It Will Lift

courage, Faith, grace, Motherhood, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his presence continually. Psalm 105:4

She called me her sister, although we’re cousins.

She told me it’s all “about to lift”,

These burdens I been totin’.

I believe her.

Because she’s wise and she’s faithful and faith-filled and has carried some pretty big loads of questions, doubt, and questioning of not good enough, done enough, been enough

herself.

I’ll be looking for you Jesus. I’ll keep my hand uplifted in trust.

I’ll maybe not notice right away; but, I’ll sense it and my heart will sing.

A slight smile will rest on my face and the blue of my eyes will shine again.

As my shoulders sigh with relief, oh yes…

It has lifted.

This one, I kept

courage, family, rest, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

I rearranged some things and hung it so that from a certain spot I can be there again.

It might be a chilly morning in mid-March with puffy cloud of mist hovering above my grandfather’s pond.

Dan Dan’s pond

I might be standing on my mama’s lonely deck and fix my eyes towards the far corner of the pond’s bank.

The morning might begin to open its eyes and the eventual sunlight would paint the pine tops iridescent.

I may remember the grassy path, the thick clumpy moss on roots and the long and leafy ferns spread out like ocean floor of green.

So, this one I kept so that I might go back again, to the pond behind my mama’s.

My grandfather’s pond, the place of my soul, my childhood, my fresh starts and heartaches.

This one, the one I created with sun dappled green and blue, on old beaten up and discarded wood that quite naturally became trees, I will keep.

Eighteen Years Today

Children, courage, family, grief, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Daddy and I

Yesterday I uttered, “Grief is insidious and mean.” when my cousin told me about her loss, her husband’s loss of his mother.

Grief is insidious.

It’s sneaky and mean. It lingers long.

It slips away quietly and comes back without invitation.

Today, eighteen years ago, my daddy died.

18 years is a long time. It’s a span that allows little boy to become a man, little girl to become beautiful wife and a daughter to become more brave.

We shouldn’t be surprised by grief over people of such significance, our mamas our daddies, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, cousins or friends.

Our immeasurable love and connection deserve nothing less than a significant remembering, even if hard, heavy and solemn.

So, today I grieve my daddy well and with significance in my gaze towards the world around me.

I look for him. See him in my children and in me. Know him in my thoughts, reactions and stubborn mindset.

Grief is onerously huge; but, I won’t sink into its miry isolation.

I’ll let it be big today…as big as it wants.

A heaping measure equivalent to my love.

Big but not scary…just big enough to never forget.

My cousin texted me just now. Today’s her mama’s birthday. She really misses her, she added. I texted her back, in awe of God’s timing, both of us grieving over a parent.

“I have had grief on my mind since we talked yesterday and today, 18 years ago, daddy died. My thoughts were, grief is huge…how on earth can we expect any different when we are flesh of their flesh and after all, love is so big!? It’s bigger than fear and I will choose to make it bigger than grief. Happy Birthday in Heaven, Aunt Birdie!!!”

Grief, be big today.

As big as love and its lessons.

Lessons like never lie, quiet people are thinking people and words aren’t always necessary just for the sake of talking.

My daddy was a quiet man.

Sunday, Light with Song

courage, Faith, grace, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, wonder

We had rain, mostly drizzly sideways sheets and wind. The violent storm not nearly as destructive for us as for many.

Still, the storm had come through. Left me grateful for the mercy of its path; but, dwelling on how bad it might have turned and turned out to be.

I skipped church on Sunday searching for more solitude in service. Found sanctuary of everything out in the open to be seen or kept inside. Yet, the doors flung wide in welcome.

The trees, their pine needles and leaves swiff, swiff, swiff and swaying a sweet subtle song. Unison, the song in my ears reminding of love, mercy and all will be well.

Not another soul out this morning to meet me on the path, to walk towards me in intrusive greeting or half-hearted hello.

No need to answer how my week had been, to bring up request or to discuss things concerning or concerned over. My concerns, I held close. They were enough for me to know.

How free I felt, the sermon, a promise of redemption. Vast and open, opportunity ahead, my steps were intentional and seeking of light.

Sunlight in new place, spilling through from heavenly hand opened to persuade me.

Turn this way. Look here. See, it’s here. It’s new and light and overwhelmingly, surprisingly better than you thought.

Next Sunday, I’ll sing a special and the next I’ll teach small children.

Today was just me by myself drawing near to listen and to capture again His light.

Renewed for today.

