Heartlight

Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

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Dear Child of God frustrated by life,

If you could ask yourself now, is this the person I want seen…to be seen as, to be joined together with?

And if you know, maybe not so much you at your best.

Just know it’s not God befuddled by you, it’s you conflicted over the place you’ve stopped by to mull your condition.

It’s not God telling you in an earth shaking reminder that this is not your place.

But, it’s a subtle heads up because people around you have noticed and are satisfied in your communion…drinking the wine of bitterness, anger, confusion and retributive response.

And they might be your people, so you share in their meal and the thick bread of satisfaction over like-minded condition is scarfed down with gluttonous abandon.

So, you join because you belong there, sharing in the feast of ugliness.

But, you leave the table feeling bloated by discussion.

Until, you get by yourself and rest in the quiet of whatever reminds of you of light.

Slight breeze, hot bath, quiet rain, crisp sheets, moonlight, or birdsong far off.

It’s a funny type odd thing to me.

The way I don’t always see when I can’t hear.

In the quiet of finally hearing and feeling, I begin to see.

When relieved of the noise that buffers, I’m reminded then that my heart has been listening patiently.

You’re reminded then gently without chastising or shameful correction of a flickering inside gone unflamed.

Ever burning, just a little shadowed by angst.

You remember again.

It’s the light, your light and it hasn’t gone out.

It won’t.

Ever.

Get quiet now and shine

if only a tiny and nondescript tealight kind of shimmer

until you can shine again, a bright luminous glow.

Stay there, rest in the quiet flicker.

Make it your ambition to live a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, so that your daily life may show the world that you are a Christian.

I Thessalonians 4:11-12

Shine now, quiet child. You are loved.

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee along with other story tellers.

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/what-we-all-need-to-know-when-we-want-to-give-up-tellhisstory/

Jennifer Dukes Lee

Entertaining Strangers

courage, family, grace, praise, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Entertaining strangers

My Gratitude journal entry for today:

Chances to be kind.

Chances to take chances on others.

Chances to offer chances.

Our homeless shelter has an opening, a room. In one day I met a recovering heroine addict, a woman a year younger than me told by friends “you have to go” and a teenage boy who thought we would be afraid to help, that our rules said he was too old.

When I can, I meet women needing shelter. Them and their children.

Last week a, middle schooler named Leila gave me a tiny school picture, writing her name on the back. Her mama gave us pictures, thanking us for covering the cost.

One mama, yesterday had no place for her 17-year-old to sleep. The people who were helping said “no more” and so he would sleep in a hotel room alone until she ran out of money…one more night. We had no room, five families, 13 beds and in “shelter speak” we did not have bedspace. We tried other resources, no help; so we made a plan.

To accommodate, to make it work.

On this Saturday, bright sunshine hopeful…a family, a mama is with her children all together. Her son has joined the family.

There was a lot of talk about Red Cups last week and the Christian responses recommended was to “feed the hungry, clothe the poor…generosity, demonstrating love, accommodating the distressed……Loving one another”

And I keep thinking of sayings and quotes, silly and/or profound…”Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape.”

“small things with great love” and “every little thing’s gonna be alright.”

Our shelter, a place of blessing and accommodation, a place to entertain strangers.

God, our God will richly bless us. Psalm 67:6

Grateful Pauses

Children, family, Motherhood, praise, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

Last week, I decorated jars.

Attached pretty slips of paper on twine wrapped greenery.

Greg added little openings in the jar lids and I smoothed out the paper labels Heather made, “Give thanks” labels for front.

Took them downtown, added a little sign to sit beside with Quiet Confidence, Isaiah 30:15 and my name

Calling them “Gratitude Jars”.

I need to make my own now, label it and become diligent in daily recall of blessings.

On my way home a couple of weeks ago, I stopped; another car and mine, waiting for light to change.

Two men on the corner, one helping the other.

One, shaky in his walk, clutching his brown bag, being led by the other down the sidewalk.

For just a minute, I wondered if I should be afraid, should flip the door lock.

I didn’t.

I watched, pausing to remember my daddy and a time he needed my help to walk, memories of his unsteady days.

This was the week of the remembering him 17 years gone.

And the memory of holding him up had nothing to do with drink.

I paused to watch and smiled.

It was a sweet, solemn time. He had surrendered to love, help and grace in his last months of life.

