grace

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus – An Advent Experience

Abuse Survivor, Advent, Angels, Art, Children, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, freedom, grace, memoir, mercy, obedience, painting, praise, Prayer, Redemption, Stillness, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder, writing

Blank Slates and Clean Canvases

Many times Jesus spoke in a way that was so matter of fact, so very direct.

“The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” And the Lord said,

If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. Luke‬ ‭17:5-6‬ ‭ESV‬

I imagine them expecting some wisdom more than his reply of it’s up to you to embrace this powerful source, this thing you are to hold as evidence of me in you.

This mystery of a strength that no one can see, only can be known.

Jesus reminds me today as I read Luke’s recording of His words.

You know when your faith is waning, you know how to again believe.

You know you only need to begin, begin like tiny seed no one else can see; yet, can be fully and faithfully sort of secretively known.

It’s a thing between you and He.

So cup your little imaginary seed in the palm of your hand, Lisa Anne and then plant it on the blank canvases, open spaces and empty pages waiting for you to go and grow.

Maybe moving, uprooting, or seeing unusual or unexpected shooting ups of new living and new life.

Begin with your little seed.

Begin again to grow, not to chase, only go in the way you feel the sway of His answer to your longing, your prayer.

Lord, tell me what to say. Tell me what to create.

Begin because you know you are able and that you were made me to be capable.

You know that we can, God, it’s just we are not consistently obedient.

We are not always willing.

Like the apostles asked you to do it, to increase their faith, we do the same.

We must be willing to believe and begin and then to see the evidence of gifts we doubted we’d ever see.

We must wait for it, anticipate your glory!

Luke opened Chapter 17 with a conversation about temptations toward sin. Jesus told the disciples that temptation is a sure thing. He told them to be careful that their lives didn’t lead others to sin.

Then He healed ten lepers and only one came back to give praise, to thank God for the healing.

In response to the question about when and how they would see God’s kingdom, Jesus cautioned them all in their trying to figure it out, told them to spend less effort on being informed of the mystery and more on being prepared for it.

For not all will see the Kingdom, only those who follow, leave behind their questions and simply continue on, those who don’t turn back to what they left behind, their lives before.

“Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭17:33‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Choose to stay on your different way.

Be the one who holds tight to the faith like tiny seed.

Be the one who chooses moderation over selfish satiation. Be the one who turns back from yet again grace to honor the one who makes hope and healing.

Be the one who surrenders and believes God created you for more and that more starts often with the tiniest of seeds.

Be the one who knows it is okay to ask for help. To sit without words as the warmth of a tear puddles in your eye’s corner, to say, I am here again, God. I can’t find you nor can I find the words.

Change me from the inside, so that my outside is the one you know I was created to be.

Blank slates every morning, clean canvases waiting to bring you glory, Lord, let it be.

Let it be you through me.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:18-19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus-An Advent Experience

Abuse Survivor, Advent, Angels, Christmas, courage, freedom, grace, hope, kindness, memoir, mercy, Peace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Salvation, Trust, Uncategorized, Unity, Vulnerability, waiting

Believe, Now

The 16th chapter of Luke’s book is not so gentle a read. It ends with Jesus telling a rich man who refused God that there’d be no need in a miraculous sighting sent to warn his family of Hell. Jesus tells the regretful rich man, they didn’t believe in Moses, it’s likely they may never believe.

“He said to him, ‘If they do not hear Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be convinced if someone should rise from the dead.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I stood holding hands with family yesterday and prayed. I was asked by my cousin to pray.

It felt a little awkward, family can be that way; but, also a sweet answer because I’d actually thought about it, thought about it on the drive to the gathering, what would I pray if I were to bless the food, to pray?

I consider this God. I consider the way this all fell into place truly sweet, a God thing.

I thanked the Lord for the tradition of our get together, for the good things he’s brought us over the past year, the good things he has brought us to and through, and for the food.

As we released our hands, a circle so wide it covered four rooms, intersected by a kitchen and a hall, everyone was quiet and then our Georgia Christmas meal began.

