Faith

31 days of good things

Abuse Survivor, aging, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, family, grandchildren, memoir, patience, Redemption, Stillness, Vulnerability, waiting, wisdom, wonder

Day 24 – Bravery

Last night, I responded to a question,

Can you explain what you meant by that?

A sentence in my post about “Listening” that was all jumbled up sounding like wisdom but really only just a pretty forming of a sentence.

I answered her.

After rereading the blog post over again.

I’m not sure what I meant…

some sort of metaphor about editing a painting and redeeming the mess(es) you make because you rushed ahead or you were led to doubt because of comparison.

Maybe redemption over our mistakes as well as our challenges comes when we are brave in our approach to life in general.

Acknowledgement of God

When I scurry out to my daughter’s porch to see the morning, I say “Let’s tell God, Good Morning!”

The grandchildren listen, go along, unbeknownst to them, a seed (even if silly in memory) will pop up for them on occasion, maybe as adults, maybe today.

Today, I woke up and thought of bravery, a good thing.

This old dictionary I like says bravery is “the quality of being brave; fearlessness…magnificence.”

Magnificence seemed odd.

I flipped to the “M’s” to see that magnificence is another word for splendor.

Bravery, less than and at the same time so much more than a jaw-clenching choice, a splendid way of living, an opportunity to really believe this life you’re living,

have been given is splendid.

Bravery is accepting slow progress as better than rushing an outcome based on others around you. To be brave is to decide the acknowledgement you need comes every morning when you open your eyes to find the morning.

Bravery is knowing yourself, body and soul, good and not so great and choosing what helps you maintain it over what threatens to wear it down.

Saying no to that second glass of red wine, so pretty in the settling down evening place, end of the day.

Bravery is not having the chocolate pudding topped with salty pecans in your daughter’s pantry…adding crumbled cookies atop a peak of whipped cream.

Bravery is knowing that this innocent indulgence felt like rebellion and subtle self-destruction and that it may not feel the same for others; but, for you it was something other than a treat.

Bravery is attentiveness to the nudge from God’s Spirit inside you that says

“You’re getting too close to the edge, be careful, be still…don’t go on without me.”

Bravery is conversations with others in which you speak your peace and truth, not turn your cheek, close your mouth with just a timid nod, “It’s okay.”

Bravery is delaying good for better.

Bravery is expressing a tender observation to someone you love, knowing they need to hear it. Most often, I’m learning, this is to the adults I cherish, my children.

Bravery is saying,

“I love you.”

And bravery is believing in God, the Creator who chose to give up His Son, Jesus so that we’d spend eternity in what Eden was supposed to be.

Bravery is asking yourself (and others if you have opportunity)

Why are you afraid to believe?

“God always makes his grace visible in Christ, who includes us as partners of his endless triumph. Through our yielded lives he spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of God everywhere we go.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭14‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Bravery is telling your redemption story, often rambling and more often grammatically errant.

Bravery is keeping on anyway.

Continuing to believe.

To triumph over whatever defines your fear.

31 days of good things

Children, contentment, Faith, grandchildren, hope, memoir, Peace, Stillness, Vulnerability, walking

Day 23 – Beauty By Surprise

In a time when objects catch your eye, welcoming at times and at others, a shockingly unwelcome stealing your gaze, it is good to be captivated by surprise.

The light landing on places, causing leaves to glisten, overgrown weeds or wildflowers to shine.

I thought to write about the goodness of dark chocolate with almonds since my “good” yesterday was a little heavy,

But, today with a baby boy in a stroller, I’ll stick with “beauty by surprise”.

Beauty you can’t stop looking for, beauty you know intersected your day because God saw your secrets, knew you needed to see something beautiful and untainted by humanity.

Baby Henry kicking his little feet and learning early, Grandma stops often, pauses on our walks and stands still with her eyes closed or sometimes just looks long at the sky.

And then, she walks.

A peaceful walk, a beautiful way.

31 days of good things

Abuse Survivor, aging, bravery, contentment, courage, Faith, hope, memoir, painting, Prayer, Redemption, Vulnerability, wisdom, wonder, writing

Day 22 – Joy Found and Remembered

I saw the copper color on the carpet and thought, “penny on heads, yay!”

