gift of enough

Faith, grace, praise, rest, Uncategorized

 

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I made honey cranberry butter for my family and passed them out without explanation.

A simple twine ribbon and tag marked “enough”, I gave nothing else.

It occurred to me today, whether they’d wondered about the word, “enough”.

I thought of the gift of enough, what it means to me, the acknowledgement of good.

The value I place on good, not what makes my whatever I have enough; but, the resting acceptance and contentment of what is mine.

This life of mine.

We parked under an old oak this afternoon,  a homeless woman and I.  No family to visit on Christmas weekend and choosing to be alone, she’d decided to stay with people she knew in an emergency shelter.

So, we spent an hour or so together, waiting for the time the shelter allowed the homeless back in.  I offered again, “come to my house.”  Again, she declined.

I understood, told her so, better to be in a place you already know than a new place that makes more clear your lack.

For ten minutes or so we waited under the big tree for the shelter to allow her in.

“The leaves are pretty on that tree.”  she said.

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They were.

Bright yellow leaves on the low branches, the high branches bare from Autumn winds and tall limbs reaching up towards the sky.

I went inside the shelter with her, hugged and said Merry Christmas to her and the women working the weekend.

I thought of her as I drove home.

Straightened my house, unloaded heavy bags of food and started making plans for dinner.

The house warm and the guest room now empty,  I plumped up the pillows and admired my little thrown together decor I’d created for my son’s girlfriend’s visit.

Remembering how I’d decided, a sprig of greenery circling a little bird dish and three tiny Christmas ornaments to rest in it’s hollow space, it was just enough.

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Enough, pretty and simple, softly shining colors.

Colors, soft like grace.

Grace enough.

The gift of enough.

Grace upon grace…from His fullness,

I have received. John 1:16

 

 

Christmas Trees and Home

courage, grace, praise, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

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I thought yesterday, what I’d do if I lived in the city where they say trees are going for hundreds of dollars this year.

I passed by the little lot on the corner that always has trees and wondered if I’d choose to do without if a tree for Christmas cost a couple hundred.

I would, I thought…I hoped, do without.

The church where I’ve always bought my tree didn’t sell them this year.  I got my tiny tree at the grocery store, both of my children with me;  so excited, I plopped my “baby tree” in the back of my car on that Saturday we spent together.

It was $29.  I found an old basket and sat it on my favorite old blue-bird blue chair, made a star by tying two ornaments together with twine and it’s just sweet and simple.

I love it.

I pulled another tree from the attic; I can’t lie, it’s the top section of an old artificial tree and I’ve smushed it down into an old brass planter. It wobbled at first; but, I put the base into an old mason jar.  Walla! Steady.

It’s so pretty.

I add gold ribbon and grapevine garland and I have another Christmas tree.

Yesterday, driving past the Christmas tree lot and thinking about the big city trees, I had just a few minutes for errands before going to the shelter.

The Sunday School class at the big historic church invited us as guests to their Christmas party, myself and two women, one homeless, the other formerly homeless.

We’d been asked to speak, to tell their stories of Nurture Home. Me, to tell my story of details, budgets, numbers, mission and outcome.

Theirs, how it was to be homeless and how it is for them now.

Thirty or so distinguished and mannerly faces looking towards them as they told strangers of being homeless, expected to die, trapped in abuse and yet, determined to know life differently.

They made a point of mentioning me, “Miss Lisa”,  as one who pushed them, one who listened, one who they are grateful for.

They answered questions about determination, they said they were strong because they chose to be strong and because God has better for them and they trust Him, believe it this time.

They talked about God in personal ways and I’d like to say I noticed the faces of others in the room.

I didn’t.

I was listening to eloquent stories with details I didn’t know before and I was overwhelmed by poise and confident expressions detailing their being without a safe place called home.

On life support because of alcohol and choosing not to return to the street, instead finding shelter.  Afraid to leave and afraid to stay…afraid of most everything, in fear of being killed, she left with her daughter and came to us, to a shelter.

And now, having dinner in the Methodist parlor of a church.

I lie quietly late that night.  I’d dropped her off at the shelter, unloading donations.  I left them there,  both women, the one who now has a house, a car and job wanted to linger for a little bit. The house warm and full, she wanted to know them all.

I lie quietly that night. I’d turned into our drive, my husband had the porch light on, the red of berries on front door wreath shining against pretty green. The “baby tree” was lit, the house warm, the dogs waiting for me.

Quiet that night, my husband asked, “What’s on your mind? ”  I answered, “Nothing, I’m praying.”

“Okay.”he said.

I drifted off to sleep after prayers of gratitude for things I was reminded of having and with figuring out getting a tree, a Christmas tree for the women, the children, at the shelter.

There needs to be a tree for Christmas in the place they call home.

I’ll take one tomorrow; big, not baby.

 

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Beautiful not Finished

Children, Faith, grace, Motherhood, praise, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
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Unfinished

The first time I put my feet on the little path to the place where love lives now, I thought, “I’d fix these bricks. I’d clean up these flower beds and I’d add some pine straw as a border.”

