Story of enough

Faith, Trust, Uncategorized

 

This is a story of the emotions of money; of the fear, the elation, the bliss and the dread. This is a true story as are all of my posts, a courageous spilling of text that may impact or puzzle the reader. I must warn that this story will reveal my upbringing…a member of a congregation driven by fear of God and every misstep I might take. A childhood that led to many years of “can I truly ever be good enough for God?”  Many a young person is influenced in this way so they run like the devil from that fear and then find God and know how good it feels to stay on a grace-filled path.

So, there’s a fine line between obedience and compliance for fear of retribution. Retribution, the word itself is scary! It’s also not consistent with God…our God of love, not of fear.

So, here’s my story of obedience driven by desire to please, not by fear; the desire to be in God’s will, simply because it feels really good to be there.

Last Sunday I had no checks, I wasn’t going to my home church, and I had lots of extra expenses. I could have easily said, “I’ll tithe extra next time or I’ll find some place to donate”. But,I didn’t.  I went by the bank and withdrew cash and slipped it in my wallet. When the offering plate passed the members all dropped their neatly folded and name labeled envelopes in the plate and I placed my folded cash tucked into an envelop with no name…a gift to God.

I sat later balancing my checkbook, looking at extra expenses that somehow have all ended up in April and I realized I had little to tide me over. Yet,  still felt such a sense of assurance that my choice to tithe was good. I would have to postpone one payment.

I’m thinking you know what happened…I found money, discovered a miscalculation…whatever you want to call it. I was elated. I was floating. I was blessed.

God rewarded my sincere and genuine obedience…not obedience derived from fear, dread or criticism. Obedience because of knowing where I want to be…close to God, waiting expectantly for His blessings.

I have just enough, yet so much more with God.

 

 

 

 

“Calm down, mama”

Faith, Prayer, Trust

ac10462e1823e3412be8d309bb66b326    I’m a list maker. I have a list for work and for home. It’s sort of a requirement now because of what I call “brain overload”. Some things never make it to paper though, those intangible, circling, thinking fears. Do you have some?

   If you had a “Fearlist” what would it say?  Would it list hopes and dreams you see others enjoying; yet, can’t see happening for you? Would it include anxiety over loss? Do you agonize over the picture in your mind of the uncertainties of your childrens’ future? Are you like me, and have a vivid imagination over what could happen the minute they’re not planted safely in their rooms?

   Here’s the thing about this particular “fearlist”…there’s no way to scratch some of this stuff off with the rewarding slash through with a red pen! These big fears just don’t go away by us “doing” “fixing” or “forcing our outcomes”. I often look at my fears over my children and visualize that list. I can almost see myself sitting calmly surrounded by an “all is right in my world aura”. When I think about that, it’s really sort of comical because there’s no way to ever know everything that could or will be!

So, this morning Heather and I will take a “day trip” to Georgia. We’ll talk about all sorts of stuff: her dreams, my tendency to worry, her brother, her students, our days living in the country, God.

We may talk about wedding decor for my nephew’s wedding or whether we think my cousin will ever marry. We might talk about graduate school or her hopes to be a mama one day and the names she has chosen for her children. She’ll refuse to tell me the names, because she is adamant that she wants no one to “steal the names”. My favorite part will be when she reminds me I can retire and be a “Nana”.

We’ll be talking about hopes, not fears.

Later, I’ll check in with my son (who is on the cusp of manhood) to be as certain as possible of his plans. There’s a new person in the picture. This person is a beautiful young woman, so I am learning to navigate a new season…again, I’ll ask about plans for tonight and carefully open my mind to new social get togethers with friends, reminding myself, ” just a few months ago, you were afraid he was an introvert” . I’ll advise without criticism and I’ll pay attention without obsessing…I’ll do what my son suggested that I do last night…”Calm down, mama.”

What’s on your fearlist? For me, it’s always the opposite of my hope list. My hope list including accomplishments, rewards, simple joys…nothing outlandish like lottery, wealth, or mansions!

Really, Lisa?  Why are you so afraid?  Why is the denial of these precious, happy blessings of sweet things even an option? GOD LOVES YOU, LISA!

Lisa, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOUR GRACIOUS AND SOVEREIGN GOD?

Cease striving and know that He is God. Psalm 46:10

PRAY, pray, Pray…open honest…tell it to Jesus, all the fears you have on your “Fearlist”. The ones you’re embarrassed to share…I have my list, do you?

