Only good

Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust

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Oh, sovereign Lord we cling to your goodness at day’s end. You are the God who sees us and we will not be swayed to believe you are not good and that you have anything but good for us. We know that you hold the universe in your hands, our lives, our hearts in your grasp. We trust your immeasurable, all-sustaining love despite the visual onslaught to do otherwise. Because your love is so big, beautiful and unchanging we are clinging to your grace and your mercy,as we lean on your everlasting arms. We thank you for loving us when our hearts are hardened, discontent and doubtful. For, you Lord are patient, so patient.In the morning, we will thank you for yet another opportunity to walk more closely, more consistently in love…your love.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Blue day, new day

Faith, Prayer, Trust
Bluest of blue

Bluest of blue

On Tuesday morning, I walked with purpose. My feet were light and my arms had an intentional rhythm. I was confident and I anticipated each thought, each prayer…what I call a mindful walk.

My steps were sturdy and my stride was assertive. My prayers were my thoughts and my supplications were substantial. I began with “Pride says” …and countered with “Humility says”.

My struggles were spilled from thoughts to prayers in a pattern; much like a pro and con list or a motivational talk. All my obstacles, doubts, fears, comparisons were confessed and transformed by humility. It all made sense.

REFRESHED, RENEWED, REPENTANT

By the time, I got back home, I was clear-headed, enthused, and ready to begin again.

 Thursday morning, I laced up my shoes and started off down the road…this time a foggy morning and a woeful mind.

My feet stomped strong and forceful. Two cars rounded the curve and I, annoyed by their nuisance, had to step into the tall grass. My left foot tilted to the side and I felt victimized, imagining the “what if” of falling on the side of the road, my twisted, red, pulsing ankle. I wanted to cry over just the thought of it. Yet,  I kept walking, looking for that flow, that dialogue, that peace.

I walked on, interrupted by bird chatter, erratic and hurried and geese making their way towards the water, squawking loudly.

I started a prayer, I started; but, faltered on generic words and empty thoughts. So, I walked towards the turn around spot and started thinking ahead to the demands of the day.

I kept my head forward;  kept walking, thinking and mentally bemoaning my life, my wishes it could work outs, my regrets and my comparisons.

I glanced towards a dog barking, looked down and saw a feather, a pristine feather bordered in black and edged in the bluest of blue. I reached down and picked it up, slipped it into my pocket…kept walking, tapping the side of my shorts…feeling for the feather. I walked differently then. I walked, reminded of grace, of presence, of the simplicity of beautiful, constant mercy.

Back home, I prayed…a simple prayer, a different prayer.  Feather tucked away in my journal, I prayed, Thank you Lord, for beauty in small things.. for special nods of your presence when my struggles suffocate my prayers.

Thank you, Lord that you are aware…that you tilted my head and changed my focus, that you reminded me of beauty.

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Turning the curve, and walking across our front yard, a blue jay settles into the pine and sings its “all is well, begin again tune” and my day proceeds,  painted a clear blue hue.

From blessed to bitter…the path of pride

Faith, rest, Trust
My Mary...hands open, patient, content

My Mary…hands open, patient, content

 

    Have you ever been with a friend who is sharing his or her current challenges, worries or even accomplishments and you tune out and start thinking instead of listening, planning for your turn to say “Oh, that’s nothing compared with what I’m going through”?  It’s human nature to connect through sorrow, through joy, through good things. But, sometimes we’re selfishly rehearsing what we’re going to say and we miss the majority of our friend’s conversation. We are about to burst to “top their story”. There is a gift to listening without having to interject any personal tidbit or rant whatsoever. Very few of us are able to do this all of time. Pride joins the conversation.  We start to compare our lives to theirs and we come away feeling less than, feeling like life’s unfair, we don’t get what we deserve, and frighteningly, that God is being unfair. If comparison is the thief of joy, surely pride is its partner in crime. When we go from connecting to comparing, then we venture towards discontent and pride. Pride, we know, is destruction.

     I’m thinking of Mary and Martha and the excitement of Jesus coming to their home for a visit.  The story of Mary and Martha and their reaction to Jesus is a short but mighty story, covering only five verses in Luke, Chapter 10. Verse 38 begins with Martha opening her home to Jesus. Mary greets Jesus adoringly and is, I believe, overwhelmed by his presence. She worships at his feet while Martha is flitting about in the house trying to impress Jesus with all of the preparations she has made and has yet to complete.  In verse 40, Martha is so outdone by her sister Mary, she asks the Lord “Don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself. Tell her to help me!”  Jesus, of course, gently tells Martha that “few things are needed”, in other words, there is no need for pride, no need for you to outwork or impress me, and I just need your heart, your worship. Imagine having Jesus on the other side of your front door and then to enter into your home; just the thought overwhelms me with hope and a sense of peace.  Sadly, imagine Martha angrily telling Jesus “to straighten Mary out”!  How then, did Martha so easily go from blessed to bitter?  She took her eyes off the blessing of Jesus’ gift of a visit and turned her focus to self. She went from feeling blessed to being bitter in the same way we so often do.  She compared her situation to another’s.  She kept an account of her effort versus her sister’s. She was prideful.

