courage

Blessed – a faithful promise

courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

Believing God

Believing God

I am seeing life from a different perspective lately.

It wasn’t a sudden realization of a new mindset or just a new, clear understanding of something I’d heard all my life, but never embraced.

Last year, I filled a trendy mason jar with slips of paper, intentional recordings of  “good things” in 2014.

I ceremoniuosly opened the jar on January 1st, letting the little, wrinkly folded slips spill out onto my desk.

And I read each of the ” good things”…the blessings.

A trip with daughter.

A positive e-mail for my son.

A friend who understands me, a day of making an obedient choice.

I noticed, I’m afraid, that my attempt to be grateful was really just an exercise, an assignment, a self-imposed and empty chore.

Unfortunately, I felt no more blessed than before and I found myself striving just to figure out something to slip into the little jar.

And so, my word for 2015, “Blessed”

Not blessed because I can recall a couple of things that went my way or blessed because of something or someone or some break in a period of delay. Blessed, not because circumstances went the direction I wanted. Blessed as in God in His gracious mercy has unending favor for me.

Blessed, in that God says so.

Blessed, because I am loved and cherished by God.

Blessed, because God is good and has good for me, uniquely me.

Blessed, simply blessed and not just favored, but highly favored.

Blessed and excitedly anticipating God’s good.

I do have a new jar.

But,  my little slips of paper, curly Q script,  still pretty to look at will have sayings of  “loved by God”, “held by God”, “protected by God”, “Blessed by God”, “Surrendered to God” or “Confidently waiting”.

Because God is so much bigger than just my circumstances!

Remembering and recalling the little things along the way still, but not with a dutiful tone.

But embracing, owning, believing without reservation and regardless of my circumstances….I am blessed by God and in His eyes, His bless-ed child.

Looking in the mirror at random and seeing “Blessed” in the blue of my eyes, the curve of my slight smile.

Blessed and bravely following  Him, humbly, without fear, pursuing my Blessings, His faithful promises.

 God will make this happen, for He who promised is faithful. I Thessalonians 5:24

 

 

2014 in review – learning by doing what you believe you can

courage, Faith, family, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Walking in the clouds

Walking in the clouds

Last night, my friend Ray Visotski read about my waning confidence and advised simply,  “Just keep writing.”  A second comment came from David Kanigan, a resounding  three letters,  “Yes.” And so, I will.

This morning, I am thinking of my most recent Children’s sermon in which I challenged a handful of boys and girls to tell me something they were afraid to do.  One little boy described his zip line experiences …staring across a cable from a little perch, wanting to let go, but afraid.  He was happy to share how good it felt to take a chance, to be confident, his sweet face beaming as he recalled the challenge.

He believed he could accomplish what the guide told him he could.

I asked the children if they realized how afraid Mary was when she was told she would be Jesus’ mother.  I shared with them her doubts, fears, disbelief.

I told them of her encounter with Elizabeth who shared with her the one powerful truth that grounded her and led her on.

Blessed is the one who believes what the Lord has said will be accomplished. Luke 1:25

I am thinking this morning of this truth. Having just returned from a trip to the mountains on which my sister’s family and ours challenged ourselves on a hike, walked through waterfalls, ate good food, laughed and loved…All under the planning of my brother-in-law who was insistent and intentional in our 3 days being memorable.

He has the personality of a believer, a thinker, a risk-taker. He jokes about my deep thinking writing, yet instructs me to explore opportunities with my blog. He believes I can be a successful writer and artist. He believes I can accomplish more than hobby.

If I have the chance, I plan to ask him if what I believe of his journey towards his current success as a businessman and ingenious CEO was motivated by the one thing I am convinced of:

(S) He believed he could, so He did.

Here’s my summary of progress thus far in this journey of believing.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,800 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 47 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Room for writing

courage, Faith, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Writing room

Writing room

I shouldn’t be surprised.

I’ve been here before…everything in place, steps taken for forward movement and yet, no movement, no motivation, no fire, no fervor.

I painted the guest room. My husband gifted me with a new laptop.

“Writing”, I told him “feels like what God wants me to do”.

He listened. It was important to me. He understood, I believe.

