Count on it

courage, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, praise, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

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If I get a little sense of ugliness

Of resentment, longing for different, for better…

Mad about why them, not me.

You can be sure, I’ll be faced with opportunity to redeem

All the ugly.

Run into someone, somehow acquainted with my ugly.

You can be sure of it.

I’ll be humbled and graciously welcome their joy in us crossing paths.

Because, I’ll see the lesson.

I’ll notice the providence.

And to be sure, just as sure, I’ll walk at day’s end with extra time thanks to Spring.

Frustrated over buffered songs sought to comfort

I’ll round the corner.

Climb the hill.

Song begins;  continues, meets every longing.

Speaks what I long to hear.

To tell another.

I can count

on it…walking at day’s end and being reminded of grace.

Listening to Third Day…”When the Rain Comes” and wondering if it’s too much like a love song.

To send to someone having a hard day.

Sending anyway, saying you can count on me.

 

 

Thin Layer Chocolate Sundays

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder
a satisfied heart

a satisfied heart

If you went to my mama’s on Sunday, there was always cake.

There might be roast beef, butterbeans, corn and biscuits.

There would be mashed potatoes, thick and creamy, with a little place where the butter sat in a little hollowed out center.

Some gravy on top and sweet, glazy carrots, onions.

We’d eat together and we’d talk. Maybe walk to the pond or nap.

Waiting for time for a piece of cake.

Maybe caramel, coconut, pound or “thin layer” chocolate.

The one with the yellow softness of 16 or so tiny layers, thin and spongy.

Striated like zebra, chocolate, layer, chocolate, layer, chocolate….

The dark, dark sweet chocolate cooked stovetop and then poured on top of layer, one by one, smoothed with big, flat knife…slowly, gingerly.

Layers baked on the old black griddle and then eased onto a towel spread on kitchen counter.

Easy talk about life as I watched my mama bake, so lovingly and at peace.

She’d gently take the layers, one by one, placing carefully on a pretty cake plate as she added the rich, chocolate, shiny icing, still warm from the pot.

Chocolate icing so thick with sugar, melting like warm grains of sand on the tongue.

This past Sunday, we talked about the bread of life.

How we all try to fill ourselves up, seeking to be content.

Jobs, cars, clothes, burgers, fries, recognition, acclaim and appearance.

I thought this morning of the insatiable seeking for more, for better, for as good as him, as attractive as her.  Wondered if joy were measurable, if contentment could be calculated, would it even be a ripple in the sea of our heart’s deepest desires.

To never have cake again on Sunday at mama’s is just a tiny little longing.

My heart knows the scene, holds the image, keeps safe the memory. It’s just as sweet, sweeter maybe.

To never be famous, have my art only on the walls of friends and family is unimportant, really.

As long as my heart knows the abandonment of paint covered hands and the chance to step back to gaze for a long time at an image known by my soul alone.

To write on this little blog, almost 300 times now… yet, never place a book of my words in the hands of my children.

Is not so tragic as long as my words get to come together occasionally in a way that reflects my soul.

My heart…that’s contentment. 

Satisfaction, fully.

Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
 I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.  Psalm 63:5

 

Linking up to Tell His Story with Jennifer Dukes Lee

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Life and Papers

Children, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, praise, rest, Trust, Uncategorized
Vignette of my life

Vignette of my life

My day was all over the place; my mind, too.

This first, then what?  Work list, home list, wedding list

to do.

Starting, stopping, pausing, pecking at everything, but finishing nothin’!

I sat, disorganized and discouraged, looked up and over the scattered

stacks sorted just yesterday;  making no sense now.

Paused at this little vignette. (I use that word to excess, ’cause I love it. So, no apologies for my pretty little indulgence of word.)

I saw it then, the little thing making sense of it all…

Oh, okay….this is the problem. The paperweight’s upside down.

Smiling then, accepting the now of my life.

But, I left it there; because for some reason it makes more sense this way….at least for now lightens the mood a little.

My baby girl is getting married 4 Saturdays from this very day.

My son is almost done with his first year of college. He had pancakes his sister cooked us just now.

A grant I wrote for our homeless shelter was approved.

I didn’t trip in my heels yesterday in front of a fancy audience of women.

The sun is shining. I’ll go for a walk.

Later ride to the country, my daughter’s new home soon.

Oh, the little, big things worth noticing.

Good day, friends and family.

Good day!

 

 

 

Thanks and Love Unprompted

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, praise, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

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When your children become grown-ups.

There’s a holding back, a fumbling for words sometimes in seeking to know, to just be a part.

All involved, in control, in charge…no more.

What was expectation before becomes tentative, should I ask…?

Questions feel  at first, like awkward conversation, small talk sometimes.

Like your babies are just acquaintances now…just people you know and love, respect, admire.

Then, the sweetest things happen.

