joy, peace, hope, love

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

20141205_210755_kindlephoto-62333873

One morning last week, I prayed before leaving the house. Not your typical “Keep us in your will and help us to be a witness” generic pill form prayer

Maybe, you know the prayer I prayed.

Imploring words, unashamed lifted up, open hands of surrender and honesty

Raw requests for the power of God to change hearts, minds, actions.

Intercessory prayer for the people I love, daughter, son, husband that their hearts begin to humble.

There has been a sense of hovering uncertainty and frustration and a whole lot of eggshell walking avoidance and unwillingness to bend in our family.

Nothing life-threatening just moody, stubborn, head strong battles over not so important things

Each of us, simultaneously on the brink of meltdowns over each one’s unique discontent

So, I prayed for them; but, lingered mostly on me.

Lord, let your love, you joy, your patience and your grace infuse my being.

Influence my words, my thoughts, my reactions.

Lord, help not pitch a fit, throw my hands up, begin a pity party or have the posture of a martyr.

Disorder is not of you, or from you Lord.

How could I not remember that this strain and stress are not what you would have for my family?

What you, Lord have for my family are Joy, Peace, Love, and Hope.

I am confident of this, for you are our Savior

Savior of my daughter, my son, my husband.

Our peace, not selfish ugliness

Our love, not angry, refusing to bend disapproval

Our joy, not disappointment

Our hope, not our “washing our hands” of a challenge or of one another

And so, last night rather than ornaments I used words to adorn our tree. Visuals of God’s reminders of the things he brings to our hearts and our homes…Joy, Peace, Love and Hope.

Day 31: looking for good – refresh my path

Children, family, rest, Uncategorized, wonder

10151288849091203_kindlephoto-3632244We’re getting away today, my daughter and I.

A little place near the Blue Ridge mountains, just an overnight, wish it could be more, but going with the flow.

Connect with God, laugh, talk, eat, shop, hike a short little hike maybe then dinner, movie in our tiny little cabin warmed by a fire.

Almost changed my mind, so much to do at home, not worth it for one day. Other things in need of my dollars, Christmas soon, I need new clothes.

College for Austin looming. Same old Saturday, laundry, groceries, the habitual mundane, moaning as I go.

But we’re leaving. Not far, just different. Sight unseen, tiny little mountain town.

Hills, autumn leaves, antiques, art, big bathtub and fireplace.

Bags packed, loosely planned, leaving this morning…for a “mommy trip” with my daughter, Heather Analise.

Day 29: looking for good- dirt road to home

family, Motherhood, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
digging potatos

Digging potatoes A hundred years from now…the world will be different because of moments like these, with my children, dirt road riding, potato digging, grandma visits.

The joy of my mama’s house, my grandma’s house was in the dirt.  There was a path, a cut through to the pond that stretched right down the middle of soybeans on one side and corn on the other. When the corn grew high we couldn’t see my grandma’s house shaded by chinaberry trees. Those days, we’d run through the field, green corn stalks and silky leaves swishing against our skin.

Every year, my daddy planted potatoes and when the weather turned cool, the days shorter it was time to dig.  All our hands diggin’ them up at harvest.  I remember my daddy holding the little new potatoes, caressing them, dusting off the dirt and then rubbing them smooth before tossing each potato into the washtub.

The Fall before he died was his last harvest.  Heather and Austin sat in the dirt, laid in the dirt tumbling around while my daddy, feeble, yet determined supervised the potato digging. The cousins sitting in the field, their bottoms cushioned by the cool, damp autumn soil.

Little fingers sifting through the sand, enamored by its touch.

The cool, smooth pieces of home.

We moved away after daddy died; but, came back to grandma’s most weekends. We’d pack up and make the trip winding roads from Carolina to Georgia just to be in the country with grandma.

To run in the fields, fish off the dock, play tricks on grandma’s scavenger dog, Sunny.

Mama kept telling us the County was going to be paving the road.  She’d say,  “These people have raised enough hell, and running up and down the roads driving too fast, I guess they’ll get what they want!”   But, months and years went by and we still walked to the creek run-around and picked blackberries in the deep ditches. Heather learning to drive as we explored the hills, curves and valleys on the dirt roads of Peacock Hill.