He recognized the place of my soul, the yearning of my heart.

I made a Pinterest Board and named it…”Writing Room”.

I packed up toys, treasures, junk, memories, the contents of the “catch-all” room.

The guest room, a shrine to lost parents and childhoods…all clean now.

Sparse and pretty, calm and subdued.

Art, words, images of my heart, my love, my family…my story of the stories that made me. Just a room filled with stuff actually, it was.

So, here I sit, wrapped in mama’s quilt on the couch looking for words and for reasons to explain the stuck place I’m in.

Just, typing away on my tiny little Kindle.

As if I am unworthy of writing in a pretty room with appropriate technology. Because that would feel special and deserving…Two places that make me uneasy, pressured, tending to step back. Stay in the background…The place without fear. The place of no risk.

I’ve been here before….an Art scholarship and yet flunked sculpture.

A promotion yet hindered by the fear wearing  wrong shoes

A chance to sell my art; but, refusing to take payment from friends

Two blog posts are waiting as drafts in my dashboard.

Good thoughts on resolution and lessons learned, yet, ramblings, phony words and disconnects that are “not me, not Quiet Confidence”.

What holds me back?

Tells me not to expect good?

Reminds of my disdain of attention, avoidance of being noticed?

It’s the voice of not good enough.

The perception of other’s looks when I struggle to confess my love of writing…The look that so loudly says…”oh, everybody wants to be a writer” that completely obscured the thoughts of  “Why not me?”

Yet, there is always streaming love of words, of descriptors of the commonplace, of conveyance of struggle, of fear, of celebration of joyful beauty and important moments of God’s grace and mercy.

So, move forward tenderly, Lisa.

Move forward without pressured expectations, without perfection.

Stay quietly confident. This is your theme, your heart.

Stay true. Stay transparent. Touch lives.

Turn hearts towards Jesus.

Tonight, good and true words flow from a quilt wrapped sofa.

Maybe tomorrow a pretty writing room desk surrounded by  a sparrow, my mama and daddy in picture frames and tiny little books…

Good doesn’t flow from pressure…Motivation doesn’t come from fear.

Just write, Lisa.

Just write, wherever, whenever.

Motivated, unafraid,

Don’t expect failure nor be afraid of success.

Be you, quietly confident.

” I am able to do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Talking about God

Children, courage, Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized
In His presence

In His presence

 

I sometimes wonder if the way I talk about God sounds cliche.

Do I post a status, tweet a truth or say goodbye to a friend with a quick dose of wisdom, thinking “yes, that’s what I believe” ?

Or, recall scripture and toss it into conversation at just the right time?

Do I feel a sense of accomplishment because the wisdom of words stored up, came to me at just the right time?

If I’m honest, that’s boastful, showy even.

Do I place myself on the pedestal of reciting scripture when friends are engrossed and content in simple, attentive conversation?

Can I be too casual with the truths I’ve stored up?

Do I share sacred truths that have saved my soul (and my life) in a commonplace tone or one that assumes everyone knows His mercy?

I think I do.

And then, a moment of His Presence occurs and makes real all of the “going through the motions, walking the walk” routine.

A friend calls. A call about my work.

The conversation meanders towards family, life, of course our children.

We catch up. We commit to pray for each other, our unique angst over stages of childhood to adulthood worries, different daughters and sons but the same sense of needing to secure their days, their nights, their futures.

So, she says she will pray and I thank her.

A day later she calls and we compare notes on motherhood, prayers prayed, progress, peace, movement towards resolutions.

For us both, a sense of God’s weaving of good, in us and through us

She said, “God is working.” I paused.

And I felt it.

I felt God working. I froze, lifted my face upward and allowed the washing over feeling of mercy, of Grace to linger.

To describe this moment further would lessen its truth. To elaborate, searching for descriptors of this sense of God-nearness would tarnish its beauty.

God hears our prayers. Mine, yours. He hears.

God is working on our behalf.

Tell His story.

Waiting Expectantly

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

 

Expecting Jesus

Expecting Jesus

 

I have a friend who reminds me constantly of the promises of God.  She is firm in her belief and doesn’t tire of my being doubtful or anxious whining in the “waiting to see” period. Even the tone in her voice is laid back, no worries as she says, “Trust the process.”