Be careful when comparisons lead to conflict, when discontent leads to discouragement, when bitterness leads to betrayal.  Pride is the path that obstructs the view of grace and of gratitude. Pride blurs the glory of God, of his presence in our everyday.  So, next time you have the chance to hear about the good things a friend or one of her children (this is my thorn) has been blessed by God to receive, remind yourself not to compare. Remind yourself not plan how you can get just as much as more or why good things never happen to you even though you work so hard. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy and pride is its partner in crime.

looking for feathers

Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

Finding feathers

I looked for a feather yesterday. I needed a walk to remind me of God, of mama, of daddy, of my grandma.  I needed to be able to glance down and unexpectedly find a feather. Feather, red bird on a fence, penny on heads, sparrow careening towards a branch…something, anything  to remind me of God’s hand, God’s attentiveness to my seeking. I was looking and longing for reassurance that my prayers are heard and my heart is treasured, protected, cushioned, that I am loved.

No feather, no bird, no penny on heads.

So, I prayed for clarity and found it upon rising. I approached it cautiously; for it’s truth was stark… the answer to prayer, the reply to my search until I opened my heart and mind and soul and surrendered all. And I found all in Him.

“My heart is fully open to receive all He is and all He has for me. I receive the gracious gift of His heart today for He is a perfect father in every way…All good gifts come from His hand and His hand is stretched out to me, full and running over…everything I need is found in Him.” From love and provision affirmation

The Lord appeared to us, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jeremiah 31:3

fish sticks and car problems

Children, Faith, Motherhood, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized
my pretty girl

my pretty girl

Twice last week, Heather took my car.  A 30 minute country drive to a class full of four-year olds and a fairly new job; yes, of course, I let her take my car.  Hers is old and has an astronomical amount of miles on it. One day the steering wheel locked and the alarm would not stop. Incessantly blaring as I look out the window from my yellow Bible reading chair and I see her jerking the steering wheel side to side, then she slams the door and walks back towards the house to ask “Mama, can I take your car?” I had my keys in hand and met her in the garage.

Two days later, the steering wheel is working but the gas and the ignition are just not connecting.

Yes, you can take my car. Later, she says ” I sure do love that XM radio.  ” I smile and say, “Me too.”  She then says, “Well, my gas gauge quit working about 3 months ago, so I try to measure how long I can make it; but this time I might have pushed it too far.”

Yes, her car is again out of gas in the front yard. “Okay”  I say  “we’ll figure it out this weekend.”

Then comes the weekend and the car has not moved and I say on Saturday morning, “Please don’t wait until Monday morning to figure out if you’re out of gas.” Fast forward to Sunday night, 9:30 ish and a full fledge manicure session going on in the bathroom…fumes and gels from polish seeping under the door as I walk towards the bedroom. I remember then, and ask “Did you do what I suggested and make sure your car’s okay?” “Oh no,  I forgot.” she says.

Of course, we then get the gas can to make a late night trip to the convenience store. Me, in my old out of prescription glasses that I wear at night (held together with a paper clip), pajama bottoms and a hoodie. Her, with half-dry sticky gel tip, French manicured nails and a gas can. We head down the road.

“Stop breathing so loud, stop huffing and puffing..you’re not gonna breathe in five years if you keep huffing like that.” I laugh because I know she’s right; I sigh and groan way too much… so we laugh at me and my increasingly crazy old lady ways!

Back home, cell phone flash light in hand, Greg puts the gas in her car that hasn’t moved in a week  and lectures us about not stopping for gas. He beats on the dashboard trying to coax the gauge to work. The needle doesn’t move. Then, I glance over and see the glow of the little gas tank light. I look, panicked,  at the dashboard and say  “Heather, the gas light’s still on…you’ll never make it to work tomorrow.”

Calmly, she turns and says, “Mama , the gas gauge doesn’t work!”  Inside, the manicure completed, bathroom back in order, I get into bed with my book…an hour and a half later than planned. I think, always an adventure with Heather.

Heather is smart and she is stubborn. I want her to buy a car now. She wants to wait. She is smart, stubborn and determined. She is resilient… She reminds me if she can get through this year of grad school, she will then look for a car and since hers only breaks  down in the yard, she should be okay! So, I accept that rationale because I know she is smart and stubborn.

“Good night, I love you.” she says, then turns back and stands in the doorway and says something along the lines of  “hard work and hard times” I say something in comparison of my hard times and she reminds me that times are good and then says  “It’s okay. I’m a survivor…I learned from the best.”

She reminds me of my single parent days when she, blonde hair, blue-eyed ate fish sticks ’cause that’s all we could afford and we always rode with the windows down because our car was old. The rough times, fish sticks and car problems.

So, I smiled and I settled on that image of my freckled-faced little country girl who always smiled, never quit, and was simply content…whatever came her way, old cars, fish sticks and the promise I made her…”We will be okay.”