Mama warned us one day they had paved the roads. “You’ll see next time you come”.  She tried to prepare us, describe the way the road had changed and how there were no more curves but stop signs and markers for my granddaddy’s road, “W.D. Peacock Rd.”

So. we hit the road to Georgia, to the house set back on the pond, down twisting dirt road off the highway, following the path to grandma’s .

Making our usual turn off the Highway 80, it just got quiet in the car. Time stopped, the wheels turned and the car moved, tentatively as we mourned the road.  Usually, I’d switch drivers, running around the back off the car, skipping along, passing Heather on the way to let her take my place behind the wheel or Austin sometimes would plop in my lap, steering.

But, the fascination gone now, we drove on like good, city travelers on a busy highway, my children behaving like a trip to school or the Dr. or even to church.

Resigned to accept the change, the journey had lost its joy.

Not the destination though, grandma’s house…at the end of the rutted, filled with washed out gulleys from rain, bumpy slow going path through the soybeans.

We lingered on the dirt driveway, bouncing along, falling into each other with every dip, slower, more intentional than usual.

Our brief time on the dirt road…our glorious dirt road home

Prompted earlier to think of home, to write about home, http://jenniferdukeslee.com

Day 25: looking for good – these girls, this bond

Children, courage, family, Uncategorized
h and m

h and m

Looking through boxes of old photos this morning for my son’s Senior yearbook, I kept going back to the ones of these two.

Their faces, studies in strength; feisty with just enough fun and fearlessness. Always leaning in, holding each other close. Every single shot, same thing, stuck like glue.

An outdoor concert with a boy band, holding hands in one photo, squealing, arms over their heads in another, barefoot on a summer night in Georgia

Two girls with curled hair in scratchy dresses on Easter

Another wrestling beagles, rolling in the grass

Perched high up a pine tree on a blue sky day

Skinny dippin’ in grandma’s pool with watermelon bellies

Taking grandma’s car through the soybean field and doing donuts round and round

Growing up, missing grandma, one holding the other

Holding tight, staying close

Two young women, bodies and smiles synched in pose, poised, confident and no reservations

Strong, loud, opinionated, determined, and honest.

Beautiful, smart, and brave

Have each other’s heart…each others back

That’s what friends (and cousins) are for. Late, long phone calls, laughing, crying, listening…loving.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume. Proverbs 27:9

Day 21: looking for good – knowing Jesus

Faith, family, Teaching, Uncategorized
"But what about you? Who do you say I am?  Luke 9:20

“But what about you? Who do you say I am?
Luke 9:20

My grandma, “Bama” read her Bible in bed every single night, her lamp dimly shining as she silently read.  I loved my Bama, most everything she did. She was one tough woman, fussed a lot, kept us straight. Quiet though in bed with Bible.

That was a lesson, a precious picture for me.

It made a difference.

From putting bacon inside the pancakes to always having the little cookies that looked like daisies in the cookie jar.  But, I remember most her nighttime reading and understand it even more now. Bama knew Jesus.

I know Jesus, but not because of Bama.

I know Jesus because of a journey that started with true surrender and acceptance, way too late and after many rough patches.

I know Jesus because I pray and he hears. 

I know who Jesus is, Son of God, my Savior.

I know Jesus and want to know Him more, to fill my mind and soul with His words, to tell real stories of answered prayers.

Of being lost, thinking I had been found but still lost and then finally really knowing the difference.

The difference is Jesus

That’s knowing who Jesus is.

Day 16: looking for good – wisdom and common sense

family, Teaching

IMG_4776428009036

Today, my grandfather would have been 100.  In honor of him, I plan to try to use as much of his common sense as the day will allow. Common sense trumps wisdom.

Fishing is good even if they ain’t bitin.

A pot of white rice goes with anything.

Not everybody sitting in that church is going to heaven.

Never trust a liberal.

We miss you Dan-Dan, but your legacy lives on!