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Day 27: looking for good – easy on myself

Faith, rest, Uncategorized
Not so serious side. "Does this artwork make my butt look big.?"

Not so serious side.
“Does this artwork make my butt look big?”

 

 

Last night, after a long day, I chose to skip writing. At choir practice, my friend Melissa told me  “You are such an encourager, they should put you in pill form.” I thought, “Well, there’s something to blog about, what people think of me.”

I felt good about the choice not to force a blog post last night..not to give in to pressure.

Nothing good comes by force.

I don’t give in to pressured requests, self-imposed or otherwise as often as before. I give myself more breaks, surprise people when I don’t have all the answers. I laugh more than people expect, always more and when least expected.

There’s a phrase I use quite often. I’ve shared it with women like myself who often are asked to do things, because we just do things so well.

I have learned to say, confidently, head tilted with a smile. “I will not over-commit to under-serve.”  You’d be amazed at the responses.  Most people are surprised when I speak my mind, writing is one thing, confidently asserting myself in spoken word is rare.

People are either in disbelief that I said “No, not now”  or they are so thrilled to have a valid reason to say “No”  themselves that they’re just standing there thinking, “Wow, when can I say this?”

Another recent realization, multi-tasking is not a superpower!

It is not something to aspire to, nor does it make me superior to others in my family because I do it so well…at least until I fall into my chair at home and want no one to talk to me.

Last week, I sent my son a text advising him of family plans.

Apparently my abbreviations made no sense. He, in his handsomely sarcastic way, replied “Why don’t you use your writing skills and intelligence in your texts?”

So, I replied that I am very busy, have a project due and someone with me now in my office, yet I stopped to reply to your text, adding   “BTW, did you know that multi-tasking shrinks your brain?”

His reply, (why did I not see this coming?)

“Well , maybe you should stop multi-tasking right now!”

So, I thought, maybe writing 31 days has made writing a demand, not a joy. I felt my writing on the verge of flat.

Maybe, the pressure to link up, share, group blog, group post is too much.

Maybe I am “over-blogging” to “under-write.”

“It’s not that serious, Lisa. Take a break.”

This morning, my mind refreshed I found, a story building

Words, again relevant.

Quietly confident

Sharing tomorrow, my strength following a time of returning and resting. (Isaiah 30:15)

Day 25: looking for good – these girls, this bond

Children, courage, family, Uncategorized
h and m

h and m

Looking through boxes of old photos this morning for my son’s Senior yearbook, I kept going back to the ones of these two.

Their faces, studies in strength; feisty with just enough fun and fearlessness. Always leaning in, holding each other close. Every single shot, same thing, stuck like glue.

An outdoor concert with a boy band, holding hands in one photo, squealing, arms over their heads in another, barefoot on a summer night in Georgia

Two girls with curled hair in scratchy dresses on Easter

Another wrestling beagles, rolling in the grass

Perched high up a pine tree on a blue sky day

Skinny dippin’ in grandma’s pool with watermelon bellies

Taking grandma’s car through the soybean field and doing donuts round and round

Growing up, missing grandma, one holding the other

Holding tight, staying close

Two young women, bodies and smiles synched in pose, poised, confident and no reservations

Strong, loud, opinionated, determined, and honest.

Beautiful, smart, and brave

Have each other’s heart…each others back

That’s what friends (and cousins) are for. Late, long phone calls, laughing, crying, listening…loving.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume. Proverbs 27:9

Day 23: looking for good – in the wide open

courage, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
brave Ivy Grace

brave Ivy Grace

Writing is like jumping off a high dock in marshy water.

Faces hovering nearby waiting to see you brave, each a commentary of probability vs. doubt.

Then, just like the arms wide open descent into the watery blue…the writer, heart wide open, writes her soul and approached by a friend hears  “I feel what you write.”

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside.”  Maya Angelou

Day 21: looking for good – knowing Jesus

Faith, family, Teaching, Uncategorized
"But what about you? Who do you say I am? Luke 9:20

“But what about you? Who do you say I am?
Luke 9:20

My grandma, “Bama” read her Bible in bed every single night, her lamp dimly shining as she silently read.  I loved my Bama, most everything she did. She was one tough woman, fussed a lot, kept us straight. Quiet though in bed with Bible.

That was a lesson, a precious picture for me.

It made a difference.

From putting bacon inside the pancakes to always having the little cookies that looked like daisies in the cookie jar.  But, I remember most her nighttime reading and understand it even more now. Bama knew Jesus.

I know Jesus, but not because of Bama.

I know Jesus because of a journey that started with true surrender and acceptance, way too late and after many rough patches.

I know Jesus because I pray and he hears. 

I know who Jesus is, Son of God, my Savior.

I know Jesus and want to know Him more, to fill my mind and soul with His words, to tell real stories of answered prayers.

Of being lost, thinking I had been found but still lost and then finally really knowing the difference.

The difference is Jesus

That’s knowing who Jesus is.

Day 20: looking for good – enlightenment

courage, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Admitting to vulnerability

Admitting to vulnerability

This morning I learned something new, a different perspective.  I was enlightened by the wisdom of a young lady. A college student, brilliant and beautiful, Marissa.

I remember first meeting her. She was a middle school student, very tall, very thin and we met at our little country church, far from her home. She was beginning her journey in a blended family.

She had been displaced yet made the best of it. Resilient and intelligent, she succeeded at a country high school where Future Farmers of America was the club of choice. She graduated with honors and now attends one of the best Universities in our State.