And the day to come. This time for you, you were right in choosing.

Now, go on, there’s more.

It’s up ahead.

Walking Towards Knowing

courage, Faith, grace, Trust, Uncategorized

Writing, based on Five Minute Friday word, TEST:

Up around this curve or the next is understanding.

Like most things, it’s a maintenance thing with me, the holding onto any pattern of positive for any stretch of time.

Something will get my attention, jar me back towards steadfastness; I’ll lift my shoulders and prepare to push through with a not gonna get me down attitude.

But, it’s the staying in that place and on that course that wears me out, flat out and flat.

Walking with less assertive ownership of the prize, I plod to the place where the assignment is complete and the lesson learned.

Up ahead, around the next curve, or maybe the next there will be clarity, splendid clarity.

Forgetting what lies behind and moving towards what’s ahead…Philippians 3:13

Mighty and Well

Children, courage, Faith, grace, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

img_2661_kindlephoto-426000

I saw them twice tonight, the geese that give me pause and give me reason.

I planted my pansies in pretty pots today and thought of my grandma.

Fragile little faces on tender stems, purple, lavender, yellow and a rich burgundy; I dug little holes and crowded them in all clustered together like a crazy extended family.

The hurricane will bring rain and heavy wind this weekend; but, I planted anyway.

I soaked them real good and thought I’ll move them to the garage should the storm get rough.

The geese flew over, twenty or so, as I pushed the wheelbarrow back to its spot.

I’ve not seen so many before, they must sense a storm. I took my hands off the wooden wheelbarrow handle, turned as they flew into the distance and I prayed.

Opened one hand toward heaven as the storm cooled air brushed my face, I said

“Trust.”

The Lord your God is in your midst,
mighty one who will save…

Zephaniah 3:17

Someone I don’t know commented to me about our storm here in S.C. as we shared thoughts on not enough time for writing.

Told her, “My weekend’s full, I’m watching the storm and my son’s home from college.”

She left a reply, “Oh goodness, Father, keep them safe. May this time be one where they look back and see your mighty hand. Amen.”

I’m praying in agreement, that this storm and this time will be one we look back on see your mighty hand, God.

That we understand you as protector with purpose.

I thought to tell her, “There’s more storm now than a tropical threat of flood.”

There was a call and a crisis and now the aftermath.

There was a time to be thankful all is well and to ponder what could have been worse.

So, I walked with dogs like usual, I planted my pansies and I looked towards the sky altered by pressure.

And another bunch of geese, a few lagging behind flew over and it was good.

It was good for me to walk as on any other day, to see that all is well.

A bunch of geese, five of them…nothing majestic or awesome; yet, a mighty sweet sight and a sign of all very well.

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/knowing-god-sees-changes-everything-book-giveaway/

Three Feathers, one Pristine

courage, Faith, grace, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

Found these three today.

Message from Heaven

I found one, then a second in the yard behind the shelter.

Said, “Here you take this one” and gave it to Serina.

She smiled, said “I’ll keep it, Miss Lisa.”

We took a few steps together, both of us looking towards our toes and I saw another, small and pristine.

I knew it then.

Everything will be fine.

A message from my mama.

Faithful Tomorrow

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized

I came home, frustrated over work and people and bad choices.

Falling back into patterns damaging, yet familiar to them.

Kept thinking, I just feel blah, got the blues.

I thought about saying so, telling my husband.

He’s heard it before, no need to share again.

The thing about being in charge is being in the know and knowing way more than you’d like to know.

People can get themselves in big messes and then make bigger messes than you’d ever expect.

And it’s your job to turn it around and to do so with compassion.

But, compassion takes energy and frustration makes you tired.

Sometimes they’re way too far down the same bad path they came from and you can’t bring them back.

So, you’re worried, disappointed, frustrated and tired.

With yourself, not them.

Done all you could.

Yet again the sky tonight sent a word from the heavens, too grand not to accept as truth…

“New things will come; tomorrow will be new.

See, I’m preparing it now.”

img_2623_kindlephoto-2078661

So, I’ll rest and I’ll help again tomorrow.

It’s “what I do”.

It will matter because I do and they do.

We matter, the heavens declare, they’ve shown me again.

Thy mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.

Psalm 36:5

October Morning with Bible

courage, Faith, grace, Prayer, rest, Salvation, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized

Morning is mine

I’m a stubborn woman; but, I’m quiet about it, so you might not know just how set I am on not being swayed.

