wonder

Life and Peace

bravery, Faith, grace, mercy, Prayer, rest, Salvation, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

The spongy little leaves keep popping out, the ones near the soil turning darker, even falling away. I positioned my mama’s broken pot in the direction of my gaze.

When I’m in between understanding and figuring out, I look over and let the void of not always knowing cause me to stop my circling back to self-condemnation.

I don’t understand words like “righteous” fully; I just know I’m not supposed to be self-righteous.

And I don’t really feel good enough to be called pure, I’m more prone to remembering my sins.

Yesterday, I had a chance to sit with someone and talk about being “righteous”.

We talked of tainted pasts and ideas about ourselves shouted loudly from the mouths of others.

I had my Bible and she asked to hold it.

Her hands reached softly, she opened and turned the thin pages with a sweet respect and she noticed the margins, the place where I let my mind unravel, the place where it’s clear I believe.

Her hands moved sweetly over the pages, she sighed “oh” or “so beautiful”, the sketches and my scribbling.

It was a quiet time, unrushed, a beautiful exchange.

Is there need for any more than that?

Than more of moments like these, when I listen to the Spirit nudging me to do something unexpected, to sit with another and talk about my long and winding path to believing I am loved by God?

To do so without long discussion, debate or standing up high on my pedestal to say “this is how it’s done! “?

Because, if I’m honest I’m still learning to rest there myself, believing unwavered.

The little succulents in the broken pot are a miracle really. Finicky little species of plant, they’re best left untended.

Too much water, they drown. Too much shade, they wither. Too much sun, or not warmth from sun in just the right time, the thick leaves fall from the stem that is meant to nourish.

I started with two plants; now, there are five. My mama’s broken pot with birdnest and a feather, now like a shady forest.

The petals that broke away finding soil again, growing on their own amongst the others.

This morning, I went back to questioning my righteousness, unable to fathom ever calling myself pure or noble or upright.

Those labels make no sense to me, I am pondering. I am searching for understanding and I am praying.

Dear Lord,

Enlighten me.

Make things clear for me. Be near so that I will know the nearness of you and

I’ll not need to look for you in the

Measurement of me.

Amen.

Then I turned to Romans, because my read through the Bible guide directed me there, no other reason other than I tend to follow rules.

I saw the margin, recognized my hand there:

The words I’d written “life and peace” and the underlined verses that told me how and why.

“For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

To rely on me for my growth, for where I may be planted is futile. To be so very close to God, it’s oh, so mysteriously unfathomable at times, is really not so complex at all.

Grow where He has me, where he plants me, gives opportunity to bloom again after growing brittle or withered, weary.

To live by the Spirit is to absorb His word and to be less driven towards my part in this life lived by faith,more willing and surrendered to allow His Spirit to be my guide.

Guiding me to places like my Bible in the lap of another and a quiet conversation about why I believe in Jesus.

Not because of the scary preacher who called me “Sinner” but, because of a gentler Spirit, the Holy One.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:37-39

linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee today at Tell His Story. Read this really beautiful piece about sitting alongside others and being kind: http://jenniferdukeslee.com/best-thing-can-4th-july/

dbdc4aff-5690-4e57-94e4-7badc916de74-319-0000001872923f25-2

The Place of Grace

bravery, courage, Faith, grace, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

“Coastal” 

I get lost here.

Little corner room, back of the house, I’ve not called it “studio”.

Most likely won’t ever. 

No prompting or edit,  just doing and done. I begin, am absorbed and oblivious and I continue. 

I finish, am uplifted, content. 

Emptying of mind, freeing up of space cluttered by my strict measure of certain or not so.

My fingers in the paint, open tubes and little jars, chalky smooth or shiny pastel.

Scattered about my desk, dark wood and spackled color. 

Sit, stand, walk away and come back.

It’s a joyous abandonment.

The rare place I give myself grace. 

No restraints, time or talent up for dispute. 

Music in the corner slinkin’ out into the room and someone might peek in to say hello or goodbye, but only for a minute.

My sacred spot, they’re careful in their kind intrusion.

My solace, unruffled by my perception of demand.

I coat the canvas in neutral hue, wait patiently and decide. 

Time to understand, to listen in the quiet enough to hear. 

Place that feels so true I wonder if there’s need of disclaimer:

No worries, I’m fine, just talking to myself and speaking real clear and true.  Look away if you might be so moved or unmoved by “too much Lisa”. 