 

“Well, Lisa” she says, “you know it’s God’s plan, not ours.”

She always calls back and even calls to say “Something told me you needed to talk.”

 

Her advice and encouragement,  consistent and unwavering.

Has she seen something, peeked through a crack in God’s door, discovering what I can’t see?

 

In the Book of Luke,  Mary is young, afraid and dismayed over being the chosen one of God to give birth to our Lord and Savior.

 

Mary, perplexed inquires of the angel,  “How will this be since I am a virgin?” 

The angel reminds Mary of the power of the Holy Spirit and tells her of the miracle of the long-barren Elizabeth being with child.

 

Surely, this revelation would confirm for Mary that nothing is impossible with God. Mary then answers, “I am the Lord’s servant, May it be as you have said.”  

 

Humble and obedient, yet still, I believe, a little uncertain.

 

She leaves and hurries to Elizabeth’s home.
For reassurance, a listening ear, an embrace of acceptance.  A place of love, of one who does not tire of questions,  doubts,  despair, insecurities and beliefs of not being able

At the sound of Mary’s voice, the unborn child, John the Baptist “leaps in Elizabeth’s womb”.

 I picture Elizabeth, overcome with joyous emotion, excited and happy to tell Mary how blessed she is among women, speaking clearly her confident assurance to Mary.

 

“Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has said will be accomplished!”  Luke 1:45

Mary, then believing God’s plan,  sings her song of glorious rejoicing in God, her Savior and then, uplifted and confident, leaves Elizabeth’s house, convinced of the goodness of God.

She is expecting Jesus.

Do you have an Elizabeth in your life?  A friend who reminds steadfastly of the goodness of God, of his timing, his process?

 

A friend who is certain of God’s plan?

 

A friend like Elizabeth who removed all doubt from Mary as she wondered if God chose her by mistake, saying as my friend often reminds, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” ?

Wait expectantly for Jesus. For His revealing, His time, His good.

 


Jesus, help me

courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized
Matthew 11:28

Matthew 11:28

Half-hearted and maybe just obligatory or lazily easing into morning, I read three devotions every morning.

It’s a discipline for me.

Yet, sometimes a nod back to my anxious church days of finger pointing preacher chastising, scaring me into faith.

Most days now, morning devotion is good and genuine.

It’s Clarity.

Marker for my faith walk.

Like today, when a simple phrase, “Jesus, help me.” became a prayer, written in my journal and dwelt upon

Meditated, settled in with relevance for my day

A bullet list of things I can’t handle, things I can’t let go, things I once again open-minded give to God

Things God knew already; but waiting for my letting go, the surrender of my heavy load, of my striving to control

Coming back, again…to Him first thing in the morning,  to rest before beginning with a lighter load.

patient, yet eager

Children, courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Vulnerability
Waiting

Waiting

I have been praying.

Lately, I have been praying hard.

Praying that good will come.

Good ones I love, good to come their way.

That a rough patch will be made smooth.

That anxiety and fear will be just useless worry

That a time of weariness will lead to rest or to a change.

Or just strength to continue

That my words, my prayers, my tiny little notes of scripture or “love you, don’t forget” will stick like oatmeal to ribs on my grown up children

That my love for my children will be a powerful foundation, strong and constant

I am waiting, because prayers spoken and unspoken have tuned my Lord’s ear.

Clear, always clear as a bell on a quiet night

He implores,  “Wait patiently, yet eagerly and expectantly my child, your face tilted upwards, anticipating.”

Eager for blessings, for good.

God is good. Has good for us, no doubt.

moving mountains

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder
Waiting to see

Waiting to see

There’s an image in my mind.

I’m standing, alone and facing a mountain.

Nothing but trees, overgrowth, and wildly growing bits and pieces of brush.  Limbs, broken and resting in varying degrees of decay.

I stand, perplexed by the mountain.

My feet find level ground and planted still and resolute, I focus on the mountain. I am waiting to see.

Concerns and unanswered prayers linger.

Days interrupt with distractions but are filled with ritual;  yet, sometimes spontaneity.

