happy slumber

Children, family, Motherhood, rest, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

Slumbering

Last year this time, I headed home down ice abused streets.

Glancing towards windows as I drove.

Hoping for homes illuminated by the magic of electricity.

Ice ravaged our trees, our streets, tested our Southern spirits.

Walking into my den, I’m greeted by a den floor covered in mattresses.

Every blanket, quilt, afghan, cover or spread.

Beautifully, tidy and pretty.

My daughter has made our beds…and I am greeted with love and happy colors.

Everyone’s recalling the storm of 2014.

And I, this morning, in the quiet of early am cherishing this…

The time we slumbered together next to the fire.

When Heather made the beds.

Remembering now, my eyes moisten from the sweetness.

The happy place in the storm.

The happy slumber.

A Quoteworthy friend – there for them always

Children, courage, Faith, Motherhood, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

Timeless, little brother, big sister

Is there a price tag on the value of seeing smiles on the faces of our children?

I can’t fathom the worth.

Nor can a very good and wise friend who loved his little boy and loves his adult son with no limits, no accounting of financial investment or sacrifice.

My friend is true and kind and quoteworthy.

His words are timely and were seen through all of sudden tear-filled eyes.

I love my children. He loves his son. No record of Debt, unconditionally, honored to give, a demonstration of love.

On a Saturday morning, I check my email and a wisdom-filled friend takes time from his Saturday to say:

“It’s not just money. Everything you give a child unconditionally, every ounce of support, assures him or her that you love them. And when they are 32 years old, and you tell them that even though you don’t know all that is going on in their lives at that moment,
you are there for them always……you can get a text back saying, “I knew that all along.”

Kind words from a friend are like honey. Proverbs 16:24

Peace – a quiet outpouring

Children, Faith, family, Prayer, rest, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

He is our peace.

I heard, last night about the tragic death of an eight year old boy.

This past week, I met the parents of a 26 year old who decided life and it’s struggles compounded by his own unique obstacles was too hard.

His mama, daddy and sister are grieving and profoundly sad at Christmas.

A grown man, for the most part a stranger has accepted my small gesture of being available to listen, and has retold his story through tears a few times now.

Listening, nodding. Being like-minded in the value of God’s peace are all I am capable of, even competent to provide as a support, a resource.

Because, the unfathomable has occurred.

The horrors that only leave a resounding “Why” and the aching pain in the chests, ribs and souls of those who grieve.

And now at home, the eve of Christmas Eve, discord at home rears it’s hateful head.

A whirlwind of exchange of anger, frustration, hurt and rivalry has been an occasional upheaval within our walls.

Siblings at different stages of life passages are simply incompatible.

Love and forgiveness, a bending of opinions, unique wills has to reign.

Mamas fight with all of their being to mediate.

To see both sides, to beg for bending, understanding, apologetic acts.

Yet, we’re torn when division grows broader, deeper.

When discord remains for more than a verbal match or a slammed door.

Moments passed, the house became quiet and I sat, positioned facing our tree, rain falling, shimmery lights and my homemade paper ornaments swaying slightly as reminders of my Christmas goals for this year:

Joy

Peace

Hope

Love

And I sat a little while, thinking I need to calm down. I need to pray.

Nevertheless, I just sat.

Absorbing, experiencing the dull ache of anxiety.

Half-heartedly allowing thoughts to fake their way from my mind, masquerading as prayers.

Lord, help this stop. Lord, this has to stop….

Finally, I walk determinedly towards my bedside and I kneel.

Resting, face on carpet, I pour out my heart to God.

The ritual becomes a peaceful ease, a flow without restraint, an outpouring.

I pray for the horrific loss of a little boy at Christmas. I pray for the profound loss of the mom and dad who will recall on Christmas Day the tragic suicide of a son just 3 weeks ago.

And I pray, surrendered to God through His Son Jesus, that I will follow Him through storms of change, aiming to create discord.

Follow His design for me as a mother to my children, a wife as a Child of God, the one whose goal is a family that loves God.

Mostly, that I will know and believe more strongly that

Discord is not of God.

That God is not responsible for the stealing of my Joy, of my Peace. Of my Hope. Of my family.

That I am strongest on my knees in prayerful surrender; not in a place of “Why me” random requests spilling from anxious, angry or dissatisfied frustration.

Because, when I pray with open heart, mind and hands, He himself is my Peace.

Jesus was born into a world of discord, of plans for evil, not good.

He was, after all turned away to be born in a stable. He was finally, despised, rejected and crucified for us, to be our salvation and our solace through the powerful Holy Spirit our gift of Grace connection to God.

