Faith

Talking about God

Children, courage, Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized
In His presence

In His presence

 

I sometimes wonder if the way I talk about God sounds cliche.

Do I post a status, tweet a truth or say goodbye to a friend with a quick dose of wisdom, thinking “yes, that’s what I believe” ?

Or, recall scripture and toss it into conversation at just the right time?

Do I feel a sense of accomplishment because the wisdom of words stored up, came to me at just the right time?

If I’m honest, that’s boastful, showy even.

Do I place myself on the pedestal of reciting scripture when friends are engrossed and content in simple, attentive conversation?

Can I be too casual with the truths I’ve stored up?

Do I share sacred truths that have saved my soul (and my life) in a commonplace tone or one that assumes everyone knows His mercy?

I think I do.

And then, a moment of His Presence occurs and makes real all of the “going through the motions, walking the walk” routine.

A friend calls. A call about my work.

The conversation meanders towards family, life, of course our children.

We catch up. We commit to pray for each other, our unique angst over stages of childhood to adulthood worries, different daughters and sons but the same sense of needing to secure their days, their nights, their futures.

So, she says she will pray and I thank her.

A day later she calls and we compare notes on motherhood, prayers prayed, progress, peace, movement towards resolutions.

For us both, a sense of God’s weaving of good, in us and through us

She said, “God is working.” I paused.

And I felt it.

I felt God working. I froze, lifted my face upward and allowed the washing over feeling of mercy, of Grace to linger.

To describe this moment further would lessen its truth. To elaborate, searching for descriptors of this sense of God-nearness would tarnish its beauty.

God hears our prayers. Mine, yours. He hears.

God is working on our behalf.

Tell His story.

Waiting Expectantly

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

Expecting Jesus

Expecting Jesus

 

I have a friend who reminds me constantly of the promises of God.  She is firm in her belief and doesn’t tire of my being doubtful or anxious whining in the “waiting to see” period. Even the tone in her voice is laid back, no worries as she says, “Trust the process.”

 

“Well, Lisa” she says, “you know it’s God’s plan, not ours.”

She always calls back and even calls to say “Something told me you needed to talk.”

 

Her advice and encouragement,  consistent and unwavering.

Has she seen something, peeked through a crack in God’s door, discovering what I can’t see?

 

In the Book of Luke,  Mary is young, afraid and dismayed over being the chosen one of God to give birth to our Lord and Savior.

 

Mary, perplexed inquires of the angel,  “How will this be since I am a virgin?” 

The angel reminds Mary of the power of the Holy Spirit and tells her of the miracle of the long-barren Elizabeth being with child.

 

Surely, this revelation would confirm for Mary that nothing is impossible with God. Mary then answers, “I am the Lord’s servant, May it be as you have said.”  

 

Humble and obedient, yet still, I believe, a little uncertain.

 

She leaves and hurries to Elizabeth’s home.
For reassurance, a listening ear, an embrace of acceptance.  A place of love, of one who does not tire of questions,  doubts,  despair, insecurities and beliefs of not being able

At the sound of Mary’s voice, the unborn child, John the Baptist “leaps in Elizabeth’s womb”.

 I picture Elizabeth, overcome with joyous emotion, excited and happy to tell Mary how blessed she is among women, speaking clearly her confident assurance to Mary.

 

“Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has said will be accomplished!”  Luke 1:45

Mary, then believing God’s plan,  sings her song of glorious rejoicing in God, her Savior and then, uplifted and confident, leaves Elizabeth’s house, convinced of the goodness of God.

She is expecting Jesus.

Do you have an Elizabeth in your life?  A friend who reminds steadfastly of the goodness of God, of his timing, his process?

 

A friend who is certain of God’s plan?

 

A friend like Elizabeth who removed all doubt from Mary as she wondered if God chose her by mistake, saying as my friend often reminds, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” ?

Wait expectantly for Jesus. For His revealing, His time, His good.

 


joy, peace, hope, love

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

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One morning last week, I prayed before leaving the house. Not your typical “Keep us in your will and help us to be a witness” generic pill form prayer

Maybe, you know the prayer I prayed.

Imploring words, unashamed lifted up, open hands of surrender and honesty

Raw requests for the power of God to change hearts, minds, actions.

Intercessory prayer for the people I love, daughter, son, husband that their hearts begin to humble.

There has been a sense of hovering uncertainty and frustration and a whole lot of eggshell walking avoidance and unwillingness to bend in our family.

Nothing life-threatening just moody, stubborn, head strong battles over not so important things

Each of us, simultaneously on the brink of meltdowns over each one’s unique discontent

So, I prayed for them; but, lingered mostly on me.

Lord, let your love, you joy, your patience and your grace infuse my being.

Influence my words, my thoughts, my reactions.

Lord, help not pitch a fit, throw my hands up, begin a pity party or have the posture of a martyr.

Disorder is not of you, or from you Lord.

