Accepting change like leaves positioned expectantly waiting for God’s rich unknown.
Faith
Walking under Pink Sky filtered in the Gray
courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, VulnerabilityLate summer days felt long last week. I walked late in the evening, forcing myself to move, not sure I’d be better for it. Two days with music and Colt, the humidity still as ugly and thick as sludge. Returning home, up the curvy hill, feeling nothing more than well that’s done for today. Heavy, exhausted and thinking about way too much, my days ended that way early last week.
Then, on Thursday I walked alone. It was even later than before and I was embraced so sweetly, feeling change in the air, a wispy cooler breeze. My walk, more patterned, the sound of shoe firmly hitting pavement, tap the ground with toe, raise the heel, walk on Lisa, walk on.
I walked head up, glancing one side then the other encompassed by sky, cloud and treetop; I began to let go the piles of mental junk mail, recycling the good.
The sky is changing now with the season. The blue is more azure, the clouds more shadowy gray and foreboding and just at the right time of day, a tapestry of a sweetly, subtle pink in contrasting texture.
And so, that evening I had space enough to ponder faithfulness, of God.
How every morning last week, the geese flew over our back yard when Colt and I were out. I’d stop to listen as they approached and say to myself “Here they come. ” not in my voice, but my mama’s. I was taken back to the dock and the contentment of simple expectation fulfilled, of geese flying over a pond, a simple sameness, a faithfulness.
A gift every morning. God’s, the geese and mama’s gift to me.
I thought of how these last weeks, God kept me still and quiet and waiting.
Less adamant in my jumping ahead.
I sense God now, in this time of change, guiding me.
The things that troubled, somehow have become smaller, resolved or resolving.
I topped the hill on our curvy road and looked ahead, almost evening then. I stopped and waited, hoping to prolong the view. This view, a faithful sky, a sunset and the promise of a flock of geese in the morning.
Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Psalm 36:5
Because, God is faithful.
Because God believes in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves.
Sovereign over us…all around us.
Plans and interrupted walks
Children, courage, Faith, family, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, wonderWe walked uphill that evening, Colt the big Brown dog and I. Like raising a toddler, it’s important to stick to routines like tennis ball toss before work and certain chew toy at bedtime. Walking, that day was a chore, pulling the leash and correction and command.
We rounded the curve and topped the hill then stopped suddenly.
At least twenty geese had gathered in the empty lot; pond on one side, subdivision the other. They lingered as if convened in strategic discussion as I waited, phone in hand anxious to capture the hysterics of geese taking flight and lab reacting to the chorus of winged flight and duck song. I untangled the leash, found camera on phone screen and steadied us both, dog and I for the flight show.
Then without chaos or startle, in orderly and quiet fashion, the pattern was complete and the geese ascended rhythmically upward and away. No crazy videos or shots of dog and bird, just one single image to keep. At first I missed it. Looking closely you can see it there between the pines, following pattern and plan. The one image of our walk interrupted by geese and God.
Today, I get to see my son. My daughter will see her little brother. We will acquaint and adjust knowing his pattern has been changed. We’ll talk of life and love without using the deep words or any words at all, knowing this time is a celebration of significant strength, grace and prayers heard.
We’ll meet up, convene for a while with my special beyond words cousin and then we’ll return home more convinced and thankful than before of God’s great and Sovereign navigation.
And we’ll thank for him for the better plan.
The one not seen until surrender, not known until pausing to look again.
O Lord , you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord . You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
Psalms 139:1-6 NLT
http://bible.com/116/psa.139.1-6.NLT
Linking up with http://jenniferdukeslee.com/come-and-see-tellhisstory-with-a-book-dvd-giveaway/
Mornings and prayers, noticing God
courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, VulnerabilityThe crepe myrtles were slow to bloom this summer.
Every morning, I’ve been slower to begin my day, to get to work. I pause in parked car, linger a few minutes, praying something like. “Okay, Lord this is where you’ve placed, help me to give it my all.”
And then, I’d wait a few seconds more as I gazed towards the wiry branches of crepe myrtle tree, scattered with verdant green leaves, the morning sunbeams creating pattern and contrast.
The quiet beauty of sunlight on leaf, causing me to rest, to trust.