And so He himself is our peace…The only peace in a world where Sin has entered in and has torn our hearts and souls for a longing, an imploring to abide in Him…in solemn and sincere opening of heart for Peace on Earth.

Peace I leave with you; my Peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

His peace, written in red for us, we are His disciples.

Peace, joy, love, hope are ours when we abide in Him through prayer this Christmas.

Adore

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, Uncategorized, wonder

I love pretty words.

The last time I used the word “adore” was to describe a photo of my daughter.

I cannot recall the occasion, maybe birthday.

She sat on the couch, looked over and smiled

Beauty, grace and love captured in a snap.

Her beautiful blue eyes.

Her confident, determined ease.

I refreshed my memory on the definition of “adore” and so understand the writer’s exhortation now as we are prompted

” Oh, come let us adore Him.”

Asking, the onlookers, ancient and amazed…to adore Christ the Lord!

And so, let us adore Him, let us overflow with joy, excitement and love as we humbly and blessedly imagine the beauty of the newborn king, our glorious Savior.

Talking about God

Children, courage, Faith, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized

In His presence

I sometimes wonder if the way I talk about God sounds cliche.

Do I post a status, tweet a truth or say goodbye to a friend with a quick dose of wisdom, thinking “yes, that’s what I believe” ?

Or, recall scripture and toss it into conversation at just the right time?

Do I feel a sense of accomplishment because the wisdom of words stored up, came to me at just the right time?

If I’m honest, that’s boastful, showy even.

Do I place myself on the pedestal of reciting scripture when friends are engrossed and content in simple, attentive conversation?

Can I be too casual with the truths I’ve stored up?

Do I share sacred truths that have saved my soul (and my life) in a commonplace tone or one that assumes everyone knows His mercy?

I think I do.

And then, a moment of His Presence occurs and makes real all of the “going through the motions, walking the walk” routine.

A friend calls. A call about my work.

The conversation meanders towards family, life, of course our children.

We catch up. We commit to pray for each other, our unique angst over stages of childhood to adulthood worries, different daughters and sons but the same sense of needing to secure their days, their nights, their futures.

So, she says she will pray and I thank her.

A day later she calls and we compare notes on motherhood, prayers prayed, progress, peace, movement towards resolutions.

For us both, a sense of God’s weaving of good, in us and through us

She said, “God is working.” I paused.

And I felt it.

I felt God working. I froze, lifted my face upward and allowed the washing over feeling of mercy, of Grace to linger.

To describe this moment further would lessen its truth. To elaborate, searching for descriptors of this sense of God-nearness would tarnish its beauty.

God hears our prayers. Mine, yours. He hears.

God is working on our behalf.

Tell His story.

Mommy not Mama

Children, family, Motherhood, rest, Teaching, Vulnerability

Last night, my daughter was exhausted and cold.

Wrapped tightly in a quilt and settled in on the couch, she asked me to wake her before going to bed.

“Okay” I said, thinking “It’s really late.”

She needed to finish something so it was important I wake her up, she said.

The “something” I discovered was two loads of laundry…her 4K students’ covers for nap time.

Princess covers, gingham checks, Batman, Tranformers and fluffy, daisy colors

There had been a “bug” going around, she said. “My babies need clean covers.”

I let her sleep while I folded.

Warm and sweet-smelling from the dryer, then with sentimental bittersweetness, took my time stacking fleecy fabric into the container next to her door for early morning ease.

I lightly roused her from sleep. Told her, “Good night, I love you.”

Then I fell asleep, thinking “There’s no better feeling than waking a sleeping child and being met by a tender smile and wobbly legs finding their way towards bed.”

That’s Mommy, not mama.

Mommy moments like this have no expiration date or age limit…timeless love.

joy, peace, hope, love

Children, Faith, family, Motherhood, Prayer, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

One morning last week, I prayed before leaving the house. Not your typical “Keep us in your will and help us to be a witness” generic pill form prayer

Maybe, you know the prayer I prayed.

Imploring words, unashamed lifted up, open hands of surrender and honesty

Raw requests for the power of God to change hearts, minds, actions.

Intercessory prayer for the people I love, daughter, son, husband that their hearts begin to humble.

There has been a sense of hovering uncertainty and frustration and a whole lot of eggshell walking avoidance and unwillingness to bend in our family.

Nothing life-threatening just moody, stubborn, head strong battles over not so important things

Each of us, simultaneously on the brink of meltdowns over each one’s unique discontent

So, I prayed for them; but, lingered mostly on me.

Lord, let your love, you joy, your patience and your grace infuse my being.