How could I not remember that this strain and stress are not what you would have for my family?

What you, Lord have for my family are Joy, Peace, Love, and Hope.

I am confident of this, for you are our Savior

Savior of my daughter, my son, my husband.

Our peace, not selfish ugliness

Our love, not angry, refusing to bend disapproval

Our joy, not disappointment

Our hope, not our “washing our hands” of a challenge or of one another

And so, last night rather than ornaments I used words to adorn our tree. Visuals of God’s reminders of the things he brings to our hearts and our homes…Joy, Peace, Love and Hope.

Jesus, help me

courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized
Matthew 11:28

Matthew 11:28

Half-hearted and maybe just obligatory or lazily easing into morning, I read three devotions every morning.

It’s a discipline for me.

Yet, sometimes a nod back to my anxious church days of finger pointing preacher chastising, scaring me into faith.

Most days now, morning devotion is good and genuine.

It’s Clarity.

Marker for my faith walk.

Like today, when a simple phrase, “Jesus, help me.” became a prayer, written in my journal and dwelt upon

Meditated, settled in with relevance for my day

A bullet list of things I can’t handle, things I can’t let go, things I once again open-minded give to God

Things God knew already; but waiting for my letting go, the surrender of my heavy load, of my striving to control

Coming back, again…to Him first thing in the morning,  to rest before beginning with a lighter load.

patient, yet eager

Children, courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Vulnerability
Waiting

Waiting

I have been praying.

Lately, I have been praying hard.

Praying that good will come.

Good ones I love, good to come their way.

That a rough patch will be made smooth.

That anxiety and fear will be just useless worry

That a time of weariness will lead to rest or to a change.

Or just strength to continue

That my words, my prayers, my tiny little notes of scripture or “love you, don’t forget” will stick like oatmeal to ribs on my grown up children

That my love for my children will be a powerful foundation, strong and constant

I am waiting, because prayers spoken and unspoken have tuned my Lord’s ear.

Clear, always clear as a bell on a quiet night

He implores,  “Wait patiently, yet eagerly and expectantly my child, your face tilted upwards, anticipating.”

Eager for blessings, for good.

God is good. Has good for us, no doubt.

moving mountains

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder
Waiting to see

Waiting to see

There’s an image in my mind.

I’m standing, alone and facing a mountain.

Nothing but trees, overgrowth, and wildly growing bits and pieces of brush.  Limbs, broken and resting in varying degrees of decay.

I stand, perplexed by the mountain.

My feet find level ground and planted still and resolute, I focus on the mountain. I am waiting to see.

Concerns and unanswered prayers linger.

Days interrupt with distractions but are filled with ritual;  yet, sometimes spontaneity.

But, then a thought, a nudge reminds…there’s still this  looming concern, this heart-tugging issue, this still mysterious waiting to be “done and stronger for it” nagging unknown.

Diversions are good, like standing in an open field and turning to notice a bird, happy to witness its flight.

Or deciding to rest, so lying down and mesmerized, getting lost in the bright blue and feathery white fluff of the wide expanse of sky.

Or deciding to walk down a path leveled by another’s feet

To feel compelled, excited to venture…to digress for a bit

To allow a break from the discipline of waiting.

Then suddenly reminded, like the turn of the head or the glance over the shoulder… the mountain, you remember the waiting, the unknown.

Still there, still overwhelming

Obscuring your view, reminding you of the enormity of it and the uselessness of your abilities.

Nothing good comes by force, you remember.

Nothing to do but wait

So, I wait. Heels dug in, feet level, balanced, eyes focused. Heart surrendered.

I wait, because I know the immovable can only be moved by God.

I pray. I do not lose hope.

Mountains can be moved.

Surrendered and expectant to see the clearing,   good, the better, the best. 

The mountain before you will become a plain. Grace, grace. It is God’s grace.  Zechariah 4:7

begin again

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Pennies and love

Pennies and love

When I glance down and see a penny, I bend, hold it tightly, thumb and index finger sort of focused on the texture, the gift of finding it.

Finding pennies changes the course of my day.

I regroup, feel a glimpse of angels, a nod of affirmation…

Keep trying, stay faithful.

God is good, has good for me.

His love is unending.

We wander, drift, forget or forego our faith

He waits.

He brings to light our void

Causes us to long,  gently, sometimes firmly calls us back, takes sin blinders and masks of selfish intentions from our eyes.

We find our way back.

Our heart, again beats for Him and we shine brightly, resting in His embrace.

His patient embrace.

We begin again, noticing pennies on our path and a longing to be held by a God who never lets go and believes in unending new beginnings.

His unfailing love, high as the heavens…and he removes our rebellion as far as the east from the west. Psalm 103:11-12

not knowing

Children, courage, Faith, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
In God's hands

In God’s hands

Heather’s about to graduate high school here.

A beautiful girl, having recently met her first love.

