Drawing Lines and Looking for Mercy

courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

On a Saturday morning with sunlight making designs on the furniture, I study today’s Advent card.

Six sketches, reminding of Christmas trees, but one different from the others.  One more starkly covered, filled in with thick black marking.

photo-28_kindlephoto-1830853

There’s a story in the Book of John of a woman known for her sin.

Her indiscretions brought to light by accusers circled around in the sand at their feet, waiting for…demanding punishment with stone.

Accusers who retreated when handed their rocks to be thrown only if they’d never sinned themselves.

They wandered off one by one, their self-righteousness in check.

Then Jesus gently affirmed her sin, by saying ” Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” John 8:11

Thank you God,  for the glorious gift of your Son, my Savior. Thank you for the unfathomable reach of His grace and his mercy. Thank you God, most of all that yours is not a condemning acknowledgement of our failures, rather a gentle beckon…come or come back to me. Let’s walk together again. Go and sin no more.

We look for your mercy.

Amen

All the Pretty Colors

Children, courage, Faith, grace, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized

Today’s Advent card, Day 13, is splattered in the warmth of colors.

Little flowers, leaves, stems all mingled together, all God’s creation.

Thinking of mama and remembering what God can do

Thinking of mama and remembering what God can do

 

Last night, Heather convinced me to watch a football awards show.  I sort of watched, I guess.

I did get to see Dabo Swinney speak very confidently and with humility. I also got to see him dance surrounded by his players who were laughing at and with him, it was a happy time. A lot of love in that room.

Then, we both were captivated by a young football  player who accepted an award he was obviously honored to receive, yet had not an ounce of cockiness in his stance. I don’t think he said it, but,  he just had a look of “blessed” as he received his award.

Then the award, I wish I could remember the name for was given to a 28 year old  veteran,  his story of returning from war to college football and the tormented memories he carried.

A big, handsome man who thought not of himself but, but of the friend in his Echo Company who’d lost the battle of holding fast to hope. He died by suicide,  must have been one night this week, joining several others from this company, he said.

The young man, the older man, one white and one black.

Both humbled, both honored, both had persevered.

Both were fighters, had purpose.

Both cried the same eyes pooled with tears.

My daughter and I did too.

When my mama lived she taught us many lessons. I can’t say with confidence that they were taught to her.

What I believe is that she came to these truths because she was a lover of all people.

She told us many, many times. “There are good white people and there are bad white people. There are good black people and there are bad black people and some people are just mean as hell.”

Now, my mama loved the Lord.

She revered God;  but, she also spoke truth when it needed to be heard.

She told us again and again…”You know everybody sittin’ in that church pew on Sunday morning ain’t going to heaven, it’s just show.”

She was teaching us to see others for who and where they are.

Good people

Bad people

People trying to figure out which to be.

Teaching us “But, by the grace of God, there go I.”

She taught us how to live in a world with others, loving, her legacy.

This morning, before getting out of bed, God pulled some things together for me.  He had me looking back on my week and said,

“Lisa, this is why I placed this person on your path…all these people have purpose. I know you’re gonna need these to get through the ugly situation to come.”

A woman who helped me this week, she lives in our homeless shelter. We talked about her son, 17 years old.  She never thought to ask if he could visit.  He’s  coming to visit Christmas Eve. It started with me asking, “Do you miss your son?”

Or the high school student who shouted “Mrs. Tindal!!!” When she saw me, saying “Let’s do a selfie.”

We did and it was the best shot of the day.

Amelia and I

Amelia and I

Last night, a friend whose son knows this young lady told me her mama had died of cancer several years back. I had no idea.

I’m so glad we hugged each other.

A friend stopped by to tell me an alarming story of a comment made because of her race.  I stood and listened, so hurt for her that I cried.

We held hands and promised to pray for each other.

A big and thoughtless mistake was made on my son’s campus. The media has spread the bad,  neglecting to add any good…the possible cause for misinterpretation. I’m glad my son was not a part; but, I’m shaken by the ripple effect.

So, I think again of mama and I think of good and bad.

I think of things only God can do while we, like mama try to be honest, true, kind and obedient catalysts for good, for God.

I think of my daughter’s tears over the young black athlete. Because she, every single day has big hopes for all the little boys she teaches and tells them so by her actions “You can be something really good one day.”

I remember my son as an elementary student, adamantly denying that his friend was black…He’s brown!!!

