I wonder if I’m more observant of the light because of darkness so early or if it’s a needy seeking of quietness with myself leading to peace with God.
I found a feather next to the pretty bottle we store our found feathers, my granddaughter’s sweet solution I adore.
Left for Finding Light of the World Known
“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:4-5 NIV
And God said, “Let there be light.” and there was light. Genesis 1:3 ESV
Thinking of light and darkness like knowledge vs. mystery or questions vs. answers, certainty vs. doubt, I found John 1 and had a quiet little cry.
We don’t know it all, but we do know light, love and hope.
Light is trust.
“We are conformed to Him in proportion as our lives grow in quietness, His peace spreading within our souls.” T.T. Carter, Joy & Strength devotional
In quiet confidence is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)
Among a crowd of frenetic students changing classes, a presence walked up behind me. I’d found myself caught up in a crowd that made no sense, I was just searching for the hallway to the laundry room in what others said was a nonsensical place.
I lost the landlord, a woman with a snarky pride over her Air BnB that she denied was in disrepair. She scurried through dark hallways and then she wasn’t there. I returned to the place where the others had complained about my clothes left in the dryer. There another led me through the toddler nursery. A cat slipped by my feet and joined in our fast walking. Suddenly, I’m in a room filled with cats and dogs. We pause to confront the property manager who asked “Where the hell did you go?”
I gave no reply. A cat vomited on my foot and the frustrated helper sighed.
I struck out on my own again, ready to gather my laundry next to my chest and begin the long trip back home from this less than idyllic weekend getaway.
That’s when the students were thronged together, they chattered and marched or had heads down persevering.
The man measures his steps to match mine. Asks, “Why the sad face, are you lost?” He comments about the owner, agrees with the rooms being in disrepair. He walks beside me.
I’m hesitant, but turn to see an easy smile, a jawline in need of a shave and a glint of hazel eye.
He points me to the door that leads to the laundry, has my warm clothes in the dryer.
Quickly and cautiously I say, “I gotta hurry, gotta get back to South Carolina.”
He walks on his way.
I gather my laundry and think of describing the encounter with the stranger who showed me the way, of the satisfaction of finding words to fit emotion. In my dream, I wrote a story about the kindness of a stranger.
The kindness that gave me comfort in the finding again of just the right words.
I decided to write here about this dream not as an invitation to interpretation or to cause you to consider how deep or a littlecrazy I might be. On both I concur. No, I had a dream that made me think of writing as beauty and I woke to think, maybe, just maybe I will write. I haven’t shelved that dream altogether. It’s still a joy.
After the sleepover, I discovered my granddaughter had placed the little heart in the little hand.
I remember being captivated by my grandmother’s things, wanting to hold them.
Longing to understand their worth, her little trinkets, her jewelry, her talcum powder and Jergen’s cherry lotion.
They were her.
I woke this morning with a few words
“Choose this day, choose life or death.”
Incline Your Heart
I found the passage in the Old Testament, the historical account of Joshua’s life.
The battle of Jericho, the passage telling us to be strong and courageous, God is with us.
And this one, with the last few words you may find in a home, often a gift for newly married.
“And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15 ESV
These are strong exhortations to people in battle, to choose God’s way or the other gods of their history.
For me, they mean simply “choose life” today.
Choose love or fear. Choose trust over doubt. Choose bravery over insecurity.
Choose to not forfeit your day to anxiety or depression over uncontrollable circumstances.
Choose to be light rather than heavy.
To let be what will be with a satisfied spirit.
Grace is enough. The grace you’ve known and the overflow that is promised.
Choose forgiveness over fretting.
Choose Today
…incline your heart to the Lord. Joshua 24:33
The little heart still rests in the hand.
The heart left on my doorstep by my pastor as a love offering in sympathy of my mama’s passing tells me
Love goes on.
I notice my orchid, revived and repotted has tiny tissue paper buds this morning.
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 NIV
I’ve been searching for the best description in words for an idea for I’m guessing…years. I prayed this morning asking God a simple thing, not a God-sized problem, really just a task.
I have an Artist Market on Sunday. I don’t know what or how much to take for my display. I thought of asking the question in an Instagram story, a little poll. But, I’ve not had much success with this, I don’t think my graphics are fancy enough.
What would be wonderful is if I had a friend to help me say,
“Okay, this best represents you, so let’s decide what you should display so that not you so much, but your message is on display.”
See, here’s the thing. I prayed with coffee and a kitten on my lap. I prayed that very thing.
God, help me to choose what best represents your redemptive work in me and conveys that very grace to others.
I let the prayer rest, the one that came with such accuracy. The word I’d been searching for, “representation” came like a friend with flowers at the door, a “surprise” with her hello.
A representation, a portrayal of someone or something. May it be so, Lord.
May I be so.
And may I remember this chilly morning when an answer came quickly.
May I remember the one that came in the swirl of leaves at my feet yesterday. Even in the flurry of thoughts, a gift of clear comfort came.
May I remember your presence.
May I remember the one that came in reply to sullen surrender of a situation, with honesty over my muddling through the motions of trust. May I remember when I accepted what is not mine to change, a happy unexpected gift came.
May I remember the unrivaled power of the secret prayer spoken honestly with a friend.
I opened the tattered devotional to the pages marked Day 4 and found the list in faded blue ink. There are names of people here who aren’t here any longer.
The name of my pastor back then, other family, friends and I think a friend of my son from his middle school years, Will.
There’s the name of the little boy, Noah who was pretending to drive and put the SUV into reverse. He ran over and killed his mama.
