A few weeks ago, a dear friend and counselor was honest with me.

I had been chasing my trauma rabbits again. They are fast and very persistent in telling me I should catch up, latch on, hold one I might catch and cling ahold of and carry it around, allow it to rest on my chest, a familiar companion.

The trail had gotten treacherous. The call to explore new healing methods. To abandon the promises of my faith.

Everything and everyone an unknowing trigger in some stance or posture.

Attack.

My friend told me I had begun to make my trauma an altar. I cried without reservation. I welcomed her declaration.

If you’ve read this far, you’re thinking, why doesn’t she stop sharing this stuff?!

Or, you understand.

And maybe say thanks.

If the latter is the case, I want to bring you comfort, a little self-talk, prayers and assertions that are keeping me from kneeling at the ill-intentioned altar of my significant, but, no longer present trauma.

“You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth?

It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:7-8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

You are safe. God is making sure.

The people who prompt reminders of your horror are not harming you.

This is not that.

Lord, I thank you for seeing the potential in me and my story. It’s why I get to write and paint and love others. Thank you redirecting me, thank you for placing people in my life who catch me when I’m falling, when I’m bending on scarred knees to lie funeral flowers on the grave of my past, the memories of my abuse, the altar of my trauma. Thank you for not allowing fear to cut in.

Because of your great love,

Amen.