Now, I remember why we never eat fish sticks and I remember my promises and what they made her and I’m glad I  kept them.

 

 

 

Fisherman and Carpenter

Faith, Uncategorized
Dan Dan

Dan Dan

My grandfather, “Dan Dan”, was a fisherman and a carpenter. He wore overalls; but, he only buckled one strap. His pants were crooked and I always sort of turned my head sideways to line up with his slant. He had a sideways smile that we now refer to as his “go to Hell” smile. He liked a cigar balanced on this lip and had a penchant for going off into the woods as my grandma yelled at him to get back on time.

He fished more than he worked wood. A big catch meant cleaning with all of the cousins watching as he cursed at us in a fun not scary kinda way, then looked up and smiled that rascal smile and watched us scatter as he randomly tossed fish guts to shoo us off.

Most everyone loved him just to experience his swagger and his stories…dogs and children too, they followed Him. He was a fisherman and a carpenter. Maybe that’s why.

Lover of people. Truth teller without judgement.

My grandfather is sort of legendary.

Time for Cake

Children, Faith, Motherhood, Uncategorized
Cooking skipped a generation in our family...Heather is a lover of all things cooking. Here's me with key Line Pie!

Cooking skipped a generation in our family…Heather is a lover of all things cooking. Here’s me with a birthday Key Lime Pie!

My mama baked cakes for ladies in the community who either couldn’t or didn’t want to. She always said “Nothing you cook will turn out right if you don’t love cookin.” Good cooks like to cook. Mama was better than a good cook, she was a joyous cook!

 She took orders and women came rushing in the back door every weekend to be rescued by mama’s culinary talents!  They’d  pay her 20 or 30 dollars a cake. Red velvet, teeny tiny chocolate layered cakes, her famous pound (of butter) cake, caramel cake…on and on. But, for me, she made coconut cake, on my birthday.

Lately, I can’t stop thinking about that coconut cake. Fluffy, creamy rich and buttery… coconut cake worthy of enjoying every little crumb by pressing your fork into the saucer to gather the sweetness of the yellowy, creamy cake mixed with coconut tendrils….then slowly cleaning the fork with your tongue. Yes, it was that good and yes, I can almost taste it!

By the way, mama was not a homemaker. In case you envisioned a sweet country woman in a pretty floral apron..not the case.  Mama had a successful, demanding career. Cooking was not her career, it was her joy, and ours!

Hoping for a heavenly slice of coconut cake soon, Send it my way mama!  I miss you and your love.   Maybe Heather’ll make me a pie!

Simply Stated

Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized

 

 

Years ago, a friend of mine was challenged, actually terrified, that they may be called upon to pray. I remember saying, “Just talk to God…it’s just a conversation”. I also remember the first time I heard him pray. It was beautiful and it was sincere.

Praise God, he does not discern eloquence and proper use of words when we pray! I believe it’s quite the opposite, in fact, it’s simply the “come as you are” philosophy that is the basis or all of the mercies and graces of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I love the timeliness and honesty of the prayers from the book of Psalms. The prayers of David cover all the bases, from beautiful adoration to questioning and pleading for answers. In Psalm 34, David begins with a reminder to pray at all times and continues by telling us about the freedom from fear, We are reminded of the joy that comes from trusting God as well as the assurance of every good thing!
Still, we are prone as humans to make prayer a chore, a task, something we feel demands perfection.

We had a family vacation last week with many things planned and lots of people to please. Sometimes vacation can be a getaway that ends up causing us to need a return to routine just to rest. But, I chose a quiet place, it was different and beautiful…a setting surrounded by old oaks dripping with moss and an ocean inlet just steps away from the house. Yet, I still felt disconnected because I wasn’t able to do my set devotion time…the house was noisy.
One evening I found quiet time and sat staring out at the water. Not a sound but the tide and the wind causing the trees to sway. I closed my eyes and began a prayer that had a natural flow from my thoughts about each of my family members, their current places in life and my hopes for them. It was a beautiful time of grace and solitude. It was not my “set” devotion time nor was it a prayer before sleeping. It was a peaceful and reverent acknowledgement of God’s presence. It was an opportunity to turn my thoughts towards God and to know he listens.

Isn’t that what prayer is, simply the acknowledgement of his almighty sovereignty in a way that honors Him? I sat for a while eyes closed, listening, resting, trusting, waiting; and then opened my eyes to my surroundings and felt renewed, connected, and grateful.
A week later, I am still reflecting on the prayer on the porch. As I share this prayerful encounter with you as readers, I am still deeply moved by the presence of the Lord as the listener of my quiet unplanned ramblings. My sharing of my needs, my gratitude, my recalling of times he rescued me, and my requests for continued grace and mercy. Yes, all of that was included in that prayer…because all of that was in my heart.

This is His desire. Our hearts opened wide and emptied welcoming Jesus into the day to day of our lives. To me, this is prayer, simply stated.
Come and listen, all of you who fear God, and I will tell you what He did for me. For I cried out to Him for help, praising Him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, my Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Psalm 66:16-19