This morning, I’m remembering intercessory prayer. I’m thinking with certainty how God hears our prayers and how I most likely won’t know how my words offered up a little awkwardly will impact my family members.

Somehow and somewhere, they will.

God hears us when we say them, He always hears our prayers.

The rich man lost his opportunity. He ignored the needs of a poor man who inherited heaven as he focused on his wealth.

“And at his gate was laid a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man’s table. Moreover, even the dogs came and licked his sores. The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried, and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side.

But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner bad things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭16:20-23, 25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I sat last night making lists and making plans, most of them revolving around money and the assurance over the lack of enough of it.

I thought of how I love giving, love listening and then providing, how I more than anything love giving what is perceived as a “way too generous” surprise.

I’ll review my list today, I’ll squeeze in a shopping trip this week, wrap some new boxes and rearrange them under our tree.

I’m hoping my gifts to my family will be an evidence of my faith, of my peace, of my hope and my finally really believing in mercy and grace.

Talking less about it, acting it out more.

As I sit in my spot, I’m remembering my family, the love, laughter, good fortune and misfortune in the room.

Family can be tough. Everybody knows. All coming from the same people and place, all knowing all our stuff and still, loving one another, even if skeptical over the bumps in our roads and how still, we grow.

I’m thankful for them. I believe I told Him and them so.

Thank you, God, that we are all here.

This year, my hope, my purpose is that my family sees more clearly, that they see me being who I say that I am.

That they see, Jesus.

That they see “why I believe”.

“For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭30:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus-An Advent Experience

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Found and Found Again

Chapter 15 is a collection of parables. One, well known and no more relatable than the others, just more often told.

Jesus told the tax collectors and the Pharisees, a captive but cynical audience, three stories about loving lost things, maybe hoping they’d all see themselves, realizing they may be caught in a similar story.

They were condescending and doubtful, remarking that he’s the one who welcomes sinners, has dinner with them.

Jesus had their attention. He told of a man who had a hundred sheep and lost one and how he refused to stop looking until that sheep was back in the fold. He told of a woman frantic over losing one coin of her ten, how she swept every corner of her home way into the night until she found it, found that lost coin.

He used both parables to compare God’s joy when one person, just one comes to Him, or decides it is time to come back to Him.

“Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

He told about a brother, one of two, who squandered his share of the father’s riches. That father longed for his son’s return and when he returned, the father ran to him. He ran to him!

“And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Every morning, I return to my morning place. I wait for a moment sometimes or I might just sit. I find Him there quite often.

In the way a word from one book or an email will correlate, complement another.

I wait. I listen to His voice through His Spirit in me.

I sometimes find my eyes wet with tears, others I have to let sink in, the important true lessons for the progression of my faith.

I’m awakened and I’m humbled gently over changes I should make.

It’s a good space, my quiet spot.

I’m found here by Him.

Found and found again.

May you find Jesus this Christmas or may you return to one who’s looking for you, arms wide open saying, “Come back home.”

We are all “the one”.

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus – An Advent Experience

Abuse Survivor, Advent, bravery, Christmas, confidence, contentment, doubt, Faith, family, fear, Forgiveness, freedom, grace, grief, Homeless, hope, kindness, obedience, Peace, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Stillness, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder, writing

The Time of Becoming

Advent: arrival, appearance, emergence or occurrence, the arrival of a notable person or thing.

What are you waiting for, still?

What is the light at the end of the way that you keep pursuing, going towards?

Like the shepherds followed a star, is there a possibility you hope to see still?

My word for 2018 has been “still”. In the beginning, it represented a courageous decision to pursue a certain writing goal.

That I could still, it wasn’t too late.

I’m still writing; but, changes came my way and my book idea will never be the same.

I’m in the phase of stillness, resting and listening to know, which way God, do you want me to go?”

Tell me what to say, Lord.

Continuing in the Book of Luke today, another chapter full of guidance and illustration, historical retelling of what Jesus did before he died.