But, then a thought, a nudge reminds…there’s still this  looming concern, this heart-tugging issue, this still mysterious waiting to be “done and stronger for it” nagging unknown.

Diversions are good, like standing in an open field and turning to notice a bird, happy to witness its flight.

Or deciding to rest, so lying down and mesmerized, getting lost in the bright blue and feathery white fluff of the wide expanse of sky.

Or deciding to walk down a path leveled by another’s feet

To feel compelled, excited to venture…to digress for a bit

To allow a break from the discipline of waiting.

Then suddenly reminded, like the turn of the head or the glance over the shoulder… the mountain, you remember the waiting, the unknown.

Still there, still overwhelming

Obscuring your view, reminding you of the enormity of it and the uselessness of your abilities.

Nothing good comes by force, you remember.

Nothing to do but wait

So, I wait. Heels dug in, feet level, balanced, eyes focused. Heart surrendered.

I wait, because I know the immovable can only be moved by God.

I pray. I do not lose hope.

Mountains can be moved.

Surrendered and expectant to see the clearing,   good, the better, the best. 

The mountain before you will become a plain. Grace, grace. It is God’s grace.  Zechariah 4:7

begin again

courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Pennies and love

Pennies and love

When I glance down and see a penny, I bend, hold it tightly, thumb and index finger sort of focused on the texture, the gift of finding it.

Finding pennies changes the course of my day.

I regroup, feel a glimpse of angels, a nod of affirmation…

Keep trying, stay faithful.

God is good, has good for me.

His love is unending.

We wander, drift, forget or forego our faith

He waits.

He brings to light our void

Causes us to long,  gently, sometimes firmly calls us back, takes sin blinders and masks of selfish intentions from our eyes.

We find our way back.

Our heart, again beats for Him and we shine brightly, resting in His embrace.

His patient embrace.

We begin again, noticing pennies on our path and a longing to be held by a God who never lets go and believes in unending new beginnings.

His unfailing love, high as the heavens…and he removes our rebellion as far as the east from the west. Psalm 103:11-12

not knowing

Children, courage, Faith, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
In God's hands

In God’s hands

Heather’s about to graduate high school here.

A beautiful girl, having recently met her first love.

Now, a grad student and 4K teacher, a teacher who loves.

A young teacher, already honored for her accomplishments.

The hard times in the middle,though.

Her change of heart and mind of college choice, now just a blur…an insignificant blip in time.

Then, the heart problems. The scary, wildly, unpredictable heart condition.

Middle of the night, tachycardia that wouldn’t slow down, hurried ER trips. Horrific procedures that tried but didn’t fix.  How scared, how vulnerable I felt.

Almost a year now of better. Perhaps, grew out of it. Maybe, it was just for a time. A reminder to embrace faith.

We did. She and I, our faith grew.

I think of the fear that I carried, the scenarios I imagined.

Austin was chubby here and still little boyish. About to begin middle school, running with his friends, all of them baseball stars.

Middle school came and went followed by a period of growing up, literally straight and tall.

Pictures of a very thin boy and questions of a condition diagnosed by whether his fingers could bend crazy ways and “Oh, I hear something unusual in His heart.”

All was well, through it all, well and good.

Now, a handsome, broad-shouldered (very tall) young man.  Weight caught up with height. Still same, one lip upturned smile. Still sarcastically handsome.

Senior pictures and college choices, already accepted by two of his favorites…got that behind him. Choice is his.

Still a whole lot of unknown.  A wishing of knowing what will be.

Tonight though, I am thinking about and praying for a mom I’ve never met. I imagined her as famous and as I began my writing journey months ago, hoped one day I could share my words in a big way too.  She has published a book.

Yet, I felt I couldn’t relate.  She is young, pretty, beautiful family and home I decided. I’ll just read her blog posts and be content to follow.

Then, I read about her son, Zachary and his mysterious, enigma of a condition that is causing his knee to swell. She poured her mama pain and worry into her words and I began to pray, still praying for Zachary.

This morning, her blog spoke of digging deep into your faith reserve.  I thought,  “Been there, came through.”

Let’s pray tonight for Zachary and for all the mamas like me, you, and Renee who might be in a place of not knowing, a place of trust in times of trouble.

Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. Psalm 50:15