Scrolling through Facebook this morning,  I see she has shared a TED talk. I typically continue scrolling. Something about her sharing though made it feel significant.

Intrigued, I watched and was enlightened in a perfectly appropriate way for me for this time. For my struggle of late.

I love when God does this!

My enlightenment? The more vulnerable I am, the stronger I am. Vulnerable people are courageous. 

Courageous about being imperfect, about being compassionate without reciprocation, about believing I am worthy of love.

Vulnerability is about connections that aren’t tainted by shame and fear.

Shame and fear perpetuate unworthy.

Thank you, M for being boldly vulnerable!

Thank you, Brene’ Brown! Your wisdom, timely.

Day 18/19: looking for good- Post-it verses

courage, Faith, Motherhood, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized
2014-10-19 08.14.48

Words of Wisdom: a journey through Psalms and Proverbs

It’s Sunday morning and I’m watching church on TV. It doesn’t happen often; but, I got sick. Not just my normal complaint of back pain, headache, exhaustion…but a real diagnosable condition.

Thankfully, better this morning and my husband says I look rested. Sans makeup, my eyes, he said look brighter.

I needed to rest.

I would not have stopped. I would have continued on my frantic balance of work, family,writing and become grouchier, meaner, more exhausted and annoyed.

So, just last week, I thanked God for my health.

This week, he’s calling me to rest, to actually demonstrate that I cherish my health

It’s one thing to say Thank you, Lord. Quite another to acknowledge that thanks with what God wants. In my case, slow down and rest in Him.

Gratitude needs to be tangible with God. Obedience, lived out. God is good, has good for us when we stop to notice.

Today, I glance at my devotional, filled with pencil notes, dog-eared pages and now tiny little post it tabs. A reminder, a declaration of God’s plan for my pain, my redemption, and my faith.

I know the significance of the tabs.Every page marked holds the place of a verse,  an exhortation to write.

Not just write, blog, or post commentary on life.

To write now is to be obedient. To go farther, unsure as I go.

To be obedient in using my story for good. To not be “afraid of failure and uncomfortable with success”, a description that sums up my doubt.

But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.   Psalm 73:28

Day 13: looking for good- courage, my perspective

Faith, Uncategorized

10152232023311203She came to our shelter, she and her daughter, victims of abuse. No family here, all overseas. She had followed her military husband back to our State and ended in a tiny little town with a damaged, injured, bitter husband.

He became violent. They, afraid and alone hiding in a closet from threats of a shotgun rampage were able to leave safely.

They moved into our shelter and shared a bedroom without a window. Just a room, in a house.

A room of solace. A place at the end of the day with predictable calm.

Undereducated, afraid, cowering in public, over time the fear and anxiety eased. Her daughter blossomed, happy and outgoing. Mama went back to school. I was teary-eyed the day I saw them both baptized.

Months later, in their own place, mama has a job and a car. This is what we define, in non-profit logic model language, a successful outcome.

She is now a member of our Board.

Yet, today she came by to announce a new job with a better salary and benefits. I  hugged her and asked when she starts.   “That’s the thing, she said, I’m afraid to give my notice, I am so afraid.”

“You don’t like conflict do you, you worry about their reaction, right?”   She said,  “Yes, I know they are going to be mean.”

I continued, suggesting she read a devotional or scripture in the morning and pray.   “Handle it the very first thing.”  I said.  My assistant added,  “You have no reason not to improve yourself,  no one would blame you.”

She heard, but wasn’t listening, agonizing over what she had to do.  We typed up a resignation letter and she was a little better.

I hugged her again, and reminded her of her timeline with us, every  single baby and big step, knowing this new step would make her even stronger.

She left.

I turned to my assistant announcing,   “And that is what being physically and verbally abused to the point of hiding in a closet will do to you. ”

But it gets better over time, easier with each and every facing of fears, of angry people, controlling people, people who have insecurities, problems of their own.

Today was a gift, a reminder of redemption.

A chance to share what I know.

The gift of perspective, the courage to use my past hurts, fears, anxieties and sorrows even, for good…for God.

Courage is a good thing, good made better and better with every challenge.

Day 11: looking for good, not best

Motherhood, Prayer, Uncategorized
Spur of the moment trip Labor Day '99

Spur of the moment trip Labor Day ’99

Yesterday, I skimmed through an article about parents and the pressure for our children to best. Essentially, the writer expressed that we start out wanting what’s best for our children and before we know it’s a striving, anxious effort for them to be the best.

When I think about the things that have been best for my children, I think of the best of times, of experiences, of opportunities to let God shine through them. I don’t really think about their “shining moments” I think about the times of simply them being them.

Aren’t we all at our best when our efforts are effortless, from the heart, natural, uncalculated, unplanned?

I think about  this Labor Day trip to the beach, my first as a single parent with nothing but enough gas to make it to Tybee Island and some sandwiches.

I think about just last week when Heather and I squeezed onto the couch together watching HGTV.

I think about Austin fishing with his grandma and Heather climbing the big magnolia in her yard.

I think about Austin playing his guitar and Heather singing along with Praise music on Sunday morning.

I think about their character, being told by an admiring 9th grader when he discovers I’m Austin’s mom, “He is the nicest person on the team. He is always nice to me.”

I think about Heather’s face when she talks about her students, especially the boys and how she wants them to grow up and be strong men.

I think about the evidence of good in my babies, now grown and I remind them, God is good.

I remind myself, he has designed their unique best, His plan.

Not Mine.

I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17