There’s the prayer of surrender to and acceptance of outcomes. There is the word “thanks” for my home and husband.
There is the tender request for my children still children back then, I asked God to give them joy.
That prayer is recorded. My request is unending, no expiration.
Joy for them, joy unexpected.
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8 ESV
Recalling my restlessness last night I decide if there was something fearful to have play out in a series of dreams like short films, last night I dreamt an entire season.
No cause known, nothing unsettled, I decide it’s because I gave my mind no rest yesterday. I was on overdrive towards organizing all the tasks to come.
My second evening of adding running to walking, I came home to discover we had no hot water. So, no shower to help unravel the day.
All of this hurried unexpectedness led to no rest.
All is well. I am fully known and loved.
I shall move now into Thursday.
Remembering God.
He steadies me. I don’t have to take control.
The way ahead is safe as are my thoughts, questions and prayers.
Safe and sound.
Settled already.
“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.” Proverbs 4:25-26 NLT
I think of my education, my experiences and opportunities I pursued bravely or with naivety. I think of little expressions I use to keep myself grounded and at the same time a risk taker. Scripture like all things are possible with God often lead me to think any and everything is worth trying.
But, that leads to half-heartedness or worse, failure because of a lack of knowledge.
Then the decision to stay on the path set for me, the one I know.
Today, I’ll paint thick crosses gilded gold on small canvases to be Christmas ornaments.
I thought of venturing into something new, but crosses are what I know, what I do.
Did I sense God saying “stay simple, Lisa”? Yes, I did. Some call that wisdom, gut feeling, intuition.
I know it’s His Spirit.
A favorite bit of advice I give to friends and family in a new challenge, a scary opportunity for which they doubt their ability is this.
Write “trust” on the place in your palm just below the base of your thumb. Imagine holding hands with Jesus. Imagine his thumb wrapped gently in a loving handhold. Imagine Him beside you.
Trust what you can’t physically feel. Trust that whatever your assignment, God will equip you. Trust that whatever burden or hardship you are carrying, the load is easier when shared.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
Lord, help us to remember today that it is you who equips us for life. Help us quietly seek you in private and personal ways so that we can imagine the friendship of you, our helper, our strong defender and guide.
“I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.” Isaiah 45:3 ESV
Early Mornings
I could easily sleep an extra 30, instead I wake to the quiet ring of an almost silenced tone. It takes very little to rouse me. Early mornings have a ritual when work shifts allow my husband to sleep in.
I move to slide my phone to my palm, find my glasses, take a few steps to the bedpost for my soft robe, round the corner soft stepping to the door, I pull it towards me, towards the hall.
I walk softly towards the lamplight of the kitchen, glass of water then coffee with cream and honey.
The spot I call morning calls me and once again I open my journal, write the word “trust” and encircle the names of my children.
I find October 26th on the thin pages and I see the verse above. I sit and read commentaries from people of the 1800’s.
These are the things of my mornings, commitments that may seem to some a ritual.
But, it’s not what I read in the obscure dark of morning, it’s the epiphanies that come as I’m driving country roads and certain knowledge that comes as the daylight comes
Will come more knowledge.
More brilliance, power and a hand raised in the solitude of my car upon recognition and joy that there is power in prayer.
Power that can be shared and power that I’ve asked God to help others experience for themselves.
A car in front of me struggled this morning, driving noticeably too slow. I followed not to close and saw the little car’s tires rub against the curb and then correct. The car accelerated then and I decided I either startled the driver or shook their almost slumber. Finally, they turned onto the road I hope led home.
Another set of headlights followed me too closely and I maintained my course, did my best not to be annoyed.
Because I saw them in a new light.
I considered maybe they don’t like darkness driving either. Maybe my morning route seemed steady to them. Perhaps, they felt safe following me, so no need to speed around me or to hurry.
It’s this way with faith. When we’re steady when steadiness makes so sense.
We continue. We grow. We show others we’re not fully grown, we just keep walking, stumbling in the steps we’re certain keep us moving with and towards God.
Prayer walking, praying at all times and in every situation brings light to our darkness.
The light of the world to our own little worlds.
Continue and believe.
“Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Jesus Christ.” Philippians 4:6-7 TPT
Believe in the power of prayer.
The power of a spectacular new day, the sunrise the color of zinnias.
Every window called me closer, the horizon layered in a display of indigo, grey and powdery blue.
The clouds thick and volcanic in puffed up borders.
The Day 25 of 31 days of writing prompt is “think”. Rather than thinking immediately, “I got this”
I got nothing.
Other than the decision to continue learning that my thoughts are directly related to my feelings and my feelings have fault lines in the places they’re unavoidably connected to past trauma.
So, today when anxiety threatened over something similar to long ago, instead of bracing for battle and chastising myself and my thinking by saying to self “This is not that.” in a “snap out of it” tone
I elaborated by thinking, “No,
This is not that. But it is the same feeling.”
Then I gave myself permission to do a calm comparison.
I have feelings. But I’m not the actual feeling.
I can feel uncertain and still have a little self- aware conversation and become more certain.
Now, here I am at dusk. The clouds of morning giving way to night.
I’m still captivated.
Maybe I’m closer to viewing life this way.
Captivated.
The geese are now approaching.
I think of my mama, lovingly, longingly, loyally.
This evening not being the “that” of those before.
we run away from our discomfort... but it doesn't leave us. to heal we need to turn around and face it, experience it and once we truly do we are out of it. We heal and we grow.
2 Timothy 1:7-8 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. This blog is about my Christian walk. Join me for the adventure.
Lisa Anne Tindal 