I wake the same way every morning lately.
My default mindset being, could yesterday have been better, maybe today will be.
Blank page is bordered with “first thought”, a verse I read; but, I fail to remember the Book.
Little blips of things I’ve read and heard, absorbed from conversations are all opposing the other, making us look like a confused bunch of passive aggressive souls.
“Are any of us ever good enough to be loved by Jesus or are we always good enough to be loved by him?”
Like a deep, deep gorge and a shaky bridge between two sides, that’s what it seems we’ve become, questioning the others’ side based on what we believe right or wrong, worthy enough or not at all.
Who are we to know the heart of another?
We scarcely know our own!
Again, today I wake and consider my less than good enough behaviors.
I question whether my feelings, my faith were strong enough and whether any of what I say I believe is true is believed enough consistently by me.
We’ve decided, my staff and I to give a mother another chance. Her actions and behaviors had worn us all out; but, we will offer this morning a second chance.
Work and faith intersect, I’m thinking now, no accident that God had my heart in tune with all of us, all of us a bunch of stumbling misfits.
I sat amongst a circle of chairs one night. A question offered up, “Do you think you can live a sinful life once you’ve confessed that you believe in Jesus as your Savior?”
Comments here and there about what you can and can’t do wrong and still be right.
I was still, sort of trying to comprehend how we all had just heard of a harlot who was courageous and believed in God and how her story is nothing less than validation that we all are less than perfect on any given day.
I believe we all stumble in many ways.
Lord, help me admit my stumbling and your holding me back up rather than knocking and keeping down the one you haven’t yet to hold.
Lately, I’ve been resting with a question, a timely one I believe,
What is it that God desires most? Is it obedience or to be like Jesus, Christ-like?
To correct or to love?
I’m leaning strongly towards being like Jesus. I know him more, he knows me more. It’s relationship and with relationship over time my thoughts become like his thoughts, my ways more closely to his ways.
That way, when I wake up with questions over my less than perfect ways, I’ll have open hands and heart to give thanks for more chances and to be given more grace and more mercy yet again.
And I’ll close my hands before rising from bedside floor and squeeze tight that gift of redemption and I’ll walk today in peace and praise hoping others may notice and wonder, give me the chance to tell.
Perhaps, an invitation to explain my decision to believe.
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-2 ESV
Because, well, because mercy has been given me and has covered and covers a multitude of my wrongs.
I am loved and free to love.