I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

“CALM DOWN, MAMA.”

Believing by Design

Prayer, Uncategorized

Believe

As an Art major before a Psychology major, I know good design is not in even numbers. I always group in three’s and I love to call my groupings “vignettes”. I got on a roll with Christmas decor this year and kept telling Heather to check out this “little vignette”. She was not amused that I loved the word “vignette” so much and shaking her head, swore that it was not even a word. Of course, my reply was, “Oh, yes it is”. Again, reminding her, as I often do both her and her brother…”If you have words, you need to use them!”. So, in our home, you will find groupings of three, no photos in pairs, candles in pairs or even things waiting to be used on the counter. I tend to notice the semblance of events, time and space based on the “Lisa” design rule of three.

Faith, Hope and Love
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
The three crosses
Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection

Today, I began my day thinking about a Beth Moore book I’m reading, “Believing God” and specifically about believing that God is in fact still capable of miracles. We just don’t pray believing that anymore. We think miracles are the stuff of the Old Testament or at least something only our great-grandparents ever brought up. I have noticed lately, that when I tell people that I prayed about something, I get a puzzled or confused look as if to say  “Awww, that’s so sweet; but, I know there’s no way you think your prayers really influenced that trivial outcome.” I want to say, ” Listen, I’m not telling you this because it sounds sweet or it makes for a good story, I am telling you because I am blown away by the way God listened!”

But, back to the 3 Things…

Early this morning, I woke still thinking about why we don’t believe in miracles. I then scanned Facebook and saw a friend proclaiming in her status about their family pet they had planned to “let go”, asked for prayers and then had a MIRACLE overnight. Their pet was going to live!  I then opened my book and a quote I jotted down from long ago, some sermon, some speaker, no idea…“Believe what God says about you, not what you feel. You are a Miracle.”

So, I began my day with this beautiful vignette of thoughts. I am believing God, my friend had a Miracle and proclaimed it, and God believes in me!

This is the confidence I have in approaching God…if I ask anything according to His will, he hears me. I know if he hears me, whatever I ask, I will have what I ask for.  I John 5:14-15

3 Things for good design, God’s design:  We ask, God listens, if it aligns with his plans we receive.

Fortunate ones

Uncategorized

0bf3c5016fc0301f1f8fa9b0db68f55bYears ago, I was responsible for a camp outing for boys and girls.  These children were handpicked based on the probability they would not be able to go to camp…this cool, adventurous camp made up of children of engineers, doctors, attorneys and such. We decided to bring in speakers who could share how they became a leader.

My guest arrived and I prepped him, suggesting, “Recall a time in your life of struggle or challenge and simply share how you got through and why you are stronger for the struggle.”

He replied, ” I don’t have anything to share.  I have not experienced struggle.” So, he stood, towering over a group of children sitting “criss-cross applesauce” and talked about himself and his accomplishments.

I have often pondered this. Is it possible to never experience misfortune? Is it possible to have been so fortunate that things were easy, no struggle, no yearning, no valleys…all peaks?

The fortunate ones, the ones without struggle, without challenge or sorrow…the ones who insist they’ve had no challenge…”it ain’t me, I’m not the fortunate one”.

I’m the one who thinks too much. Who laughs at herself, who embraces her imperfections, who smiles when a bird sings its morning song. Who shares her story, raw, real and true.

I’m the fortunate one who knows everyone has struggles…but only a few of us are courageous enough to use our stories for good…for God.

Looking for red birds

Uncategorized

Lisa Anne Tindal's avatarLisa Anne Tindal

IMG_6423601501667So today I saw a red bird and thought of my grandma. They’re everywhere now; on the fence as I park my car at work or greeting me as I walk to my car at the end of the day, just sort of showing up, lingering for a second, then as if given a little “boost” flying high and away. As if to just take me to a sweet place of memories.

But today, this bird, more of a burgundy hue, bravelydarted just in front of my car and then flew sideways for just a second before disappearing into the trees. I always think seeing a red bird has meaning, a message. I have not read any “wives tales”, folklore or the Farmer’s Almanac to know this, I just know that anytime I see a red bird, I stop and think of my grandma. She collected red birds.

