him, “Stand up! Pick up your sleeping mat and you will walk!” Immediately he stood up—he was healed! So he rolled up his mat and walked again! Now Jesus worked this miracle on the Sabbath.” John 5:6-9 TPT
we run away from our discomfort... but it doesn't leave us. to heal we need to turn around and face it, experience it and once we truly do we are out of it. We heal and we grow.
2 Timothy 1:7-8 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. This blog is about my Christian walk. Join me for the adventure.
Lisa Anne Tindal 