Christmas

Believing

Abuse Survivor, Advent, Christmas, contentment, courage, freedom, Stillness, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder, writing

I smiled when I saw the few seconds of the scene, the little boy who didn’t believe and then

Believed again.

The child who was intrigued enough to board the big train and then challenged with whether he’d stay on board. “The Polar Express”, I love its many lessons story!

Satan has been using some things to silence my story. I can barely conjure up the magnificence of my hopeful plan of before. Circumstances and choices make disbelief make more sense than believing.

Blinders have been placed on my eyes and my heart seems a little muffled to the miraculous now.

I’ve noticed I’m no longer noticing like before.

Restore my ability to see you, Lord.

I wrote it down, I believe God loves it when I pray this way,

He knows it’s really me.

Restore the woman filled with wonder, filled with hope, filled with ideas and the idea that possibly it could be.

Set my feet back to following and my footfall a happy little bounce with intention.

This Lord, is my request.

Like the little boy who believed, help my unbelief. The child almost yanked from the top of the perilously traveling train, show me the same.

The same joy that comes from believing, the same confirmation that the seemingly crazy trip’s worth traveling.

To arrive back at the place of wonder and to find a treasure like the bell he thought he’d lost in his pocket.

Yes, show me that believing makes all the difference!

Be my conductor, Heavenly Father.

Get me back to the safest destination, the place of believing!

“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.””

‭‭Luke‬ ‭1:45‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Yes, I believe!

Christmas, Still Seeking

Christmas, courage, Faith, grace, Peace, praise, Stillness, Uncategorized, wonder

May we never lose our wonder.

“And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭2:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

If you try, you can imagine yourself a wise man or perhaps, the wife of one of them or maybe a child, hearing the whispers of your mother, where has father gone…something about a miracle, a baby who would be a Savior?

They heard of a baby about to be born. A young man, a pregnant young woman traveling across the vast and empty country side.

No place to lie, no place to rest. They settled on a barn knowing they couldn’t go on for very much more.

I’m not much of a historian, the scene and situation not really relatable.

But the feeling of heaviness round the bottom of my belly and the pressure of being unable to go on, of my walk being a waddle and my fatigue being a sort of settled endurance, a requirement, go on.

Only getting through as long as I continued to go on.

I think of the wise men, intrigued in a way as a challenge, they learned to believe when logic made no difference at all.

The wise men who sought him, I kinda relate to their need to continue on.

Just now I read a little saying…

Wise men still seek him.

And I paused to think how true, how so very true like a familiar old song.

I added magnolia leaves to my tree, reminiscent of nature next to glory.

Glorious blue, natural coppers and twine. Reminds me of heaven meeting earth. Earth changed by its brilliance.

It is so.

Christmas, a time to think of a baby born to give us heaven and of our soiled souls, earthly tainted lives.

Yet, we seek Him.

We long for Him.

We glance towards the winter black sky dotted randomly bright white and maybe think of the traveling couple, the shepherds, the wise men.

We’re seeking.

We seek Him.

May we never ever lose the wonder of seeking, of seeking to know Him more.

The gloriously miraculous wonder of Jesus.