Abuse Survivor

Talking About Georgia

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, marriage, mercy, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Salvation, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

Last night he asked, "I took you from your home, didn't I?"

And I waited for my words to form.

Answered, a soft sigh, "Yeah."

But, my answer was slow in coming because I thought of all the good in this place.

And I was happy to be asked, to have Georgia remembered.

Driving home from boot camp, I'd stretched myself even more, things like planks, crunches and mostly the people around watching me try had worn me out.

The sun was setting as I turned up the hill that meets sharp curve and the sky a mixture of dark and light after a rain.

I decided, the sky was God to me and God, the sky.

I glance upwards often, it has become my place to remember where I began.

I begin each morning in the same spot. My journal in my lap, pretty pencil in my hand.

Everyday, the prayer of Jabez, the one I've seen answered. That God would bless me indeed, enlarge my borders and keep His hand on me so that I not be in pain.

Then, I read and I think and add penciled prayers to pages.

Today,

Father, thank you for mornings.

For not giving up on me.

For making me fearfully and wonderfully and for calling me towards you so that I every day I'm beginning to know surely and more fully and more well the way you made me for this time

This place.

Thank you for Georgia, the place that made me and thank you for mornings and my morning place in this place.

“He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Linking up for Five Minute Friday and thankful God made me to love words and gives opportunity to write and read and grow.

Singing my Redemption Song

Abuse Survivor, bravery, grace, mercy, Redemption, rest, Salvation, Trust, Vulnerability

For a while I lingered there, the story of the woman from Samaria who had an encounter with Jesus at the well.

I understood the way he sought her, it's the way He sought me, the way He still does.

He made no demands, He knew she'd had enough demands made of her, knew all about her. He understood.

This morning, I read my words on another's blog. I was moved by my own redemption song, my story so beautifully raw and evidence of a gentle Savior.

I am praising God for this opportunity, this enlarging of my border.

Visit Kelly Basham's blog and join her series on the fruits of the spirit. Last month, it was joy, for August it is gentleness and she chose my words as the expression.

Here's an excerpt with the link to the post following. I am praying for the places these words will go, praying for the hearts that will come to know or be reminded of a gentle Jesus who invites us all in.

Do you ever feel like hiding your sins, even your doubts or sorrows? Are there times you know your heart has drifted back to who you were before redemption? It’s a dangerous place, deciding to be who we were for fear of never being enough for Jesus.

Blossom in Faith – Gently Found

Thinking Grace

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, grace, praise, Prayer, Redemption, rest, Trust, Vulnerability


If it hadn’t been for the tide coming in

I’d have sat longer. 

I prayed. 

I pondered.

  I dozed, the soft thickness of fading easy.  

Legs outstretched and eyes closed behind shades and ball cap. 

I was praying, not napping. 

I was recalling grace. 

I’ll spare the details of it all, the times grace came near in forms other than answer or reprieve. 

Real rescues, touchable.

People. 

There are some times grace looked my way and were it not for grace 

there are places there and 

then I’d have gone.

And maybe not come back the same. 

Grace, so very hard to grab hold of like oh, goodness thank you God, when you had no idea of grace 

being grace back then. 

You were gone, too far gone to see. 

So you think of grace as evidence, as your protector standing from a distance watching and nodding to say, 

told you. 

There’s a reason you are still here. 

Where the Book Falls Open

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, grace, mercy, praise, Prayer, rest, Trust, Vulnerability

If you’re a Bible reader, you’ll know what I’m feeling. On my way to the back of the Book where the chapters are listed by date, I rested in the front, almost the very beginning, Deuteronomy. 


The other choice was read the Book of Philippians again, thinking, you remember how much stronger you felt then; but, instead I sat with some words faintly underlined from a couple of years ago. 

A time I needed to not know everything; but, couldn’t stop trying to figure it all out. 

I prayed last night before sleep, here I go again, Lord, agonizing over things I don’t know and reasons for things that I do. 

The secret things belong to the Lord. Deuteronomy  29:29

The thing is, that’s only half the verse. Moses goes on to say, “but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law”. 

I flipped the page and there’s chapter 30 reminding us there will be blessings and curses, yet we return with all our heart and soul and our fortunes will be restored. 

Now, I know Moses was talking law and not grace or mercy; but, I was craving for just a glimmer of light to keep me keeping on. 

I scanned towards the bottom of the passage and saw the place I’d written “beauty, the thing of grace” in the margin and the promise I believe is an answered prayer, 

The Lord your God will make you abundantly prosperous in all the work of your hand. Deuteronomy 30:10

The same God who led me to this passage when I had plans for another is the God who will lead me on closer and closer to the bend in the road. 

The place where I see the works of my hand as worship and honor of a God who is worthy of my praise. 

All my heart and with all my soul. 

The Essence of Days

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, mercy, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability, wonder

Forward with Grace

Wouldn’t it be phenomenal to carry around all day…all the day long, 

the little confirmations

epiphanies 

the truths spoken by another

that happen to be gracefully

placed in your lap?

Most especially the ones that ease your mind

lessen the pressing pressure of what next, what now, what if and what if not? 

The ones that make resting and trusting and doing just our small part in this ginormously, great big world more like grace and less like not enough, even drudgery? 

God is for us. God is with us. 

Step easy, Lisa, tell others the same, that 

there are places He is preparing. 

Seemingly insignificant or maybe no step at all; yet, even my planted feet and heart in places I think dull and lowly are privy to the light.