Another time, similar in scene, came to mind. Again, in the car. This time, Heather, Austin and I. A man holding a cardboard sign, dressed in clothes that were a little scary and looking towards our car as we approached.

My daughter and I remarked something; I can’t remember what now, not at all kind, I recall.

My son, probably around 8 spoke up as clear as a bell from the backseat…”What if he’s Jesus?”

And the car fell silent.

Pausing to remember even now, the conviction in his voice as he chastised us.

I headed home, the two men in the distance.

Thinking of my son now, knowing he still believes in what he said that day.

I will remember this as a “Grateful Pause”

Last Sunday, “Mr.Bill” had Children’s Sermon. He’s the best. He’s animated, unpredictable and loves to surprise them.

I always listen intently and watch their faces as I sit in the choir loft.

His props are the best. This Sunday, he pulled out a shovel.

He asked the group, “How many of you like to dig in the dirt?”

He paused. I paused.

And the sweetest memory came to rest. My eyes misted up just a little and I saw my Heather Analise.

Blonde, blue-eyed, wearing a sun hat. The two of us sitting together in the sandy field for hours on end. She digging in the sand. Me, digging my heels into the cool earth while she loaded dirt in her little shovel and then moved it to a pile, only to wedge her little shovel into that pile and move back to the other.

Hours on hours of the nothingness of our blissful play in the dirt with my daughter.

I pause even now, remembering and grateful for the sweetness of my life.

A grateful pause.

Grateful Pauses, I’ll label my jar.

I’ll jot these stories down and drop them in.

Then, I’ll watch and listen, pausing for more chances to be grateful.

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— Psalm 103:1

Linking up with Tell His Story writer, Jennifer Dukes Lee

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/the-best-seat-in-the-house-tellhisstory/

Persisting

courage, Faith, praise, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

There are a few, maybe more than a few things I am persistent in.

I always make my bed, taut linens, perfectly smoothed quilt.

I pray every morning in the shower, like singing it’s a place to be secret, a sanctuary.

I journal, sometimes half-heartedly, gratitude and anxiety.

I walk in the evenings, if daylight allows. My walking, sometimes good and refreshing, sometimes nothing more than prescribed discipline.

Yet, I persist.

I walked yesterday evening. The sky was clear, the roads quiet and empty. I looked for pink skies and found only icy blue.

Earlier than usual, a warm afternoon and the sparrows were gathered, moving tree to tree in rapid little sweeping flight.

Landing for just a second or two before gathering again to rest in brief refrain. I caught sight of one resting up high on skinny branch.

Reminding me of rest, of waiting, of listening and trusting.

Persisting.

Scribbling, quickly this morning

Again my thoughts on persistence.

It may take years and years and many types of trouble, calamity, crisis and question to truly understand the value of prayer.

Because the answer holds little value, is really no more than change in circumstances. God loves us so, so much that He will bless us with reprieve, with clarity, with relief.

Still, this is not the significance of God’s longing for us to discover through prayer. God’s desire and constant beckoning of our hearts is for us to lay our hearts bare and broken before him…to persist there in that place…aligned with Him. To be fully content in simply abiding.

To return to rest in the safe place of God.

To persist in pursuit of the peace of God.

To be hid in the shadow of His wings and that be all we need to keep us confident and courageous as He bends to listen, protect and strengthen. This is design and desire of God.

I am praying to You, because I know You will answer O God. Bend down, listen as I pray. Your unfailing love is wonderful and You save with Your strength those who seek you as a refuge. Guard me as the apple of Your eye. Hide me in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 17: 6-8

Linking up to Tell His Story with other writers, persistently praying.

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/for-those-times-when-you-dont-see-a-happy-ending-to-your-story-tellhisstory/

Day 1 of 31: Slow Mornings and Clarity

courage, Faith, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

There will be no planning ahead in this 31 day challenge. My words, if I remember them all, will be thoughts that show up and make sense in an all of sudden way.

For me, for now.

This morning, I added in the final page of my latest journal its dates, 6/19-10/30.

A thick journal filled with quite alot, heavy and pretty ecru colored pages marked with dailies. I have loved this book and its time.

I woke this morning, surprised I’d not heard the rain.

Made sense though, I slept through the normal noises of morning.

Coffee, lamplight, stack of books and me

My morning spot.

New journal in hand, the one quaintly adorned with a feather to remind, I begin my day.

