Serving

My Saturday’s Share

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, Homeless, Peace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Salvation, Serving, Stillness, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

Reading your words from another “space” is hard to describe. Sometimes there’s anxiety. Sometimes there’s awe. Always, there’s the yearning to pick them up, hold them, bring them to my chest to say, “it’s alright, you were brave, you are you”.

I was awakened by this message and unintentionally did a screen shot. Yet, there are no coincidences with God, his desire is that my joy may be full.

“Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”

‭‭John‬ ‭16:24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I read my post early this morning and it caused new thoughts, new understanding of “asking for help”.

Asking for Help

This comment below on Lisa’s blog describes how God has brought others into my life to grow me and to show me I am loved:

“This post is still teaching me about Jesus, about His humility and His ever present willingness to help me. This morning, it’s reminding me that none of this is about me, only Him through me…I just get the chances to let Him shine. It’s pretty amazing the things our soul tells us when we slow down and listen.

I complain about my “job” sometimes. It’s a field everyone mentions “burn out”, carrying the things I hear and see all day, mental illness, domestic violence, child neglect, homelessness, suicide. Here’s the thing, writing this piece has shown me…if God had not placed me in this position almost nine years ago, I’d never have just gone out on my own to help/to serve. So, praise Him and thank you, Lisa, for the space for all of this to clearly land strongly.”

Shown the Way

bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, heaven, mercy, Peace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Salvation, Serving, Stillness, Trust, Vulnerability

A skinny stretch of sunlight lays across the rug and I’m captivated by the idea of a path, a choice, a plan and its leading.

I do this. I’d not say so, were it not true. I wake with slow unveiling and I soon find my confirmation in the unfolding.

“Follow that thought…there’s more for you to see, follow that train, that starting point, that pointing of the way through me.”

God, to me on this pretty morning.

This morning, I woke with the thought “How do I know the way?”

Then I read a friend’s blog post about walking in the deep spaces in the snow, her teenage grandson’s footsteps.

He lead the way, not wanting her to slip and fall.

I searched for the passage in John about “the way” and found Thomas asking Jesus what they’re supposed to do, how are they to know the way?

I continued on in Chapter 14 and found another question, Phillip asked Jesus to show him the way. I love this little epiphany God planned for me this morning, that the writer ended Jesus’ reply with an exclamation mark!

I tried to imagine Jesus reassuring me, so adamantly it would merit exclamation.

I began to sense the urgency, the hope that they, that I, that we might finally believe based on what we’ve seen, what we’ve survived, what we have made it through and all the stories of Jesus all around us through others whose lives Jesus touched, lives held in His embrace.

Like Phillip, I’m honest about my doubts, I keep asking to be shown more as an indication that all will be well.

Phillip wanted to see God the Father, wanted to be sure and Jesus said you’ve seen Him fully, faithfully through me already

and all around.

Yes, I have.

“Jesus replied, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you?”

‭‭John‬ ‭14:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Our lives are nothing short of miraculous if we consider all we’ve been given, been brought through, most of all been promised. All the times we’ve been “shown the way” through Jesus to the Father.

Intentional

Angels, Art, bravery, courage, grace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Serving, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

I love the word. It feels good, hopeful, concrete and optimistic.

I like the part of it that feels like a plan.

Feels like faith not force.

“To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with integrity you show integrity.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭18:25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I especially love that it’s Friday and all of my plans have not yet come to fruition; but, there is still time.

I woke with vigor, deciding there’s still the grace of “try” again and thanked God for that waking thought, prayed He’d equip me for writing, art, work and simply, the day.

I painted last night before “boot camp”, I started a piece and instead of hovering over it for hours to finish, I rose from my seat and went to exercise hard and with intention.

A piece I’m calling “Made New”

That’s progress for me, leaving it there, a work in progress to return to.

Not feverishly intent on the finish, instead certain in the decision to be intentional in my choice to continue.

I woke early and will be early for work. I had an idea last night. I’ll be intentional to begin to see it through.