Instead, it was a piece of cereal, a circle shaped flake.

When I read the parable of the lost coin, I can see myself as the widow. She’s searching every corner, maybe like me had to find her glasses or maybe she resorted to rubbing her hand along the floors, the corners, the spaces where the coin may have landed.

“Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it? And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”


‭‭Luke‬ ‭15‬:‭8‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I’ve lost many things. I’m sad because a pair of earrings disappeared (twice, one time I found them) and I can’t find the one charm for my bracelet. It’s long lost.

More than those treasures though is the mystery that many events and interactions in my life, I have no recall.

No memory.

Someone told me after all these years, willing myself to remember, sitting in silence trying to recalibrate my brain,

That complex PTSD often results in memory loss. A chronology of hurt has this result.

Now, you may think this is heavy, sad, upsetting, even depressing.

No, it’s a gift, a joy to know that life is an invitation to simply cling to the joyful and to make more joy, if you can.

So, what is joy?

What is found treasure?

It’s found in listening.

Acceptance of every tiny moment.

It’s found in observing. It’s the evidence that who you are now is so much more important than who you were or what hard things happened to steal chunks of remembering.

The widow in the parable rejoiced.

Was it because she was poor?

Was it because she simply celebrated her not giving up her search?

Or even more, because she realized the essence of the truth of Jesus.

She mattered.

She was not one who’d ever be given up on.

Nor am I.

Nor are you.

I know the parable is about Jesus caring about every single lost soul.

To me it’s about joy.

About never giving up on being found by it and by it finding you.

I’m 63 years old with a timeline of trauma. But, not until today did someone say to me, the memory loss is because of what happened to you, it’s really just brain chemistry, neuroscience.

And the truth of that felt like a coin I’d been crawling around on my knees, scouring the floor to see

For a very long time.

Trying to squeeze the memories from the layers of my brain and all for naught.

Except the realization of the present and the chance to add to memories.

God is so good to me.

I surely don’t deserve it.

There are countless things I’ve agonized over not being able to remember.

I’ll never find those memories.

Maybe, though I can feel deeply the way those crises and celebrations made me feel and I can honor those times and myself by feeling all the feelings now.

Found, not lost at all.

31 days of good things

Art, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, creativity, Faith, hope, kindness, mixed media painting, painting, patience, Peace, Redemption, Stillness, Vulnerability, wisdom, wonder, writing

Day 21 – Listening

It’s helps that it’s catchy, the wise words for remembering.

Listen, Lisa

Works I Love

I stepped lightly to assess where I may have gone wrong, rushed to edit, didn’t leave “well enough for now and maybe always” alone.

Now, I see.

I should’ve listened to that pull, the voice that said.

This is you.

This is good. Let it rest. Let it be.

There’s no need for a rush to redo. There is no expectation for anything other than that you listened.

Listened attentively.

Listened with no plan of action or scheme.

Listened for the opening that never comes like a bursting, more like an invitation.

Listen and learn.

Contribute to the redemption of where your listen wasn’t necessary at all or steered you wrong.

Remembering, you can’t hear the gentle tone of directions spoken if you’re thinking you got it on your own.

Listen and then, welcome your role in the redemption that made a mess and muddied your message.

Always a good one, led by patience and surrender.

“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭64‬:‭4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Continue and believe.

Listen for the love.

31 days of good things

Abuse Survivor, aging, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, doubt, Faith, family, kindness, love, memoir, Redemption, rest, testimony, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder, writing

Day 20 – Being Seen

There wasn’t time for a deeper conversation. There wasn’t the space nor would the talk about the state of my heart, my mind have been able to find space in all the other chatter.

Someone I love and who loves me and is wise, told me later on the phone…

“You looked so tired that day.”

And I did my best to decide whether to say that I was in fact tired, to share with her all the reasons of how I had just been pushing through

or to wait and see if her observation may have invited

a more beautiful conversation.

If she might have time to listen, if I might be brave to clarify. If she might be courageous enough to share her own heart.

Being honest is risky.

I try to recall that day. Was I exhausted or was I just me at 63?

Likely a combination.