Now, a grad student and 4K teacher, a teacher who loves.

A young teacher, already honored for her accomplishments.

The hard times in the middle,though.

Her change of heart and mind of college choice, now just a blur…an insignificant blip in time.

Then, the heart problems. The scary, wildly, unpredictable heart condition.

Middle of the night, tachycardia that wouldn’t slow down, hurried ER trips. Horrific procedures that tried but didn’t fix.  How scared, how vulnerable I felt.

Almost a year now of better. Perhaps, grew out of it. Maybe, it was just for a time. A reminder to embrace faith.

We did. She and I, our faith grew.

I think of the fear that I carried, the scenarios I imagined.

Austin was chubby here and still little boyish. About to begin middle school, running with his friends, all of them baseball stars.

Middle school came and went followed by a period of growing up, literally straight and tall.

Pictures of a very thin boy and questions of a condition diagnosed by whether his fingers could bend crazy ways and “Oh, I hear something unusual in His heart.”

All was well, through it all, well and good.

Now, a handsome, broad-shouldered (very tall) young man.  Weight caught up with height. Still same, one lip upturned smile. Still sarcastically handsome.

Senior pictures and college choices, already accepted by two of his favorites…got that behind him. Choice is his.

Still a whole lot of unknown.  A wishing of knowing what will be.

Tonight though, I am thinking about and praying for a mom I’ve never met. I imagined her as famous and as I began my writing journey months ago, hoped one day I could share my words in a big way too.  She has published a book.

Yet, I felt I couldn’t relate.  She is young, pretty, beautiful family and home I decided. I’ll just read her blog posts and be content to follow.

Then, I read about her son, Zachary and his mysterious, enigma of a condition that is causing his knee to swell. She poured her mama pain and worry into her words and I began to pray, still praying for Zachary.

This morning, her blog spoke of digging deep into your faith reserve.  I thought,  “Been there, came through.”

Let’s pray tonight for Zachary and for all the mamas like me, you, and Renee who might be in a place of not knowing, a place of trust in times of trouble.

Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. Psalm 50:15

TMI – knowing too much

courage, Faith, Motherhood, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Trusting without knowing

Trusting without knowing

I’m pretty sure I was rude twice yesterday.  A discussion was going on with a committee at a table across the room.  Someone said,  “I bet Lisa knows.”  I quickly spoke up and said, pretending to be not so serious,   “Of course, I do. People think I know everything.”  A friend’s face turned towards me as if to say,  “Got the message loud and clear, stop asking Lisa to have all the answers.”  Said friend is a board member and knows firsthand the variety of rather serious requests and issues I tackle. He’s a huge support. Still, his look said it all. I was rude.

Lately, though, there are so many things I just don’t know.  Things I thought would be clear, that are causing me to wait, requiring me to see my quite minimal role in the big picture of outcomes. The ones close to home and to heart, my children.  Things I thought would line up, using an “if this… then, this approach.”  What I’m realizing in this time of faith testing is just how little I do know…a lesson in humility and a reminder of my role in God’s plan, to trust.

I was able to answer the question. I did, in fact have the answer and since I was among friends, I hope only minimal damage was done. I apologized. The topic was suicide, all questions are hard.

After awhile, you just need a break from the hard questions. The not knowing and not being able to know is exhausting. After all, I’m not a Survivor of Suicide Loss, I just know people who are.  They are truly left not knowing, imagine their struggle, their fatigue.

I’ve met people who have told me their gut wrenching stories and so, yes, I do have insight on the subject.  That insight, those stories have taken up residence in my mind and so I notice, I contemplate, I filter circumstances and demeanor of friends and family through the chronicles of survivor’s stories. I look too closely sometimes, putting too much pressure on myself, probably those around me.

When it comes to suicide, people say things they shouldn’t.

People don’t say things they should.  

Still I know the checklist of signs, the right questions to ask are stored in my mind and far too often, I’m stuck in the quick sand of thinking, analyzing, researching.

What if this happens in my life?

What does this mood mean?  Will this disappointment lead to hopelessness? Will someone I love be so lost and alone or so in fear of what might be or what can’t be that they decide to take their life?

This is when knowledge is too much, too much knowing, not enough trusting. This is when God reminds me who He is and I am once again enveloped in the wings of His grace, His mercy, His knowledge….such knowledge is too much for me!

When I know too much, have too much expertise,  I forget who God is.  When what I understand overshadows what God already knows I’m nothing but perplexed. My knowledge is too much. It is useless and damaging, almost suffocating.  It is then I am lost and hopeless. Then, that I have positioned myself as all-knowing instead of knowing the one who knows all. It is then, I am reminded to return and rest…to be me, quiet and confident. (Isaiah 30:15)

Tomorrow, I will say a few words to welcome a group of Survivors of Suicide loss at our Out of the Darkness Walk.   I will simply remind them that I care.