Dreams and mornings

Children, courage, Faith, family, Motherhood, Prayer, rest, Vulnerability, wonder

Colt and I sat for a bit this morning as the darkness lingered in the rain.  His usual sauntering towards the door could wait I suppose, as if he knew.

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Some thoughts, memories, random comments spoken yesterday found their way out last night.

Out from the places in my mind that apparently were unsatisfied with the time I devoted to pondering.

That’s where dreams come from, I’ve decided, good, bad, scary or beautifully outlandish.

They’re just bits of thoughts, really.

Not seen through to the end, tied up neatly, put away.

I dream quite grandly.  I notice explicitly, don’t just discard my thoughts, that I put them aside for later.

This morning, I unraveled the night’s inventory of yesterday’s profound incompleteness of thoughts.

And, the big dog rested his head on the edge of his bed, heaved a satisfied sigh and waited there.

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I notice most everything, ponder things longer than most.

It’s a gift and a burden. A gift, because I care deeply.

A burden because my mind sometimes hoards  what should be let go, the irrelevant and the irrational.

Holds onto a thought, a conversation and then goes to bed with

“What if?

So, I rose early on my day off.  Saw my daughter who went to bed exhausted and achy as bright as sunshine and crisp as blue sky, heading out into rainy darkness to bless little  4-year olds.

Thankful she was not sick and I smiled at the thought of bride.

Just a little blip of a bad and worrisome dream….not reality,

Yay for a pretty wedding in less than three months!

And my son was asleep, his last day at home. He had not left with his guitar on his back without saying goodbye.

Another dream, not so much a “blip”.

More like a marathon on Netflix, an engrossing drama, looking everywhere for something, all vivid characters and colors.

Dreams that make you thrilled for morning.

Mornings mean clarity and gratitude.

Best things about it to me along with coffee and Bible.

Big dog patiently waiting as I scribble, read, thank.

Until we begin the day, noticing.

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Noticing all day, all the goods, turning the not

Balloons, Anchors, Hope and Faith

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, wonder

Walking outside with dogs, hoping for a glimpse of tangerine sunrise and I’m happy to turn back, look up and get crescent moon instead. It’s my favorite moon.

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Makes me hopeful for things happening in places I can’t see yet.

Makes me believe, stay faithful.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for.

Hebrews 11:1

Inspires me not to give up.

Like faith, believing the things I see now.

Things that caught me by surprise.

Hoping for the fullness not seen yet.

Holding onto hope like thumb and index squeezing pretty ribbons trailing balloons.

You may have heard the verse. It’s become the trendy quote, the go-to for hope. The definition of hope, an anchor for your soul.

 We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19

There’s strength in this verse. The idea of being firmly secure, able to drift only just so far…our souls in a place of safety, anchored, sure to stay put. That’s a good feeling; but, hope’s something more to me.

Something a little lighter, a little brighter, even whimsical.

Like pretty balloons gathered together for celebration.

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Imagine if we all went through our days balloons tied to our wrists or held gingerly as we stopped to acknowledge a friend.

Think of your day, appointments handled, issues resolved, periwinkle colored balloon hovering above your desk.

What joy it would be to turn upon waking and see it there, tied to nightstand drawer pull, moving ever so slightly as you begin your day.

Most of all think of the countenance upon our faces as we paused, intermittently to  look towards balloon.

Well, that for me is hope.

It’s looking up towards heaven reminded that hope’s still there.

It’s the crescent moon, crisp and bright against morning sky.

It’s expecting sullen sky and turning back towards home to see pearly white clouds filtering light.

It’s being reminded of what we’ve held in our hand all along.

Hope and faith, balloons and anchors

 

Linking up with others who Tell His Story

 

Seeking, Walking, Seeing

courage, Faith, grace, Prayer, rest, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

I can certainly see why people may find faith, trust and surrender to God as futile activities. All require the giving up of control, of engagement in outcome and of the opportunity to collaborate outcomes for our own lives.

Still, I begin my day with God. Some days, though, I’m only midway through and have forgotten the strength of my time.

I falter, seeking again to see things unclear. Just a few minutes every morning, storing up reserves of wisdom, most likely needed for recall by noon. Some days I’m more disciplined, more connected. Some not.

A day can change directions in an instant when doubt, fear, and insecurities take the wheel.

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I’ve begun to read through the Bible this year. I’m up to Chapter 6 of Genesis.  Already, I’m understanding Eve and her choice to eat from the forbidden tree in a new way. I can empathize with Eve, the one responsible for changing the plans of God

What a frighteningly honest admission.

The one who caused our viscious cycle of honoring God only to question God. The first of us,  responsible for all of man, of woman, incapable of resting in the place of not knowing, the place of trust.

Eve was tricked, she rationalized her behavior…how can it be wrong for me to know good from evil, to know what is to come? The words of the serpent made sense. Sometimes make sense to me.