Sometimes, I know, my words seem broken. The times I remember grace, abandon the yearn for glory. The grace too true not to be brave. 

Then, I paint and again, I can pray the prayer of surrender…to truly, truly finally grasp what it means to let go, let be, let being.

Let my words and my story grow from an abandoned mind, my words flow like color.

A shadow here, bright light there, layers thick and tactile, real because of grace… “The Colors of my Bible”. 

I understand now, the reason time passes me by, I dip my feet in the pool of contentment and then I rest in the place where I go to paint. 

The place that is easy, the grace given me by me, my place of grace. 

Reminding me of grace, amazing it is, that place I remember grace.

“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

‭‭John‬ ‭1:16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 Profit and Loss

courage, Faith, grace, grief, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder


I’ve been told I should paint

something 

other than 

angels. 

And so, I consider the landscape. I think

in terms of abstraction. Thick paints, maybe floral; perhaps, a rooster or crow.

Then, someone who sat with her daddy today

until the moment he became breathless.

She messaged me to say,  “I look at your angels and feel at peace.”

And I want to say, me too. 

But, that feels self-serving. I don’t. 

Instead, I say “I am so very sorry for your loss.”

 because

I remember

and I am. 

Like the Mornin’

courage, Faith, grace, mercy, praise, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

I’m gonna do my very best.

I declare. I am. 

Decided, just now, to live more like the morning.

Easy like Sunday or Wednesday or Tuesday,

Mornin’.

Try to live all day “easy peasy” like the thin lines on the blinds becoming silvery gray, drawing me to wake and early, saying let’s go and see.

Morning, takin’  it easy on me.

Time for anticipating, of dark coffee, pink pencil and the corner sofa spot where the tall thin lamp shines down in a quiet welcome, come.

I’m gonna live like morning all day if I can.

To be less frustrated by the unexpected unfriendliness of the day, I’ll turn back to my morning page reread and I’ll decide,

Okay, show me again. I know I read it in your book, underlined, recorded and thought for more than a second…this is God and this is good. This is for me.

No more gettin’ sidetracked by demands and details, brain overloaded from multiple tasks.

I’ve decided to try, too good not to, just try to break the habit of thinkin’ dread and despair and doubt. The things that come out most every middle of the day, like a prisoner breaking out, they’re gonna make their mischief, stir up stuff.

I’m gonna try, here and ready to begin yet again to be unswayed by patterns or people or less than promising plans.

Give me back my morning, no kidding.

I will surely thank me.

If I can live like morning for just a little bit longer like the summer sunrise lingers lazily deciding,  I’m staying up late, I’d surely be more contented come the night.

I’d stretch out my morning mind and soul, establish new ways.

I’m gonna live like the morning, savor it like creamy brown coffee, the color of thick chocolate shake.

I’m gonna cup my cup of morning and do better, I decide.

Less straining towards back home to sigh and declare oh, another day, another day…

Live easy like the mornin’,  yes, so much less me, so much more Him.

“Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭143:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬ 

Discovering this Thursday morning, a beautiful and oh, so timely post about joy and suffering at quietlyreminded.com 

What a pretty place to visit, art and words and grace and truth! 

 
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee as she writes about family.

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/just-needed-someone-love-god-made-family/

Oh, My, Goodness and Thank You Wow

Uncategorized, wonder

What does one say when a respected blogger, ever thought provoking in his content, and simply breathtaking in his visuals decides to share your words? 
It’s been a long day | Live & Learn

It’s been a long day

You say “Oh, My, Goodness!” and then since he’s a New Yorker, you explain to him that oh my goodness means wow, thank you, wow! And you hope he smiles to have been schooled in all things Southern. 
Again, I am thankful and amazed of the ways God continues to “enlarge my borders”.

The Essence of Days

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, mercy, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

Forward with Grace

Wouldn’t it be phenomenal to carry around all day…all the day long, 

the little confirmations

epiphanies 

the truths spoken by another

that happen to be gracefully

placed in your lap?

Most especially the ones that ease your mind

lessen the pressing pressure of what next, what now, what if and what if not? 

The ones that make resting and trusting and doing just our small part in this ginormously, great big world more like grace and less like not enough, even drudgery? 

God is for us. God is with us. 

Step easy, Lisa, tell others the same, that 

there are places He is preparing. 

Seemingly insignificant or maybe no step at all; yet, even my planted feet and heart in places I think dull and lowly are privy to the light.