My spirit has been a little weary, thoughts around trauma trying to take over. I’m recalling today that this is the year I, with the help of some strong therapy, decided I could live healed, that I could let go and be healed.

The year it became my choice to forgive.

My friend said yesterday, that evil still comes back to try to play.

I think she’s quite right, it’s Advent, the season of light and peace, it’s only natural evil creeps in, shows up even louder, harder, mean and determined.

Has to, it is harder now than before to take my peace away. I’m no longer disabled.

“When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.” And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭13:12-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Able to seek light and freedom, to not revisit the darkness.

To God be the glory for my emergence year, still.

Becoming me.

I’m linking up with others here at Five Minute Friday, prompted by the word, “Still”.

http://fiveminutefriday.com/2018/12/13/fmf-link-up-still/

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus – An Advent Experience

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Late getting home yesterday, I caught just a glimpse as I turned the sharp curve at the top of the hill and I asked in a whisper to no one at all.

To me, “Have you seen the crescent?”

Closer to our driveway, it was unavoidable, the way its placement rested above the turn into my home.

My eyes get moist and there’s a shift in the breath in my lungs, I call to mind me as a little girl. Im in the little tan station wagon and we’re going back home.

They tell me I’m wrong and I refuse to not believe it, I know the moon is following me home.

I know I can count on it to be there.

As a child, I was a seeker and still today, I seek it, am enthralled by it, all the places of light that tell me to keep going, keep seeking, you’ve only seen just a tiny bit of what is to be, what is still there.

Jesus told of someone who needed help and was ignored. He told of how this person refused to stop seeking, refused to give up, believed there was help on the side of the unopened door. And there was eventually, there was help and hope for the one who kept knocking on the door, seeking.

“And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves, for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and he will answer from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything’?

I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence he will rise and give him whatever he needs.

And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭11:5-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The shepherds followed a brilliant star to the place it illuminated the manger.

Last night, the crescent moon and the star I call “Mama”, they were waiting for me to see.

I know I’ll see again.

I am a seeker.

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus – An Advent Experience

Abuse Survivor, Advent, bravery, contentment, courage, doubt, Faith, family, freedom, grace, memoir, Peace, praise, rest, Stillness, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

Seeking the Light

Not so long ago, I didn’t understand the Gospels, the separate but similar books written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

I read through them all confused over the lack of order, like a collection of short stories when I thought should be read like like a book with an understandable flow.

I thought it was just me who lacked in my grasping of meaning of the powerful recordings, the retelling of the life of Jesus from different perspectives. It confused me to read and then to turn to a new place and read again. I’m not a biblical scholar; but, I am literate, and was once called an “English honor”.

I thought I might never understand the Books of the Bible, the Book itself.

Until I was given my current Bible, four years ago, for Christmas.

In the back, each book and its writer has a description of their perspectives of the significant story of Jesus.

I’m not who I was back then.

Back then, I was thrilled to read about Martha, the sister who was pouty and pitiful and obsessed with her home being presentable.

Someone in the Bible who was just like me. I loved the account of their relationship. I still do. Me, the martyr of a mother, friend and sister, yes!

I’m more Mary now than then; but, still quite often, Martha.

“But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:40-41‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I know it is important to sit with Jesus.

And so, I do. I sit in the dim early morning light and I practice being quiet with Him.

Everyone morning, it is hard for me to leave, the corner on the couch dedicated to sitting before work or whatever. I worry people think I’m lazy and my husband has named me “late Lisa”. I simply long to linger, I long to know more.

Because, by evening I’m afraid, I’m more Martha again.

I don’t have words for my husband, or conversations for others. I rush to get my house back in order, the pillows fluffed, the bed just so, the kitchen counters wiped down and free of crumbs and the mail and newspapers neatly sorted and then tucked away.

Then, I can rest; but, surely not before.

Advent, is for slowing down, to look for meaning in the shuffle, to be focused enough on the birth of Jesus to see at least hints of His light.