For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5
Today started strong for me as far as my faith. An engaging lesson, a beautiful song and my pastor’s convicting message.
After lunch though, my mind drifted, couldn’t find rest.  I wondered about this, doubted that.
Moving through afternoon with nothing more than mindless chores towards evening, I decided at dusk to walk.
Reluctantly moving my thoughts, my feet, my mood,  seeking God nevertheless.  My walks are seeking walks. Whether I intend them  to be or not.
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The sky was blue this evening.  Not blue like ocean, bright tiles or happy eyes on freckled face child. The blue was of winter on a Sunday marking the end of the day on the cusp of hopeful next.
I turned to see the sunset from various spots on my path. And it happened. I paused in God’s nearness.
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Then walked on towards home, towards the unknowns of tomorrow.

Its good and its evil, perhaps.

My life in God’s hands.

Content in the reminding.

O’ Lord, in the morning you hear my voice… Psalm 5:3

 

Our King Has Come – Walk in Confidence

Faith, grace, praise, rest, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

I  laid the Advent Card representing today, beside my journal.

From darkest of darkness came light

From darkest of darkness came light

My intent to ponder its visual as I’d done with the others.

The day got away from me and I waited for the rain to offer a half hour or so.

I wanted to walk.

I walked, noticing grey skies and vacant landscape. The sky, foreboding, the wind stronger when I turned back towards home.

But, it was okay. I walked on, my steps confident.

Raindrops blowing around me, landing sharply on my face like tiny pin pricks.

Still, I walked on, a confident, good and strong walk.

Trees, dark and severe against the stormy sky. Bare, curly limbs curled, like tight fists clenched.

The air was thick and the clouds began to meld into a more solidly thick darkness.

Still, I walked on.

Noticed barren limbs again on path.

Reminding me of crown made of thorns. Of a dark foreboding day before symbolic and surprisingly new life, His resurrection, mine.

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Closer to home, I stopped to look for my companion.

A hawk. First noticed as I turned toward walking path from driveway.

Large bird, solitary and intermittent in showing itself, in unison it seemed.

I walked on,  turning to  look towards  sky.

Back home, greeted by dogs, I look up and see again.

Circling above, still.

Led me home, joined me there, made sure I’m good.

And I think of what I can’t discern, bigger than me, greater than I can figure and I realize there’s no need.  His way is not our way

Making sure I'm okay

Making sure I’m okay, leading me home

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the night marked by the birth of a King, our Savior.

A King without a throne.

whose only crown was twisted, mainly limbs of brittle thorn.

A King sired by Holy Spirit. God the Father, to save our souls.

Merry Christmas.  Advent has led us here.

 

Following your Star, Unwrapping your Gift

Children, courage, family, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, wonder
Advent Thoughts

Advent Thoughts

On today, the day before the eve of Christmas Eve, I started with a note from my daughter, reminding me of Christmas coming…”feel better” it said and so I committed to feel better.

And I did.  Some little things happened to help in the betterment of day. Gifts were wrapped, special notes written and gifts received.

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Beautifully gifted day

I prayed twice and then read about the star that was followed by the wise men.

Thought of them differently, not of bearded ancient figures with long flowing robes walking through the desert gazing upward.

I thought of them as wise people, intelligent, wise men.

It occurred to me then that the star must have been so spectacularly compelling they couldn’t imagine not seeking to know more.

Couldn’t imagine turning back, abandoning their souls’ fulfillment.

Wise men, yet still seeking to know more, to experience fullness as their feet followed, guided by brilliant star.

So, I jotted quickly, so as not to forget the thought.

Hesitant to record my thoughts because they felt strong like epiphany.

To write in my journal might lessen the power of my thoughts.

But, I wrote a note to self:

“What’s your star?  Where is the place God has for you?  What gifts in store?  What is the work God would have you achieve, knows you’re both capable of and long for?

If my feet followed my heart led by Jesus, knowing spectacular like a bright star awaits, I wonder where I’d be.

What gifts are waiting for my unwrapping?

Is it writing?

Painting?

Maybe the joy of leading by example, so that others move towards their calling, their joyous star. 

Yesterday and Today

courage, Faith, praise, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, wonder

Yesterday started with daylight only sparsely present.  I walked outside and noticed the clouds shifting in a swooping motion.

It was supposed to be more chilly, I thought. My daughter said, “It hasn’t moved through yet. It’s coming.”

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And it did, we had dinner after shopping later, the wind cold and the sky filling with stars above a fuzzy peace sunset.

I remembered earlier in the day, I had sat aside the Advent Card for Day 20, noticing the image so much like stars, clouds, waiting for change.

Little triangle shapes like Christmas trees planted for next year’s home.

little trees growing

little trees growing

Thinking of how nervous and anxious I was on Thursday for what I’d be doing Friday,  speaking in front a large group, cameras, prominent people…but I was okay, it was okay.

Yesterday was good. Good and unexpected things made me smile. There was some bad, some annoying and out of nowhere mean, sharp words.

A good day, but a long one.