I walked in the empty house back then, high ceilings and wide open space, functional and sparse.  I moved through the hall and tried with all my heart; but, couldn’t sense heart or home. I thought, “I’d put a rocker there or I might make this a mudroom.”

Today, in my daughter’s country kitchen, I baked spaghetti, thick cheesy pasta merged with a rich sauce as I looked out wide uncurtained window, a little rooster on the ledge. The clear glass, the length of wide sink,impossible not to gaze towards a misty gray sky flecked with blackbirds.

My daughter napped on the sofa under her worn soft blanket. I sat with journal on lap,  glancing again, again towards the narrow window of the front porch and the one past the foyer, in her dining room. It perfectly frames what seems to be miles of trees and peach fields. This window unveiled too, thin gauzy fabric opened to the side.

The leaves on the trees in front were shiny wet, like oil painted canvas, still the cardinal and thrush were easy to find as they danced upwards and round and round.

The brick path greeted me again this morning. The welcome, an unfinished pattern, still incomplete.

I smile when I see the Christmas tree, the pillow on porch swing. I love the changes love has made, my daughter’s “touch” on the big house, their home for now. Even more beautiful will be the one that will come, in time and with plans prepared and waiting.

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

Morning Reassured

Faith, family, grace, praise, Uncategorized
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Day is done with a Beautiful “Amen”

 

What is morning

if not reassurance, or evening

if not acceptance?

Morning wakes with wondering,

What beauty might be mine?

Evening rests with a yearning,

Will there be acceptance of day?

Nightfall,  like unprompted embrace with hand resting on the small of back,

A confirmation?

A gentle nod and slight smile, could it be

“All is fine.”

“You are good.”?

The early morning birdsong, an exhuberant testimony

and the crimson ribboned sky, an Amen.

Reassurances, to me

of God.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm 16:6

 

 

Sunday Rest

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

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Rest today and do what you will, Lisa.

Rest in His perfection.

This God whose way is perfect. Psalm 18:30

But, fret not over time or talent.

For perfection cancels out joy.

So, rest in your creative, in your Creator.

A few lines, maybe a canvas, resume where you left off and rest in its brevity or exhilarated expression.

Either way, rest in His perfection through you in perfectly imperfect doses.

This one thing changes everything.

Rest in His way.

“…satisfaction is a lowly thing, how pure a thing is joy.” Marianne Moore

 

The Story will Decide

Children, courage, family, Motherhood, praise, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

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Bible and Wisdom at day’s end

My children are no longer children and they may or may not read my blog.

They know I love words.

When they were little, I’d get a little elaborate in my explanation, get carried away in my telling of story meant to influence or remind.

Eyes rolled on little faces as the chance to tell them good things excited me so.

“Why do you talk that way?” they’d ask.

“Words are for using… if we  have them, we should use them.”

And I never let up on my love of word.

So, to have a mother who writes, I doubt they’re surprised.

They may or may not read my blog.

I wonder sometimes; but, carry on regardless.

I like to think they do, maybe find time to scan my posts and smile to themselves.

Even on some level find it special or on another level maybe feel a tiny bit happy for me to be doing something good for me that I love.

I’m sitting here on a Friday with dusky sky signaling end to a long, long week.

I remembered a conversation I’d meant to never forget, this little truth from a conversation about my “book” last month:

“You should let the story decide the number of pages.”

This, from my son as I replied to his question…”Well, how many pages have you written of your book and how many is it going to be?”

I answered, “maybe 250 or 300.”

And he paused, maybe thinking, “Why on earth am I talking to my mother like a friend about her dreams?” and then he left this little morsel of wisdom:

“Let the story decide it’s length. Write it until you’ve finished.”

My daughter read yesterday’s blog post.

She loved it; loves me,  she told me so.

Who I Am, Alone

Faith, family, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Salvation, Trust, Uncategorized

 

 

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Who I am, alone, the one who believes.

Perhaps, I thought…strongly perhaps, the thing we who believe should do is to believe more assuredly, more unwaveringly and more amenable to others maybe curious.

Perhaps, our beliefs unchangeable should display such a peace that others might come close enough to wonder why we’ve not budged, why we’re unphased by harsh and horrible accusation, rant or interpretation.

Not an expert in doctrine, not necessary, just simply a consistent thinker of thought, believer of my beliefs and faithfulness in my faith.

Who I am when alone, the most valid measure of my faith I’ve decided.

The morning after a wedding celebration, I drove home alone with a Sunday morning mix of quiet and jubilant on a road I’d never traveled.

It was phenomenal.

fullsizerender-21_kindlephoto-20427290Scanning static and station,I settled on Southern gospel praise with a boom boom rhythm about “Not lettin’ the devil steal my peace.. not my joy… not my soul…no,  no, no…I’m not gonna let him take my peace!”

My shoulders falling in a lean one side to the other and my free hand pumping with a confident keepin’ time.

My soul free and easy, my thoughts open and thankful.

Then quiet,  just moving through blue sky country towards home and noticing everything; I thought of stopping to see for longer,

A church on a grassy hill, a tree lined stretch of glorious shade and a cotton field gazed upon through open window.