The sameness of my days, the waiting for bloom or the turning of leaf
My prayers becoming more of listening than speaking
Of understanding more than fulfillment of desire
Of acceptance of the one thing left hanging or waiting to see, the thorn remaining, yet not harming.
Reminding me of need to seek, to befriend the giver of grace sufficient and abundant.
My prayers have become more of listening with patience and a calmer anticipation. Waiting prayerfully, not for fulfillment of request, but for the relationship of God’s gentle embrace.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I am trusting you. Psalm 143:3
The crepe myrtle that canopies my spot bloomed on Thursday. I stopped to look towards the sky, grabbed hold of a branch, bending it down to pick one for my desk. The beauty of waiting adorned my desk, little tissue paper type petals bunched together, a delicate reminder of God’s Sovereign and graceful hand.
Later, I walked, the habitual end to my day. Closer to sundown than usual because of a hard and unexpected phone call.
I walked and I prayed, at peace.
Then, I noticed God. A crescent moon and a pink sky.
God is in the details and the waiting. Don’t forget to notice.
I linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee.
http://jenniferdukeslee.com/keeping-the-faith-when-life-is-hard-tellhisstory/
Feelin’ 55 and Flawless, my birthday song
Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, praise, Trust, VulnerabilityI was anxious and grouchy last night (again).
Worried about how I might look today, needing a haircut, needing the right outfit, needing not to be discombobulated and nerved out!
I had an important speech to give about our important work with homeless families. I needed to quiet the chubby, shy, girl and become the professional, outspoken and articulate woman.
Man, that can be a challenge lately!
Problem is I had to be up at 5:15 on my 55th birthday.
I was grouchy going to bed and most likely annoying everyone around me discussing my changing appearance and my fatigue.
For weeks I had been announcing that I would be “double nickels” to the point of most everyone wishing it had come and gone. No matter what my husband said, I would snap back, “I see the changes, there’s no need to tell me it’s not true.”
“I have a mirror, I am really aging. I might let my words get ahead of my thoughts. I either talk too fast or my slow southern drawl kicks in. And my hair, oh, I need a haircut. Cover the arms, elongate the neck, keep my hands still, keep my shoulders back…they’re recording this for the campaign, it’s important!” I said.
“You’ll be fine. I’m sorry you have so much stress on your birthday.” he said.
I needed to sleep last night.
I tried.
But, too much noise, thinking, planning, and doubting kept me awake. I had one of those nights when the alarm is actually good, at least the struggle is over. Finally permission to give up on drifting into more than a few minutes of sleep. First thought this morning? A song, a happy little upbeat song
Lying there in the quiet, early morning darkness, a set of lyrics phrase popped up and I’ve been celebrating all day this permission to have a happy birthday.
Words from a song I stopped to hear on Sunday, turned it up loud glad to hear it again, twice on Monday. Car singing, shameless stoplight karaoke:
“No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless”
Mercy Me
So I navigated my morning with the words becoming more real with each repetition. The gift of a song you can’t get our of your head, the message of grace, of God’s opinion of me on my birthday and every day.
What a gift, to be seen as flawless. The cross has made me flawless.
Short of time, no leisurely coffee sipping couch morning; I scribbled a quick journal entry prayer marked 8/11
Lord, help this be the year I truly see me as you do. Help me to embrace the me that you would have me be, made me to be.”
I remembered a special gift then. I paused to notice the words on the pretty little cross, slowing down to recall the verse.
The words beckoning me to believe the phenomenal love of God. The cross, a birthday gift a few years back from my soon to be son-in-law, hangs in my bathroom, supposed to be a daily reminder.
18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Ephesians 3:18-19
The meeting was good. I made it on time. I choose a bright pink dress instead of beige or black and I used words that made sense! My hands were still and people were attentive. I used words that made sense, and were impactful.
The right words at the right time are a blessing according to the Book of Proverbs…another gift!
“The presentation, the organizer of the event said, was flawless.”
“Thank you, Lord for words to songs, words on crosses. Thank you, Mercy Me and you, Lord, for the intricacies of my mind. For planting a song in my mind and on my heart today, a birthday song.”
A song of “Good morning, Lisa. Remember you are flawless.”
