It’s 5:59, so I just have time to slide the screen with the index finger that has memorized the way to my phone.

Silence the 6:00 a.m alarm.

I’ll drink from the yellow cup on Saturday morning feeling better about the day, doing a thing I’d decided was not mine to do, nor did I want to do it any longer.

Naturally, blamed every frustration on someone other than me…that’s what we do, decide against an opportunity, stay in the comfortable place we’ve only slightly begun to abandon.

And we feel proud, no that’s not for me, maybe even declare “God wants me to spend my time and talent elsewhere.”

Walked around with that decision for a bit, essentially the run like the devil from it and back to the place of hiding.

Decided, though as God would have me decide, I’d made a selfish decision.

Who was I to think I’d already done enough and nobody cares at least they’ve not shown me they care?

Let somebody else try to get this going…not me, God, I’m not the one to lead this, grow this, know this enough to be in charge.

Then, I heard of Jonah in a new way on Sunday morning. I’d always thought he ran and hid to escape his fears over doing what God had sent him, given him the opportunity to do. Honestly, I thought Jonah was very depressed.

And he was once he found himself sitting alone in his misery in the belly of a whale, begging for a do over.

“Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.””

‭‭Jonah‬ ‭4:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Jonah ran not from fear of his calling, but because he thought this responsibility perhaps, below him, maybe, even the ones he’d be impacting unworthy of his time.

Oh.

So, today, I’ll do the thing I said no to and then sat for a bit in the belly of rebellion, thinking “I’m proud of myself for telling, them …Hey, find someone else.”

Today, with agenda, a plan in hand and heart, I’ll welcome others as the Missions leader in my church, not because I felt guilty over my no, but because I’m now excited over my yes.

Knees bedside in the dark I said, the seemingly habitual but sincere. “Thank you, Lord for all you’ve done for me.”

Then, like another “Oh…” I added, “Now it’s time for me to give to you.”