Yesterday becoming today.

Yesterday was good. Today will be too.

We’re closer to Christmas, closer to Christ.photo-35_kindlephoto-6872653

Come thou long expected Jesus.

 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

Matthew 1:20-21

Angel moon and stars

Children, courage, Faith, family, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

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The moon tonight had an angelic halo type haze circled around.

Many years ago, we’d made it back home from my mama’s funeral and had collapsed back into the house.

Worn, weary and drained.

Grief has a way of doing that.

You go through the motions of the ceremonial last gathering and when you’re done…you’re really done and emptied of most everything.

But, on that night almost six years ago,  my nephew called.

Told us all,  “Go outside, look at the moon…grandma Bette is looking down.”

And we did, my daughter and I, walked out into the cold January night and turned towards heaven to see the moon.

To stay there in that place, moonlit bright, shiny and fuzzy with glow as we felt mama, Grandma Bette looking down.

Tonight, the moon looked the same and I paused, not sorrowful or longing for backward steps; instead moving on as I drove.

Secure in the presence of moon, of mama.

Weaving on roads with few other people out, a cool night, stars all around and a crescent moon with a soft glow.

Making my way back home to son, daughter, husband and dogs…the glow of Christmas to greet me, the colors of Jesus filling the rooms.

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I thought of the stars again,  imagining how brightly they must have shone on the night our Savior was born, unobstructed by city light, by busy life.

I thought of shepherds following one star.

I wondered if they were convinced or unsure.

Doubted whether to continue on…following a star.

I wondered if their only hope was hope enough, to glance upward to stay on course, continuing on because of the one they were seeking.

The long expected one to guide us when star shine faded.

… they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was.

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

Matthew 2:9-10

Overjoyed by where the star led them.

Like me, maybe my nephew, my daughter, nieces, brothers and sister.  We look towards the moon that leads us to remember, its aura, like an angel with halo.

We pause to lift our faces towards heaven.

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Finding light, calm and bright

courage, Faith, grace, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

What an irony that I drove back country roads to church feeling empowered by God, yet surrounded by ominous gray sky.

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Most mornings, after some time of quiet, I’m rejuvenated and stirred in a way that increases my faith.  Depending on the day, I may walk in trust all day, or may not even leave the house before I feel less trusting.  Hope is like the air inside a brightly colored balloon, it’s what keeps our faces tilted towards God.

Imagine the hopelessness of Mary about to give birth and of Joseph, her companion and support on this journey of believing only because God said it would be accomplished…as they were turned away again and again…no room for you.

Yet, I believe on that night of seeking a place to rest, they were silent in their search for shelter, all was calm and all was bright.

Despite the dark unknown.

Advent, Day 15

Advent, Day 15

Such is a life of faith,  of seeking to be close to God. It’s darkness and it’s light, calm and sometimes bright.

It’s mainly journeying with the heart and mindset of one seeking a place to feel safe, sheltered and at peace.

And looking for light, creating light.

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Favored and Growing

courage, Faith, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

I took today’s image, Day 11 Advent and laid it on my desk

Next to small books, bird’s nest and collected things, they’re pretty objects to distract and to settle me all at the same time.

This softly colored yellow card, with tree branch painted white over the word “eleven”.

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It’s been my favorite all along, its simplistic beauty.

The idea of a solitary branch reaching out to grow, to yearn for the best and farthest reaching places.

Like grabbing hold that thing that’s just beyond your grasp

The tiniest, most delicate of newly sprouted  branches with much room to grow.

Like a renewed desire prompted by a sincere compliment.

The things we love reach out and grow just as far and as strong as we allow or not.

Pruned by doubt or nourished by wholehearted belief.

It’s no secret anymore, the thing that you nourish like a Spring planted tree, fed, watered, cared for wholeheartedly, until

It nourishes you back.

.. it was because you favored them and smiled on them.  Psalm 44:3

Jesus We Love You

Faith, family, grace, Prayer, rest, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

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On this, the seventh day of Advent, I undo the card from my display.

Remembering my son’s girlfriend,  IsabeI chose this as her favorite.

On this Saturday that’s yet to unfold

O’ Glorious Day!

My heart sings an old song.

My Jesus, I love thee

Know thou art mine

For thee all the folly

Of sin, I resign.  My precious redeemer

Savior

Art thou.  If ever I loved thee

My Jesus ’tis now.

Oh, what a beautiful reminder of peace is the sunshine flooding through my window, remembrance of the gift of day!

As if to say,  “Here’s a new day…Let it be good.”

The tree, only partly adorned, photo-27_kindlephoto-698300 reaching out to capture the light of day

And my little journal,  gratitude list,

Just one word with a period added for emphasis.

Prayer.

To you, O’ Lord, I lift up my soul.  For you are good, and ready to forgive and abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Psalm 86:4-5

 Jesus, we love you.

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee today 

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/six-steps-to-a-guilt-free-christmas-tellhisstory/