One wilted rose remains. It’s wound its way among the limelight hydrangeas. I’ve been greeted by the beauty every morning this week. Soon, the petals will drop and not so long away, the green will be dried up by Autumn air and the tiny rose will just be a memory, but also a hope.

Could it be as simple as choosing forward looking more often than back?

Could this be the blessing over the curse?

“See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse—”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭11‬:‭26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

How we see things matters. Interactions, relationships and our part in the ugliness or beauty of them.

Exchanges linger in our hearts even if we’ve been long separated from the person or people.

We are marked by ugliness and yet, we can choose not to be forever marred.

We can choose to see the joy and lightness in looking forward.

I was frozen in the driver’s seat. I could hurry to catch up and engage in casual talk or I could sit and wait, not have the guts to simply be near her.

“How are you?” might be my question or maybe they’d go first.

Or there might be no words offered, no interaction for the sake of one another, just a layer of stifled breath between us.

And that’s quite okay.

Because hurt lingers long in the hearts of one betrayed, cast aside or used for another’s climbing the ladder advantage.

There was a time when my face was well known, known for the work I represented and recognized in the “right” circles.

Now, I’m just “someone people used to know” becoming the woman not needing to be “known”, just me being me.

I’m not sure what prompted the thought, the realization.

I’m sort of okay with this new “imageless” image. Maybe all the other roles, women I tried hard to be were actually in a way

Imaginary.

This morning, I read a review by Michele Morin of a book by Christine Caine, “Don’t Look Back”.

Caine writes of the ways we can get stuck in our tracks (turn to an immovable block of salt like Lot’s wife) when we continue to look back.

Maybe looking back is good if we use it as a choice to decide.

To look back and see the distance you’ve gotten in your healing from hurt, to look back and think for a minute before reacting, I’m better, stronger, wiser on this forward facing side of that person’s hurt.

To look back, not stuck and staring but to look back and confidently reposition our gaze, to view the harm of our pasts as a reflection of our empowered decisions…

What was meant to harm us will not destroy us.

What was bad is on its way to more very good.

Decide to believe in the good you’ve already seen. Choose a sort of self-assessing.

Quietly measure the sense in your soul that keeps saying to you

All is well and all will be well with me.