The 4 year olds in my daughter’s class have new, more accurate names for color too…maybe peach, tan, beige or brown.

Not black or white.

All the pretty colors, truly he taught us to love one another.

O' night divine

Fall on your knees,
Oh hear the angel voices,
Oh night divine, oh night when Christ was born.
Oh night divine, oh night, oh night divine.

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord
Christ is the Lord, oh, praise His name forever
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Favored and Growing

courage, Faith, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder

I took today’s image, Day 11 Advent and laid it on my desk

Next to small books, bird’s nest and collected things, they’re pretty objects to distract and to settle me all at the same time.

This softly colored yellow card, with tree branch painted white over the word “eleven”.

photo-32_kindlephoto-12764722

It’s been my favorite all along, its simplistic beauty.

The idea of a solitary branch reaching out to grow, to yearn for the best and farthest reaching places.

Like grabbing hold that thing that’s just beyond your grasp

The tiniest, most delicate of newly sprouted  branches with much room to grow.

Like a renewed desire prompted by a sincere compliment.

The things we love reach out and grow just as far and as strong as we allow or not.

Pruned by doubt or nourished by wholehearted belief.

It’s no secret anymore, the thing that you nourish like a Spring planted tree, fed, watered, cared for wholeheartedly, until

It nourishes you back.

.. it was because you favored them and smiled on them.  Psalm 44:3

Reminded of Rescue

courage, Faith, grace, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized

Advent Thoughts

The Advent image for today, the second day, is darker in color, a brilliantly deep red.

Smooth and symmetrical white lines evenly flowing through color and text,

“Deep calls to Deep.” evoking thoughts of wide, deep ocean.

The red, a deep wash. The hue representing our Savior, the color of love, blood-red.

Psalm 42 : a cry for rescue

Psalm 41 and 42 : a cry for rescue

 

I read Psalm 42 this morning.

A searching for peace,  questions of returning to a place of discouragement, of remembering God’s kindness; but, being unable to muffle the sounds of the tumultuous raging of life’s seas.

The waves and surging tides washing over again and again.

Life mirrors the Psalms.

We praise. We thank. We glorify and honor.

We cry out. We question. We long for understanding.

We remember the rescue only to question again the storms.

We search for redemption rather than remember we’re never without.

God’s love is unfailing. He beckons us, calls us, longs for us to experience the deep. Deeply loved, loving deeply.

We find ourselves lost in the deep to eventually find his love is deeper still.

We find ourselves in Him

When we come undone in His presence.

My prayer for Day 2 of Advent, my exercise in mindfulness and peace…

Cleanse me Lord, wash over me anew so that I can believe again, be reminded again…of your rescue.

You have preserved my life because I am innocent; You have brought me into Your presence forever.

Psalm 41: 12

 

Peacefully Believing

courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, wonder

 

photo 1-9

On Saturday, I opened a gift to our family.

26 beautiful little paintings to illicit thoughtful pause and intentional focus,  26 days before Christmas Eve, the season of Advent, time of preparing hearts.

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Not being quite sure of the proper activity, I’ve displayed them all and will, each day seek to be enlightened.

Prayerfully, quietly, peacefully.

Day 1,a buff colored tan with barely noticeable white lettering.

If peace were a color, it’d be white like this.

Barely there, almost translucent.

And white against a background of subtle doe colored buff would be contentment, acceptance, humble submission.

A color evoking a heart that has settled, found a resting place. A color that speaks of  believing what God promised would be.

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A heart like Mary’s, settled and waiting

unafraid of the scary or the spectacularly miraculous.

Because she believed what the Lord said would be accomplished.

So, I begin this journey of Advent, purposefully seeking to be at rest, to believe, to anticipate my heart’s welcome of the coming day.

To believe in the glorious

To believe like Mary

To be brave in a quiet way. Brave enough for feet to travel places that minds say are not possible.

Humbly content

Confidently at rest and accomplished through God’s hand on my life

Mostly though…

To be still in His presence and wait for Him to act. Psalm 46:10

 

 

Golden Morn

Children, courage, family, Motherhood, praise, Vulnerability, wonder

From my morning spot on the couch, the sun came through in an all of sudden attention seeking way.

I glanced up to feel its greeting and then basked in its exhibition.

A wall, covered in memorabilia admittedly in excess, I remembered our color game.

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I spy with my little eye…

Blue denim jacket, straw-colored pony tail, coal-black labrador and brown crinkled winter grass among brown,white, tan-colored beagle

Loved you long, long time labs and beagles, she has.