“Could it possibly be
That we simply can’t believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless.”
Read more: Mercy Me – Flawless Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Happy Birthday, me!
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee
http://jenniferdukeslee.com/three-of-the-most-important-words-you-could-say-tellhisstory/
ok, focused and purposeful
Children, courage, Faith, family, Uncategorized, VulnerabilityIf I could, I’d slow things down a little. At the same time, I’d hurry them, too. I’d have the path smooth and the transition complete. My son would have the crossed the bridge, navigated challenging waters and safely made it to Sophomore year, strong footing ashore.
I’d be watching my daughter entering the chapel down a white petal strewn aisle. I anticipate a feeling I can’t quite know. Joy, grace, beautiful graced gift from God. I’d have seen her exit reception filled giddiness to begin her married life.
My purposeful and insightful heart would be at rest.
The deep waters of change would be familiar, even serene.
Two life changes sitting impatiently in my heart. About to burst from the emotion of change, accomplishment and dream come true.
I’ve been thinking quite a lot. I’ve noticed the way my heart has responded to what good is coming.
I’ve embraced the journey.
I’ve become insightful, listened to stories, have had more of my own.
Then, I considered a Facebook hiatus. Two reasons.
There is a whole lot of trash and trashy there. There’s quite a bit of debate, incited and enticed. There’s a whole lot of visual of the horrible. It’s a challenge to look away. It’s hard to see clearly what’s true or what’s spectacular.
Second reason, just because I might be a tad too brave, too vulnerable, too honest in my writing. I write bravely, honestly and openly. It’s clear my Quiet Confidence is not Facebook appropriate.
FB, after all is really just attention seeking a like.
My words interest some, impact some, cause some to wonder. I write what others feel, but are afraid to say. 
I’ll still write. Just not share so much. I’ll update my blog site, it needs more polish anyway, add a Follow button for readers. I’ll still have the address on FB for those who “get me”.
I’ll still post my scripture, daily; but not the long and personal stories of my journey of faith, of fear, of joyful answered prayers. People on my path and their stories becoming my story are my heart, my purpose. So, this will be content for the blog.
These things are honestly too real for attention grabbing and seeking audience of Facebook.
And it will be ok.
I noticed last week that I had been replying to emails with “ok”.
I thought, “Lisa, you should probably at least type the word out, capitalize the “O”, add a period or a smiley face at the end.
But, I didn’t. I was annoyed, stressed and pushed for time.
Please not one more question, request, requirement! Work on top of life journeys found me saying
ok
ok
ok
Patience, Lisa. One thing at a time. One more day, one more thing.
Slow down, time. Hurry up, let me get through this!
I’m sitting in my sister’s den. It’s quiet. I have good coffee and I’ve had some good quiet. It’s raining now.
Rumbling thunder.
The dogs have come in. My nephew is napping. My son came along for the babysitting vacation and we played Scrabble last night.
My niece is beautiful and kind with the glow of confidence.
My daughter is home with the dogs and the engagement party is Saturday.
So, all is Okay.
I look up towards the mantle, “Should I water that plant?”
And I’m reminded to be patient, as I focus on the words.
Everything is going to be ok.
The words, I focus on the words.
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee
http://jenniferdukeslee.com/tellhisstory-rock-bottom-the-color-purple-and-a-giveaway/
Wisdom, Shoes and the Journey of Nevertheless
Children, courage, Faith, family, Motherhood, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized, VulnerabilityI phoned five different stores, narrowed our possibilities down to two older downtown department stores and a place with a really funny name that sounded like nothing to do with shoes or military attire.
Just as well, no one answered the phone because I was a little confused about a shop claiming to sell desert boots but calling itself, “Little Elves Shop”. The shoes he needed were needed soon, must be broken in, must meet specific requirements. I was thrilled to plan our shopping day, first stop, downtown and just across the river into Georgia.
Wrong! This sprawling expanse of a dark and damp department store contained old clothes, old shoes and old men who explained that the shoes might be damaged because the roof fell in on the store a while back. Smushed flat shoes, corduroy pants with ridged cords thick like Brady Bunch bell bottom jeans and military jackets…pile upon pile. Crazy as it seems, I was hoping for the shoes. Maybe smushed shoes meant broken in. I was getting desperate.