But, wouldn’t it be beneficial in a loving way, I thought if she’d have said,

“How’s your soul, what’s on your mind, what’s causing you to feel unwell, what’s brewing underneath that’s about to boil over and you’re trying to keep it under wraps?”

“What’s the thing under the thing”

Then, I would have sensed an offer of hope.

This morning, before I threw off the covers, responded blurry eyed to a ding on my phone, I thought of this longing…to be seen,

to have a sweet conversation about why she thought I “looked so tired”.

I thought of Martha.

I thought of what Jesus told her and how women especially, decide even if in secret, “Mary was his favorite.”

And we know that Jesus was simple telling her to see her sister’s choice to rest as a better choice and still, I wonder…

Could he have elaborated, could he have spoken with more clarity and could Martha have used different language?

“And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭40‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Could Martha have been more vulnerable?

Could she have simply asked the question that prompted warm tears on my cheeks today?

“Jesus, do you see me?”

We likely don’t know the entire conversation, Jesus beckoning her from the kitchen to sit beside her sister.

What if what he meant was simply…you seem so tired, I know your gifts are serving, working, preparing and fixing…

So, come and rest with your sister and I and if you’d like to tell me more I’ll listen.

Many beautiful conversations have been had with the one who pointed out what she saw as my exhaustion.

I know she sees and saw me.

We’ll talk about it soon.

So, today’s good thing?

Being seen.

Who can I truly see today and in an honest exchange allow them to truly see me and then in a conversation that offers hope.

Then, we go on our way

seen, known and loved.

Continuing to believe.

You are loved (more than you’ve been told).

31 days of good things

Abuse Survivor, aging, bravery, contentment, courage, Faith, family, hope, memoir, Vulnerability, wisdom

Day 18 – Wisdom Found and Acquiring

What a difference two days makes!

On Monday, baby Henry was a tiny bit heartbreaking. He’s getting new teeth. He wanted me, wanted to be held.

Our morning walk required holding.

Today, he bounced his little feet and nodded his head. He was very happy in the stroller.

The news broke through regular shows because the President was about to speak in Israel.

I didn’t want Henry to hear it, sense it, see it.

I turned the television off.

Baby settled, we took off strolling.

And he was so very content, I began to filter recent conversations, a wide and varied assortment.

A strange thought came, I embraced it, a question…

If I were to talk as in TedTalk fashion, what could I contribute?

I made a mental list. You should too.

I could talk about:

How to supervise employees with helpful attention and kindness

How not to because you work best alone

How to forgive those who harmed you even though forgetting the wrong is not possible

How to recover from disordered eating and why the recovery is a constant decision not to seek comfort or self-destruction through food. Why it’s complex and invites patience with oneself

Why it’s important to be brave in your conversations with your children, adults or babies or teenagers. Why it’s good to be silent, allow them to throw their words like darts towards you as you sit still,

bravely listening, receiving.

How to look in the mirror, full on when suddenly your eyes are tiny and your body is dramatically shifting

Why rest is golden, why it’s okay to lie down in the middle of the day, why it’s peace

What children have taught me about prayer, always thank you’s, never give me now and hurry

Why I believe in Jesus and how I wonder why others are afraid to just believe.

How I know God is acquainted with every facet of me and the true occurrences that surprised me to say “See, I see.”

How to be brave.

How childhood poverty always makes you feel like you’re dressed in old dresses or too tight pants, inappropriate shoes

I’ve spoken in public on occasion. Honestly, without notes…only my heart for the cause for which I spoke.

It would seem I might be able to speak for and of myself.

Instead, I choose writing and I pray writing keeps choosing me.

What would your TedTalk share?

31 days of good

Abuse Survivor, aging, anxiety, bravery, Children, courage, Faith, hope, memoir, Peace, Redemption, Stillness, Vulnerability, wonder

Day 16 – Hard Things (to me)

I wrote in my journal, “Ask for help.”

“Do hard things.” a long time ago.

What feels hard to you?

Hard to acknowledge, a secret reluctance for you?

It’s hard for me to drive in the dark, mostly the early morning darkness on back roads.

There’s no reason other than me deciding this is hard.

The congested four lane before the interstate, the winding two lane road to the country

Me, traveling out to the wide open space and all the others “goin’ to town” for work.

The headlights that approach, the obnoxious ones, I decide don’t care enough about me to change to dim.