Today, because…

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Looking for red birds

Uncategorized

IMG_6423601501667So today I saw a red bird and thought of my grandma. They’re everywhere now; on the fence as I park my car at work or greeting me as I walk to my car at the end of the day, just sort of showing up, lingering for a second, then as if given a little “boost” flying high and away. As if to just take me to a sweet place of memories.

But today, this bird, more of a burgundy hue, bravely darted just in front of my car and then flew sideways for just a second before disappearing into the trees. I always think seeing a red bird has meaning, a message.  I have not read any “wives tales”, folklore or the Farmer’s Almanac to know this, I just know that anytime I see a red bird, I stop and think of my grandma. She collected red birds.

Today, because of the fierce intent of this bird to catch my eye as I hurried about my day; I made a mental note, “You need to slow down, Lisa. You’re hurried and you’re running like crazy, you’re about to crash.”

What gets your attention? What little sweet  do you notice? What crosses your path that for whatever reason lingers as something more than happenstance?

God is in the details. Don’t forget to notice.

Proud Mom, Gracious God, Humble children

Uncategorized

Lisa Anne Tindal's avatarLisa Anne Tindal

345ea6c284102bb4a26e444127277298Lord, May these words fall on the eyes of those who are not offended by honesty and soul-searching seeking of You. May I realize the sufficiency of Your grace.

I am not looking forward to the baseball game. In fact, I am dreading it. My son has been on the bench. If I am honest, I’m sad and worried. I am stopping now to grab a jacket or blanket and prepare to leave for the field. I procrastinate knowing this ridiculous anxiety will make me into a mean mom. One of those parents people avoid.

I have spent my day pondering “the root of bitterness” (Hebrews 12:15) that has formed in my heart and after an epiphany of sorts, I have sufficiently labeled this root as pride.

So, here I sit in my chair, opening the word of God to begin to understand the damaging effects of pride. Pride seeks…

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Proud Mom, Gracious God, Humble children

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345ea6c284102bb4a26e444127277298Lord, May these words fall on the eyes of those who are not offended by honesty and soul-searching seeking of You. May I realize the sufficiency of Your grace.

I am not looking forward to the baseball game. In fact, I am dreading it. My son has been on the bench. If I am honest, I’m sad and worried. I am stopping now to grab a jacket or blanket and prepare to leave for the field. I procrastinate knowing this ridiculous anxiety will make me into a mean mom. One of those parents people avoid.

I have spent my day pondering “the root of bitterness” (Hebrews 12:15) that has formed in my heart and after an epiphany of sorts, I have sufficiently labeled this root as pride.

So, here I sit in my chair, opening the word of God to begin to understand the damaging effects of pride. Pride seeks to exalt, to self-promote, to dull the light of others. Pride is not good, moms. Pride says “look how amazing I am”. Pride acts as if God has no hand in our success, their accomplishments. Pride moves God to the background because Pride says  “Notice me” or “Notice my daughter, my son. I did that!”

Pride ignores all perfectly logical reasons for your situation. It matters not that I clearly understand and accept this season. None of that matters because pride is ugly and miserable and selfish. Pride tells your mind and heart that there is no reason why you are not the “one and only best”. Pride messes with your head and switches on the “I’ll fix this, I can’t make it through this” button.

Pride says, “Don’t trust God, trust your circumstances.”

Two identical verses:  scattered in separate books, not my plan to read either places…but obviously God’s.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. James 4:5

GOD OPPOSES THE PROUD BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. I PETER 5:5

Lord, I surrender this root of bitterness. Give your grace to my humble soul.

Secrets and stars

Uncategorized

10151695822981203Can heaven be as simple as a star-filled sky on a black expanse of night?  I wonder when I find myself glancing upward then quickly away. I hesitate to gaze, face tilted towards the sharply pointed specks of light,  for I could stay there for hours looking for heaven.

But, I turn and stare into darkness with questions unanswered. Does mama know I’m looking for her amongst the stars?

There are inquiries left hanging. Horrible, unexplainable losses that make no sense…yet we look towards heaven, we ask and wait. We trust,believe and we embrace. We are  confounded by unknowns, yet lost without our Lord, our solace. We rest in his sovereign embrace. We are comforted in the acceptance of the “not knowing” and we are confident in the assurance of heaven…even when we can’t find it hidden amongst the stars.We are waiting expectantly to see the “secret things”…the secrets in the stars.

The secret things belong to the Lord, our God.  Deuteronomy 29:29