We left, my son and I, shaking our heads but laughing. A shop across the street caught my eye, “Law Enforcement Command Center”. I crossed the street, pressed my face to the window, saw what might be the shoes and knocked on the door, a desperate mom in need of shoes for my college boy. The store had closed five minutes earlier.
“Austin” I say, “there’s one we can try. It’s called Little Elves Shop.” His face priceless, as I called and a gentleman answered. Same story, new person “I need shoes for my son. He’s going to The Citadel in August. I can’t find them anywhere!” “Come on down” he said. “I’ll help you out.” So, of course we headed that way.
Weaving back streets, a quiet little town with four wheelers and lawn mowers out for rides, we found the place, Little Elves Shop. A sign warned us to drive slowly, a bump in the driveway in front of a tiny little shed with an “Open, Come in” sign beckoning us to enter. We both stood, unsure of the little shop. We were there and he said he could help, he said come on down. He was expecting us. We had to go in.
So, we did. Walked in and he perked up. He was a thin man, small in stature and bent over slightly, he perked up and said, “Well, hello there! I thought I was tall but you are a some kinda tall, young man!” My son is 6′ 5″. He gets this a lot. He endures it mostly. He smiled as the owner scurried excitedly meandering through the racks of clothes to look for shoes in the tiny little military and memorabilia filled shop, jam packed with uniforms, shoes, jackets, boots and shoes.
He found the boots. They fit. He sold us socks, Brasso, Kiwi shoe polish, shirt stays and a shoe shine kit. He would order the black military oxfords if we couldn’t find them, not patent, not corifam (No, I had no idea what that meant).
But, in between and along the way, he imparted wisdom and Austin and I listened.
We heard of his small town high school days in the Beta Club. He was an only child, both parents disabled and yet he was selected to travel to Missouri. He had a good business head he told us, but was poor. He had charm and a solid bit of good sense. He was, smart and was selected to travel in a competition nevertheless, he said.
He smiled and winked as he told Austin about the banquet after the awards. He said he found himself in an almost empty ballroom staring across the room at the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. He told my son, back in those days young men respected young women. You were never too forward.
He asked Austin, “What do you think I did? Well, I had no choice but to walk right over and ask her to dance and we danced for hours.”
He told us he returned to the tiny town of Greenwood and she to her home, her daddy a wealthy businessman. He worked in a mill, his parents disabled, limited income. She wrote him he said, inviting him to her graduation. She told him her daddy wanted to meet him. His life would change. It could be his answer. It could have changed his life, he said.
“Nevertheless,” he said, “I got sick and couldn’t go.” He came down with appendicitis and was close to death. The girl from the Midwest never wrote again.
And then he smiled, telling how for a time he dated five girls at once until two showed up at the same place and then, “Austin” he said, chuckling “for five years I couldn’t pay a girl for a date.”
I imagined him handsome, confident, sharply dressed for dancing. I imagined the girl from the Midwest dressed in flowery pastel, dancing, swaying with the sweet Southern boy full of charm and confidence.
Handsome and sure of himself.
“Nevertheless, I married the one of the five who said yes. I call her my little bride.” he shook his head, smiling.
He got quiet then and talked of Vietnam and his shop helper, a veteran working with him and for him, handicapped by war, a struggling victim of PTSD. He told us of this soldier’s company. Of the deaths of men led by him, carried by him, their fatally wounded bodies, he the only survivor.
“He can’t be around loud noises and he drifts off in thinking.
Nevertheless, he lived although his friends died.”
“War is bad, Austin,war is bad.”
“Nevertheless, it is a worthy and brave commitment.”
Then, the heaviness shifted and we, my son and I eased towards the exit, boots and various items in hand, plans to order the shoes.
He looked at my son and said, “You are a fine young man.”
I smiled, thanked him and we left.
We found the shoes the next day, the law enforcement uniform shop with courteous, efficient and ease of purchase staff.
Nevertheless, I called the little shop owner to say I found the shoes. He invited us back, me actually.
He has a back yard filled with flowers. He promised to help Austin and me dig up a few of a certain ones, moon flowers he called them.
“You can watch them bloom at night” he said. “Plant a few, they’ll make you smile when you’re missing your boy.”