We are not meant to be seen as God’s perfect, bright shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace. 

Wisdom from Oswald Chambers

The seemingly useless steps are taking us to places we’ll be a light, maybe be warmed by the light of another. Then, round the corner and look back, enlightened. 

I believe this. 

I am trusting this as truth. 

I just keep taking the next step knowing there’s no call for standing in the crowd and recounting my failures, there’s no retribution that demands I shrug off the notice of the works of my hands. 

There’s no need to deny or lessen the good by stepping back into my wanderings to tell of the bad. 

There’s grace in the ordinary life I live that just needs to live, knowing it’s all miracle, all of this beautiful stuff every morning. 

All the days long. 

A wise man I read as often as possible shares occasionally, using the phrase “Miracle, All of It” and gracious his words are beautiful and true examples! 

The everyday essence. Bird nests discovered, things coming through, us being children of God, dogs snoring, eyes waking, happenstance meetings to discover “me too”. 

No accidental occurrences. 

Miracles

of grace. 

And us happy all the day because of them. 

This is God’s desire,

I believe. 

The Tide

bravery, courage, Faith, grace, mercy, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

I’m not at all a deep water person. I see my family riding the waves when I sit all alone and I’m the watchtower one, keeping head count, strong shoulders popping up from the deep.

They’ll stand and talk, drift away. I glance towards my book, but not for long. I hurry to take account of them again, my family out in deep, dark water hoping for strong waves to ride.

I’ll join them sometimes; but, only for the sake of taking part. The pull back towards the unknown keeps me near the shore. The way the water causes me to plant my feet and pause makes me uncertain.

Still, every summer I get a little closer to letting the tide take me where it may, a little more adrift, a gradual and deeper depth.

As a little girl, I almost drowned and it seemed no one noticed soon enough.

This is why I’m hesitant to go too deep. I resist the pull of let’s go farther out, let’s explore new places and experience new opportunities and challenges.

Take more chances.

I worry over the steadiness of my feet.

Lately,  I took some chances and went out to ride the waves, played around in the deep with other brave and happy swimmers; but, decided no, you should just sit it out.

You’re not quite ready, head back to shore and think about this a little while longer, maybe you can try again.

So, like finding my place from the water amongst all the bodies and chairs, I headed back towards safety.

Stopping where the tide hit the backs of my calves and nearly knocked me down, I braced myself for a minute lest I fall embarrassed by my lingering and dropping back.

I stepped from the cool water and back to my place, the place of feeling safe but, wishing I’d have gone farther.

I settled apart from the others, the sea teasing and taunting me for my lack of courage.

There’s a song Mark Hall and Casting Crowns sings called “That was Then”… Goes on to say “This is Now”.

Standing at the water’s edge
I dropped my dreams when I dropped my nets
No hesitation, no regrets
I followed You
But that was then
And this is now

Now is when you forget how strong you were before because you forgot the one who made you believe you could.

Or maybe now is when you ventured out all cocky without your soul tethered to your anchor.

This morning, I’m acknowledging my progress.

I’d love to say “finally” as if it might never happen again; but I know I’m new at swimming in this ocean.

I can’t ever stay steady focused or brave in my stepping  out on my own.

This is my 499th post and regardless of where I’m going in this writing journey, where I’ve been and who I am now seems to be most relevant to me this morning.

Because, more than becoming a better writer, a more polished and creatively appealing assembler of words, I have grown in my understanding of God in this thing I still call my uncovered treasure from tiny God-planted seed.

I stop now, because I sense my rambling, my lack of creative and skilled elimination of repetition. Apologies, my work is in progress.

I wonder again though, just how far God might take me, how much farther out he might point my steps if I’d stop reminding him that I can’t swim.

Yesterday, I prayed “Lord, thank you for slowing down my success. Thank you for drawing me back. Give me strength to stay near.”

I’ve had some special opportunities in writing and painting happen for me.

Yet, I got caught up in the excitement looking for the next big wave.

Then, the river seemed to dry up, stopped its flow.

So, I prayed.

By day’s end someone commissioned five paintings.

I returned to “boot camp” to continue my commitment to make my body an acceptable living sacrifice and in between these two steps I had the courage to ask for writing help and signed up for a mentor.

Trusting the tide.

“Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:133‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee. her post challenges us to think of what lies we are telling ourselves about ourselves. A very timely one for me.