If there’s something I believe, you can be sure I believe it with all I got.

I won’t believe because someone told me to believe, demanded I consider their perspective and accept their truth.

It’ll be because I’ve pondered and decided it is true and I’m better for its knowledge.

Too many times at the hands of too many people was my body demanded of and my thoughts, my beliefs coerced.

Years ago, I was chastised by a teacher. Told something akin to never being as good as you can be until you read your Bible every day.

Naturally, I resisted. “She’s not telling me what to do.”

When they’d ask for record keeping sake, “How many daily Bible readers do we have?” the number never matched the room and in silence, eyes scanned the semicircle set of chairs, I suppose they wondered who.

If they’d asked, I would have owned up and said why.

I came to it on my own, eventually and unforced. I admit she was right, I only wish I’d come sooner and it been more peaceably presented.

My Bible is my place of learning, of comfort, of finding the scoundrels and the stubborn who finally gave up control and said,

“Okay, I believe despite question. I believe because you’ve shown me reason to believe.”

So, I journal. I read. I pray. I tell little Instagram stories of my God moments and I tell them quietly; hopefully, bravely enough to bend a listening ear, a searching eye, a longing heart.

Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what He has done for my soul. Psalm 66:16

Far be it from me to make tremendous claims or to attempt to convince another as if I’m soothsayer or savant.

Certainly not saint.

I pray I not become boastful, pompous or judgemental.

I pray I only share with clarity my life with God and for the sake of humble remembering, my life before.

May I, every morning attempt to set the direction of my day in knowing more of God through his word and then saying “Okay, I see. I trust. I understand now.” because I stored up a word, an account of something similar and its unraveling from God’s perspective.

Mostly, though, I just hope to keep getting closer to who I say I am, a woman quietly confident in God.

Not what I write, a piece of art or a position in community.

Rather, a woman who God sees when I fall face down to pray and when I smile silently and contentedly as

October sunbeams fall sweetly across the pages of my Bible.

A woman who sees God so clearly others do too.

And discover for themselves, the poetry, love and lessons of their own Holy Bible.

A Handful of Quiet

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Salvation, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

A room filled with women, we arrived and found our table. Five women can live at our homeless shelter at any given time. We’re always full, their stories always different.

One’s had a really tough stretch of days and she rode with me.

I told her on the way over about the way I sometimes write the word “trust” on my palm. I open my hand to look at it and remember or sometimes close my fingers in towards my palm, letting my thumb lie against the place I know the word rests.

She smiled and I drove, running late as usual.

When she realized we were going to the country club for dinner, she said,”Oh, we’re going to be at the country club?!”

I answered, “Yes.” and a added a little “whoop whoop hand in the air shoulder shake”

It’s my signature move. My daughter has built a whole “Snap” story around me.

She added, laughing out loud, ” Raise the roof, Miss Lisa!”

And then, her eyes glossy, “I laughed. This is the first time I’ve laughed this week.”

We all sat together. The women who live in our shelter, myself and another employee.

When grace was said, I opened my hands on my lap and listened.

Softly and unexpectedly,she put her hand in mine and I covered our hands together as we prayed.

The warmth of her hand was indescribable.

The thought of it still now as warm.

I spoke about our program, remembering little of what I said except “Their stories become my story. It’s only the grace of God that has kept me from the same hardship.” Because I always say that, always.

Some of the women in the fancy dining room listened, really understood. Most likely only some were brave enough to try and understand if I’m honest.

Let’s be honest, many were thinking…Well, I’d never get myself in such a mess like that.

The room was filled with wealthy women and towards the end of the night, one in particular clearly shunned me.

I felt it.

I have experience with this feeling.

I woke up remembering it and almost let it linger; but, remembered more clearly her beautiful hand in mine.

How could I minimize the beauty of the one hand by sulking over the other?

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:5

So, I prayed, “Lord thank you that my life has been less than perfect. That I’ve not had the perfect dress for every function. Lord, thank you that you’ve placed me in places that I get to hold the hands of others. Thank you, Lord that she reached for my hand, knowing I’d reach back. Thank you for reminding me to stop chasing the approval of others.

Linking up for Five Minute Friday although, I always feel certain I go over. I’m not so great rule follower at all. 🙂

	Lisa Brittain on Women of Faith
	Lisa Anne Tindal on Women of Faith
	smoker4mom on Women of Faith
	juliedibblewrites on Embracing
	Lisa Anne Tindal on Shine On