I’m fascinated now with the idea and truth of “nevertheless”. It’s all through the Bible…the word, the idea of good in spite of, of grace and good from unexpected, from uncertainty.
Of things turning out for us despite us.
This time and this transition, this much to be prepared for challenge.
Empty nest, overflowing heart.
I am proud of you, son.
This journey of faith
Of assurance.
Letting go, holding loosely, letting God.
Nevertheless, it’s a tough journey.
Shoes, boots and stories, nevertheless.
The little man from the Little Elves Shop called again. He wanted me to know that each and every time Austin comes to mind, he’ll stop and pray. He wanted me to tell Austin this and told me again, “He’s a fine young man.”
“I had hoped to do business with you again.”
“Nevertheless, I enjoyed meeting you and Austin”, he added.
“Thank you”, I said.
And knowing our shopping is done and my son will be dropped off with a quick and not so easy hug at The Citadel very soon
I may stop for a visit and some wisdom, by Little Elves Shop, nevertheless.
Blog post # 163: Lisa-isms
courage, Faith, Motherhood, Prayer, Teaching, Trust, VulnerabilityThis one, 1 of “Oh my goodness, 163 blogs?” I’ve written is really just for recording purposes, nothing else. Maybe even for fun, a lighter commentary.
Not to see myself as any type expert or holder of unique wisdom, just because life becomes more clear when you’re approaching double nickels.
Another honest, surprisingly so grouping of words, my truth(s)
A place called Quiet Confidence, my place to simply write.
Nothing outlandishly famous, just me.
Posting, publishing for a few who might enjoy, might be curious, might find me odd.
A place of a blending of what my mama told me, life taught me, and what keeps proving to be the truth of my heart, spoken through my Bible and in my prayers.
The place of where God is saying,
“Stay here, you’re starting to get it, Lisa. I knew you’d stay longer this time. I knew you’d finally see yourself the way I do. Stay here, Lisa, there’s good here, for you and through you.”
So, Happy early Birthday, to me. “Tell us how you feel, Lisa!”
- People are people. God is God.
- If someone asks you repeatedly if “you’re mad at them”, you probably are and they know it. You’ve just chosen the high road of overlooking their offense.
- Nothing good comes by force…nothing. No thing!
- Everyone comes to or returns to God through their own door. Share your map, point the way, hold the door, they will enter.
- If you mess up, say so. Repentance is a mighty powerful testimony.
- Read your Bible…read it now before someone forbids its reading.
- Call your mama. Call your daddy. I wish I could.
- Pray without a script. Talk to God.
- Write notes and mail them.
- Drop what you’re doing, whatever you’re doing, to be with your child if you are asked.
- Do things for your children they should by now on their own. Things like writing initials on socks pre-college to do’s or fixing a snack when the request is “fix me a surprise treat” because that’s what she liked when she was little.
- Never ask a question you already know the answer to. That’s fishing for info and you’re either afraid or just plain nosy.
- Ask God to show you “What you need to know and when and what to say if there is stuff to be said.”
- Understand that your children are different and have many differences as they mature. Love both, defend neither, advocate equally. (Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly. Be a peacemaker, they’re blessed.)
- If someone says they are your friend, but you feel worse after being with or talking to them, depleted and defeated, made to feel less than…they are not your friend.
- If the song played at your wedding randomly comes on the radio, stop what you’re doing and embrace your sweaty husband sitting by the pool (Yes, Edwin McCain, “Could not Ask for More” just came on between an odd mix of “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and “Your Lips Taste like Sangria ” 🙂 )
- The best plans turn out to be the ones not made. (Thank you, Diana)
- Do not put the confidence in others that should be in God.
- Pray before sleep. Pray before coffee. Pray before everything.
- Every choice should be based on, “Will this keep me walking with God or will I be walking with something, someone else?”
- Robert Frost was right about the roads. Experience the difference of the rarely taken road.
- Return to your roots. Walk the place of your rearing. For me, that’s tall pines, blue skies, dirt roads, birds singing, creek running.
- Write because it nourishes your soul.
To be continued, most likely, God willing.
Losing and Finding
courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, VulnerabilityThere’s so much to say, yet so little, so redundant a place I was in.