It makes no sense to feel sort of stalked, sort of threatened, sort of unable to be sure of being safe; headlights coming in a way that feels like force always scares me, tells me I’m in danger.

The place that marks the “almost there” this morning beckoned me to glance forward.

A fence with overgrown weeds as borders made the perfect shape of a cross in one section.

My headlights landed there.

I’d never noticed before.

Morning Came

The grey blue sky showing no sign of morning until it suddenly, surprisingly did.

And there I was, safely cradling a baby safely as we stood steady on the porch with lingering love you’s to sister and mama.

And I thought, how sweetly I’ve been guided all my life.

I can do hard things.

I can ask my God for help.

31 days of good

contentment, Faith, hope, memoir, Peace, Stillness, wonder

Day 15 – Morning Quiet

I don’t mind the morning when morning slips in softly through the gauzy fan fluffed sheers.

I mind the mornings that say 3:00 a.m. and not 7 and I don’t particularly like the startle of the alarm.

I like morning that eases in, gives a moment to accept the day’s invitation.

And while I don’t love morning that’s not yet light.

I do love mornings.

And I love my morning thinking quiet spot.

31 days of good things

Angels, birds, bravery, contentment, courage, Faith, family, grace, grandchildren, happy, hope, Peace, praise, Redemption, rest, Vulnerability, wonder, worship

Day 13 – Geese and Scones

Talk is swirling, bad things are coming, violence and threats and better be prepared warnings.

Friday the 13th. A day I used to dread for other reasons, a few of them evidence of crises that in looking back weren’t just on a day with a horror movie predictability.

Horrible things don’t only happen on days called 13.

So, I avoid the warnings.

I pay attention to other occurrences.

The geese just flew over. My mind went to my mama’s voice, no more and no less than a simple acknowledgement to me as a girl and later my children,

“Here they come.”

So, day 13 of the 31 days of taking account of good things is celebrated not with an egg, no bread. Instead, a cranberry orange scone, buttery.

Yesterday, I listened to a conversation about worship music, more about worship than songs.

I learned that worship is not me standing side by side in an auditorium with a stage lit by changing colored lights.

Worship is not necessarily outward celebratory gratitude or praise.

It can be quite the opposite.

Worship is the tears that come when someone shared a kindness or the tears that come when someone is honest about their fears and their eyes begin to glisten, a mirror of mine.

Worship is me sitting in my mamas chair and honoring her and my God by settling my self for barely a few seconds to simply listen.

The geese noticed.

Noticing God.

And worship is me opening my hand, always the right one and saying countless times a day,

I surrender all and all is well.

And worship is the allowance of good things, rather than constant critical condemnation.

A cranberry orange scone for breakfast.

How will you worship in small ways today?

Yesterday, I was surprised by generosity. Someone purchasing art as gifts for others.

Twice in a day this happened.

I gave the giver of gifts a hug, got in my car and she in hers and I sat for a second and I smiled and shook my head in a questioning of such goodness kind of way.

And I said tenderly in a worshipful whisper,

“What a day, all this goodness, thank you, thank you God.

Once again, you’ve surprised me, wow.”

Continue and believe.

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”
‭‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God is near. He knows you so very well.

God is good.

May you fully know this.

31 days of good

Abuse Survivor, Art, confidence, contentment, courage, creativity, Faith, grace, hope, jubilee, memoir, Peace, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Salvation, self-portrait, testimony, Trust, Vulnerability, wisdom, wonder, writing

Day 12 – Doodling

Most of my life I’ve been nurtured by the pencil in hand, a piece of paper, a margin that invites.

Art sustains me.

A wise Dr. and author, Curt Thompson reminds often of attachment that we as children needed to be “seen, safe, soothed and secure” and that need is innate. We will always be in pursuit.

Embraced By Grace

Interestingly, adding color to paper and hinting at an emotion are when I feel these needs are known most and met.

How about you?

Is it art?

Music?

Prayer?

or something else.

I hope you know this “withness with God” often.

You are loved.

Even if the child in you lacked one of the “s”’s.

She’s still there, self-aware, surrendered and seeking solace in the sweet places she’s found herself

Seen, soothed, safe and secure.

Continue and believe.