And red striped swimsuit next to hand holding sister in pretty peach, ladylike tiny hand hair held back from brown freckled cheeks.

And rusty, brown, yellow and white kitten lapping snow-white milk from a silvery bowl, little chubby pink cheeked blonde boy, kneeling beside with happy brown eyes

A magenta painted door behind ornate black Charleston gate. No reason for keeping until now,  a place my heart is drawn.

A postcard from travel, a thank you note from a young man,  handwritten words faded gray.

Sandy white gulls under powder blue sky, white tidal froth and bronze colored little boy arms tossing bread towards the sky, sailboat scattered print hanging from tiny torso.

A beautiful young woman, pretty blue eyes framed by incandescent lemony hair.

Lime green frame, artsy black text added.. love you to the moon and back…a bright red heart and orange crescent moon, a thinking of my mama even though I’m with others gift from Heather.

A rustic bird made of brown, buff and grapevine green, reminding of mountain climb as family.

A starkly detailed pen and ink, a black masterpiece of bugs, Austin creative and elementary.

I spy with my little eye the colors of my world.

Memories colorful and cherished, warmed by early morning light.

 

 

 

Entertaining Strangers

courage, family, grace, praise, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability
Entertaining strangers

Entertaining strangers

My Gratitude journal entry for today:

Chances to be kind.

Chances to take chances on others.

Chances to offer chances.

Our homeless shelter has an opening, a room. In one day I met a recovering heroine addict, a woman a year younger than me told by friends “you have to go” and a teenage boy who thought we would be afraid to help, that our rules said he was too old.

When I can, I meet women needing shelter. Them and their children.

Last week a, middle schooler named Leila gave me a  tiny school picture, writing her name on the back. Her mama gave us pictures, thanking us for covering the cost.

One mama, yesterday had no place for her 17-year-old to sleep. The people who were helping said “no more” and so he would sleep in a hotel room alone until she ran out of money…one more night. We had no room, five families, 13 beds and in “shelter speak” we did not have bedspace. We tried other resources, no help; so we made a plan.

To accommodate, to make it work.

On this Saturday, bright sunshine hopeful…a family, a mama is with her children all together. Her son has joined the family.

There was a lot of talk about Red Cups last week and the Christian responses recommended was to “feed the hungry, clothe the poor…generosity, demonstrating love, accommodating the distressed……Loving one another”

And I keep thinking of sayings and quotes,  silly and/or profound…”Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape.”

“small things with great love” and “every little thing’s gonna be alright.”

Our shelter, a place of blessing and accommodation, a place to entertain strangers.

God, our God will richly bless us. Psalm 67:6

Troubled Hearts and All

courage, Faith, grace, Prayer, Trust, Vulnerability, wonder
The day, already designed

The day, already designed

If it were possible for God to be perplexed by us

I wonder which would trouble Him more

Our hearts or our minds?

The sky was filtering early signs of sunlight finally, today.

Just before dawn I noticed and stopped to ponder my wavering faith.

To settle my thoughts on one word, All.

To trust in all my ways with all  my heart .

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6

If God were troubled, annoyed, frustrated

Would my less than grateful heart be the cause?

My heart is confident and assured at times, but if reminded somehow of loss or regret I go right back to solemn and sullen. So quickly my mood can move from presence of good to  overshadowed by the past.

So, I’m wondering this morning what life would be like if God grew impatient and bewildered when we turn our hearts back to the shadows and we

get stuck there

unwilling to embrace goodness.

Would he be more confounded by darkened hearts or questioning minds?

Minds that doubt His design, losing sleep.

A prayer before sleep last night, a lament of surrender led me to wake earlier today.  Vacant thoughts slowly led to recall of a  “memory verse” that beckoned me forward.

Trust more, Lisa.

All your heart, not just a little.

All your ways, not just some.

And then in the quiet, a reply,  “It’s good that you’re back, Lisa.  Hope you stay a little longer this time.”

Grace, grace, God’s grace.

He’s a good, good Father.

Just a hint, rising up, peeking through. Waiting and believing with all my heart, all my mind.

Just a hint of light, peeking through. Waiting and believing with all my heart, all my mind.

Far better things ahead – an editorial on hope

courage, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

I was late in sending this editorial to the paper.  I’m sharing here because life intersects work and the work I do causes me to reflect.

