Me Before

Abuse Survivor, confidence, contentment, courage, family, hope, memoir, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

There was no inkling of me then.

At least not to anyone other than my Heavenly Father.

Who, if you believe in things like fearfully and wonderfully made and a purpose and plan.

God already knew of me before any other knowing was possible.

God knew I’d be different than most, that I’d love words and their expression and that sometimes others might not know what to make of me and so they might describe me jokingly.

It’s odd to be so quiet and at the same time feel so very different, so different that your difference doesn’t go unnoticed.

Sometimes you’re awkwardly called out.

The bane of your introversion.


A very long time ago, this place where I walk, a trail encircling what is now a subdivision, was covered in beach, in sand.

I heard this in a historical account of my town, our community.

I walked this evening.

My steps had intent.

Outrun the mood before the mood takes you over, runs you down, knocks you off your feet.

I was tired. Had too much sugar and not enough sleep.

Walk it out, I told myself before the miserable mood walks all over you.

I had a good pace and then saw in the bramble and brush, a tiny little bloom, a blossom bursting through.

Solitary on the dead leaves, seemingly distant from branch or vine.

The bloom before the berries.

The promise before the fruit.

I continued on, self-talk declaring.

The rest of your life is yet to be seen.

Your bloom is just about to break through the cold decay of your ground.

The ground that bordered the sea before anyone other than God knew what beauty you are meant to see.

That same ground is just about to sprout bright bloom, the flowering, the growth,

the plan for good not bad.

Me before is


Me now.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

3 thoughts on “Me Before

  1. I am enjoying my subscription to your posts. I believe, in part, because I relate so extraordinarily as a person who loves words and is introverted. You have a marvelous poetic flow. Your work very much reminds me of May Sarton. I recently read her work, “Journey Of A Solitude” and felt such kinship. I feel that way about your writing as well. You are a gifted artist. Thank you for sharing your work. May God’s favor abound to you.


    1. I almost mentioned you to my cousin Vickie Countryman yesterday! She introduced me to your beautiful words! She lives in Charleston and somehow or other, she felt I would grow through connecting with you. She was so very right! Thank you for this comment!


      1. I have never met Vickie, though I feel as if I have!. She is the mother of one of my colleagues. It is glorious to me how the Holy Spirit weaves His genius through our lives and connects us to kindred souls. Grace and peace to you.


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