Month: April 2024

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Abuse Survivor, aging, book review, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, Holy Spirit, hope, love, memoir, obedience, Peace, Redemption, Trust, Vulnerability, waiting, wisdom, wonder
The Still Small Voice

I pulled her book from the shelf with the others, dusty and turned with the red spine toward the wall, because I like simplicity, only the ivory color exposed.

How do I know which books are there?

I have to be a seeker.

On the first page is the author’s signature and a note from when we met years ago,

“God 1st!”

This morning, well rested, I glanced over and saw the book waiting for my devotion of seemingly wasteful time to sit still and read. There’s so many other things to do.

Coffee first and journaling then I turned to Colossians and a familiar few verses.

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭

A resigned and contemplative shape of a woman in the left margin and notes to self on the edges about how to love others, how to think, how to live.

Now I’m just thinking about the thinking part, about setting my mind on things above.

And the page I could fill of all the things I want here on earth more than I want God.

Naturally, I made a list because I so love a list.

Then summed up what I believe these verses are saying and what this book waiting to be read again, adding new underlines and “oh’s”.

We want “bestness”

To be our very best

and so we look for the path to being best. We look everywhere for evidence of such “bestness” and we don’t really have to look for long.

A screen will pop up with suggestions for pros to help you with being your best. Your inbox will give you instructions from someone who’s an expert on what is the measure of your best and they’re ready to bring you along.

A podcast will guide you in understanding your “number”, your personal markers of trauma and will offer to help you erase that mark in time.

Toward Hope Collection https://thescoutedstudio.com/collections/lisa-anne-tindal-1

These are helpful, they are valuable and yet, not givers of that certain and essential quiet hope that feels like a tender and sweet secret.

Seems we’re all aching, yearning, researching, and striving for “bestness” and maybe in our quests we drown out or subtly buffer the expert voice within, the quiet unwavering, not “in your face”, unchanging, uncomplicated voice of God, our Creator, the very author of our unfinished book.

We have a bend towards not being needy, of believing we should be far enough along to not need and absolutely not to ask for help.

We (maybe just me) are timid in acknowledging we still struggle, we still look for evidence of our value in many things, we still wish we were farther along in our walk with with God, after all.

We resist circling back and beginning yet again which is crazy because it’s in the necessity of just us and God knowing this that we can have a sweet and private revival.

It’s a simple Sunday. The birds are singing. It’s a stay home day.

Later, I’ll open the book with my name inside and I’ll begin again, the wisdom in the admission of the need for revival.

“I Want God”, by Lisa Whittle

https://www.lisawhittle.com/books

Because I’m sixty-three years old and in my life, I’ve done a whole lot of growing and am a pretty good “knower” of me.

But, God knows me better.

Knows me more.

You too.

We are loved.

Continue and believe.

God knows you more, loves you with a merciful call every day.

“When you turn to the right or turn to the left, you will hear his voice behind you to guide you, saying, “This is the right path; follow it.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭30‬:‭21‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Thoughts on Loneliness

Abuse Survivor, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, fear, hope, kindness, memoir, patience, Peace, Prayer, Redemption, Trust, Vulnerability, waiting, wisdom, writing

On the mornings I’m awakened by the birds early, just a couple or three singing outside my window, I sense the key in the door of hope gently turning.

Reminding me I’m never without grace and a decision to privately proclaim,

Today’s a new day!

Birds that dance on the country porch, rest on the arm of the rocker and quickly fly upward when the baby and I decide to get closer.

Their intent it seems is for me to be content in the sighting, not the pursuit.

There’s a verse in my Bible, in the right margin there lives a very faint sketch.

A little country house, yellow with one window and a slight slope of roof, pencil colored gray.

The lines of ink are thin and intentional.

On the roof, there’s a teeny tiny bird.

There are lots of sketches in my Bible that are a bit tender, there are added notes to self that are even more tender.

Someone told me once,

“Your Bible could be in a museum one day.” Drake

This kind soul was not employing flattery, he was and is brave and so very intentional in his observations of life and us as we live it.

Honestly like the psalmist whose words are a juxtaposition of praise and peril, of despair and hope, of beseeching and blessing our God.

The little bird drawing born of timidity in the acknowledgment of loneliness?

“I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭102‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Oh, how I love a beautiful and brave word.

Months ago, I was gifted a book of Declarations, a compilation of poetic prayers much like the language of the Psalmist.

“Declarations in the Desert – Life Changing Decrees for the Dry and Dusty Valleys of Life” by Tara Sierra Moseley

It’s a book, I’ve read slowly, taking in small doses and then slowly increasing my “treatment”.

It’s a book and a practice in the beginning I decided

I’m not quite there yet spiritually to pray this way, not qualified in the field of faith to pray in such a confident way.

No surprise, this has long been my way of thinking.