Has something ever turned out differently than what you thought or felt it should? Have you ever found yourself in a place of taking responsibility for what you thought should be, but didn’t prove true?
Stubborn and bitter, holding on? Calling it regret because somehow that seems better…like it’s still yours to hold onto and that must make it okay? At least it’s still mine to keep, this regret over different than, of can’t possibly be as good as what could have been.
So, we squeeze it tight, carry it, revisit it and sit with it.
Thoughts rewinding to regret. A song of what if? why not? what should I have done more or less of? The song of remorse stuck on replay. An annoying song, aggravating and lingering, self-condemning.
I’d wake with a new song, a prayer. I’d carry it through my morning; nevertheless, the ballad of bitterness was my chorus again by sundown.
Writing, at least journaling had become a habitual chore. An every morning, new page pencil-marked with date list of the circling of why.
Most days countered with good, solid words of hope of motivational truths, verses and prayer.
Yet, that same list every day for a while now, letting go and coming back to the useless hard truth of regret. Knowing God would not have me stuck in this bad place for as long as I had been and the two steps forward, five or six back surely had to pass…with time, acceptance, new perspective.
Vacation came and every single day I walked the path to our spot, this morning glory path, I named it. My feet sinking in a cushion of sand to be greeted by the open armed shore. Me, still burdened with regret.
Seven full days, sitting shaded yet wrapped in, absorbing and being absorbed by warmth of coastal summer.
Feet and face pointed towards blue, grey, green water stirring up billows of crispy, frothy white. I sat staring, deciding to leave then beckoned by whoosh and whisper of waves, to gaze again for hours.
Recalling words from daily, jotted down prayers mixed with notes from sermons and songs as I sat, positioned just behind those I love, the young two and the one who yearns for sun, this season he adores.
Sitting, no idea of the gift of this time. Remembering words recorded earlier from a sermon the Sunday before our trip.
Corresponding and correlating on this first full day in the sun.
Everything I have been given or have obtained is from God.
When God puts something in your hand, he puts it there with an open hand. If we hold too tightly, He will pry it from our hand.
I sat, facing the Atlantic ocean, opened my hand and let go.
Let go the regret, as warm tears streamed behind sunglass shielded eyes. I sat, silent with open hand.
Hand open, clearly, finally resting.
Journaled then what I knew was my truth.
“Regrets are really nothing more than a hard truth, a place of clarity, and clarity is good. A place of now I understand and I can be better.
Now that I see regret as it is, a place to see my bitterness, my pride and self-condemnation I can be okay with the truth of my regret.”
On Wednesday, I walked with music for the first time, careless about the overuse of cellphone data. Walked on the beach instead of meandering streets with pretty, shingled houses. I walked with intent and freedom. Struck out on my own, no route, no plan.
Then this song, “What do I know of Holy?” and I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by God. By the beauty of this walk on this day, this timing.
“What do I know of you who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along your ocean?
What do I know of holy?” Addison Road
I guess I thought I had figured it all out. I loved to talk about how mighty to save my God was and my words, they had become just empty words on a page. I tried to hear from heaven, but I’d talk loud rants of doubt the whole time. I think I made you too small. I made me too big, my clinging to why not? what if?
Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be. Who you are, Holy. The one who at the slightest hint has brought me down to my knees. The one whose wounds heal my shame, my regrets.
And I knew of Holy, again.
I remembered you and I opened my hand again. Unwrapped my tightly fisted hand and let go regret.
Gave up what was not for me to hold
The thing I’d made so big
Opened my hand to a heaven blue sky, teary eyes more clear now.
Losing me and finding you.
Speaking in light and Proverbs
courage, Faith, praise, Prayer, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, VulnerabilityThere is much reason to be burdened lately.
Churches burning, rants, debates, threats of harm floating about, impending doom speculated for later this week.
Nine people murdered despite loving a lost and angry soul, loving just like Jesus did and does. I was and am still astounded by their faith, their witness, their legacies. The peace of Jesus shown bravely through the ones left behind in Charleston. Attempts to overshadow were stifled by love. Then a decision made headlines on the issue of marriage. It worked its way into our minds, a distraction and a call to question beliefs in God’s word or to examine our faith. To find my thinking and resolve glaringly different than many. The challenge becomes walking in light, being light when it’s getting really dark all around, trying hard to avoid ugliness and remain quietly confident, yet desiring God, desiring to be light.