Resigned and surrendered to what may come as I read the words of Matthew, their beckoning tone of rest. A new place for me, accepting and trusting, come what may or what will.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.²⁹Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I moved about lazily as I am prone to do, moving closer towards leaving my spot in the lamplight, my little morning corner.

Quiet house, slow and easy, my favorite way now.

Thinking of answered prayers, of prayers offered and of prayer meeting last night,

Ten or so of us, standing in hand holding circle to pray.

Each pray-er a different tone, a different grateful heart, a different sound of supplicate

I stopped then to remember more clearly as I glanced again, pausing at the prayer filled journal

A compilation of yearning, of growth, of challenge and surrender.

My mind, quiet then and more clearly causing me to wait, to let my thoughts making sense rest for a bit there.

To say:

“This morning, Lisa, here is where you are.”

” I have learned so much of myself, many things more clearly

all because

I have finally allowed God to teach me.”

Feelin’ 55 and Flawless, my birthday song

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, praise, Trust, Vulnerability

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My family…God has blessed me with a good life!

I was anxious and grouchy last night (again).

Worried about how I might look today, needing a haircut, needing the right outfit, needing not to be discombobulated and nerved out!

I had an important speech to give about our important work with homeless families. I needed to quiet the chubby, shy, girl and become the professional, outspoken and articulate woman.

Man, that can be a challenge lately!

Problem is I had to be up at 5:15 on my 55th birthday.

I was grouchy going to bed and most likely annoying everyone around me discussing my changing appearance and my fatigue.

For weeks I had been announcing that I would be “double nickels” to the point of most everyone wishing it had come and gone. No matter what my husband said, I would snap back, “I see the changes, there’s no need to tell me it’s not true.”

“I have a mirror, I am really aging. I might let my words get ahead of my thoughts. I either talk too fast or my slow southern drawl kicks in. And my hair, oh, I need a haircut. Cover the arms, elongate the neck, keep my hands still, keep my shoulders back…they’re recording this for the campaign, it’s important!” I said.

“You’ll be fine. I’m sorry you have so much stress on your birthday.” he said.

I needed to sleep last night.

I tried.

But, too much noise, thinking, planning, and doubting kept me awake. I had one of those nights when the alarm is actually good, at least the struggle is over. Finally permission to give up on drifting into more than a few minutes of sleep. First thought this morning? A song, a happy little upbeat song

Lying there in the quiet, early morning darkness, a set of lyrics phrase popped up and I’ve been celebrating all day this permission to have a happy birthday.

Words from a song I stopped to hear on Sunday, turned it up loud glad to hear it again, twice on Monday. Car singing, shameless stoplight karaoke:

“No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless”
Mercy Me

So I navigated my morning with the words becoming more real with each repetition. The gift of a song you can’t get our of your head, the message of grace, of God’s opinion of me on my birthday and every day.

What a gift, to be seen as flawless. The cross has made me flawless.

Short of time, no leisurely coffee sipping couch morning; I scribbled a quick journal entry prayer marked 8/11

Lord, help this be the year I truly see me as you do. Help me to embrace the me that you would have me be, made me to be.”

I remembered a special gift then. I paused to notice the words on the pretty little cross, slowing down to recall the verse.

The words beckoning me to believe the phenomenal love of God. The cross, a birthday gift a few years back from my soon to be son-in-law, hangs in my bathroom, supposed to be a daily reminder.

¹⁸And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Ephesians 3:18-19

The meeting was good. I made it on time. I choose a bright pink dress instead of beige or black and I used words that made sense! My hands were still and people were attentive. I used words that made sense, and were impactful.

The right words at the right time are a blessing according to the Book of Proverbs…another gift!

“The presentation, the organizer of the event said, was flawless.”

“Thank you, Lord for words to songs, words on crosses. Thank you, Mercy Me and you, Lord, for the intricacies of my mind. For planting a song in my mind and on my heart today, a birthday song.”

A song of “Good morning, Lisa. Remember you are flawless.”

“Could it possibly be
That we simply can’t believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough

Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless.”

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Key Lime Cake…my girl can bake!

Happy Birthday, me!

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/three-of-the-most-important-words-you-could-say-tellhisstory/

Thank you Jennifer!

Speaking in light and Proverbs

courage, Faith, praise, Prayer, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

There is much reason to be burdened lately.

Churches burning, rants, debates, threats of harm floating about, impending doom speculated for later this week.