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This morning, I’m back to early morning with Bible in my lap.

I read from Jeremiah; then a Psalm followed by two chapters in Romans.

Providence in word from Old and New.

The place of promise is revealed through faith.

It depends on faith and rests on grace. Romans 4:16

A return to the place my soul bare and at rest in simple yet astounding grace.

Because of faith.

In the quiet of morning and alone, I understood more than before.

I believe it shows.

My faith unmoved with noise of our day.

So unmoved and undaunted, perhaps inviting question.

 

 

It Will Lift

courage, Faith, grace, Motherhood, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
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Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his presence continually. Psalm 105:4

She called me her sister, although we’re cousins.

She told me it’s all “about to lift”,

These burdens I been totin’.

I believe her.

Because she’s wise and she’s faithful and faith-filled and has carried some pretty big loads of questions, doubt, and questioning of not good enough, done enough, been enough

herself.

I’ll be looking for you Jesus. I’ll keep my hand uplifted in trust.

I’ll maybe not notice right away; but, I’ll sense it and my heart will sing.

A slight smile will rest on my face and the blue of my eyes will shine again.

As my shoulders sigh with relief, oh yes…

It has lifted.

 

Wearing my Cross

Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Salvation, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

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Most days I wear it. It’s a simple gold cross, slightly curved on one side to help me know whether I’ve clasped it correctly.

A gift from my husband on a golden rope chain, it’s my cross.

Don’t remember when or where; but, not long ago I read an article by some well known theologian who questioned the habit of cross wearing.

He was curious about the wearers of crosses, big chunky gold or silver ones dangling like anchors around thick necks, fancy diamond faceted jeweled worn by fancy ladies, and delicate pendants presented to little girls.

He wondered if we all realized we were adorning ourselves with death’s symbolic charm.

It’s been months since I read this. I wear my necklace anyway, thinking “It’s important to me, I love it.”

This morning I read the story of the Samaritan Woman again.

Familiar with the narrative reminding me of Shakespeare’s young character marked with letter “A”, the imagery in the telling is one of the clearest.

A woman ashamed because she’s surrendered to the desires of multiple men finds herself caught off guard and meets Jesus.

She chose a time no one would be around to draw water from the well when the others had ventured into nearby city.

Jesus approached her and asked for water. Then he talked with her. Standing next to her, just the two of them, had a conversation about her life.

He told her about “living water” and about himself, The Messiah.

She left him, amazed that he knew her and still took time to have her know him.

She told everyone she could then, all of Samaria.

“Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?” John 4:29

Sometime later, she and those she told would hear of his horrific and sacrificial death on the cross.

 For her, for them, us, me.

I’d love to know if back then, the ladies of Samaria wore crosses. I doubt that they did. I believe the times and the garb were simple, more functional and not at all fancy.

If they did, I envision the woman who met Jesus at the well wearing a cross, discreetly tucked under thickness of layers, her hand reaching to find it and remember mercy.

Death too; but, mercy more.

 I think she’d remember the unexpected and life-changing encounter, the “no secrets here, you are loved and known” not so chance meeting.

I’ll reach for my bracelet, wedding rings and gold pendant with simple cross as I get ready for meetings today.

I’ll find my fingers touching the cross and I’ll be assured that mercy’s still there

And be thankful it found me at my worst.

I’m linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee to Tell His Story. Her beautiful image of a child’s feet blessed me today and prompted me to pray for Haiti.

Read it here: http://jenniferdukeslee.com/stand-haiti-one-way-make-big-difference-today/

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Coffee and Restoration​ with a side of Sunshine

Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Surely, I’ll be less pitiful today. I woke up knowing I must redeem myself from yesterday’s miserable mood!

Surely, I’ll remember last night’s sky and go into today feeling optimistic.

This was my waking thought.

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Prayer and coffee after fitful sleep

The first thing I see on Tuesday is a request to pray for Haiti.

So, I do.  I pray silently for a place and a people I’ll most likely never see.

Yet, children there fear things I can’t fathom and what they hold in their hands is just a tiny morsel compared to the excess I claim as mine.

The storm is headed their way. I glance towards my coffee.

I pray it doesn’t destroy them.

I pray for my friend, the secret request in my envelope.

Some days I’m sunshine, others I’m a pessimistic shadow of impending distress.

 Tuesday feels better already simply because I prayed for others.  Holy Spirit, bend me towards your way and ripen the fruits of my spirit today. May I be abundant in your produce. 

I flip the pages of my Bible heading to Philippians; but, stopping at Corinthians.

I go and refill my coffee, get distracted by the dogs’ refusal to pee and then wait, staring out the window.

The overgrown tower of green stalks, brown on the bottom has decided to bloom just like he said they would when I asked,

“When are you gonna cut that dead mess down?” “Not yet.” he said, pointing to the buds with tiny specks of yellow.

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I walked slowly outside to see the bright yellow blooms reaching up high.

I see, now they’ve bloomed.

There was still something good to come from the old brown stalks overtaking the fence.

Still good there, bright like sunshine. New like the day.

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 For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong.

Your restoration is what we pray for. II Corinthians 13:9