Read here: http://jenniferdukeslee.com/six-words-can-make-difference/

Little Whiles

courage, Faith, family, grace, Prayer, rest, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

I stopped in at the art store, the time of the month to collect on any art sold. 


I looked towards “my wall” and there they were, “all my girls”. 

We talked of business being slow and of shoppers being a little scarce. I listened, and for a second drifted towards the pity place. I turned to leave and said ” See you soon.” Then stopped, turned back and she looked up from her work to hear me announce…

“It’s never been up to me, what happens with the paintings. I’ll keep painting and see where God takes them next.”

No reply from the shop owner just a nod that said “I know, Lisa. I know this because I know you.”

What I expect gets all messed up in the mix of what comes true. You’d not believe the number of angel paintings I’ve sold or given as gifts if I could recount . You might not believe either that God led me to love writing, rekindled two flames from tough times. 

You might, no should believe there have been days marred by thoughts of others thinking I think too much of myself, my words, my canvas. 

You would be correct. Certainly days that prideful and glorious expectation took all the joy away and made it prideful pursuit to sustain my worth instead of gentle and humble, happy revelation of  what God could do through my hands and thoughts. 

Yes, plenty of moments of “too much Lisa”, not enough Jesus. 

So, he causes a pause in the fury of it all, the addiction of being praised and noticed. 

I’ve learned to love the pause; I know it’s wisdom and wonder and wonderful. 

That I’m writing and painting and waiting seems to be my place now, a slight lull, a place of a simmer.  

So, I know, the embers are there and I’m expecting God will decide when and how the fires will burn, burn for Him. 

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

http://www.fiveminutefriday.com

Linking up with others to write prompted by “expect” . 

Let Be

family, grace, marriage, rest, Teaching, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

You can’t see it probably, 

a shadowy place there amongst the growth. 

This statue-like border up the edge of the pool fence, it started with one branch, like an arm reaching up to warm sky. 

I ranted two summers straight.

“Please trim that ridiculous hedge!” 

All I could think is one day I’d come home and the shrubbery out front would be trimmed into shapes of rooster tails or some design alternating loops and curves, 

Edward Scissorhand-ish and such. 

He loved the randomness of the way it decided to grow up the fence. 

I was annoyed by the intentional way we now on purpose had a bush growing uncontrolled up the fence. 

I decided, no use. 

Let it be. 

Like the sheets all crinkled and untucked or the rag thrown on the counter, not folded over sink 

or the one sip milk jug back in the fridge or…

Summer almost here again and the towering shrub has far exceeded the height of fence top. 

But, I’ve grown to love it.

And the hollowed out place, the opening to the innards is now the place where the mama goes in, a mockingbird careening towards its nest as I watch through my morning kitchen window. 

I walked out with the dogs and turned just now in the mist of rain and thought how beautiful it is to let things be. 

Growing freely, differently, more strong and for reasons yet to be seen. 

To be “let be”

and it just occurred to me this is a post about marriage. 

Rare and different feeling

Oddly nice, this change, this growth in us, in me, the letting be and letting love. 

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭ESV


Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee. I hope you’ll take a minute to read her most beautiful prayer here: http://jenniferdukeslee.com/will-pray-prayer/

Grace Awaits

Children, courage, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

Today, I’ve decided to look for the grace. 

3 verses down from the verse I call “life”, the one that I first claimed as my daddy’s verse and then decided it could be mine too, is a verse that reminds me of how God is always gracious. He waits to be gracious. He longs to be gracious. He’s about to be gracious, we should anticipate the grace we don’t see coming that he’s about to give! 
In between are words that talk about “fleeing” on horses, maybe rushing ahead or going off on paths other than what are best…Isaiah is talking about a “rebellious” people. 
I thought, maybe not waiting quietly and trusting with a repentant heart is rebellion too. 
This whole waiting and trusting thing is hard. We want what we want and have no middle place…either rush ahead haphazard or throw up our hands and drop our heads in pity. 
Trust and Wait. Trust and Obey. 
I wrote a monthly column about the gentle and kind Savior and I’m still blown away by the reality of his open arms, holding me, keeping me, calling me back and loving me with new invitations to follow Him every day.
Today, look for grace, little and big. 
Grace awaits, I have proof. 

I had a moment just now wishing for something to be as before, hoping to have turned back time. Deciding, these days now are just as good as those were.

Then, I turn a corner and just like that I’m unexpectedly met by the smile, the smile the same just older, wiser and more independent.