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Day 7: Looking for good – good enough

Faith, Trust

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  I am blown away by the number of people who blog.  Seriously, so many blogs!

Really good-looking blogs all sleek and shiny. Their layouts and their posts, polished and relevant. Normally, this would be the time for me to slip back and say, “Oh, no way I can’t compete, this wasn’t for me”.

I do not like competition. Nor do I care for accolades.  I like being me and resting in that.

Competition and comparison take me back to my fat little girl days.

Lined up next up to an array of blogs was beginning to feel like comparing outfits in middle school and hearing “yours looks homemade!”

So, I was thinking today, “Does my blog matter, am I embarrassing myself?”

Maybe I need to focus on a topic of value.

I could blog about a variety of more relevant subjects. Write about things besides my faith and my stories and observations of life and lesson.

I could tell all about the non-profit world of mental health, how to write a grant, how to run a homeless program, and how to listen to a parent who lost a child to suicide. I could recall working in the field of child abuse and I could tell you some stories about families I met and I could tell you even more about my opinions of our flawed child welfare system.

I wondered, would that make a better blogger? Would my stats graph climb higher? Or, maybe if I were more savvy and understood all the widgets and configurations…maybe then I would join the ranks of really good bloggers.

But, that’s not my “quiet confidence, story-teller way of doing things, not my heart.

My blog matters to me even if I only have a few readers. It is a joyous experience for me. An experience that’s a step towards my memoir, something I feel is a God-planted, a prayerful goal. My blog is a commentary for good…for God.  It’s my sharing of the good that’s come my way through God and of  what good will come.

Like a blank canvas in a sunny room.  It is tranquil.

Like brush strokes blending peaceful colors, it flows. It is not toil.

It is good…God-given good.

It is enough…more than enough.

Day 6 : looking for good-pastels and pines

Faith, Uncategorized
Mama's pines

Mama’s pines

I paint unexpectedly and spontaneously. Like writing, my soul is nourished when color meets surface. Writing and art… quiet,nondescript, random, sometimes bravely, graphic.

Quiet, simple, deeply personal…two things I love, expressions of memories, lessons,and images of a life in the country, looking up to heaven, through skinny branches of ancient pines.

God is good. The sweetest of gifts have colored my life. Art…words and pictures.

Day 2: Good things : appointments and encounters

Children, Faith
just take a break

just take a break

This morning, this dog found its way to my front steps and once the door was opened, sashayed down the hallway, scampering with confidence, following me into my office. I sat down, going for the phone to call the number on her tag, looked up and she had plopped herself in a chair. She cocked her head to the side as if to say, “Hey, how’s it going, did you forget about our appointment?”

Actually, I did, I thought, but I’m glad you remembered. Crazy, I know but this dog demanded and I happily stopped my work for her “drop in” appointment.

The phone calls had been randomly unusual and difficult all day long. We, this dog and I, visited for awhile as I smiled about her ease in jumping into my chair for a visit. It made me smile that she seemed to know I needed her. It was good for me to be distracted, surprised, entertained. Her owner came eventually, chastised her and left.

I’m still secretly hoping she’ll sneak away again soon. In fact, I’ve decided I would rename her and call her Joy.  It was good to be interrupted by such simple joy.

This morning, I prayed for a day of productivity, of less distractibility, of less laziness and lack of motivation on my part. I just prayed that God would help me get deadlines met and asked for forgiveness that I seemed to have lost my focus. And I thanked God that he is patient with me as I continued with my self-condemnation tone of failing to finish my to-do list. 

Mid-morning, I was flustered because I had accomplished very little. So, okay, hurry up to make the noon meeting and then the plan would be “head down, get busy and work late, get that report done” …this was my goal.

2:00 p.m. I see a former employee’s car, a young mom I cared so much about.I throw my hand up as she pulls into the post office. She waves back. . I walked over and surprised her with my approach as she sat in her car. I smiled and she rolled down the window. I sensed that she wasn’t sure I would talk. It was a chance encounter. I wanted to reconnect. We laughed. We talked about our families, our recent loss and the growing up milestones of her sweet little girl and my almost adult son and adult daughter. She asked where my daughter teaches. When I answered her face lit up, as she exclaimed “She is teaching my nephew, everybody talks about how much she loves her students!” She continued, ” a lot of people are talking about what a good teacher she is, how she loves the students and they love her.” I smiled, my heart filled with mother love and said, “Well, one thing’s for sure, if she’s their teacher they are gonna get loved on!”

We talked a little more, laughed and cut up as we picked right back up on our stories of life. I remember how much I adored her laughter.

We exchange prayer requests and we smiled because we knew requests would be lifted up. I reached into the car and touched her arm and we talked some more about her family.

I started to walk away three or four times and we picked right back up in conversation, laughing about my latest expression of “blessed assurance!” in lieu of cuss words.

I needed to see her. She needed to see me, for her day had been full of frustration and she had escaped her home for a few minutes using the excuse of buying stamps.  It was good to see her. It was good for our souls to join in laughter.

Tomorrow is a new day and my report and to-do list await me. But, today God is good and his interruptions were exceptionally sweet. God had good for me today!

Unanswered prayer…I think not.

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3