I wonder if it’s a common feeling, the juxtaposition of two pursuits when you become a certain age…

A collector and cherisher of “small things” or an avid “go-after-er” of “limitless”, of all the longings of your heart you’d thought might not be for you, possibilities.

Maybe it’s both in a gentle and knowing of yourself as your Maker made you.

I bought myself two gifts yesterday on my 63rd birthday, a pear shaped candle and a bangle the rich color of jade, the same shade in the “Restoration” collection now available.

There was nothing I needed, I said with ease.

I just wanted those two things.

I came home to birthday cards and there were flower deliveries on the porch that were surprises and only found because my daughter asked “Is there something for you on the porch?”

And there sat two of the most boldly happy arrangements you can imagine, the colors complements of each other.

My son, my daughter ordered flowers, neither knowing the other hoped to brighten my day, yellow roses, lilies and sunflowers.

Patient, on my porch while I piddled around my solitary home, added touches to a canvas I’ll soon take away because they’re too contrived, too hard, not gentle; curled up with an actual book under my quilt and then moved with small and slow steps for the arrival of my daughter and her family.

For birthday swimming.

Dinner and cheesecake with cherries on top.

Later, I sat and lit the candle, knowing it wouldn’t be the same, the waxy drips changing the shape no longer to pear but possibly just a blob.

No telling.

My sister called, the last of my siblings to wish me a Happy Day and we talked past my husband going to bed.

About life, about children, about books, about hope.

About knowing we can never know how our lives or the lives of our children will unfold.

But we can know that to teach them not to expect to always know, only to confidently and gently continue on.

And we can live from that knowing for ourselves and we can carry on, enlightened by life in all the ways hard and soft.

So that we can be our truest selves…mamas, sisters, wives, friends, grandmothers, aunts and whatever our hope without limits leaves on our doorsteps.

We can be where we are because of all we’ve come from and all we now know.

We can love small things and we can believe in the limitless beauty of brave pursuits too.

Continue and believe.

You are loved.