And I know its Friday night and there’s football and festival tomorrow. So, not to be serious to the point of being avoided.

Just serious enough to say….if you know someone who has lost all hope, just stay close, ask important questions and remind them to hope for the far better things ahead than what they’d be leaving behind…and if they don’t believe you…hang in there until you both see the hope you waited for, held on for.FB_IMG_1444441760771_kindlephoto-7926424

I’d like for you to know that I know very little really about suicide.

But, the one thing I know is that the one who chooses suicide is choosing out of hopelessness, this is the only consistent thing I have seen and heard, the loss of hope. Here are my thoughts, efforts to help others understand.

A Walk for Hope

On Sunday afternoon, I’ll go for a walk at O’Dell Weeks.  I’ll be joined by members of the Board of Directors of MHA Aiken County along with Coalition for Suicide Prevention colleagues who have joined in a commitment to prevent suicides, increase awareness and support. Most importantly, I’ll be greeted with hugs, smiles and tears from many cherished friends.  Since 2011, I have become friends with many people who have bravely and brokenly shared their story of the person they loved, still love who decided suicide was the answer to the question they were burdened, completely overwhelmed by.  In my professional lifetime, I’ve encountered many tough realities of life. The grief following suicide is unique, complicated and impactful.

Yesterday, within just an hour or so, I took two phone calls.  The first, the father of a 17 year old daughter, who said to me “There’s no way you can know what I’m going through.”  So, I listened for almost a half hour to the distress of a father not wanting to give up on his child, yet feeling there was little hope. I was able to make referrals and follow up that the connection was made for what may be her turning point, his hope for his daughter.  About another half hour later, a wife called.  Her husband, a 53 year old man, unable to work, living on disability and in her words “tired of being a burden” to his family had mentioned to her that he “needed to talk to someone.”  I listened as she shared the series of events that led to her 53 year old husband being physically disabled and now emotional and mentally in a place of hopelessness.  I asked her the hard question; the one that must be asked, “Has he talked about suicide?”  She answered calmly that he has.  I made recommendations for immediate steps, put some referrals in place and as with the father earlier asked that they call me back to let me know how things are going, what else I might be able to help with.  Both callers thanked me for my time, for listening, for giving them something to hope might bring a change. These type calls happen regularly and illicit an intentional response because the details of hopelessness are markedly similar to stories I’ve heard before. They are like the stories of the Survivors of Suicide Loss shared in our monthly group as they recall the time before the death of their loved one; circumstances are unraveled and pondered in an effort to understand.

Later in the day, I saw a quote on someone’s Facebook page, a C.S. Lewis quote.  I thought of the callers, of the people they loved and of the condition of hopelessness.  C.S. Lewis reminds, assures, and beckons us to believe “There are far better things ahead than what we leave behind.” I thought of all who will walk on Sunday and their longing for the chance to say to the one they loved, “Be hopeful. This is temporary.  There are better things ahead. Don’t leave us behind.”

I walk for and with the brave survivors who would say to each of us “Remind those you love of hope over the hopelessness of what they see as an insurmountable circumstance”. I am walking for hope on Sunday.  Join me if you will.

 

Following Closely

courage, Faith, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Having absolutely no natural sense of direction, I was unsure of the right road.

I almost stopped, rolled down my window and asked for help.

Instead, I sensed moving forward rather than turning would have me end up in the right place. photo-8_kindlephoto-6343999

And just ahead, yes, this is where you should be!

Other times, I’ve lost my way.

Second guessed a left or right turn, rationalized the direction that made sense, felt best or quicker.

Kept going because I’d gone too far, knowing with each step I was lost.

Roads continuing farther away than planned and  me thinking

       “Oh, just go a little farther, don’t turn back yet; just ahead you’ll see you’re where you should be.”

Told myself, stop doubting, worrying, you can trust yourself.

Yet, ending up lost and looking to be found.

I’m lost less often than in years past.

Thank goodness. Thank God.

I’ve learned that traveling alongside the one who directs me is easier than turning back.

Running back, mostly.

Reminded of my need to be guided, assisted, instructed, comforted by one who knows.

Reminded of times of clearest connections.

Of solace following desperate and heartbroken plea.

Remembering now of the best path,  sure although clearly unsure.

Trusting the directions, the One directing.

How can we understand the road we travel?  It is the Lord who directs our steps.   Proverbs 20: 24

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

Oh, for grace to  trust Him more.