Unforced and with ease (the best way for me) I began to pray, to records my words with God as declarations not timid asks or complaints.

Loneliness is a state I’m familiar with. Loneliness, or being alone is a response and a place I’ve often decided is safest for me.

I flee to hide.

I run as fast as I can to avoid conflict or triggers of fears and pain I’ve known.

Running and hiding lead to desperation, not safety, I am beginning to see.

“One thousand will flee at the threat of one, at the threat of five you will flee,

until you alone remain like a solitary pole on a mountaintop or a banner on a hill.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭30‬:‭17‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

Alone, on a hill

a tree

stripped of its branches.

And still, I’m gently called like a bird in the morning after a night of nightmares, realizing it was loneliness I saw in the eyes of others at a gathering that led to fitful sleep.

Glad that the birds woke me to invite newness.

Return. This is the way.

Let’s walk together.

Let this be your declaration.

A Declaration

Today is a new day. I declare that you’ve never abandoned me. I declare that Your strength allows me to choose strength and that Your strength is always available.

I declare that you’ve never left me on my own and that you’ve not once been unavailable to me.

I declare my bend towards fleeing and freezing is seen and understood by you and You, Lord are still so confident in the future you’ve made for me.

I declare trust and quiet confidence in this becoming increasingly my every moment hope.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope in your latter end.” Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭RV1885‬‬

Continue and believe, quietly and confidently.

You are never alone and you are loved.

Hope.

What Faith is For

Abuse Survivor, Angels, Art, bravery, confidence, contentment, courage, Faith, freedom, hope, memoir, mercy, painting, Redemption, Stillness, Truth, Vulnerability, waiting, wonder

In the asking of brave questions, faith is given power to grow.

To give ourselves and others permission to hope. To look up and outward from wise or sorrowful inward reflection to be ignited by newness in thought.

Light Transcends

I have a friend who suggested an exercise she’d had suggested to her. As soon as you wake each morning, make a list of all the things you like about yourself (and I suppose, your life).

It’s an exercise akin to my intentional looking for color, for small glimpses of God in nature, a centerpiece on a table.

Yesterday, I thought of all the babies and children and kept circling around the question of how this world now will be then for them.

Then, upstairs with the baby, the song “What a Wonderful World” popped up.

I recognized that there will be wonder still in the world for them to discover. Wonder like plants considered “invasive” that I find spectacular.

A Wonderful Place

I haven’t done the wake up and like things about me thing yet.

I’m still thinking about our conversation that day and all the others I’ve been an invited listener to be changed by.

Honesty that’s been opening doors of my heart.

I’m remembering one offering in particular, an admission of messes made in life, wild times likely at least a part of causing.

Romans 8:28-29 is a passage sort of laid in our laps often in hard times by well-meaning friends or acquaintances.

Or it’s a subtle warning to know God is in control, better not question!

Just accept that bad happens and square your shoulders, pick up your head and carry on towards the good that’s promised.

Often, scripture is offered up and ordered to be accepted, no question.

Maybe not intentional, still there’s no healing in that.

There’s no hope, really.

Noticing Beauty

It must be quietly absorbed and eventually understood personally and deeply and with sweet humility.

This morning, I read this passage again.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬-‭29‬ ‭NLT‬‬


I let my thoughts land on the pages of my journal.

Redemption in Process

God doesn’t cause but sometimes allows. God allows so that we will know He is still with us. He saw.

He sees.

He was and is with us. It’s impossible for Him not to be.

His Sovereign intent is one of persistent and patient pursuit.

He is still with us as we wrestle with the allowance of the crisis, the trauma, the grief, the ugly outcome.

He is still with us and if we will learn to lean into and on Him

we will changed by this leaning.

We will be changed by the hard.

We will, in the leaning, absorb His wisdom and strength.

So that we are changed (made stronger) and that change will better us and make us better carriers of faith to those we encounter.

You must ask yourself bravely what’s so hard to fathom about a God you know as love…

God, did you see, did you allow ___________?

And then you do what’s even more brave.

You look at the allowance of bad and you honestly consider how you in your woundedness, innocence, or ill-equipped for life humanity may have contributed to the eventual disaster or despair.

Then you begin to live more freely as you move closer with transparency to the redemption meant to change you, to offer new hope,

so that your hope and redemptive honesty may be influential in the lives of others.

Maybe, that’s what faith is for.

To be shared in vulnerable and unexpected conversations that change the trajectory of another’s journey.

Often, by surprise.

Just for Joy

Yes, I believe that’s what faith is for.

To bring all things together for good and for us to be more like the one who formed us with certain intention that our likeness to Him will beckon others toward a life of hope, a life of influential love and faith.

Continue and believe.

He’s got the whole world in His hands, always has, always will.

All is well.

Believing this, that’s what faith is for.