All is Grace

Children, courage, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, Prayer, Uncategorized

When it happens you will sense it. When a gathering brings a chance to pause and the evidence of grace looms large, an aura of God will capture your eye, captivate your thoughts.

You’ll find yourself immersed in a grace God promised all along.

You will know this time is one to treasure. You’ll not dwell on the doubt you had so long and so often expecting such grace and good in things that weren’t for you.

You might have decided to settle for less, half-heartedly longing for more. Perhaps, adjusted high expectations, dreams, regrets and accomplishments less than what you’d dreamt of, even driven towards.

You may realize that letting go and letting God was not as much struggle, just reluctant acceptance still sort of wishing for whatever. Eventually you accept a different way with only small little moments of wondering why or why not.

Looking so intently, striving for what amounts to joy that we chance missing the grace.

But, then grace, not one to give up, finds and overwhelms with its delicately powerful and undeniable presence.

“…we could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” Helen Keller

On an evening to gather in the country for supper, the sky so wide and stormy, I’ve no desire to go inside. But, I do, offering to help prepare. The kitchen window, wide open to sky, I’m distracted by glory.

Looking through windows covered by gauzy linen, I pause again. The beauty of this place astounds me.

All is grace, I think.

To me, it was a heavenly occurrence here on earth, a soft nod of grace and assurance, remembering the words I’d scribbled on my husband’s Father’s Day card…”We are blessed.”and sitting in room with assurance of grace.

All is grace, I know.

Giving Them Back

Children, courage, Faith, Motherhood, Prayer, Uncategorized

…She continued praying before the Lord.
I Samuel 1:12

The wonder of the Bible is that you may have heard or read something before, but read again and just one verse will stick, maybe your ears are different, your situation or your place of mind and heart.

The telling of another’s struggle, their story read again or attended to in a new way as if written just for you.

And you might not be in that “place” right then, but there’s a familiarity of there that astounds and resounds.

Hannah was a woman of great endurance and there must have been times she quietly trusted, but others she cried out; she cried out to the point of people thinking she must be either drunk or crazy.

Seriously, this is why I love my Bible! Because haven’t we all been there? Longing for what our hearts told us could and should be a part of our life? Longing for resolution?

These not so quiet prayers make us anxious, a little crazy and might cause others concern.

These are not the easy prayers. Offered up and left for fulfillment.

These are the prayers for good in bad or hopeless, exhausted. These are the prayers of women, of mothers.

Hannah endured. She made it clear to God that she would be a good mother, she’d be thankful for His blessing and she’d give it right back to Him.

How did you endure? they may have asked.

And her reply was my reply.

“I opened my hand, my fingers relaxed, my palm towards heaven and said, This is your child, God, have your will.”

She’d remember her answered prayer.

Others thought she shouldn’t be so vocal, so steadfast, so committed to her request.

But, God heard and God answered.

So, may we remember prayers like that and may we remember God’s answers to them.

May we remember He blessed our endurance.

With good things like children.

Student, Mother, Wife

Children, grace, Motherhood, Prayer, Uncategorized

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I suppose the teacher appears sometimes even if the student isn’t ready. If years, phases, times of learning could be measured, this year would be one of wisdom.

One of faith, hope, prayer. And if readiness of student is like gratitude, life or ability in that its all about perspective, I suppose I, the student, was quite ready and yes, the teacher…life and God, appeared.

By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge its rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3

My “story wall” has new chapters. The syllabus of the first semester of empty nest complete. Greater knowledge of prayer, of faith of hope, this has been an enlightenment.

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Today is Mother’s Day. Greg gave me two plants.

I told my friend on Friday that he would. We talked about the predictability of our husbands and both agreed that’s “just their way”.

But, today Greg gave me red flowers, geraniums cascading over the basket and a big red gerber. He said, “We miss our mamas don’t we?” I said “yeah.” and gave him a kiss then opened my card.

Thinking, how could he know about the geraniums, the red, the basket.

Perspective and God and grace.

Red for my mama…for me and a card thanking me for showing him faith, love, prayer. Thanked me for blessing him.

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I’m glad he gave me plants again.

Predictable, appreciated and cherished, finally. I’m humbled.