Nine people murdered despite loving a lost and angry soul, loving just like Jesus did and does. I was and am still astounded by their faith, their witness, their legacies. The peace of Jesus shown bravely through the ones left behind in Charleston. Attempts to overshadow were stifled by love. Then a decision made headlines on the issue of marriage. It worked its way into our minds, a distraction and a call to question beliefs in God’s word or to examine our faith. To find my thinking and resolve glaringly different than many. The challenge becomes walking in light, being light when it’s getting really dark all around, trying hard to avoid ugliness and remain quietly confident, yet desiring God, desiring to be light.

I’m over halfway through my life and I’ve wandered in rebellious darkness, trapped by my choices and I’ve walked in light, obedient and trusting, basing all my choices on being close to Jesus, a place of peace. Offended by a comment expressing fear of Christians who interpret the Bible so literally, they become extremist killers of those who are not like-minded. I was more than compelled to respond, yet waited and then took a breath, prayed asking God to help me explain why I believe His word:

“I am who I am because of my confidence in God’s word. I do my best every day to live out my faith in quiet confidence. As a child, I experienced the fanatical teaching. I rejected it, came back, knowing it’s the best and safest place for me. I believe in loving others and I pray I would never be seen as a violent type individual in my stance. My desire and calling is to share when asked Why I believe God and His word. My story of a life obedient and trusting is not loud or harsh. It is a strong conviction, though and may lead to much dispute. I know where my heart needs to be and I’ll stand strong and confident, rejecting hate and knowing I’m not perfect but so much better when I walk with God…this is the way walk in it…following His voice.”

And now, the story of a wise woman who walks in light, restoring faith, speaking in wisdom-filled proverbs.

Grandma Susie has that light. She and I shared a strong, sweet hug in the grocery store last Saturday morning when I, with a heavy and worrisome heart needed relief, there she was. She smiled, “Good to see you.” I wonder if she knows she has a smile like a light, a warm light like the glow of a lamp in an empty house left on in your bedroom, welcoming you in after a long day. I wonder if she felt my heart, its light beaming with joy to see her.

Like the morning light after a heavy, sleepless night, determined and hopeful, we throw back the curtains, lift the blinds to welcome the bright possibilities of a new day.

I told her years ago, I feel like God sent her to me to fill in for my grandma. Like an unexpected red bird, Grandma Susie is a gentle reminder of faith despite circumstances and of love.

When I worked where Grandma Susie volunteers, she loved on me filling that void. She was firm in her love to the children there, demonstrating love to build and cushion her strong and wise corrections. I remember her as “sharp as a tack”. She’d correct a child, then lean down and embrace them, speaking quiet words of explanation and encouragement long to be remembered.

In wisdom and love, as if to say:

My child, come and listen to me. Do as I say and you will have a good life. I will teach you wisdom’s ways and lead you in straight paths, so take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them for they are the key to life. Proverbs 4:10-13

Wisdom

Grandma Susie makes me think of Solomon, wise sayings given with gentle conviction, Proverbs.

She speaks, her words linger, hold much weight. Grandma Susie, a modern day Solomon, much like Corrie Ten Boom or Maya Angelou.

Grandma Susie is a beautiful woman. I’m always stunned by her unchanging face, her confident posture, surprised to see her after several years.

I told her again on Saturday, just like years ago, how beautiful and kind she is. I asked her the secret to her beauty, unashamed embracing her in the produce section. “Is it water?” “Plenty of sleep?”

Ever humble, she never answered, so I asked

“It’s your heart and your faith, isn’t it?”

Then her face lit up and we were of one accord singing the same song, same chorus, the verses of our lives sustained by our faith.

And so we visited a little bit, planted ourselves in front of the bananas and got a little excited about our stories of faith.

She said, “Lisa, we got to feed our faith and starve our doubts. Doubt spreads like cancer…spreads faster.”

“We have to guard our hearts! “ She said, as others turned to listen.

” Oh, I know, but we make it so hard ’cause we can’t see faith” I added.”We’ve got to stay on our knees and in the word, keep it in our hearts.” she said. “We got to stop doubtin’, Lisa. We just got to stop it from growing. We got to stop doubt from spreadin’.” she added with conviction.

Then we smiled, held hands and hugged good and strong before going our on ways, she glanced back smiled and nodded, firmly and with authority.

I paused, hating to see her go and smiled back, uplifted by Grandma Susie’s love, light and wisdom.