Today, I’ll be intentional.

I’ll see the gift of the chance to continue.

I’ll forgive myself the incompletion in the days before.

Moving forward with intention.

linking up and guess, what?! I stuck to the time limit today, yay!

http://fiveminutefriday.com/2018/01/18/fmf-link-up-intentional/amp/

Recollecting Providence

bravery, Children, courage, Faith, grace, mercy, Redemption, Serving, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

A Christmas card from one I thought might not pull through, one I was worried maybe I’d done all and it had not been enough.

One who I thought my help may have run dry, she says

“Thank you for believing in me.”

I reply, “We are all in need of grace.”

A gift of a doll from my daughter. I wanted one being tossed from a float in a Christmas parade on that Sunday afternoon.

A child caught and kept one, gave it to his 1st grade teacher.

The teacher told him her mama wanted one.

He said, “I know, that’s why I brought it.”

Some call this serendipity.

I consider it providence.

Providence,

protective care of God or protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual of nature as a spiritual

I’m embroidering tiny little knots of floss in bright colors onto stockings for Christmas.

I’m struggling to thread the needle and I’m finding myself much like my grandmother wetting the thread to push through the eye of the needle, squinting and

Holding my mouth just so.

But, the most special thing is a little girl who told my daughter that Santa Claus is Jesus’ helper, he helps Jesus with the gifts.

And I’ve been thinking about it since I heard this, how I wish I’d thought to say the same.

But, deciding it’s quite okay to believe now, now and maybe later with grandbabies to help them to believe in Santa and in Jesus

and in helping.

Mostly in helping without ceasing.

In being someone another might know they had not stopped believing, believing

in.

Cups Full

courage, Faith, grace, Homeless, Serving, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

There’s a saying we say in working in careers made for helping.

There’s a reminder we remind ourselves of, “keep your cup full”.

The belief is we can’t give of ourselves to others if our cups run dry.

Another truth is we can pour and pour and pour into the cups of others; but, we gotta keep at it.

Their cups may have holes in the bottom, like a fast food cup kept to refill with water, the circle in the bottom gets soggy, the drink seeps through then drips onto our laps.

I’m beginning to believe less in the need for my cup to be refilled. You see, if I gave only a little of what I’ve been given, it would already be way more than what many have ever known.

Like the woman who chose to empty her perfume at Jesus feet, I pray I’m determined to give all, not just what I can.

I pray I not only worry about my cup staying filled to the brim;but, I recognize the excess of mine in comparison to the lack of many.

This, I’ve come to understand is the only way to survive this helping others I do.

Less me, more them and only Jesus, always as an example.

And sometimes a recipient from others’ holding a little more and pouring out what they have to share with me.

If my legacy includes hope, may it be told in ways that cause others to continue filling the cups with broken bottoms.

Better yet, give them one of yours.

May I be a resemblance of the woman bringing perfume to Jesus or even just a little like the woman called virtuous, I pray.

If only.

“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Linking up with others, prompted by the word, “only”.

Us and the Angels

Advent, Angels, Art, Faith, grace, heaven, rest, Serving, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

She arrived before anyone else, at 10 instead of 12, dropped off in the parking lot and then wouldn’t accept our offer to wait inside.

We walked past and past again unloading our cars, setting up the luncheon and Christmas festivities.

She waited, her notepad propped carefully, her arms balanced on the arms of her rolling walker.

She waited, I began to sense her an observer.

“Was she making notes about her observing of us now?” I wondered.

Today is the fifth day of Advent, the focus on the hopeful waiting for Christ and Christmas.

I painted last night, it was a must.

Because the woman who arrived two hours early was left without a ride home and we were together for more hours as she called those who’d promised to be there and then called again to be met by straight to voice mail answers.

We were together, she and I and another person left without a ride.

We were together in the parking lot of the place where the promised person said they’d meet us.

So, she asked about my children and I asked about hers. This led to asking about my life and then, finally led to asking about Jesus and her telling me about heaven.