Influence my words, my thoughts, my reactions.

Lord, help not pitch a fit, throw my hands up, begin a pity party or have the posture of a martyr.

Disorder is not of you, or from you Lord.

How could I not remember that this strain and stress are not what you would have for my family?

What you, Lord have for my family are Joy, Peace, Love, and Hope.

I am confident of this, for you are our Savior

Savior of my daughter, my son, my husband.

Our peace, not selfish ugliness

Our love, not angry, refusing to bend disapproval

Our joy, not disappointment

Our hope, not our “washing our hands” of a challenge or of one another

And so, last night rather than ornaments I used words to adorn our tree. Visuals of God’s reminders of the things he brings to our hearts and our homes…Joy, Peace, Love and Hope.

patient, yet eager

Children, courage, Faith, rest, Trust, Vulnerability

Waiting

I have been praying.

Lately, I have been praying hard.

Praying that good will come.

Good ones I love, good to come their way.

That a rough patch will be made smooth.

That anxiety and fear will be just useless worry

That a time of weariness will lead to rest or to a change.

Or just strength to continue

That my words, my prayers, my tiny little notes of scripture or “love you, don’t forget” will stick like oatmeal to ribs on my grown up children

That my love for my children will be a powerful foundation, strong and constant

I am waiting, because prayers spoken and unspoken have tuned my Lord’s ear.

Clear, always clear as a bell on a quiet night

He implores, “Wait patiently, yet eagerly and expectantly my child, your face tilted upwards, anticipating.”

Eager for blessings, for good.

God is good. Has good for us, no doubt.

not knowing

Children, courage, Faith, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

In God’s hands

Heather’s about to graduate high school here.

A beautiful girl, having recently met her first love.

Now, a grad student and 4K teacher, a teacher who loves.

A young teacher, already honored for her accomplishments.

The hard times in the middle,though.

Her change of heart and mind of college choice, now just a blur…an insignificant blip in time.

Then, the heart problems. The scary, wildly, unpredictable heart condition.

Middle of the night, tachycardia that wouldn’t slow down, hurried ER trips. Horrific procedures that tried but didn’t fix. How scared, how vulnerable I felt.

Almost a year now of better. Perhaps, grew out of it. Maybe, it was just for a time. A reminder to embrace faith.

We did. She and I, our faith grew.

I think of the fear that I carried, the scenarios I imagined.

Austin was chubby here and still little boyish. About to begin middle school, running with his friends, all of them baseball stars.

Middle school came and went followed by a period of growing up, literally straight and tall.

Pictures of a very thin boy and questions of a condition diagnosed by whether his fingers could bend crazy ways and “Oh, I hear something unusual in His heart.”

All was well, through it all, well and good.

Now, a handsome, broad-shouldered (very tall) young man. Weight caught up with height. Still same, one lip upturned smile. Still sarcastically handsome.

Senior pictures and college choices, already accepted by two of his favorites…got that behind him. Choice is his.

Still a whole lot of unknown. A wishing of knowing what will be.

Tonight though, I am thinking about and praying for a mom I’ve never met. I imagined her as famous and as I began my writing journey months ago, hoped one day I could share my words in a big way too. She has published a book.

Yet, I felt I couldn’t relate. She is young, pretty, beautiful family and home I decided. I’ll just read her blog posts and be content to follow.

Then, I read about her son, Zachary and his mysterious, enigma of a condition that is causing his knee to swell. She poured her mama pain and worry into her words and I began to pray, still praying for Zachary.

This morning, her blog spoke of digging deep into your faith reserve. I thought, “Been there, came through.”

Let’s pray tonight for Zachary and for all the mamas like me, you, and Renee who might be in a place of not knowing, a place of trust in times of trouble.

Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. Psalm 50:15

Day 31: looking for good – refresh my path

Children, family, rest, Uncategorized, wonder

We’re getting away today, my daughter and I.

A little place near the Blue Ridge mountains, just an overnight, wish it could be more, but going with the flow.

Connect with God, laugh, talk, eat, shop, hike a short little hike maybe then dinner, movie in our tiny little cabin warmed by a fire.

Almost changed my mind, so much to do at home, not worth it for one day. Other things in need of my dollars, Christmas soon, I need new clothes.

College for Austin looming. Same old Saturday, laundry, groceries, the habitual mundane, moaning as I go.

But we’re leaving. Not far, just different. Sight unseen, tiny little mountain town.

Hills, autumn leaves, antiques, art, big bathtub and fireplace.

Bags packed, loosely planned, leaving this morning…for a “mommy trip” with my daughter, Heather Analise.

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