Seeing more clearly what Christmas is for, for me, it seems to be speaking surrender, rest, quiet resignation to the light.

To see His light when exhaustion creeps in, when worries over money will not go away, when you’re rushing and reevaluating the gifts you bought, questioning, do my gifts amount to enough, is it ever enough and maybe, why is it that always I am the one who has to give more?

Martha was that way.

I bet she swept the kitchen floor for hours awaiting the visit of Jesus. Mary sat waiting, waiting for His arrival with a quiet expectation and a worshipful readying of her heart.

She was at peace.

Peace is what we need.

To stay there longer in the moments we know it or look for it amongst the clamor and see your change in demeanor, your sense of season. It is to glow.

I keep peeking around the corner, I want to see it again, my gumdrop tree. I keep going back to it, the light, the peace of it, the childlike joy.

The child in me, or maybe the Mary, revisited an old tradition, did a new thing and in the process I’m closer to Mary, close to the baby’s glow.

The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus – An Advent Experience

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My Light is His Light

The house is empty and rain has not stopped falling. I’ll be in for most of the day, maybe all day.

I’m not rushing out the door. I believe it’s okay to stay home instead.

I’m doing better this year, happy with wrapping as I go, not anxious, not nearly as anxious as the years before.

This morning, I return to the Book of Luke. I could linger long and not decide which verses I love most, which I need the most and which ones I am beginning to truly understand.

Understanding God’s word cannot be rushed. It’s a beautiful and profoundly unexpected epiphany after epiphany.

I don’t know how I ever lived without it.

Luke has me unable to share in a way this book is worthy of revealing here on this place I use to write.

I’ll hint here, hopefully compel others to read, the importance of Luke, Chapter 8.

  • Jesus welcomed women who had been used, harmed, or were otherwise damaged, labeled damaged goods.
  • Jesus was a fascinating and purposeful storyteller, he told stories to engage others, to draw them near through relatable commonalities.
  • Jesus convicts us and leads us to self-examination. What are you doing with your “seeds” the gifts you have that God who created you, gave you, gave you good things to share?
  • Are you wasting them, scattering occasionally and then forgetting you left them there? Are you losing sight of them, not caring for them and allowing your thorny choices and character flaws to choke them to the point of uselessness, maybe even death, never a difference at all.
  • What about your light? Do people know you’ve got the light of God’s love in you or do you just figure you’ll keep it to yourself, it’s not your business to be a show?
  • Jesus prioritized His calling, said all of humanity was meant to be His family, He took no opportunities to rest with his family, I suppose they knew it would be so.
  • Times will come that shake us. We should remember the storm and the boat and how Jesus slept through it only to be awakened by the terrified disciples. He then calmed them and the storm; but, questioned their faith, the faith that by now they all, we all should know!
  • He cared about the mentally ill, he healed a man overtaken by demons.
  • He was open to interruptions. He was not bothered by a change in his schedule. He’d been summoned to heal a little girl who was dying. He made his way towards the family through all the curious spectators. Something brushed against him. It was a woman who’d been having her period for twelve years, twelve years of being ashamed, of being a prisoner of her womanly calamity. It’s not a pleasant thought. I would have hidden at home too. But, she had heard. She heard of the women with infirmities who now sojourned with him, they’d been sinful and sorrowful women before; but, no more. She must’ve been hoping for that “no more”. Jesus felt her touch and she felt His. She was healed. Jesus said to her the same thing he wants to tell us all. It may be my favorite line. “And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.” Luke ‬ ‭8:48‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    • Do you have a Bible? Find the Book of Luke there or with an app on your phone.

    Luke was an intellect, a researcher, a writer who made sure of his story before he wrote it.

    Advent is teaching me, this thing I’ve called my Advent Experience is teaching me, comforting me, changing me.

    My Christmas gift to me, maybe.

    The Book of Luke, 24 Days of Jesus – An Advent Experience

    Abuse Survivor, Advent, bravery, confidence, courage, Faith, family, freedom, grace, memoir, mercy, Peace, praise, Redemption, Salvation, Stillness, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

    Speaking of Light

    I read last night about a friend who saw the light.