You see, she said she died once. The doctor said for 17 minutes. She went to heaven; she saw her family and yet, she said she was given the chance to come back and live.

Now, if you know my job and know this event, you may be thinking, I pray not, “Well, that woman’s crazy.”

I pray you don’t think that, say that.

Ever.

Because, here’s where our talk went next.

After reaching a family member late in the afternoon, we moved from one parking lot to the other and were confident she was on the way to meet us.

Her telling me of heaven continued, she told me about the angels.

She said they are beautiful; but, have no wings and that’s because they’re not nearly as far from earth as we’d assume.

They have no wings because they’re only just a little above the ground.

I looked towards her, she’d rarely looked my way, her conversation a retelling, a divine appointment, I am sure.

I sensed her calling, her calling to be with me.

I, with her, not my normal way.

Because I’m guilty of being grouchy at the end of the day and I’m sorry to admit, I’m the first to accept an offer for someone else to stay behind, handle the loose ends like giving rides to stranded people.

But, not yesterday, I decided to be the one who helped this woman.

Help, not the best choice of words, more like simply being with, seeing it to the end, not so much like helping at all.

More divine, my day had been ordered by God I began to see, see even better looking back on.

I’m sure I was beaming when I told her I painted and that my angels have no wings and most often no expression on their faces.

She smiled only slightly like “Yes” and I looked towards the car to our right, “Is this you ride?” I asked and it was, she answered, how did we miss them pulling in?

Her daughter thanked me, her grandson smiled, said “Hey, Nanni” and we unloaded her gifts and helped her from my car.

I walked over and hugged her softly,

“Merry Christmas.” I said.

She paused and finally, she turned and saw me straight on and open, told me she will be praying for me, that she is going to pray for my angel paintings to become as God has planned.

She meant it, I know.

I thanked her.

Then went home, dark by now and changed from Christmas red outfit to paint splattered apron.

I painted a new layer over the frantic looking wings I’d painted on a new piece, thinking I’d try something new; but, certain it was all wrong.

And now I understand.

Understanding what it means to have God mindful of me, of us down here amongst one another, just barely below or maybe even sitting beside the angels.

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?

You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭8:3-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Because of Love

bravery, courage, Faith, grace, Homeless, praise, Prayer, Redemption, Serving, Trust, Unity, Vulnerability

There was no excuse in my not turning back. I stopped.

She stopped. I waited and she stood still.

I turned left towards town and quick thoughts were an effort to make sense of my driving away.

“You’re headed to a kitchen called Grace, Lisa.”

“You are serving breakfast to the homeless. It is 36 degrees outside and there’s a woman bundled up in black and burdened down by her baggage and you left her there, afraid of what she might do.”

So, I turned around and saw her walking in the cold and damp high weeds.

I pulled over. Spoke to her through my open window.

She was not impressed.

She would not let me take her to a shelter. She said I didn’t know, I didn’t understand.

I implored her to tell me more, told her where I was headed, told her I work with the homeless…”Come and have breakfast” I said.

“No.”

Her face was anxious and her eyes angry…she said “I don’t think so.

No.”

I waited. She walked on. I drove away.

Chose a different road, not sure if I wanted not to see her again or her see to me drive away. I changed my direction.

I looked to my left towards the sun breaking through, landing on the open fields and the clouds were slowly shifting,

telling me to move on.

Told me to let go, let God. You can pray. You will.

I cried for just a second. For her condition and mine too and hoped I might see her at the kitchen called Grace.

But, no.

We served scrambled eggs, grits, bacon, biscuits, coffee and gave out bags we’d put together with items needed to be clean and fresh.

Arms reached for them. Eyes met mine. Good morning, Good Day, God is good and could I get another bag for my friend?

And then, a kind word and a smile on the face of a woman that saw my soul.

“How are you this morning?” She asked and touched my hand.

I said “I am good, God has good things for me to see today.”

She said, “Yes, it is good to see another day.”

And I sat with her a second, settled by her love.