Student, Mother, Wife.

I’m learning, a student more ready as I grow.

Cake

Children, family, grace, Motherhood, Vulnerability

I’ve never heard of it and truly can’t imagine.

Coconut in red velvet cake

Or anything other than cream cheese icing

Pecans on top.

Mama and her sister, Sue Nell, my Aunt Boo, wedding cake and keeping things straight. This was them…is them.

Or a pound cake without a pound of butter

Or chocolate cake not thin like pancakes as layers.

I talked about my mama today.

Talked about her cake.

I had a moment where happiness became a tightening of my chest

And a catching in my throat.

A filling up of dampness in my eye.

But, mostly love.

Mostly honor.

The most amazing baker of cake I know, no disputing.

To my mama.

I miss you.

I love you.

I talk about your cake.

Talked about it last week with your sister, my Aunt Boo.

And today with two women who will

Never bake cake like you.

Coconut’s for birthdays, not red velvet.

It’s big tall cakes, fluffy white, opulently rich.

Special, it was mine.

Every year.

Your granddaughter, my daughter, bakes cakes.

Cooks with love like you.

That’s the secret, you said.

Love.

Happy Mother’s Day in heaven, mama.

I hope you’re bakin’ cakes.

Coconut, caramel, red velvet and pound.

Seeing my Children

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

So, it must be what others have known.

The simplest of things that remind you of them little.

My daughter, a beautiful woman, ecstatic over the joy of dogs…

That’s the way she was. The way she is.

Little girl, giggly lovely woman

over a dog overjoyed.

When Heather comes home..

It was, I thought, the best part of the day…remembering dogs and her.

Little girl and dogs.

We hug goodbye and then I walk with him, “Colton Dixon” I call him.

There’s time left in the day, so I walk.

A slight loneliness in my step. There’s a glancing towards sky, a noticing of green trees swaying…looking to fill the space they’ve left open.

A small void….not such a pitiful or gaping hole

just a place you didn’t expect

to be so obvious.

Nothing to wait for…no one to anticipate coming in back door, down the hall.

Walking to clear the mind has become walking to fill the time.

I’m intent though and I walk on with prayers and thanks.

We turn, the set path and Colt turns his body towards the steep hill.

So, we go this way instead… to cut across the grassy field past the homes.

Topping the hill, a soft sound, a door shuts and I turn.

“Hey” he says. I smile, meeting the look of little boy with light brown hair, damp with warmth of day over his eyes.

“Hey”, I say. Then, “How are you?”

“Fine.” he says, reaching down to tie his shoes…then bounces up, looks towards me and waves his hand…”Bye.” he says.

I saw him there, my son. Little boy legs, bounding out into the afternoon…little blue Keds on white socks and happy suntan cheeks.

Texted him later, one more exam he answers. “Did well on the one today.”

“Love you, call me if you want to talk” I say.

“Okay, love you too.” he texts.

The newlywed and the rising college sophomore…

Austin- Recognition Day – a culmination of perserverance

I saw them as children today.

It was sweet and timely, good.

It was just enough.

Seeing my children, dogs and smiles.

Pretty girl, Beagle puppy, little brother

Extraordinary Monday

Children, family, grace, Motherhood, wonder

On a Monday like today I might do more laundry, ride my bike or change my mind about healthy, jump in the car to ride across town for milkshake, burger or both.

‘Cause it’s just us, me and the dogs anyway.

Then, a question in a text after working late…”Come out for a walk?”

“Sure.” I say.

Stop by, quick as I can, change clothes, grab dog and leash and we go.

Twenty minutes or so, all it takes, big fields on both sides and big sky all around.

A slow ride for the sake of the view and the windows down.

Labrador ears flipped back with the wind.

We round the curve, the big Brown Lab and I, welcomed by the open fields and my daughter.

We stride, dogs excited, through the peach orchard, down a rough paved road, turning back… back through sandy fields with tractor tire ruts and trees.

The dogs are more sporty, their walk a saunter, happier in the soft earth and rows of peachy beginnings.

Almost there, we turn towards the yellow house. I notice there was once a chimney.

“Remember, it was a shotgun house.” she says, then points out where there had been pigs and a place for a fire pit, but we didn’t get to see the cows today.