    She stopped her car and ignored the speeding cars to stand on the side of the road because the sun going down could not go unnoticed.

    The same sun is now just a thin line gradually making its way up through the layered navy blue.

    My feet are bare and the ground is cold, I am pleased to find it at just the right second, I saw the light.

    Before sleep last night I read the seventh day’s Psalm. My mind must have been yearning for tomorrow.

    Now, I’m reading again to remember.

    Psalm 31, a psalm of David is a commitment to God.

    “I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul, and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.”

    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31:7-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    David asks for mercy, asks again to see the light.

    “Let your favor shine on your servant.”

    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31:16‬ NLT

    He knew the light was not be taken for granted. He knew his feet failed him at times, ventured from the light.

    Jesus encouraged His disciples to be seekers. Seekers of good, seekers of satisfaction other than wealth, seekers of rewards and riches, not here on earth but in heaven.

    In Luke, Chapter 6, there’s a record of quite a lot.

    Jesus corrects the critical Pharisees, he heals a man with an unusable hand, he named his disciples, teaches a multitude of people, talks about the things we seek that leave us full but empty, talks about loving our enemies, strongly warns against judgment of others, tells us people will know we know Him by the fruit we produce and finally, tells us to build our house of hope on the solid rock of faith foundation.

    Jesus made it his mission to leave us not only, through His death to eternal salvation; but, through the recorded words of his time on earth, He left us light for our lives.

    His words lead us, convince us, challenge us.

    His words give us courage to express and invite.

    Last night, I surprised someone. I’d been thinking about it for some time.

    The church I attend has an exceptionally talented band. The drummer is very good. The guitarists, the singers, there’s not a member not talented, it is impressive.

    The music is not “easy listening” always. It challenges me to allow myself more freedom in worship.

    There’s a guy who’s a rocker in my boot camp class. He requests hard rock of the trainer every session. There’s an occasional obscene lyric, there might be references to party and drugs. The speakers are mounted just above the treadmill and last night I worked out next to him. I concentrated on my own feet, as his feet were pounding hard against the movement and with the bass and loud songs.

    It was just three of us at the end and I reached for my coat and water, deciding to ask him then.

    “Do you have a church?” I asked.

    Caught off guard, he asked me to ask again.

    I did and he answered no and so, I told him about mine and about the music and told him I hadn’t intended to catch him by surprise, it’s just that every time I hear the band I think of how I think he’d like to be there.

    He smiled, this same rough from life around the edges man who’d made me smile before when we were all discussing age and parents and I’d told them all that both of mine were dead.

    He looked over at me and said, “I know they must have been good people because you’re good, you’re a good person.”

    I’m thinking of it now, how he made me feel light, how his words brought light to my long day.

    Jesus did the same. He used His words.

    Words are light and love.

    Lord, tell me what to say.

    May my words come from my heart and may I not ignore your Spirit prompting me to speak.

    “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

    ‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:45‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    May I be unafraid to speak of your light in my life.

    May I continue to seek it.

    The Book of Luke – 24 Days of Jesus, An Advent Experience

    Advent, Angels, Art, bravery, Children, Christmas, courage, doubt, grace, kindness, love, memoir, mercy, painting, Prayer, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, waiting, wonder, writing

    Possible Impossibilities

    I wake to have my interest peaked as I scan my emails. Try, try again or consider those kind of doors closed?

    The idea of submission has captured me again.

    Lord, tell me what to say.

    Jesus had a captive audience. His presence caused men, women and children to be drawn towards him.

    He was a teacher enthused over his lesson plan, he wanted everyone who listened to learn, to be changed by their learning.

    He sat one day on the edge of a fishing boat, the fishermen must have called it a day and so Jesus perched himself on the edge and faced the crowd who had gathered on the shore.

    Big crowds must have followed him all around, maybe pausing to answer others’ curious questions.

    Where are you going?

    Who is this man named Jesus anyway?