I’m over halfway through my life and I’ve wandered in rebellious darkness, trapped by my choices and I’ve walked in light, obedient and trusting, basing all my choices on being close to Jesus, a place of peace. Offended by a comment expressing fear of Christians who interpret the Bible so literally, they become extremist killers of those who are not like-minded. I was more than compelled to respond, yet waited and then took a breath, prayed asking God to help me explain why I believe His word:
“I am who I am because of my confidence in God’s word. I do my best every day to live out my faith in quiet confidence. As a child, I experienced the fanatical teaching. I rejected it, came back, knowing it’s the best and safest place for me. I believe in loving others and I pray I would never be seen as a violent type individual in my stance. My desire and calling is to share when asked Why I believe God and His word. My story of a life obedient and trusting is not loud or harsh. It is a strong conviction, though and may lead to much dispute. I know where my heart needs to be and I’ll stand strong and confident, rejecting hate and knowing I’m not perfect but so much better when I walk with God…this is the way walk in it…following His voice.”
And now, the story of a wise woman who walks in light, restoring faith, speaking in wisdom-filled proverbs.
Grandma Susie has that light. She and I shared a strong, sweet hug in the grocery store last Saturday morning when I, with a heavy and worrisome heart needed relief, there she was. She smiled, “Good to see you.” I wonder if she knows she has a smile like a light, a warm light like the glow of a lamp in an empty house left on in your bedroom, welcoming you in after a long day. I wonder if she felt my heart, its light beaming with joy to see her.
Like the morning light after a heavy, sleepless night, determined and hopeful, we throw back the curtains, lift the blinds to welcome the bright possibilities of a new day.
I told her years ago, I feel like God sent her to me to fill in for my grandma. Like an unexpected red bird, Grandma Susie is a gentle reminder of faith despite circumstances and of love.
When I worked where Grandma Susie volunteers, she loved on me filling that void. She was firm in her love to the children there, demonstrating love to build and cushion her strong and wise corrections. I remember her as “sharp as a tack”. She’d correct a child, then lean down and embrace them, speaking quiet words of explanation and encouragement long to be remembered.
In wisdom and love, as if to say:
My child, come and listen to me. Do as I say and you will have a good life. I will teach you wisdom’s ways and lead you in straight paths, so take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them for they are the key to life. Proverbs 4:10-13
Grandma Susie makes me think of Solomon, wise sayings given with gentle conviction, Proverbs.
She speaks, her words linger, hold much weight. Grandma Susie, a modern day Solomon, much like Corrie Ten Boom or Maya Angelou.
Grandma Susie is a beautiful woman. I’m always stunned by her unchanging face, her confident posture, surprised to see her after several years.
I told her again on Saturday, just like years ago, how beautiful and kind she is. I asked her the secret to her beauty, unashamed embracing her in the produce section. “Is it water?” “Plenty of sleep?”
Ever humble, she never answered, so I asked
“It’s your heart and your faith, isn’t it?”
Then her face lit up and we were of one accord singing the same song, same chorus, the verses of our lives sustained by our faith.
And so we visited a little bit, planted ourselves in front of the bananas and got a little excited about our stories of faith.
She said, “Lisa, we got to feed our faith and starve our doubts. Doubt spreads like cancer…spreads faster.”
“We have to guard our hearts! “ She said, as others turned to listen.
” Oh, I know, but we make it so hard ’cause we can’t see faith” I added.”We’ve got to stay on our knees and in the word, keep it in our hearts.” she said. “We got to stop doubtin’, Lisa. We just got to stop it from growing. We got to stop doubt from spreadin’.” she added with conviction.
Then we smiled, held hands and hugged good and strong before going our on ways, she glanced back smiled and nodded, firmly and with authority.
I paused, hating to see her go and smiled back, uplifted by Grandma Susie’s love, light and wisdom.
I’m linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee http://jenniferdukeslee.com/tellhisstory-when-youre-going-through-a-storm/






