Always loved cows and country roads, my girl.

They walk ahead, my daughter and the dogs. “I’m coming.” I say and pause to wonder where a new path might lead.

I’ll wait. Soon, enough I may know.

But, not now. The place amidst the peaches and sky is the place where love lives.

Where love grows.

A place of treasured invitation to take a walk on an ordinary Monday

Now, extraordinary.

Grace and Open Space

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

We turned the sharp turn towards the little house.

Dinner with the newlyweds, the planned welcome home.

I can see the roof from a distance on the long, main road.

Looking towards the right, in the distance past the wide field.

Yellow house under blue sky embraced all around by border of green.

I turned towards peach fields, all leaves now, blooms becoming soft, pretty fruit.

Wide open fields lined with trees for miles.

This is the place God graced them.

I look again, again, again.

Same place.

Same grace, still I look again and linger.

We eat together surrounded by ribbons, paper, china…talking, laughing, remembering bliss of the day they wed.

I look towards window, I can’t resist.

Almost night now, the trees lit low.

My daughter is a wife.

I’m a surreal kind of floating happy, like not believing I was chosen to be an observer of her joy.

It’s a new happy, a graciously quiet content.

We say goodbyes to newly husband and wife.

And turn towards the sharp curve home in the road.

Almost cobalt dusky blue sky love, grace, and God.

I’m captivated, yet again

By the grace of their open space.

Count on it

courage, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, praise, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

If I get a little sense of ugliness

Of resentment, longing for different, for better…

Mad about why them, not me.

You can be sure, I’ll be faced with opportunity to redeem

All the ugly.

Run into someone, somehow acquainted with my ugly.

You can be sure of it.

I’ll be humbled and graciously welcome their joy in us crossing paths.

Because, I’ll see the lesson.

I’ll notice the providence.

And to be sure, just as sure, I’ll walk at day’s end with extra time thanks to Spring.

Frustrated over buffered songs sought to comfort

I’ll round the corner.

Climb the hill.

Song begins; continues, meets every longing.

Speaks what I long to hear.

To tell another.

I can count

on it…walking at day’s end and being reminded of grace.

Listening to Third Day…”When the Rain Comes” and wondering if it’s too much like a love song.

To send to someone having a hard day.

Sending anyway, saying you can count on me.

Life and Papers

Children, Faith, family, grace, Motherhood, praise, rest, Trust, Uncategorized

Vignette of my life

My day was all over the place; my mind, too.

This first, then what? Work list, home list, wedding list

to do.

Starting, stopping, pausing, pecking at everything, but finishing nothin’!

I sat, disorganized and discouraged, looked up and over the scattered

stacks sorted just yesterday; making no sense now.

Paused at this little vignette. (I use that word to excess, ’cause I love it. So, no apologies for my pretty little indulgence of word.)

I saw it then, the little thing making sense of it all…

Oh, okay….this is the problem. The paperweight’s upside down.

Smiling then, accepting the now of my life.

But, I left it there; because for some reason it makes more sense this way….at least for now lightens the mood a little.

My baby girl is getting married 4 Saturdays from this very day.

My son is almost done with his first year of college. He had pancakes his sister cooked us just now.

A grant I wrote for our homeless shelter was approved.

I didn’t trip in my heels yesterday in front of a fancy audience of women.

The sun is shining. I’ll go for a walk.

Later ride to the country, my daughter’s new home soon.

Oh, the little, big things worth noticing.

Good day, friends and family.

Good day!

Thanks and Love Unprompted

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, praise, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

When your children become grown-ups.

There’s a holding back, a fumbling for words sometimes in seeking to know, to just be a part.

All involved, in control, in charge…no more.

What was expectation before becomes tentative, should I ask…?

Questions feel at first, like awkward conversation, small talk sometimes.

Like your babies are just acquaintances now…just people you know and love, respect, admire.

Then, the sweetest things happen.

Sweet words or just something unexpected.

Thank you for that

or love your hair in this picture

And

Love you.

Crazy special and blessed when love happens unprompted.

And my prayers for them, my daughter and my son, jotted…little dots marking them…have been answered,

This week.

This month.

This year.

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