I’m linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee http://jenniferdukeslee.com/tellhisstory-when-youre-going-through-a-storm/

The brave and beautiful 3, Praises

Children, courage, Faith, family, praise, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Wednesday morning, I felt the need to retreat. I thought of avoiding all social stuff, followed blogs, subscriptions, true and important posts on the Charleston horror and/or the ones meant to lift me, motivate or push me forward.

I thought of settling back into the comfortable place of effortless complacency. I considered quieting my voice, my words. I remembered my truth, “Write bravely or not at all” and not at all was feeling safe, feeling like a good fit for an expected mold. I had been here before, searching for the consoling truth of God, waiting His truth out.

And then I skimmed my inbox to read the next chance to tell my story, His story. Linking up, who am I kidding? I’ve just really begun, afraid my words are just journaling. On a muggy gray morning I found myself in a funk, a deep pit, asking “Jesus, help me out of this rough patch.”

Like the Psalmist, I cried, I’m slipping! Again, your unfailing love, O’ Lord supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope. Psalm 94:18-10

I’ve been linking up with other writers mainly as an exercise in persistence, an assignment that elicits my naive courage, I think.

Jennifer Dukes Lee reminds me to praise and then suggests I comment sharing three praiseworthy things. I was feeling as far from praise as the sun is from the full moon on a winter night. So, I sat with that sullen quiet as I opened the next message.

I read about courage described by Tracy Line as she recalled her “Time Hop” of three years ago. http://tracyline.com/2015/06/23/the-art-of-practicing-courage/ I decided to comment, a Thank You for Tracy’s story of discovering what God intended for her resting period of three years. I shared my struggle with Tracy, which is odd but not odd, in that I’ve not met Tracy Line “The Writer Tracy”.

But, Tracy replied in the same kind way Jennifer Dukes Lee replied months ago. Both expressed good and hopeful truths. Tracy encouraged me further, told me she had read my brave words…You’re a good writer.” she said.

Both said they would pray for me.

Published authors, stopping to pray for me. And both times, God heard and I sensed a change of thought, of heart, reason and my reasoning.

Both times!

Here it is Thursday evening and I’m thinking of the beauty of kind words of two strangers who love God. I’m remembering the challenge to be thankful for three things. A discarded chance to comment just a day ago because I felt my praises were too contrived, too insincere.

Now, just a day past the thought of keeping it all to myself, my brave words, slipping into a quiet, keep it all inside place…I’m bursting to proclaim my three things for which I lift my face and hands in praise!

Praise God #1

Praises to God for a wedding dress weekend! A couch filled with crazy, how do I work this selfie-stick laughter. My daughter streaming happy, joyous, honest and sweet tears from the dressing room when she could wait no longer and slipped her pretty arms into the wedding dress. Her quiet request of the seamstress to honor Grandma and my stopping to catch my breath sigh upon hearing it…my daughter, soon to be a bride. One of my three…

Pre-Yes to the Dress party

Praise God #2

I bought the biggest and best dog bed, refusing to believe it would be ripped apart. I bought this dog bed because “Colt” the Christmas gift to a son about to enter The Citadel, is in fact a pony size chocolate lab puppy who has outgrown the crate. Praise God, he loves his bed!

Every night for a week, back to the place where the crate had been and a word “Bed” and he sleeps, all night. No more pee puddles and he has stopped eating my bras! He is a rambunctious little boy of a dog who likes living here. Praise God for my “What was I thinking Merry Christmas, Austin” lapse in reason addition to our family.

Worth it all

Praise God #3

From a heart, heavy and tired, I’ve been lifted again. Praise God, the sustainer and lover of my weary and wayward soul! The God who reminds me of the good seed he planted in me. The God planted, joy bringing, soul nourishing act of thoughts made words.

Writing, my seed

Clearly and more confident

Bravely, with a few familiar steps back, but stronger steps forward, good work began, carried to completion.

With God, through and for God.

He who began a good work in me will carry it through to completion. Philippians 1:6

Quiet Confidence is my strength, returning and rest, my salvation. Isaiah 30:15

I’m linking up with other amazing and motivating writers who Tell His Story at Jennifer Dukes Lee.http://jenniferdukeslee.com/tell-his-story/

	Lisa Brittain on Women of Faith
	Lisa Anne Tindal on Women of Faith
	smoker4mom on Women of Faith
	juliedibblewrites on Embracing
	Lisa Anne Tindal on Shine On