And realized I had turned back this morning because of love and love had been offered up and love given me in return.

And the moment that I’d decided might ruin my day made it so much more significant, the love I had chance to give, the love given me.

“And do everything with love.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭16:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Believing in the Beautiful Divine

bravery, Faith, family, grace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, Salvation, Serving, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, wonder

The 9th Chapter in the Book of John is filled with dispute, with arguments, with debate, denial, doubt and disbelief.

Even the mama of her boy who’d been blind all her life who believed she was the one to blame refused to take joy in her son’s finally seeing.

She must have known it was Jesus, only a Messiah could accomplish what they’d all decided would never come true.

But, it was the Sabbath, what a rebellion!

He told the disciples, this is not a punishment of God displayed in this man, blind since his birth.

This is an opportunity, a time that will be seen as the display of God’s glory through me.

“It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”

Jesus

‭‭John‬ ‭9:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And so, Jesus made a healing paste of dirt from the ground mingled with his spit. He covered the man’s eyes with the muddy medicine and told him, go wash it off now.

He came back seeing.

Others saw him and were all abuzz about the beggar that used to sit begging and was blind.

Jesus didn’t hang around to be questioned, noticed, gawked over or even credited.

He went away and the man who could see told them all about Jesus.

It mattered not that the Pharisees were disgruntled over the day of his healing.

It mattered not that his own mother couldn’t quite say for sure that she believed.

He was blind and now believed.

In all the beauty he’d not seen and now could see.

He believed in the Son of Man.

He saw what is possible, if only we’d believe.

Believe in God’s Son

Believe in the times he has shown us His glory.

Believe in the times He will when all around us there are no reasons to believe what we long to see.

“When Jesus heard what had happened, he found the man and asked, “Do you believe in the Son of Man? ” The man answered, “Who is he, sir? I want to believe in him.” “You have seen him,” Jesus said, “and he is speaking to you!”

“Yes, Lord, I believe!” the man said. And he worshiped Jesus.”

‭‭John‬ ‭9:35-38‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And he will leave us with our stories of our healing to the ones all around who may argue, doubt, refuse to believe…and we’ll not be silenced, we’ll maybe find it hard to believe, all the things we have seen because we believe in His beauty, divine.

Does it ever catch your eye

Beauty divine

In an old man’s tears

A little girl’s smile

If it feels like a song

One that belongs

To you

Stop making sense

Your weakest defense

Just quiet your mind

Let the world unwind

See we’re not alone

He makes Himself known

In time

His own time

So breathe

Life will surprise you

Just Be

It’s what the world denies you

You see

The truth is all around you

Believe

We’re not alone

He makes Himself known

In time, His own time

Does it ever catch your eye?

Brandon Heath

More Silent an Ambition

bravery, Children, courage, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, Prayer, Redemption, Serving, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized

The whole house quiet with the embrace of a frosty fog, I was awakened by the ding of a message from another place I couldn’t begin to know what it’s like there.

I open the back door and the sun is working its way through the pines to the place where they all played.

He sends me photos and a video of the place where Jesus sat in the middle of the men he’d had walking with him, had been giving them glimpses of His glory, His grace, grooming them to carry on without Him. They had supper together before He was crucified for them, for us.

The little bulleted prayer list now has an asterisk “guide Austin’s steps” denoting God’s answer.

Changing my path too,

I’m slowly seeing more surely.

I’m sitting in the silence and reading, confounded over this place here that holds my words. Seems my audience has gone silent. I’ve decided, this is a sovereign sign.

I have been a bit ambitious for acceptance, might have gotten a little lost in the “ahh”

Of approval.

Just now, I read it’s not up to me to pick my purpose. It’s only up to me to let God have what he’s given me to see it come to be.

To sit quietly as He develops the story or stories to tell.

To live quietly, my words from His words, the creations of my hands, they’re formed by His hand.

Lord, set me free from depending on the notice of others, I pray.

“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before.”

“Then people who are not believers will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.”

‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4:11-12‬ ‭

Thankful for the Five Minute Friday prompt, lining up my thoughts and words and believing in the gift of getting silent.

http://fiveminutefriday.com/2017/11/09/fmf-link-up-silence/

‭‭

Rest and Dusty Places

Art, bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Serving, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Connie texted me “your duck painting sold! You need to paint some roosters!

“Gotcha! See you next week.” I replied.

Went to the little room to finish some “girls” before moving to roosters and decided, not today, I’ll wait. I’ll let these rest for now. I have time next week.

Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while. Jesus

Mark 6:31

The verse before this one tells of how the disciples told Jesus we’ve been working so hard that we haven’t even taken the time eat.

They’d just seen Jesus rejected in the town of his birth, Nazareth.

They were discouraged. Jesus told them let’s move on.

Reminded me of me, my little affirmations to self: “Learn from it and carry on. Turn the page, begin again, you’ve done what you could, do the next thing, take a new road…”

“And he marveled because of their unbelief. And he went about among the villages teaching.”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭6:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

He told them, you go now, paired them up. You can do this on your own. They had little other than his brief but firm instruction.

“And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.” So they went out and proclaimed that people should repent.

And they cast out many demons and anointed with oil many who were sick and healed them.”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭6:11-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Yesterday, I walked towards my car, exhorting myself over a presentation. The words came to mind easy…”I can do all things through Christ…”

I got in the car, got the navigation set and thought about the “all”.

I knew so clearly then, the meeting might not go well. An easy drive despite construction and fog until I took my exit and I was blind to the spot where the black car’s door was inches from mine.

A split second. I glanced over and the black car kept moving, I barely slowed; yet, we were spared, the stranger I didn’t see and me, we both continued on.

God gave me warning, be careful, be alert, be prepared.

The presentation did not go well. I was not prepared in the way the one questioning demanded and their expectations were quite clearly stated with my deficiencies made known. But, the morning taught me some things. “I understand” I told the questioner.

I understand.

No, you cannot do all things, Lisa.

You can do all of the things that come to you through me.

Some places you go will not receive you well. Some people you meet will not be interested in your testimonies, your stories.

Dust yourself off and decide to try again or not, don’t discount the things you know are not your “all” through me that my Spirit has made clear.

When the disciples reunited with Jesus, they’d accomplished much for Him, but they’d also suffered grief and hardship.

They had to bury John, who’d been beheaded. They were hungry and tired and if the word was in their vocabulary back then, I believe they knew burnout.

Jesus calmly invites them to rest. He sends them out, encourages they go away and recover.

And I believe this was a welcome command. I see them heaving a sigh of gratitude and turning to go and find that quiet place.

But, others followed. Many were coming and going and they all were in great need.

Jesus had compassion on them, called them sheep without a shepherd to guide their way.

The disciples must have wondered, I thought you told us to rest. We found the place to rest, can we rest now?

“And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭6:35-36‬ ‭

Jesus answered, “No, we need to feed them.”

And they were fed, all five thousand of them from a couple of fish and five loaves.

I told my friend about the horrible presentation, about how defeated and tired I felt.

She asked me why I continue. A woman walked from the hallway and around the corner to cook her supper in the kitchen of a home that’s not hers, a shelter.

Yesterday, she’d raked the backyard of our home we call, “Nurture”. She called me over and I thanked her.

I asked how she’s doing. She said “I’m keeping on!” and turned to finish her work.

I know why you continue she said after I’d pointed to the woman walking by the door.

“The greater good, for the greater good.”

she said.

I nodded.

No more need for complaint or question.

Dusted myself off to try again.

I’m writing, prompted by the “invite”, shared in the Five Minute Friday. More than five minutes, clearly. Still, I’m linking up because I consider the invitation open despite my way over the time rule.

http://fiveminutefriday.com/2017/10/12/writing-life-invite/

I’ve discovered Kelly Balarie this morning and some good words on self condemnation and fear. Linking up with others at http://purposefulfaith.com/