    Why are you following him?

    Isn’t he just Joseph’s son?

    Do you really believe what they’re saying?

    Have you actually seen him do the things people are saying he can do?

    Could it be possible?

    Simon thought he knew more than Jesus. Jesus told him to let down the nets, to put the boat back in the water, to go and try again.

    Simon told Jesus we’ve tried all night and no luck, essentially “nary a bite” man!

    Jesus told him try again.

    “Getting into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, he asked him to put out a little from the land. And he sat down and taught the people from the boat. And when he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” And Simon answered, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.” And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink.”

    ‭‭Luke‬ ‭5:3-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    I have a paperweight on my desk that says “something wonderful will happen today”, another that says “you haven’t failed until you give up” and a solid and smooth rock engraved with one word, “soar”.

    On occasion I notice them, rarely really.

    Instead I recall unexpected rescues, kindnesses that correct my budgetary mistakes, staff who encourage me, endure my negativity and cynicism.

    A family who supports my work, supports and stands by me.

    I see God coming through in ways that come from my keeping on, keeping an even keel.

    I know the bountiful catch is coming and I put down my net and maybe just wait. I do my part, I rest.

    I listen to sincere encouragement, I discern in the faces and reactions and even the decisions of others.

    Whether here or there or even anywhere, are the places I place my words and my art, the places I “let my net down” that came back empty before, now possibly to reap a joyful multiplication that will honor God, nudge others towards Him.

    Jesus, God’s son came to earth to use earthly objects and experiences to teach us to hope.

    Teachable moments like a burnt out and hopeless fisherman, expert at his trade who wasn’t having a good fishing day.

    Jesus suggested he try again.

    Advent, a time to prepare ourselves for the hope of Christmas.

    Jesus, the Messiah.

    He is our hope, the hope of all mankind.

    We must do these things we think we cannot do, we must believe again in the possible impossibilities.

    What will you try, try again that you thought you may as well give up?

    Big things have small beginnings and small things with repetition and resolve come through.

    Try. Try again.

    Not Stolen Joy

    Abuse Survivor, Advent, bravery, Faith, grace, memoir, mercy, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

    More and more everyday, I’m shrugging off, tossing aside, assuredly changing my understanding of what my faith should mean, should be to me.

    Believing joy might be for me.

    You won’t understand unless you were raised with harsh reins and criticism meant to be corrective counseling that was more control and sometimes coercion.

    I’m not accustomed to traditions like Advent and I had no clue until I began to seek to know, the meaning of so many beautiful traditions.

    I’m realizing the church of my youth considered itself independent and non-denominational; but, what they taught me were lessons like you’ll never be as good or good enough or those people don’t love Jesus as much as we do otherwise they’d walk around like us, looking miserable and solemn and bent under their inventory of guilty sin.

    I messed up the Advent tradition. I started yesterday instead of today.

    It’s okay.

    I’ll begin from the beginning again, I’ll glean from the glory of the story of the newborn Jesus, even more new and life changing things.

    I shifted to a jog in the stretch of straight on the trail. I thought of my morning journal and my note to myself.

    His joy remains in me.

    This new comprehension of joy, it can’t be taken. I’ll know fullness in my relationship with God when I have joy no matter my circumstances or successes.

    “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭16:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    Up ahead the birds are flying from tree to tree as if the trail is a river below them and they’re crossing to get to the forest. I get closer, they flutter away and then one, just one remains, as if to be sure I see. Bright red and healthy, sitting on a branch up high like a king.

    A beautiful presence.

    Yes, I see.

    I finish with a song that allows me to go all the way back home, my version of a run, the rhythm of the song, the timing is right, I have no inclination not to go on.

    I’m as light as I can be, the thought of struggling so very far removed.

    The foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy. Audrey Assad

    ‘Cause you are, good to me, God.

    And every time I hear the words about the foxes in the vineyard, I’m stronger than before, all those sly and conniving distractions and distractors …no more for me,

    no more stolen joy.

    Good to Me