Sweet words or just something unexpected.

Thank you for that

or love your hair in this picture

And

Love you.

Crazy special and blessed when love happens unprompted.

And my prayers for them, my daughter and my son, jotted…little dots marking them…have been answered,

This week.

This month.

This year.

 

Teapots, Dog Food and Blessings

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, praise, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

It was almost dark; the dogs had no food.  I’ll just run in and out, I thought.

The express line was stalled, a mama had gone back to get something she’d forgotten, the teenage daughter, looking up from her phone told me I should try another lane.

So…I got in line behind a woman with much more than an express amount. I noticed though, her teapot, really pretty,  a creamy white, touch of copper on the handle. “That’s cute.” I said.

I heard what I thought was thank you; then realized she was talking to someone else, somewhere else, the person with whom her earphone microphone thingy was connected.  So, she continued her conversation, not knowing I really liked her teapot.

I wondered if she’d use it or  just set it out somewhere, pretty like my creamy white plates.

My white bowls stacked up together next to antique glass and hydrangea.

Pretty little simple things I love.

My turn now, the cashier glances past me towards the store entrance, mumbles “What are they doing out there?”

Looks back towards her co-worker, the one in stalled line, teenager still staring towards device,  and says something.  I have no idea whatsoever what!

I’m nonexistent, I think… my cart, my dog food. I’m an object in a line.

She complains, the dog food won’t scan, has to type it in. I pay, lift the heavy bag back into my cart and finally she looks at me to say  “Thank you, Miss.”

Now I pause and I’m all out of sorts as to why she called me “Miss”, this girl, her age something “teen”, I’m sure.

I just stood there thinking “Miss?”

Then, I sense her there. This petite little lady, her smile as big as I don’t know what.

She shuffled up beside me, paused with me, her hand touching my arm, patting lightly.

Patting my arm and smiling.

Smiling, continuously smiling.

The kind of smile that reminded of a see-saw on a sunny day, the weight and joy causing her face to tilt happily to one side and then back to other.

She must’ve been 80 or older, looked like she weighed not much more. Her feet a solid foundation in rubbery thick shoes as her little body buoyed along walking beside me.

All put together she was, stockings of thick cotton-colored white, a proper church going skirt, and a delicate golden-colored silk blouse under pearl button cardigan.

“You got you a dog?” She asked, looking into my cart.

I looked towards her wide smile and smiled back saying, “I have two, they’re really my children’s;  but, mine now I guess.”

“Tell me ’bout ’em”, she said, “they married?”  So, I told her about my daughter, a teacher, getting married in April. Her eyes lit up, “Ohhh, that’s sooo good!” she said.  She leaned towards me, listening for more, so I added,  “My son’s 18 and in his first year of college.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” she exclaimed, animated and sincere.

“That is just so wonderful, so good…that’s a blessing.”

“It is.” I smiled and said.

We stood together a minute more, then walking away with her little shuffling skipping step, she smiled again, looking back, neither of us could remember where we parked.

“Me either”, I said “happens all the time” and again she smiled as she turned, both of us remembering where we came from.

And driving home I wished I’d hugged her, wished I’d asked if she had a dog.

Still wishing now.

Blessings!

Earth and Heaven – Dirty Feet and Peace

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

I wondered about the soles of my feet yesterday.

Bare feet, pointed towards my friend, a yoga instructor, I remembered the callouses from my days of fancy shoes and I thought of the hardness of my heels. Hesitated there only a second, purposeful in my breathing, the intent of this new thing for me, a practice in resting my mind.

Earlier, my pastor mentioned dirty feet in his sermon.

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He glanced my way when he spoke of the method of travel in those days.  He spoke of Jesus washing feet. Feet on the ground. The earth uncushioned, the dryness of soil showing no mercy;  yet, feet followed closely in their seeking of Jesus, of heaven.

For just a few seconds, I was there. I was one of those women, my dress touching the earth, like a curtain, full and billowing on a dining room floor.  My feet, dusty and tired.  The soles and heels hardened by my journey; but, not yet weary in my  pursuit of peaceful destination.

Others there, dusty brownish gray hard feet, all of us witness to His cleansing.

Seeing the blind see.

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The lame walk.

Walking with Jesus, pausing because a desperate father has brought a child to be healed or to be with a sister waiting for Jesus, almost hopeless for a brother to live.

My thoughts were there; my dirty, earthen feet longing for Jesus.

To be one of the throng of followers, surely weary from watching.

Circled round the cross in mournful lament,

Our dirty feet holding up our weary hearts.

Hearing Jesus say, “It is finished.” John 19:30

Maybe falling to filthy, tormented ground to join in bellowing grief.

And later, to be standing with Mary, to have seen the scars and believed in His promise…the way of peace.