We are not meant to be seen as God’s perfect, bright shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace. 

Wisdom from Oswald Chambers

The seemingly useless steps are taking us to places we’ll be a light, maybe be warmed by the light of another. Then, round the corner and look back, enlightened. 

I believe this. 

I am trusting this as truth. 

I just keep taking the next step knowing there’s no call for standing in the crowd and recounting my failures, there’s no retribution that demands I shrug off the notice of the works of my hands. 

There’s no need to deny or lessen the good by stepping back into my wanderings to tell of the bad. 

There’s grace in the ordinary life I live that just needs to live, knowing it’s all miracle, all of this beautiful stuff every morning. 

All the days long. 

A wise man I read as often as possible shares occasionally, using the phrase “Miracle, All of It” and gracious his words are beautiful and true examples! 

The everyday essence. Bird nests discovered, things coming through, us being children of God, dogs snoring, eyes waking, happenstance meetings to discover “me too”. 

No accidental occurrences. 

Miracles

of grace. 

And us happy all the day because of them. 

This is God’s desire,

I believe. 

Driving the Train

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, family, grace, grief, marriage, mercy, Motherhood, praise, Prayer, rest, Teaching, Trust, Uncategorized

My “Jesus Calling” devotional just lit a fire down in my soul, a warmth bubbled up and found its way to the bottom of my lashes. 


Little cups slowly filling with the hot need to pause and realign my heart, my thoughts, my confidence. 

So, I let it happen as I saw her there, my mama in the conference room. My big brother trying to figure out the “unfigurable”. This doctor and that one, then another. 

My mama found the right time in awkward and helpless pause of them all and said.

“Not a one of us is driving this train. God’s driving this train.”

My mama always spoke the truth. I believe she’s been watching me feel less than capable, wavering unsteady on the cusp of hard but good things. I believe she sees me about ready to retreat; and she’s proud of me that I haven’t. 

I believe she knows I won’t. 

My world’s not falling apart, some of the details are just tediously unpleasant and tough. Requiring a steadfast stance, a throwing off of the burdens of second guessing and scared. 

I have a life I never fathomed possible. 

So many thankful things. 

The way my husband has endured so much.  The way my son-in-law looks after my girl. The way my son is focused and committed but not in a way that’s crazy obsessive to his future, the way my daughter demonstrates loving her husband.  It’s a pretty love they have, I’m thankful to sit back and see. 

The way today is the first morning in a week I did not wake to a pile of labrador poop. So, I’m thankful for rice and Pepto this morning. I am. 

But, I tell you something!  I dreamt an awful outrageous dream just hours ago filled with trauma and memories and somehow they all mingled with today stuff and yesterday junk.

But, wake up oh, sleeper Lisa! 

Acknowledge you took some bad things to bed with you. Don’t lie there all day! 

Now, let them go and let God! 

He’s got the whole world in His hands.  It is absolutely not up to me to hold it all, hold it all together or figure it out. 

Not my place now. 

Knees down, hands open, face to heaven. 

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Enjoy the ride, the driver knows the way. 

Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good cause to worry. 

But, if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive…

back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me.  

Jesus Calling

In the Morning

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, grace, mercy, Prayer, rest, Salvation, Teaching, Trust, Vulnerability

Imagine the day that begins with a prayer, rising and settling into the truth coming out in the quiet of ticking kitchen wall clock space. 


Remembering the tossing of the night and the triumph of a dream that started as memory and ended as battle won. 

Could it be the “ohhmms” that made me victor, not defeated one this time? 

Sunday, yoga with smiles and peace and challenges extended, unleashed. 

Or maybe it was the getting back to the big thing I’d set aside. Just a peek.

I read two pieces, intended to be separate; yesterday I saw that they are one and I realized the answer to the question offered heavenly, 

“Lord, show me what you’d have me do with this idea of me a writer of a book.”

I lingered all evening in the realness of His reply. 

Then dreamt of fighting my old demons and winning, fighting back with determination. 

After the loosening of the groggy like heavy wool coat, I’ve  finally discarded,

I write a prayer to my Heavenly Father.

“Heavenly Father, make me stronger than the things that hold me back, weigh me down, break my spirit.” 

Because of mercy, 

Amen. 

Monday morning begins with the will to be the me He sees again, rediscovered motivation and quiet fervor feeling like fresh anticipation. 

A prayer of Moses, the one God called although he’d declared he could not speak,

“Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭90:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

My Soul, a Seeker

Abuse Survivor, bravery, courage, Faith, grace, Trust, Uncategorized, Vulnerability

The pencil in my hand, a comfort. 

It is.

A halfhearted, less than purposeful and slightly abrupt prayer before reading, Lamentations, Chapter, 3.

Oh, my soul, You never let go.

Lamenting seems appropriate as I’ve dreamt of reminders again, the chapter is hard in the first verses. The lamented recalling harm, darkness and entrapment. 

Hard things are good if for no other reason at all than someone else’s understanding. 

Yes, worth its weight in gold is another’s understanding how long things are there, those wounds, understands the answer to when you might be able to get past it. 

The answer is always, “Never.”

The lamented understands and counters with hope and faith, has become a seeker of all things soul-filling. 

“Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! 

His mercies never cease. 

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” 

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.”

‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:21-25‬ ‭NLT‬‬
The Lamentations never discounted, the faith, though, oh, the heart and soul of my faith!