“Peace be with you.”  John 20:26

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I sat with hands folded towards my heart yesterday. This new thing I’m doing, not faith-based necessarily but, beautiful in the mingling of my faith.

Bare feet, yoga pants not quite covering waist of panties and uncertain of the meaning of  “Namaste”, I prayed in warrior pose and I prayed in victor’s breath; practiced what’s called soul breathing, eyes closed and heart towards heaven.

Dirty feet and cleansed soul.

Earth and Heaven

Joined together in bare feet.  

I’m linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and am treasuring the truth

of her words today, “your critics don’t own you.” 

http://jenniferdukeslee.com/what-we-all-need-to-know-about-our-critics-tellhisstory/

Grace in the Silence of Morning

courage, Faith, family, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

I heard it most clearly

As the rain fell steady and fluid.IMG_1336_kindlephoto-378734

It continued through the night.

I’d wake and hear it’s shrill and consistent cry.

Then, drifting back as opportunity allowed, only to be roused again.

A solitary bird, must be a baby I decided…somehow stranded, lost, seeking to be found.

So, morning comes and the dogs must have heard it too.

So anxious to be let out

Rushing through the door, bolting towards back yard, barking frantically at the sky, full retrieval mode.

Barking and circling the yard, looking up from rain-soaked  trunks, tracking the cry of a solitary bird.

Where are you?

What do you need?

Their barks, a seeking and determined banter.

And I followed behind, just as intent, looking up towards skinny and broken pine limbs way up high.

Looking to find the place of this needy, deliberate, and insisting cry.

Others joined,  a variety of bird, more melodic as daylight pushed its way through drizzled gray.

The lone bird’s cry paused, finally.

Had been responded to, so grew softer then, more expectant.

Not so shrill, not so impatiently anxious.

The morning then, a harmonious repose.

So. as the morning goes, I  find myself in my familiar place.

Jotting, reading, praying, sipping coffee and finding words.

Opening my heart, it’s an effortless sort of graceful gift.

God hears my silent and seeking cry again.

As my thoughts become settled and silent.

God’s words making sense every morning.

Easy in the silence.

The Lord will fight for you, and you only have to be silent.  

Exodus  14:14

 

Faithful as the Day, our God

Children, Faith, family, praise, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

The day began with cold rain.

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Nice to hear, fitting in a way.  I woke thinking of challenges, questions, contemplations over what the day might bring.

Might not.

I stepped outside, unconcerned with the cold and wet, then turned back towards inside to prepare for the day, the Sunday.

To not be bothered by cold, wet rain speaks volumes in terms of mood, of place in life.

Accepting the day.

Accepting the season.

My spirit, reluctant.

Meal started, dogs settled, lesson studied, dressed for Sunday.

And the sky changed to brilliant blue.

So, we drove; casual talk and heavy, pretty country road, trees clinging to sunlight.

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Faith, fear, hopes, goals, concerns and the such.

Almost cliche’, our rambling of topics has become.

Words befitting of our age and place in life, in relationship.

Sunday School lesson taught,  choir song sung ….

“Sweet, sweet spirit in this place…surely the presence of the Lord is in this place.”

I join him then.  Just us, no children on our pew anymore.

“I could hear your voice, it was good.” He says and holds my hand as we are reminded how to worship.

A sermon on commitment, being committed to your worship.

Being in the moments God brings, noticing He’s there always.

He is faithful.

The day, cold still and darkly stormy again as we drove back home.

Changing three times already, one day, three colors of sky.

House warmed by fire, meal finished up.

We sit together, just the two, with good food.

He offers up prayer that God keep us in His will.

Then football for him, painting for me.

A sweet, sweet spirit in this place, this season.

God will make this happen. For He who calls you is faithful.

 I Thessalonians 5:24

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Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee, Telling His Story

Morning, a lingering

Faith, grace, praise, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

 

If morning were all day and filtered into evening

I may be a little different.

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Morning still

My maybe might be sure.

My perhaps would be probably.

I’d be more apt to linger, content in unfolding of day.

My  “No’s”  might be  more steady.

My “Yes’s” more enthused.

My failures  be more misunderstandings than mistakes.

If morning lingered longer

I’d wear the color of patience on my smile.

Subtle, pretty and just a hint of shine like a peachy lip

My pauses be more often, intentional in exchange

My words more heart than  hurry.

Mornings like today, moved more slowly towards task and rested in time for contemplation.

The sky was more dusk than dawn.

Rain coming, not here yet.

Questioning the time of day…is it earlier than I thought?

Could I have a little more early morn?

Oh, good! Thank you Lord, for mornings lasting longer.

The sky reflective of rest, not at all impatient to commence.

Patient,  satisfied and content for whatever may be.

Oh, to the linger a little longer in the mindfulness of morning time.

Thus, prepared for the unfolding of day.

 

“Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on him who has all things safely in his hands.”  Elisabeth Elliot

 

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